My alarm shrieks through the room and my head immediately begins to pound. When I try to sit up I am weighed down by something...someone. Oh no. I snap my eyes open to find the familiar tattooed skin of Hardin sprawled across me. He has his head on my stomach and his arm wrapped around me. Oh my god. What the hell?!
I try to push him off without waking him but he groans and slowly opens his eyes. He closes them again and lifts himself off of me, untangling our legs. When he opens his eyes again he doesn't say anything, he just watches me like I am some sort of predatory animal. The image of Hardin thrusting into me relentlessly and me calling out his name play through my thoughts. What the hell was I thinking?
I want to say something but honestly, I have no idea what to say. I am freaking out inside, having a total meltdown. As if he senses my struggle he climbs off the bed, taking the sheet with him to wrap around his naked body. Oh my god. He sits in the chair and looks up at me standing by the bed, dressed in only a bra.
"Say something." He instructs.
"I.. I don't know what to say." I admit. I can't believe this happened, I can't believe Hardin is here in Seattle. In my bed, naked.
"I'm sorry." He says and his head falls into his hands.
My head is pounding from the excessive alcohol I consumed only hours ago and the fact that I slept with Hardin last night.
"You should be." I say and he tugs at his hair.
"You called me."
"I didn't tell you to come here." I say, I haven't decided how to handle this. I haven't decided if I want to fight with him, to kick him out or try to handle this like an adult.
"You were drunk and I thought you were in trouble or something, and Trevor is here." His voice travels with me as I walk into the bathroom.
I turn the shower on and look into the mirror. On my neck is a deep red bruise. Freaking hell. As my fingers run over the sensitive mark, my mind travels to Hardin's tongue on my skin. I must still be a little intoxicated because I can't think straight. I thought I was moving on and here he is in my room and here I am with a massive hickey on my neck like some wild teenager.
"Tessa?" He says and enters the bathroom as I step into the hot water.
I stay quiet as the scolding water rinses off my sins.
"Are you... are you okay with what happened last night?" His voice cracks.
Why is he acting so weird? I had expected a cocky smirk and at least five snarky remarks the second his eyes opened.
"I.. I don't know. No, I am not okay with it." I tell him.
"Do you hate me.. you know even more than before?"
The vulnerability laced through his voice tugs at my heart but I need to stand my ground. Everything about this situation is a mess, I had just started to get over him. No you didn't. My subconscious mocks but I ignore her.
"No, it's about the same." I tell him.
"Oh." He says and I rinse my hair one last time before turning the water off.
"I didn't mean to take advantage of you, I swear it." He says. I grab a towel off of the small rack and wrap it around my body. He is leaning in the doorway in only his boxers, his chest and neck littered with red spots, just like my neck. I am never drinking again.
"Tessa, stop ignoring me. I know you're probably pissed off but we have a lot to talk about."
"No we don't. I was drunk and called you, you came here and we had sex. What else is there to talk about?" I am trying to stay as calm as I can. I don't want him to know the effect that he has on me. That last night had on me.
"What happened to your hands?" I ask when I notice the scabs on his knuckles. They are always busted it seems but I didn't notice last night.
"Oh my god Hardin! You beat Trevor up didn't you!" I yell then wince from the shooting pain in my head.
"What? No, I didn't." He raises his hands in defense.
"Then who?" I ask and he shakes his head.
"It doesn't matter. We have more important things to talk about."
"No we don't. Nothing has changed." I tell him and open my makeup bag. I apply a generous amount of concealer to my neck first and Hardin stands behind me silently.
"This was a mistake, I shouldn't have even called you." I tell him, annoyed when the third layer of concealer doesn't cover the spot.
"It wasn't a mistake, you obviously missed me. That's why you called."
"What? No, I called because..because it was an accident. I didn't mean to call you." I lie.
"You're lying." He knows me too well.
"You know what, it doesn't matter why I called. You didn't have to come here." I snap and line my eyes with eyeliner.
"Yes I did. You were drunk and god knows what could have happened if I didn't come here."
"Oh like what? I could have slept with someone who I shouldn't have?" I say and his cheeks flare. I know I am being harsh but he should have known better than to sleep with me when I was so drunk. I rake my hairbrush through my wet hair.
"You didn't give me much of a choice if you remember." He says equally as harsh.
I remember mostly everything, I remember climbing onto his lap and grinding myself against him. I remember telling him to have sex with me or leave, I remember him telling me no and to stop. I am humiliated and horrified at my behavior and I am reminded of when I kissed him the first time and he said I threw myself at him. Anger boils inside me and I throw my brush against the counter, making a much louder noise than I want to hear.
"Don't you dare try to blame this all on me, you could have said no." I shout.
"I did!! Repeatedly!" He shouts back.
"I had no idea what was going on and you know it!" I half lie. I knew what I wanted, I am just not willing to admit it.
"You just taste so good! Talk to me like you used to! Hardin" He repeats my dirty words from last night, pushing me over the edge.
"Get out! Get out of my room now!" I yell and check the time. Thankfully, I am not running late. I still have to do my hair but I have an hour until I have to be downstairs.
"You weren't telling me to get out last night!" He says and I turn to face him.
"I was doing just fine before you even came here, Trevor was here." I say because I know how mad it makes him.
He surprises me by laughing.
"What's so funny?" I ask with my hands on my hips.
"Oh please, you and I both know Trevor isn't enough for you. You wanted me, only me. You still do." He scoffs.
"No I don't! I was drunk Hardin! Why would I want you when I can have him?" I instantly regret the words. Hardin's eyes flash with either pain or jealousy and I take a step towards him.
"Don't. You know what that's fine, he can fucking have you! I don't even know why I came here. I should have known you would act like a complete bitch!" He shouts.
"Bitch? Are you kidding me? You come here and take advantage of me and have the nerve to call me names?" I try to keep my voice down before someone calls in a complaint.
"Take advantage of you? You took advantage of me Tessa! You know that I can't say no to you and you kept pushing and pushing!"
I know he is right but now I am pissed off and humiliated by my aggressive behavior last night.
"It doesn't matter who took advantage of who, all that matters is that you are leaving and not coming around me again." I say and turn the blow dryer on to muffle his comeback.
Within seconds, he walks over and rips the blow dryer cord from the wall.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I yell and plug it back in. "You could have broken that!"
He is so infuriating, what the hell was I thinking calling him. I began to see a new side of him this morning. He was remorseful and he almost seemed afraid of my reaction but now he is acting like a jerk. Just like he always does.
"I'm not leaving until you talk to me about all of this." He huffs.
I want to turn the dryer back on but I don't want to pay for it when he breaks it.
"I already told you, we have nothing to talk about. You hurt me and I can't forgive you. End of story." I say and ignore the pain in my chest. As much as I try to fight it, deep down I love having him here. Even if we are fighting and yelling at each other, I have missed him so much.
"You haven't even tried to forgive me." He says, his voice much softer.
"Yes, I have. I have tried mentally to get over this but I can't. I can't trust that this isn't still part of your game, I can't trust that you won't hurt me again." I plug my curling iron in.
"I need to finish getting ready." I sigh and turn the blow dryer back on.
He disappears from the bathroom and I hope he leaves. The small part of me that hopes he is sitting on the bed when I come out is an idiot. She isn't the rational part of me. She is the naïve, ridiculous girl who fell in love with a boy who is the furthest thing from what she needs. Hardin and I will never work, I know that. I just wish she did too.
I curl and style my hair, making sure that it will cover Hardin's mark on my neck and walk out of the bathroom to gather my clothes. Hardin is sitting on the bed. I grab my red bra and panties out of my bag and I know he is staring at me as I carry them back into the bathroom. When I return only wearing my bra and panties he gasps and tries to hide it with a cough. I feel like I am being pulled towards him by an invisible string but I fight it and grab my white dress out of the closet.
"What time will you be back?" He asks me as I slip the dress over my head. I feel oddly comfortable around him right now, considering our situation. Why is this all so confusing and consuming? Why does it have to be so complicated? And most importantly why can't I just get over him and move on?
"I don't know, you really should go." I say quietly.
"Do you need help?" He asks as I struggle with zipping the dress.
"No.. I'm fine. I've got it." I say and hope that I can get it.
"Here." He says and stands up to walk over to me. We are walking this fine line between love and hate, anger and calm. It's strange and surely toxic for me.
I lift my hair and he zips my dress, taking longer than he should. I feel my pulse quicken and mentally scold myself for allowing him to help me.
"How did you find me?" I ask him as the thought enters my mind.
"I called Vance of course." He shrugs like he didn't just stalk me across the state.
"He gave you my room number?" I am not pleased at the idea.
"No, the front desk did. I can be very persuasive." He half grins. We were just screaming at each other minutes ago.
"We can't do this.. you know act all friendly." I say and step into my black heels.
"Why not?" He asks and pulls his pants up his legs.
"Because it's not good for either of us to be around one another."
"You know that's not true."
"Yes it is."
"No."
"Will you please just go." I beg.
"You don't mean that, I know you don't. You let me stay last night." He is now fully clothed and is tying his converse. If he isn't going to go why does he have his shoes on? Probably because he knows I am going to make him leave.
"I was intoxicated."
"You knew what you were doing when you let me stay."
"No I didn't." I whine and continue. "I didn't know what I was doing at all last night, from kissing that guy to letting you stay." I say and snap my mouth shut. I did not just say that out loud. By the way Hardin's eyes pop and his jaw clenches, I know that I did. My headache multiplies by ten and I want to slap myself.
"Whh..what? What did you.. what did you just say?" He growls.
"Nothing.. I.."
"You kissed someone? Who?" His voice strained as if he just ran a marathon.
"Someone at the club." I admit.
"Are you serious?" He breathes.
I nod.
"What the .. what the actual fuck Tessa? You kiss some guy at a fucking club then have sex with me? Who are you?" He yells and runs his hands over his face. If I know him as well as I think I do, he is getting ready to break something.
"It just happened, and we aren't even together." I try to defend myself but only make myself sound worse.
"Wow.. you are unbelievable. My Tessa would never kiss a fucking stranger at a club!" He barks.
"There is no your Tessa". I tell him and he shakes his head.
"You know what? You're right. And just to let you know, while you were kissing that guy I was fucking Molly." He shouts and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him.