Just For Show (EDITING)

Chapter 53 - "I need time to grieve"

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I could feel the mask I had put on for the past two hours begin to fall off. My birthday was only two days ago. The truth had only been revealed to me two days ago. I had changed in only two days. As the make-up was being wiped off my face, I couldn't help but be reminded of the torture I was being held against.

Since the night of my birthday, I had locked myself in my hotel room not letting anyone bother me. Truthfully I didn't want anyone to look at me. The night of my birthday, after I had locked myself in my room, Harry showed up. I didn't let him in. I was afraid of what I would do. I needed to protect my heart from him. So for hours, I heard him through the door call my name. For hours he begged for my forgiveness, and every time my heart betrayed me beginning to forgive him, my mind quickly went to all of the times he had made me cry.

So I sat against my side of the door, hearing everything coming out of Harry's mouth. I heard him cry. I think that was the toughest part. The one other time I had heard him cry this much was when he confessed to me about his father. Other than that, never. But my mind couldn't help but remind me that this could all be acting.

It wasn't until Louis pulled Harry away from my door, that he left. I didn't move a muscle. I cried myself to sleep against the door.

I was woken up by Louis when he knocked on the door the next morning. But I didn't let him in. I didn't want anyone to see me in my humiliation. So I asked him through the door if he and Zayn knew anything about Harry and James' deal. I watched him through the peep-hole waiting for his answer. For a minute I got silence, confirming my worst nightmare. They all knew about it. I was their puppet.

More tears fell down my face.

By then I had crawled into bed. I turned on Netflix and began distracting myself. Every half hour, someone I knew would knock on the door trying to get me out. For the whole day, my heart ached as someone tried to get me out of that bedroom. James knocked on the door reminding me that I was just a way for him to make money. Zayn called for me but I didn't answer him. He was no better.

But when Jess knocked on the door, calling my name, my heart stopped. Everything I wanted to do was open the door for her and let her comfort me. But what if she had known the whole time? Would she have done that to me too?

" FUCKING HELL! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?!" I heard her yell after a few hours.

That was the moment I knew, she hadn't known. She just found out. In only a couple of minutes, she was at my door, begging for me to let her in. After a little hesitation, I did exactly that. With one look at me, she pulled me into her arms, making me only cry more.

We laid on the bed and continued watching movies together for literally hours.

The next morning, we were woken by the pounding of my door. It was James and the private security. I refused to get up so Jess agreed she'd answer the door.

" she's not getting up" Jess said to James.

I had my head under my covers but I could clearly hear everything.

" well she has to, she has the last concert of the tour tomorrow night in Dallas" James said in a mad voice.

" well she's not going, not after what you did" I could feel Jess glared back at him.

But I had to go and I knew it. No matter how much pain I was in, I knew I had a job. 

" I'll be there in time for the concert" I said loud enough for them to hear.

James seemed to be satisfied since he left without another word.

Without my phone on me, the world seemed to have quieted down. There were no rumors surrounding me. There was no hate chasing after me. But I was still broken inside.