When I get to my car I don't cry like I had assumed I would. I just sit and stare out the window. The snow sticks to my windshield, blanketing me inside the space of my car. I can't believe that Harry came here while I was here, I had hoped to not see him. It did help though, not the pain but the situation in general. At least now I can try to move on from this disastrous time in my life. I want to believe him and that he does love me but I got into this situation by believing him. He could just be acting like this because he knows he doesn't have control over me anymore. Even if he does love me what would that change? It wouldn't take back everything he did, it wouldn't take back all the jokes, the terrible bragging about the things we did, or the lies.
I wish I could afford that apartment on my own, I would stay there and make Harry leave. I don't want to go back to the dorms and get a new roommate, I don't want a community shower. The woman that came to look at the apartment will love it and I am happy for her. I try to tell myself. She looked at me like I was insane as I rushed by her in the hallway but I could not care less. I know that Harry can't make any official decisions about the apartment without my permission because my name is on the lease but I have no choice than to agree to whatever he decides. I can't live there on my own and I most certainly can't live there with Harry. Why did he have to mess everything up? We could be inside that apartment right now, laughing on the couch or kissing in the bedroom. But instead, I am in my car alone with no where to go.
I am glad that Harry didn't follow me down but I feel a little guilty for saying Noah was with me, I know that had to hurt him even if he doesn't love me the way he claims. It hurt his ego at least.
When I finally start my car, my hands are frozen. Couldn't I be homeless in the summer? I feel like Catherine again, only not my usual Wuthering Heights Catherine. This time Catherine in Northanger Abbey is whom I relate to, shocked and forced to make a long journey alone. Granted, I am not making a seventy mile journey but still, I feel her pain. I cannot decide who Harry would be this time. On one hand he is like Henry, smart and witty with a knowledge of novels as great as mine. However, Henry is much kinder than Harry and that's where Harry is more like John, arrogant and rude.
As I drive through town with no where to go I realize that Harry's words had a bigger impact on me than I would like to admit. Him begging me to stay almost put the pieces back together just to break them again. I am sure he just wanted me to stay to prove that he could. My phone hasn't rang since I drove away fifteen minutes ago and I cant decide how I feel about that.
I find myself a block away from Vance, it's only five in the evening. I don't want to take advantage of Liam by asking him to stay at Ken's house again. I know he wouldn't mind, but its not fair of me to put Harry's family in the middle of this and honestly that house holds too many memories. I couldn't stand it. I pass a street full of hotels and pull into one of the nicer looking hotels and park my car. I have never stayed at a hotel before but I don't have another option right now.
I find the red blinking "office" sign and rush inside. The short man behind the counter looks friendly enough as he smiles at me and asks for my drivers license. Getting a hotel room is much easier than I thought it would be, a little expensive but I don't want to stay at a cheap hotel and risk my safety. He gives me a key card and smiles.
"Down the sidewalk and make a left." He instructs. I am glad this hotel has the rooms on the outside so I can come and go in peace.
I thank him and go back into the blistering cold. I move my car to the spot next to my room so I don't have to carry my bags. This is what I have come to because of him, I am staying in a hotel, alone with all my belongings stuffed into bags. I was too frantic earlier to even fold them so I can't imagine how my clothes look now. I grab my bags and lock my car, my car is junk compared to the BMW parked next to me. Just as I think my day could not get any worse, I lose my grip on one of my bags and drop it onto the snowy sidewalk. My clothes and a few books topple out. I am afraid to see which books they are, I don't think I can take my favorite possessions being ruined along with me, not today,
"Here let me help you miss." A man's voice says as a hand reaches down to help me.
"Tessa?" He says when I look up to see blue eyes. Trevor.
"Trevor?" I say even though I know it is him.
"What are you doing here?" I ask and look around.
"I'd ask you the same thing." He smiles.
"Well.. I am .. " I take my bottom lip between my teeth.
"My plumbing went haywire at my place so here I am." He saves me from having to explain myself. I am grateful.
"Oh, that doesn't sound fun." I say.
He hands me a soaked copy of Wuthering Heights and I bite my cheek so I don't scream.
"Wuthering Heights?" He raises his brow.
"Here.. this one is in bad shape." He hands me Pride and Prejudice. The universe is playing a sick joke on me.
"I somehow knew you would be into the classics." He tells me with a friendly smile.
He takes the bags from me and I thank him before sliding the key card through and opening the door. The room is freezing so I walk over to the heater immediately and turn it all the way up.
"You would think for how much they charge here they wouldn't worry about their electric bill." Trevor says and sits my bags on the floor.
I smile and nod in agreement.
I grab the clothes that fell onto the snow and put them over the heater. Trevor must be staying here because it is so close to Vance.
"Is your apartment close?" I ask to break the silence. Surprisingly enough, it is not uncomfortable silence.
"House. But yea, its only about a mile away. I like to be close to work so I know I won't ever be late." He smiles.
"That's a good idea." I agree. That sounds like something I would do. He looks so different in causal clothes. I have only seen him in suits and right now he is wearing a pair of snug blue jeans and a red sweatshirt, his hair is messy where it is usually perfectly gelled.
"I think so too. So are you alone?" He asks and looks at the ground, obviously uncomfortable prying.
"Yea, I am alone." I mean that in more ways than he knows.
"I'm not trying to be nosey, I was just asking because your boyfriend doesn't seem to like me much." He half laughs and moves his black hair from his forehead.
"Oh, Harry doesn't like anyone. Don't take it personally. He isn't my boyfriend though." I tell him and pick at my nails.
"Oh, sorry. I just assumed he was."
"He was, sort of." Was he even my boyfriend? He said he was, but then again Harry said a lot of things.
"Oh, sorry again. I just keep saying all the wrong things." He laughs.
"It's okay. I don't mind." I tell him and unpack the rest of my bags.
"Do you want me to go? I don't mean to intrude." His tone is genuine.
"No, you can stay. If you want of course. You don't have to." I say too quickly. What is wrong with me?
"It's settled then, I'll stay." He says and sits down on the chair next to the desk in the spacious room.
"So how are you liking Vance so far?" He asks, his fingers tracing patterns on the wooden desk.
"I love it, it's so much more than I ever expected. It's literally my dream job, I hope to get hired on after I graduate."
"Oh I think you'll be offered a job well before that. Christian is very fond of you, that manuscript you turned in last week was all I heard about at lunch the other day. He says you have a good eye and from him that's a huge compliment."
"Really? He said that?" I can't help but smile.
"Yea, why else would he invite you to the conference? Only the four of us are going, he chose you over all the other employees. "
"Four of us?" I ask.
"Yea me, you, Christian and Kim."
"Oh, I didn't know Kim was going." I hope desperately that Christian didn't only invite me because he feels obligated due to my relationship with Harry, his best friend's son.
"He wouldn't be able to go a weekend without her." Trevor teases.
"Why are you going?" I ask and then mentally slap myself.
"I mean why are you going, you work in finance don't you?" I explain myself.
"No I get it, you bookies don't need the human calculator around." He rolls his eyes and I laugh, really laugh for what feels like the first time in ages.
"He is opening a second publishing house in Seattle within the next few months and we are going to a meeting with a potential investor. Also, we will be scouting lactations while we are there so he needs me to make sure we get a good deal."
"Are you into real estate too?" I ask and take a seat on the bed. The room is finally warm so I take my shoes off.
"No, not at all but I am good with numbers." He brags and I smile again.
"It will be a good time though. Seattle is a beautiful city. Have you been?" He asks.
"Yea, Seattle is my favorite city. Not that I have a lot to choose from." I tell him.
"Me either, I am from Ohio so I haven't seen much. Compared to Ohio, Seattle is New York City."
"What made you come to Washington?" I find myself genuinely interested in knowing more.
"Well my mother passed away my senior year of high school and I just had to go. I knew I didn't want to live in that small town forever, there is just so much more to see,. You know? So I promised her right before she died that I wouldn't die in that dreadful town. The day I got accepted to WSU was the best and worst day of my life."
"Worst?" I ask.
"She passed away that same day. Ironic isn't it?" He smiles. The way only half of his mouth turns up when he smiles is lovely.
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't be. She was one of those people that didn't belong here with the rest of us, she was too good, you know? We got to more time with her than we deserved and I wouldn't change a thing." He says.
"Are you going to stay here forever?" He asks.
"No, I always wanted to move to Seattle but lately I have been thinking of going even further." I admit.
"You should, you should travel and see everything you possibly can. A woman like you shouldn't be kept in a box." He says and I smile again.
"Sorry.. I just mean you could do so much more." The blue eyed man says.
Something about the way he called me a woman makes me happy, with Harry I always feel like a child because he treats me like one. Trevor is only a friend, a new friend but I am really enjoying his company on this terrible day.
"Have you had dinner?" I ask him.
"No, not yet. I was debating whether or not to order a pizza so I don't have to go back into that blizzard." He laughs.
"We could split one?" I offer.
"Deal." He grins.
....
Harry's POV.
"If she shows up here you better call me." I growl at my father as he stands in his doorway.
"She isn't going to come here Harry, she knows you will find her." My father says and I fight the urge to knock his teeth down his throat.
"Well I don't know where else she could be!" I yell and rake my fingers through my hair.
I flinch slightly when my knuckles strain. The cuts are deeper than usual this time. Punching the brick wall of the apartment did more damage to my hands than I thought it would. It's nothing compared to how I feel inside. I never knew this type of pain existed, its so much worse than any physical pain I could cause myself.
"Son, I really think you should consider giving her some space." He says to me.
Who the fuck does he think he is?
"Space? She doesn't need space! She needs to come home." I yell. The old woman next door turns to look at us and I raise my arms at her.
"Don't be rude to my neighbors." My dad warns me.
"Then tell your neighbors to mind their own damn business!" I yell loud enough for the gray haired woman to hear me.
"Goodbye Harry." He says and closes his door with a sigh.
"Fuck!" I yell at myself and pace back and forth on the porch before getting back into my car.
Where the hell is she? As pissed off as I am, I am worried as hell about her. Is she alone or afraid? Knowing Tessa she isn't afraid at all, she is probably going over the reasons she hates me. Actually, she is probably writing them down. Her stupid lists used to drive me crazy but now I long to see her scribbling the most irrelevant things, her need to be in control of everything in full swing. I would give anything to see the way she would chew on her full bottom lip and an adorable scowl would take over her sweet face, even one more time. Now that she is with Noah and her mother, the small chance I thought I had is gone. Once she is reminded why he is better for her than me she will be his again. I need her to be mine, only mine. I don't give a shit what I have to do to Noah to get him out of the picture, she is mine.
I call her again but her phone goes straight to voicemail for the twentieth time. God damn it, I am such a fucking idiot. After driving around for an hour to every library, every book store, I decide to go back to the apartment. Maybe she will show up? I know she won't but what if she did? I need to clean up the huge mess I made, and buy some new dishes to replace the ones that I smashed against the walls, just in case she comes home.