So I got on a streak tonight. Hope you all enjoy the story. I am going to get out of the loop, don't worry. Big plans are coming!! ;) Enjoy!! As usual, please rate and comment what you think, you all know the drill!
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Castiel POV
They were once again in Dean’s room, once again Dean had invited him over for the night and Cas gladly agreed. They stopped at his house to pick up some clothes for him. His dad came out and met Dean and Sam. He asked Castiel what happened to his arm but he shook his head saying an accident in gym. No big deal. Dean had shot him a look there, Castiel had blatantly ignored him.
Now here they were, in Dean’s room. Not exactly studying but not doing much else either. Dean kept glancing over at Castiel whenever he was reading out a question to him. Not one of those friend and respectful, looking at someone when they are speaking. One of those ‘I love you, everything about you. Please keep talking’.
Castiel did keep talking, he asked him question after question and Dean gave quick straight to the point answers. His eyes always full of awe and wonder. There was a deep pain behind that look though; he could see that Dean still blamed himself for what happened to Castiel. He couldn’t see why though, it was not his fault at all. Castiel had had this coming. He knew that.
After another half hour of questions and complete tension in between them, Dean leaned forward and Castiel shut up immediately.
Dean moved closer to Cas and took his face in his hands. “If Sam interrupts us again I’ll kill him.” Dean growled.
Castiel laughed softly “Getting cock blocked by your own brother. That’s not something you here every day you know.”
Dean rolled his eyes “Shut up Cas.”
“Make me.”
As if that was his cue, Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to Castiel’s.
Castiel’s eyes fluttered for a moment and then he closed them, leaning into the kiss. Dean’s hands pressed harder onto his face, his lips pressing harder onto Castiel’s.
He moved closer to Dean, running his hands onto Dean’s thighs. He heard Dean let out a small moan and felt his hands move from his face down to his shoulders. Slowly his face moved away from Castiel’s.
Cas could feel his breath coming in fast gasps as he stared at Dean, “Whoa.”
“You can say that again.” Dean replied, his voice hoarse.
“Whoa.” He repeated with a grin.
Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulder and placed another kiss on his cheek. “I’ve wanted to do that for awhile now.”
“Oh?” Castiel asked with a lopsided grin “What stopped you?”
Dean shrugged “I guess I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“My feelings.” Dean replied with a shrug “Myself. So many things Cas. I’m not as confident as I act. You can probably see that.”
Castiel nodded, “Yeah. Am I the only one who sees this side of you?”
“What you think you’re special?”
“Well...” Castiel said, kicking his legs back and forth.
Dean laughed and squeezed his arm around Castiel’s shoulders a little tighter. “Sorry to break it to you, but you aren’t the only one. Sammy sees it from time to time. He... He is the only who has seen me at my weakest moments.” Dean gave a shaky laugh “My most vulnerable times. A lot like you are seeing right now as well.”
He nodded, understanding. This was hard for Dean. He preferred to be in charge, not a fear for the future even if he was so scared. Dean was beautiful inside and out, but there were a few scars on his soul. A soul he didn’t show too many people.
He didn’t know what to say, Dean was showing him a side that was not used to seeing the light. Words couldn’t express the right sentiment. Instead of speaking, Castiel mustered all his courage and kissed Dean again. A quick sweet one but it gave the message that he couldn’t find the words for.
“Thanks Cas.” Dean choked out. “Me too.”
With another he said “Should we get back to studying Dean?”
“Do we have to?”
“Yes.” He replied laughing.
Dean sighed heavily and opened his textbook. They studied for another hour, hands inching toward each other ever once and awhile. Castiel smiled every time Dean’s hand rested on his leg. He would answer the questions while looking into Castiel’s eyes. Cas would feel his cheeks go red and push Dean over telling him to behave.
He would sit up and tell him to give him a reason to. Castiel would shake his head and threaten to leave. That sobered Dean up for another ten minutes at the most.
When night fell, Castiel closed his textbook and stood. “See you tomorrow morning Dean.”
He went to walk out and Dean called “Night Cas.”
That night he felt calm, despite his injuries.
Despite the hate that was bound to come once everyone found out. What was the point if he and Dean couldn’t be public? Could either of take the hate that was going to come if they went public? What about Dean’s football career. No one would treat him the same way.
Well... so much for calm.
***
When Castiel woke up he wasn’t surprised to find his cheeks wet. Fear always found him when he was alone and asleep. He never remembered his dreams. He just remembered that they hurt.
He pulled up the sleeve of his pyjamas and sighed at the sight that greeted him. The hateful scars of all the times he’d needed to feel pain. To feel pain that wasn’t in his head or heart; physical pain was much easier to deal with than emotional and mental.
Dean could never know. No one could ever know his little secret. They weren’t that deep. He was always careful about it. Still the marks were red and angry, they told of thoughts untold. Pain that was always there and would never go away.
Roughly he pulled his sleeve back down and got ready for the day. He pulled on another long sleeve crew neck shirt, this time blue. He paired with his black jeans and headed for the bathroom. Castiel finished up quickly and then made his way down the wooden stairs.
Everything about this house was perfect, to the modern style kitchen with its wooden table, to the living room by the front door with pictures of the boys through the years.
It was a house that was full of love and made his heart hurt. They were a happy family, no matter what Dean seemed to imply at times. At least they didn’t have a mom who’d walked out on them. Leaving a note that said she was never coming back. Castiel had never even known her that well.
Sure it wasn’t that bad he supposed, just hurt that he never knew why his mom had left. Deep in the back of his mind he always wondered if it was because of him. He figured this had to be true, because in all the photos of his parents before him, they always looked so happy. Had him being born not been part of the plan? Had it been too much for his mom? He may never know, not that it mattered.
He sat down at the table and waited for the Winchesters to wake up. Sam came down first. He was fully dressed and didn’t acknowledge anyone until he had a bowl of cereal in front of him. Only then did he look up and jump a little. “Morning Cas.”
“Sorry did I scare you?” Castiel asked, a small frown appearing on his lips.
Sam shook his head “Don’t worry about it. I am pretty oblivious in the morning; I forgot we had a visitor.”
Castiel couldn’t help but grin, Sam looked so tired. “Not enough sleep Sam?” He asked, half joking. Then he saw the look on Sam’s face and knew he hadn’t slept. Not well at least.
“Want to talk about it?”
“It’s no big deal. Just a bad dream.” Sam replied, shrinking in his chair.
Castiel nodded, he understood. He had bad dreams sometimes. He had the luxury of not remembering them though. Sam had that haunted look that told him the poor boy remembered every detail. “That bad uh?”
Sam ruffled his hair, “You have no idea.”
There was nothing more to say. Castiel couldn’t help Sam in this area, dreams always escaped him. If he ever remembered them he cherished that memory. No matter how bad it was. Sam however looked as if he was ready to scrub his brain clean with soap and bleach.
Yes, it was a really bad dream.
Dean thumped down the stairs then; he entered and saw Sam with his face in his arms on the table. His bowl of cereal going soggy in front of him. “Tired Sammy?”
Sam nodded, not bothering to lift his head “Do I have to go to school today?”
“Of course you do. What kind of a question is that?”
“A logical one.”
Dean rolled his eyes at Cas and ruffled Sam’s hair. Sam lifted an arm and batted him away. It was cute; he had never had a sibling around. He found it interesting to watch the boys. They obviously cared about each other, yet they had no issues with teasing each other and pushing each other around.
“Okay! Everyone ready to go?” Dean asked, grabbing an apple from the fridge.
Cas nodded and Sam lifted his head groggily in response.
“Good, let’s be on our way!” Dean declared and started toward the front door, shouldering his bag as he did.
Sam gave Cas an annoyed glance. He knew it was meant for Dean and let a smile reach his lips. Sam followed Dean out walking with a bored and exhausted expression. Cas watched them leave and then put Sam’s bowl in the sink before following suite. The boys were already in the car and so Cas got into the front of the waiting car.
Dean revved the engine and they were off to school.
When they arrived, Castiel hurried into the school. Leaving the Winchesters calling after him, it was for their own good. He needed to get as far away from them as possible. He was going to suffer; there was no need for them to as well.
His arm was still sore, it wasn’t broke thankfully. Sprained black and blue though, just like his eye. His eyebrow had healed nicely though. It was just a small scar and scab now. Nothing to worry about, he would be absolutely fine.
He reached his locker without an incident and his first class with the same result. Dean rushed him, books clutched under his arm. He ignored his seat and calls from his friends; he walked right up to Castiel and hissed under his breath “What was that all about?”
“We didn’t need trouble like yesterday Dean!”
“Screw that Cas! I can handle myself, you could have been hurt!”
Castiel glared at him “You don’t think I can handle myself? Is that it?”
Dean shifted and then shook his head “No, that’s... It came out wrong I’m sorry.” He looked down at the desk “Just... please be careful okay?”
“Okay.”
“Um, yeah okay good.” Dean said awkwardly and then walked back to his seat, still ignoring his friends. It made Castiel smile to see them so confused, looking from him to Dean.
He knew that wasn’t a good thing, but he could savour it for now right?
After class he would worry about the real world. At the moment he could dwell on the fact that Dean was adorable when he was flustered.
Yes, that would keep him going for awhile.