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Pen Your Pride

Nine days.

Nine days have went by without speaking to Tessa. I didn't think it was possible for me to go a single day without speaking to her, let alone nine fucking days. It feels like one thousand and each second hurts more than the prior.

When she left the apartment that night I waited and waited to hear her footsteps rush through the door and I waited for her voice to begin screaming at me. It didn't come. I sat on the floor waiting and waiting. It never came, she never came.

I finished the beer in my fridge and smashed the evidence against the wall. The next morning when I woke up and she was still gone, I packed my shit. I packed a bag and got on a plane to get the fuck out of Washington. If she was going to come back it would have been that night. I needed to get out of there and get some space. With alcohol on my breath and stains on my white t-shirt, I left for the airport. I didn't call my mum before I got there it's not that she had anything going on anyway.

If Tessa calls me before I get on the flight I will turn around but if not then too bad, I kept thinking. She had her chance to come back to me. She does every other time, no matter what I do so why is this time so different? It's not like I did anything really, I lied to her but it was a small ass lie and she overreacted.

If anyone should be pissed off it's me. She brought Zayn to my fucking house to pack her shit. On top of that Liam comes barging in like the fucking Hulk and slams me into the wall? What the actual fuck.

This whole situation is utterly fucked up and it's not my fault. Well maybe it is but she can come crawling back to me, not the other way around. I love her but I'm not making the first move.

Day one was spent mostly on the airplane sleeping off my hangover. I got many dirty looks from snobby ass flight attendants and assholes in business suits but I could give a fuck less. They don't mean shit to me. I took a cab to my mum's and nearly choked the driver. Who charges that much for a fucking ten mile cab ride?

My mum was shocked and happy to see me. She cried for a few minutes but thankfully she stopped when Robin appeared. Apparently the two of them have began to move her things into his house and she plans on selling her house just next door. I don't give a shit about that house so it's no skin off my back. That house is full of shit memories with my drunk asshole of a dad.

It's nice to be able to think these things without Tessa's influence. I would feel slightly guilty being rude to my mum and her boyfriend if Tessa were here with me. Thank god she isn't.


Day two was exhausting as shit. I spent the entire afternoon listening to my mum talk about her plans for the summer and dodged her questions of why I am home. I kept telling her if I wanted to talk about it I would. I came here for some god damn peace and all I get is more annoyance. I end up at the pub down the street by eight.  A pretty brunette with the same color eyes as Tessa smiled at me and offered me a drink that night. I declined somewhat politely, my kindness only coming out because the color of her eyes. The longer I stared at them the more I realized they aren't the same as Tessa's. They are dull and hold no life behind them. Tessa's eyes are the most intriguing shade of grey that appears blue at first glance until you really look at them. They are nice, as far as eyes go. Why the fuck was I sitting at a pub thinking about eyeballs? Fuck. 

I saw the disappointment in my mum's eyes when I stumbled through the door after two in the morning but I did my best to ignore it, mumbling a shit apology before forcing my way up the stairs.

Day three was when it started. Small thoughts of Tessa kept sneaking in at the most random times. While watching my mum hand-wash the dishes, I thought of Tessa loading the dishwasher constantly, making sure there is never a single dirty dish lying in the sink.

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