Song: Dark On Me by Starset
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-James-
The day after New Years, Cristin was on a plane back to Iowa. The following Monday my dad officially signed the house over to my mom. A week into the New Year and my dad was packed and ready to leave with Sara in a couple of days. He said he still has business to wrap up and after that I tuned out.
Being at school was still weird. I hate being gone so long and then being thrown back into it. I haven't seen Violet much since New Years. This thing with Reese was starting to get to me again and I shouldn't let it. But it's there, like a claw in my mind reminding me that he's still here. The thought of Violet going back to him frustrated me.
Not saying that she is, but I wouldn't stop her.
I'm used to being left behind, especially by people I love more than anything. I've tried to keep myself guarded since my parents got divorced. Some people say divorce is no big deal and that it happens often. It's not even the fact that they're separated. It's the result of the divorce. It was still hard to wrap my head around the fact that my mom wanted the divorce too.
I don't want to feel like that again. The pain is still there, like Violet said, it'll always hurt. Some days it'll hurt worse, others you'll barely feel it at all. No matter what I hated it. I didn't want this pain. It crawls under my skin and sinks its teeth in. Pain can be physically and mentally crippling and I hate it. I hate it so much. I'd never wish any of this on anyone.
My thoughts kept wondering and I knew I was sitting in my own pity.
There was a knock on my apartment door and I rose from my couch to answer it. Chaos was at the door before I was and I slung the door open. Violet stood there, a smile on her face. She stood on her toes and kissed me before walking inside. I closed the door and turned to give her a small smile. "I'm happy to see you," I said and slipped an arm around her waist.
She slid her hands up my arms and locked against the nap of my neck. "I'm happy to see you too." Her eyes drifted over my face before locking on my gaze. "Is this stuff with your dad bothering you?"
"Yeah," I admitted. "But I'm okay with it now. I'll still see him and he's right, I don't need him here. I have my mom and I need to focus on helping her with the company here."
Violet smiled at me. "You'll feel better, I promise. And you're going to be fantastic when it comes to your dad's company. Maybe not running it anytime soon, but learning how in the mean time."
I lifted a hand to her cheek and smoothed my thumb over her skin. "You always know what to say."
She stood on her toes and our lips met for a moment.
That was until Chaos broke us apart.
* * *
I felt fantastic when I woke up the next morning. I told myself to suck it up and stop being a baby. I've had everything handed to me growing up and it's not going to be like that anymore. I'm going to take responsibility for what I do.
After my late class, I drove to the company to pick Violet up from work. She told me I didn't have to, but of course I was going to do it anyway.
I parked in my normal spot and made my way through the building. My mom officially moved her office to the top floor a few days ago, now that my dad isn't going to be working here anymore. The thought pinched my chest for a moment, but it was over quickly.
When I arrived on the floor, it was empty. I drifted through the empty desks and found Violet's desk empty as well. My mom's office doors were closed and as I stepped up closer, I heard her sniffling on the other end. Lifting a hand to the glass, I knocked twice before entering.
She quickly rose from her desk and started wiping her eyes.
"Mom," I said, taking a few steps toward her desk.
"Hey, honey." She forced a smile and walked around the desk. She gave me a quick hug and kissed my cheek before stepping back.
My brows furrowed as I looked at her, slightly perplexed. "Why were you crying? What happened?"
Her lips fell into frown. "Violet's working with Jimmy in IT. You can go ahead and take her home."
"What are you avoiding?" I urged. "Mom."
She started to cry again and tears fell against her cheeks. "I—I did something stupid. Really stupid."
Timidly, I took a step forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Mom," I said sternly. "What did you do?" I tried not to bite out the words because I didn't want to be harsh. But I've never seen her act like this. Whatever she did...
"Your...your father..." She kept trailing after each word.
Suddenly I felt anger flooding my nerves. "What did he do? Did he hurt you?" I rushed, gripping both of her slender shoulders.
She shook her head. "No," She breathed and swiped at her eyes. "Your father would never hurt me. It was me that did something, not him. I...started it."
My jaw went slack as realization washed over me like a wave. "Please tell me you're kidding." I dropped my hands and started backing towards the door.
As she cried, her hand went over her mouth.
"How could you do something so stupid?" I nearly shouted. "I love you, but holy shit. I can't believe you'd actually do something like that."
She started shaking her head. "I can't either. It was an accident. He just came to the office to sign a few papers and to give me instructions."
"He gave you something all right," I grumbled and fisted my hand in my hair.
"James!" She yelled.
Now I wanted to laugh, but I bit my tongue. "I can't believe you're telling me this. You should've just lied to me. Now I'm going to be scarred for the rest of my life."
My mom stopped crying by now, her blue eyes dreary and tired. "I'm sorry, James. It just...happened—"
I held my hand up and squeezed my eyes shut. "Please spare the details." I opened my eyes and looked at her. "Which office?"
Her eyes narrowed. "What?"
"Which office did, you know—with dad..." I can't believe I'm saying this right now.
"Why does that matter, James?" She crossed her arms defensively over her chest. But hey, at least she's not crying now.
"So I know what furniture to burn," I replied dully.
That got her to laugh, even though I was dead serious. I'd just burn all the furniture in this place because only God knows how many times it's happened in the span they've ran the company.
Shit. Now I'm thinking about it.
I need to find Violet and get out of here. "I'm going to go find my girlfriend and take her to dinner," I informed, trying to keep a steady voice. "Um, I love you and don't do something stupid again."
"He told me Sara already cheated on him," She blurted.
"That doesn't it make it okay. Two wrongs do not make a right, I thought they taught you that in preschool."
She glared at me. "I feel like shit."
What surprised me was that she just cursed. I've only heard my mom curse a whole ten times.
Feeling bad, I stepped up to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. "I'm sorry," I murmured. "Just don't bring it up again. To me, to Meredith, and especially not to Dad."
She nodded and I let her go.
"Go home and get some rest."
She smiled weakly. "I'm going to miss him."
"I am too," I told her. "But we'll be fine. We've made it without him before and we can do it again."
"Yeah, I know. We'll be fine."
I nodded in agreement. "I'll call you tomorrow."
She only smiled again and I turned to leave.
I rode the elevator to the eighth floor and I heard Violet's giggle before I found her. She was sitting in a computer room with Jimmy, a heavier guy in his 40's. He's always a joy to be around and that's not sarcasm. He's married and has three kids that he talks about all the time. A real family man.
Violet noticed me first, stifling on a laugh as she waved at me. "Hey, I didn't expect to see you here." She stood up from the computer chair and walked up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Looking around Violet, I saw Jimmy stand from his chair. "How's the wife and kids, Jimmy?"
He smiled. "Great, thanks for asking. How's school going?"
"Boring," I answered. "But grades are good."
"That's good to hear and it's good seeing you."
"You too, Jimmy." I reached out with my free hand to shake his.
Violet had her arms around me as we left the IT floor and into the elevator. I took the time to lean over to Violet and kiss the top of her head. The elevator opened up on the main floor and we walked through to get to the parking garage. Like the gentleman I am, I opened the door for Violet and waited for her to climb in before closing it behind her.
I jogged to the driver's side, got in, and started the car. I backed out of the space and drove through onto the main road. "So, what were you doing in IT?" I asked, only stealing at glance at Violet.
"Oh, your mom told me Jimmy needed help. Of course I was all for it. I finally saw the server room and it was a dream. There's something about organized network cables that just does something to me." She paused and took a deep breath. "Color coordinated and there weren't any knots in the wires. Nothing tangled."
A chuckle rumbled my chest. "Are you saying organized network cables are a turn on for you?"
"Definitely," She answered without hesitation.
We rolled to a stop in front of a red light and I looked at her. "I can't take you seriously."
She grinned at me.
"Speaking like a true geek," I teased and looked at the light. It turned green and I went through. "If you were to ask me to talk dirty, does that mean you want me to talk about networking cables and server rooms?"
She let out a loud laugh. "Pretty sure that would kill the mood. Besides, I'm pretty sure we don't need dirty talk."
Which is true, we didn't need it. But still the mention made my cheeks warm. "How do you feel about take out?"
* * *
"No!" Violet shouted. "This is so stupid."
I opened my eyes, forgetting I even fell asleep until she shouted. "What's wrong?"
We were in my bed and she still sat between my legs with her legs crossed like a pretzel. She was in the middle of doing homework last I remembered. I'm guessing that's what she's still doing. "This stupid essay is driving me crazy. These stupid questions, in this stupid book, are driving me crazy. Stupid school—"
"Also driving you crazy?" I leaned forward and slipped my arms around her waist.
She flipped the page in her book and sighed. "I can't wait to graduate. This book is three seconds away from going out the window."
I laughed and buried my face in the crook of her neck. "Why don't you take a break?" I kissed her skin.
Violet sighed in response. "I'm almost finished."
I hummed against her neck. "Just say the hell with it. It's not due until Monday."
She laughed and then gasped suddenly as I parted my lips over her neck and bit down. "James." It was supposed to be a warning, but it came out in a breath. She mumbled something else I couldn't make out either.
"If you want me to stop, tell me." I dragged my bottom lip up the length of her neck and kissed behind her ear.
This time she giggled and leaned into my touch. "I don't want you to stop."
I smiled victoriously and sat up straight. Reaching around her, I grabbed her textbook and slammed it shut. She pushed it off her lap and turned around on her knees to face me. She didn't waste anytime and pushed her lips to mine. "This is why I can't do homework here," She muttered over my lips.
My hand drifted to the back of her neck and I pulled her back to my lips. I let my other hand move to the small of her back so I could press her body flush with mine. Her hands were on my neck as her lips moved against mine. It didn't take long for my body to heat under her touch.
I looped an arm around her waist and picked her up fluidly to lay her on her back. She ended up yelping against my lips and then pulled back. My eyes snapped open and she was rubbing the back of her head, her textbook very close to the spot she hit. "Shit, are you okay?"
Violet laughed and nodded. "Stupid book." She proceeded to push it off the bed and it landed with a loud thump.
She closed the space between us again and let her legs fall to my sides. My hand moved up the side of her thigh, taking my sweet time to get to her shirt, but she was already tugging on my sleeve. Her fingers slipped under the sleeve of my t-shirt and her dug her nails in. The pain that was a result made me groan. It was a pain that drove me halfway to the edge. Pleasure pain.
A moan echoed between us and I wasn't sure who it came from. Maybe I would've noticed if we weren't too busy tearing at each other's clothes. My shirt was off first and then hers followed onto the floor. I dropped my lips down the center of her throat, the smooth heated skin of her chest, and her stomach. Sliding my lips, I moved to her waist and nibbled on her skin then smoothing my tongue over the reddened spot.
Violet arched her back slightly and her grip on my arms tightened. My name was only a hint of a whimper on her lips. When I moved forward to hover over her, her eyes were still shut. I kissed her pouting lips and she held me there. Her hands trailed down my chest until her fingers were around my belt. She fumbled with it while it slipped through her fingers, but eventually it came undone.
Once the clothes start coming off, that's when I lose track. All I can focus on is Violet and her little noises. The whimpers, the moans, or the way she whispers my name in almost a plead. It's all about her and how I pay attention to every little detail. And it's those small details that always push me over the edge and send me into a state of euphoria.
* * *
The next morning I found Violet dancing around my kitchen in nothing but my t-shirt and socks that reached her knees. It definitely felt like a dream.
"Am I still asleep?" I blurted.
Violet swiveled around to face me, her finger caught in her mouth. She dropped her hand and tilted her head to the side. "Obviously not if you're standing in the kitchen," She spoke slowly and then pointed to her socks. "Jenny got them for me for Christmas and they finally came in handy. It gets cold in here in the morning." She shrugged nonchalantly and stepped closer to me.
"That's why you come back to bed." I slid an arm around her waist and pulled her close. "That way I can keep you warm."
She smiled up at me. "I do like the way you think, but I made another attempt at making pancakes and they came out better this time. I may have called my mom, but it helped."
"They weren't that bad last time," I clarified.
"You're just being nice." She fixed me with a smile. "But you're forgiven."
We both sat at the table across from each other and started eating. These pancakes were definitely better than last time. They weren't bad then, but they're even better now. "What are you doing today? Aren't Saturday's for sleeping?" I asked after swallowing my first bite.
She nodded and took a sip of her orange juice. "I'm probably going to hang out with Jenny and Alyssa while Mark and my mom work. Maybe go back to sleep."
"I do like that last part."
Violet let out a light laugh. "Of course you would. Are you going to your dad's today?"
"Yeah," I replied. "He's leaving at noon so I want to be there before he leaves." Then I remembered my mom's information from the other day and it made me shiver. I still can't believe she did that. I'd believe my dad would, but my mom? Not a chance. Well, clearly there was a chance and she took it.
Violet offered me a small smile. "It'll be fine. And if you need someone to talk to, call me and I'll be there."
I reached over the table and grabbed her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I may take you up on that offer tonight."
* * *
The closer I got to my dad's, the more anxious I got.
When I pulled up to the house, he was standing outside behind his car as he put another bag in the trunk. On the drive over here, I didn't come up with anything to say to him. I wasn't going to cry, I wasn't going to get angry, I was simply going to tell him goodbye until...I don't know. It was going to be hard to look him in the eyes without my mom's confession ringing in my head.
She has scarred me for life.
I parked on the empty side of the driveway and climbed out of the car. My dad looked my way and smiled slightly. "You just missed Meredith." He shut the trunk and met me halfway.
"Yeah, I talked to her this morning. I would've been here sooner, but I was spending a little time with Violet before she left."
He nodded and smiled. "I think you finally found a keeper...hopefully."
I let my lips curve a little. "I definitely don't plan on letting her go anytime soon." Or ever to be honest with you.
Maybe Violet was right. No, I know she was right. My talk with my dad did do something. He finally sees what he's done and the way he's been acting has been shitty. He wants to try and I should too. For myself and for my mom, I'm going to try too. At least making amends is a start.
"Will you visit soon?" He asked. "Violet too, of course."
I nodded. "Yeah, maybe over spring break. You'll visit too?"
"Of course. I have to come back for business, so I'll be around. Make sure you help your mother out too."
A groan wanted to spill out, but I held it in. I can't even hear him talk about Mom without wanting to throw up. Way to be mature, James. "Already planned on it."
"Good." He smiled again. "I'll be back next month to check on everything so we'll make plans then."
I nodded. "Sounds good, Dad."
When I hugged my dad this time, it didn't feel awkward or weird. It felt like hugging my dad when I came home from school when I was a little kid. It wasn't childish, but a simple bond between a son and a father. We were going to get better, I know that. It's going to take some time, but at least we're on our way. You have to start somewhere.
Life is either too long or too short, depending how you look at it. I look at it through both perspectives. Life's too short to fight with my dad. Life's too long to let myself feel this way. It's about starting fresh and looking on the bright side. I'm getting older and I need to grow up.
Growing up is only the beginning.
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I know, another late update. Sadly, this story will be ending in the next two chapters. :( Not sure about an epilogue yet, I'm leaving my options opened lol. James's relationship with his dad isn't completely healed, but it'll get there. Maybe not in this book, but you have an imagination :)
Thought I'd also make one last gif that sucks compared to the others, but Arthur is pretty so his face makes up for my shitty gif making skills. :)
Please vote and comment! Let me know what you thought about this chapter! :)