As I looked at myself in the mirror, I could feel the mask I had put on for the past two hours begin to fall off. My birthday was only two days ago. The truth had only been revealed to me two days ago. I had changed in only two days. As the make-up was being wiped off my face, I couldn't help but be reminded of the torture I was being held against.
Since the night of my birthday, I had locked myself in my hotel room not letting anyone bother me. Truthfully I didn't want anyone to look at me. The night of my birthday, after I had locked myself in my room, Harry showed up. I didn't let him in. I was afraid of what I would do. I needed to protect my heart from him. So for hours, I heard him through the door call my name. For hours he begged for my forgiveness, and every time my heart betrayed me beginning to forgive him, my mind quickly went to all of the times he had made me cry.
So I sat against my side of the door, hearing everything coming out of Harry's mouth. I heard him cry. I think that was the toughest part. The one other time I had heard him cry this much was when he confessed to me about his father. Other than that, never. But my mind couldn't help but remind me that this could all be acting.
It wasn't until Louis pulled Harry away from my door, that he left. I didn't move a muscle. I cried myself to sleep against the door.
I was woken up by Louis when he knocked on the door the next morning. But I didn't let him in. I didn't want anyone to see me in my humiliation. So I asked him through the door if he and Zayn knew anything about Harry and James' deal. I watched him through the peep-hole waiting for his answer. For a minute I got silence, confirming my worst nightmare. They all knew about it. I was their puppet.
More tears fell down my face.
By then I had crawled into bed. I turned on Netflix and began distracting myself. Every half hour, someone I knew would knock on the door trying to get me out. For the whole day, my heart ached as someone tried to get me out of that bedroom. James knocked on the door reminding me that I was just a way for him to make money. Zayn called for me but I didn't answer him. He was no better.
But when Jess knocked on the door, calling my name, my heart stopped. Everything I wanted to do was open the door for her and let her comfort me. But what if she had known the whole time? Would she have done that to me too?
" FUCKING HELL! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?!" I heard her yell after a few hours.
That was the moment I knew, she hadn't known. She just found out. In only a couple of minutes, she was at my door, begging for me to let her in. After a little hesitation, I did exactly that. With one look at me, she pulled me into her arms, making me only cry more.
We laid on the bed and continued watching movies together for literally hours.
The next morning, we were woken by the pounding of my door. It was James and the private security. I refused to get up so Jess agreed she'd answer the door.
" she's not getting up" Jess said to James.
I had my head under my covers but I could clearly hear everything.
" well she has to, she has the last concert of the tour tomorrow night in Dallas" James said in a mad voice.
" well she's not going, not after what you did" I could feel Jess glared back at him.
But I had to go and I knew it. No matter how much pain I was in, I knew I had a job.
" I'll be there in time for the concert" I said loud enough for them to hear.
James seemed to be satisfied since he left without another word.
Without my phone on me, the world seemed to have quieted down. There were no rumors surrounding me. There was no hate chasing after me. But I was still broken inside.
The next morning, Jess helped me pack my things. As I started to put my clothes into my suitcase, my hands came across one of Harry's sweat shirts. I held it in my hands in silence. The comfort that it brought me was still there making me hate it even more. I stared at it hard trying to figure out what to do. In the end I ended up sneaking it into my suitcase without Jess seeing it.
Arriving to the Dallas show, I buried myself in my own sweatshirt and hide under my hoodie. Jess helped me go into my own dressing room without any of the boys noticing. But it didn't take long before Harry was banging down my door. He was shout my name out for everyone to hear but I refused to open.
Closer to show time, I think Jess noticed I wanted to be alone. So she left the room locking it behind her. I heard part of her conversation with Harry. Jess cursed him with just about every word I could think of. But I didn't expect her to be mad at him forever, after all he was her brother. I truly didn't want to ruin their relationship.
The last concert of the Fire and Ice tour had just ended. It was the most emotional I had ever been in a concert, I think everyone noticed too. I seemed to sing all my songs directly at the fans. I avoided singing looking at any of the boys.
Usually for the last couple of shows, the love songs were mainly sung by Harry and I singing to each other, but I didn't let that happen tonight. Tonight was about my fans.
But now it was over. I was once again in the locked dressing room but this time I was taking my make-up off instead of putting it on. I had put on some plain jeans, a sweatshirt, and with my hair up in a bun.
I picked up my IPad and put leaning against the mirror so it was facing me. Soon enough my index finger touched the record button.
Seeing the red light blinking, meaning that it was recording, intimidated me at first but I quickly got over it.
" This video is to my fans and to them only. You guys are the ones that deserve any explanation if any. Tonight was our last show, here in Dallas. It was an emotional show for many different reasons. One of the reasons being that it was our last show of our tour. You, the fans, are the ones that made all this happen for us, for me. The support you all have given to me, has meant a lot more than you guys can dream to imagine. I'm very grateful for you all" I smiled with tears in my eyes towards the camera.
" I joined All Oblivion around almost 11 months ago, almost a year. When I started, I didn't really know what to expect from this industry. I didn't know what to expect from the people I would meet. What I found was that this industry will give you a lot but take a lot more away. I sometimes feel like my life has been taken away from this industry. Going through an abusive relationship was one of the low points of it. It took my freedom away. I turned into a girl who was too afraid to speak her mind. A couple months later in December, my father who was in a coma, passed away. As much as there's was person there with me every step of the way to help me deal with it, I still felt alone. The best man I had ever met was physically gone and there was nothing I could do about it. It's the end of February now and I still feel like all my emotions are bottled up inside" I said feeling like my throat was in a knot.
This was the moment that I was most nervous about.
This was the moment of truth.
" I need a break. I need a new scenario. So you all are the first people I'm letting know because I don't want anyone to be able to change my mind. I'm leaving All Oblivion. I need time to grieve. I need time to myself. I need time to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life" I explained with tears falling down my face.
I wiped the tears away with the sleeve of my sweatshirt but the tears continued coming down.
" I'm sorry if I'm disappointing all of you, that's the last thing I wanted to do. I love you all with all my heart" I nodded trying to stop crying.
~
AHHH
I know, I hate myself too for this
but a lot of things will still happen!
so a couple questions for you guys:
1. Do you want Cailin to forgive Harry?
2. How do you think Harry is feeling right now?
3. What do you think is Cailin's next step?
and I ask these questions because believe it of not, it makes me a better writer to understand what you all think
oh and I'm thinking of changing the cover but I don't have anything to put up for it. So if any of you want to make a cover for this fanfic please do and I'll put my favorite up giving you full credit of course!
love you guys!