"Peter."
"Nnnnn."
"Peter."
"What do you want? I need sleep."
"Where's your Zyprexa?"
"Where's my zebra?"
"Zy-prex-a. As in, medication, that your boyfriend says isn't in the house."
"My- Oh, shit! Whoops."
"Whoops?! Peter Benjamin Parker I did not put you in charge of your own medical care for you to just forget to take your pills. Get over here right now."
"I have them, Jesus. I keep them next to the bed, not in the bathroom."
"Have you been taking them?!"
"Yes! I missed, like, a day because I was kidnapped and one day last month because I was- Uh- Distracted. That morning. But-"
"Are you still on your testosterone schedule?"
"Yes?"
"Are you sure?"
"I- Oh. Nope. I must have- How did I miss seventeen days?!"
"Wow. In a row, or...?
"I mean, no, but ten and then I remembered for one day and then I missed seven, counting today, and what the hell?"
"Well, I assume you were... Uh, y'know..."
"Distracted. Damn fucking boyfriend. Okay, well, thanks for that reminder."
"Wade was worried."
"You didn't h- Wait, what?"
"He texted me and said you were acting weird and you fell asleep on the floor. He wanted to bring you by here, see if I could make sure you were okay."
"Really?" Peter glanced across the room at Wade, who was picking up the living room.
"He said you were stressed. And suggested that you two come here for a few days. Or maybe just you."
"Really?"
"You should get back on your regimen. And I know you're lying about your Zyprexa because if you were taking them, you would've run out three days ago."
"Listen, I missed a few days towards the beginning. I'm taking them every day. Swear."
"Mhm."
"Wade is a weird person."
"Really. Never would've guessed."
"Shut up. He's- He's considerate. But behind my back. And then he's an ass all the time but he's not really an ass. He's... Hmph. I don't know. I like him."
"I mean, I should hope so, you've been dating for a while."
"Our relationship is older than you and Steve's."
"Holy shit, it is. That's impressive kiddo."
"I know, right? But, I... We'll be okay. Right? We don't even actually fight, and you and Steve fight constantly and you're fine so we're fine."
"Uh-"
"You and Steve are fine, right? Please don't tell me I have to call Natasha and-"
"We're fine. And we do fight- I mean, not a lot-"
In the background, Bruce yelled "Yes, a lot, you're fighting right now!" and Tony threw a shoe at him.
"Ha! Bruce. Classic."
"Don't encourage him. Anyways, we fight, but that's what works. If you and Wade aren't fighting, that might be fine for you, but fighting is good sometimes."
"STOP TRYING TO MAKE PETER A DYSFUNCTIONAL, DEPENDENT ASSHOLE LIKE YOU ARE STARK!" Steve yelled, and Tony groaned.
"So..."
"I should probably go deal with him? But, you and Wade."
"We kinda had a fight today? But I was being super dicky. And I said some dicky stuff. And then I was crying. A lot. I've cried like four times today."
"It's because your hormones are all fucked up because you're not taking your testosterone, you FOOL! But It's okay. I'm glad you and Wade are working through it."
"It's not really anything to work through, just, I have some issues, he has some issues, albeit mine are a lot dickier than his, he's precious, but we'll be okay."
"I'm glad. If you guys wanna come over, you can. Like, any time, for any amount of time. This house is huge. You could be living here already and I might not notice."
"Good to know," he paused. "Thanks for being nice to him."
"I like Wade. Don't you dare ever tell him I said that, or I'll kill you, but he's okay. And we're a lot alike. And he loves you, which is another thing we have in common, and he's nice to you. I was a little worried you two would self destruct in a mess of superhero kidnapping-murder-enemy battles. But it seems like that probably won't happen."
"My track record for the kidnapping-murder-enemy battles would suggest otherwise."
"Nobody's gonna kidnap Wade and use him as leverage over you."
"No, they might just kill him. Or use me to get to him, and then kill us both."
"Isn't being a superhero so much fun?"
"It's just so fantastic."
"Steve is fuming. I'll text you later."
"Bye, dad."
"Bye, Peter. And take your goddamn pi-"
"Love you gotta go bye tell Steve I love him too sorry can't hear you bye!"