Chapter XII
What Hurts the Most
Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most was being so close
And havin' so much to say
Meredith awoke to the aroma of pancakes in her room, she knew Izzie most likely wasn't cooking and her body was still nestled against Derek's so it couldn't be him. She suddenly remembered Carolyn was there and let out a deep groan. She snuggled deeper into his arms, she wasn't prepared to see his mother. It wasn't long before she felt Derek's breathing become faster. She felt his breath on her neck as he placed a kiss between her ear and collar bone.
"Mm, morning," he said in her ear.
"Morning. Your mother is cooking I think," she whispered back and he sighed a little.
"I know. I smell it. I hope you don't mind," he asked and she shook her head.
"Today is my last day off, I secretly wanna spend it here with you," she turned in his arms, taking his face into her hand.
"I know. I wish we could but I have to be in for a consult at 9," he sighed, placing a small kiss on her lips.
"I know," she pouted.
"You can spend the day getting to know my mother," he said and she groaned, burying her face into his chest.
"I'm not mother material, mothers don't like me," she mumbled and he chuckled.
"My mother is going to love you because I love you," he couldn't stop laughing. He knew his mother had to like Meredith, she was amazing and his mother always could tell how a person was when she met them.
"She doesn't have to."
"She will," he promised. He kissed the top of her head before getting up and searching for some of his pants.
"I'm going to shower and I'll be down after you," she said, still laying in the bed.
"Alright," he smiled at her tiny body surrounded by the blankets. He threw on some of his dress pants and a blue button up before going down. He saw the feast his mother had fixed and shook his head. Her famous waffles were just coming out of the waffle iron and some fresh bacon and eggs were sitting on plates.
"Morning Ma," he said, going to the pot of coffee and grabbing a travel mug.
"Good morning Derek. I hope Meredith won't mind I fixed breakfast, I just thought she would want some for the babies," Carolyn smiled at her son, shoving him toward the food.
"She won't at all, she loves food. I have to go to work so you two can do your thing or whatever," he shrugged, biting into a waffle. His health nut side of him was scream but he couldn't help but enjoy his mother's home cooking.
"Oh good!" Carolyn smiled, she was truly excited to really get to know her future daughter-in-law. Both Carolyn and Derek looked up as Meredith slowly walked into the room. Her hair still soaking wet from the shower and her face in a frown.
"The crematory called, my mother's ashes are ready," Meredith gulped. She didn't want to feel like that, especially in front of Carolyn but she didn't care.
"Mer. I can call in and tell them I can't come in today. You shouldn't go alone," Derek was quick to jump at the chance to stay home with her and make sure she was alright.
"No, it's not a big deal. You have to work and I can do it by myself," she sighed as she lifted herself into one of the stools by the island.
"I can't let you do that alone Mer," Derek argued.
"She won't, I'll go with her. I won't be a bother, just someone there in case you need someone," Carolyn suggested, a sympathetic smile on her face.
"Oh I can't make you do that Carolyn," Meredith replied, trying not to seem like she needed help at all.
"I want to do it sweetie. Besides, it gives me some time to get to know you a little," Carolyn replied like it wasn't a big deal. Meredith couldn't deny her offer so she agreed.
"Alright, are you sure you're ok Mer?" Derek asked in a whisper tone, his head close to hers. She nodded in response and he kissed the side of her head.
"I should probably get going," Derek said with a smile on his face. Meredith felt slightly hopeful that maybe spending some time with Carolyn would make her erase the opinion that Nancy set forth.
"Are you alright to drive because I can easily do that for you?" Carolyn offered, Meredith shook her head.
"No it's fine, I can drive," Meredith tried to smile, grabbing her car keys and purse. She didn't feel like eating, though it did seem rude not to. Carolyn went along with it, following Meredith out the door without any argument.
The ride to the crematory was silent, not even the car radio was playing music. Carolyn fought the urge to talk Meredith through it, she knew Meredith was a private person but all her emotions were shown through her eyes. Carolyn saw the sadness and hurt and she wanted to help but she knew that Meredith needed to open up first.
"So have you felt them move yet?" Carolyn asked, making light conversation about a safe subject.
"Yes, they move like crazy all the time. It's not much on the outside except sometimes, Derek has felt them move a few times," she had a smile on her face talking about the babies which made Carolyn smile also. She didn't know much about Meredith but she felt like Meredith was going to be a good mother for her grandchildren.
"That's good, Derek moved constantly. He always liked to get right on my bladder and just kick away," Carolyn chuckled at the fond memory. Meredith laughed also.
"Baby B does that, she especially loves to do flips," Meredith grinned then felt tension grew in the room. She remembered they hadn't told Carolyn that the babies were girls.
"You guys are having girls?" Carolyn smiled, she knew Derek would be an amazing father either way but she expected him to be better with girls.
"We are, we wanted to surprise you in a big way and now I ruined it and Derek is going to be so upset because he wanted to tell you. Oh can you act surprised when he tells you? God sometimes I can just be so absent minded and start rambling like I am now so I should probably just stop," Meredith rambled and Carolyn laughed loudly.
"I'm sorry dear, it's just Derek was right," Carolyn continued to chuckle and Meredith couldn't help but laugh along. This was bonding, she was actually bonding with her mother-in-law and wasn't wanting to run the entire time. It wasn't until they arrive at the crematory that Meredith started to get quiet again and back into her dark and twisty mood.
Carolyn stood back and watched how stiff Meredith became when she talked to the receptionist and someone came out, handing her a silver urn. Meredith showed her ID and signed a lot of papers and quickly bolted out as soon as she could. Carolyn's heart broke as she found Meredith outside in tears.
"Oh Meredith dear," Carolyn sat next to Meredith on the bench, her hand drew circles on her back and Meredith continued to cry but she felt comfort, Derek would do the same thing to comfort her which made it feel a little better.
"I don't even know why I'm sad. She was never a good mother to me, it was always about being extraordinary and she was always disappointed in me," Meredith confessed and Carolyn listened as she spilled her heart out about how bad Ellis was.
"Meredith dear, it's alright to be upset. Loosing a mother, whether she was huge part in your life or very absent, she was your mother and was there when no one else was. You loved her and I am sure she did love you," Carolyn continued to rub circles on her back and Meredith slowly turned and looked at Carolyn. She had never felt so much love from anyone other than Derek. Carolyn was genuine, she cared about her and she didn't even know much about her.
"You're right," Meredith croaked, her tears now drying up, "I'll be fine."
"You will be, because you are a very strong woman and you are loved," Carolyn smiled, causing Meredith to show a small smile.
"Let's get you home, I want to cook you something to help you feel better," Carolyn instructed, making Meredith get into the passenger while she drove them back to Meredith's house.
...
Derek didn't know why he was worried when he entered his house, the smell of food filled the house and two familiar voices chatted away in the kitchen. He variously entered the kitchen to see his mother stirring a pot while Meredith sat on one of the stools and was smiling.
"Hi dear, how was work?" Carolyn was the first to notice Derek.
"Great, how are you both?" He asked, sitting down his briefcase and placing a kiss on Meredith's head.
"Good, your mom was just telling me about how you and Mark had to shave your heads because you both put gum in each other's hair," Meredith giggled, Derek instantly smiled and put his arms around her and left his hands on her stomach.
"That's not even fair, Mark had started it!" He exclaimed, earning a laugh from Meredith and a head shake from Carolyn.
"Well I finished it, oh and remind me to tell you about..." Carolyn started to say before Derek stopped her.
"No more stories Ma!" He blushed slightly and Meredith shook her head.
"Lighten up Der, you were such a trouble maker!" Meredith laughed and Derek shook his head.
"No I was not, Mark was the one with all the idea's," he defended himself, pulling away from her slightly.
"Whatever, how was today?" He asked, talking about the crematory trip.
"I made it through, your mom is kind of great," Meredith praised Carolyn and she just shook her head.
"She's the strong one, I was just the driver," Carolyn said innocently, smiling at the two.
"Oh Carolyn, you're too kind. If you guys will excuse me, one of the little ones is on my bladder," she excused herself, leaving Derek and Carolyn alone.
"I never thought Addison was good for you, she was a good woman but not for you. She was too, well I can't think of the word but you guys just didn't fit but Meredith, she's the one. And before you start, I am saying this because she makes you genuinely happy and not just because she is bringing me two more grandbabies, she is truly a good person. Derek, I spent merely a day with her and I knew she was perfect, you see things differently than each other but in the end it makes the perfect pair. Never forget that son, she is special. Now before you go and say anything else, have this," she reached into her pocket and pulled out a velvet box, inside was a very small ring that was previously worn on Carolyn's finger years ago.
"Ma, this is your ring," he said as he tried to give it back.
"Your father gave me that ring and we agreed that when you found your true love, to give it to you and he would buy me another one that was much more extravagant. But now he isn't here but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have the ring to give to her, she's the one son," Carolyn grabbed her son and pulled him into an embrace. He wiped the tears that trickled down his face and he held on to his mother. He couldn't be more thankful that she saw Meredith for how amazing she was, and now he was sure that he could propose to her.