I could not begin to explain the confusion I felt. My stomach continued to twist and turn into knots as if I was about to apparate. My nightmares worsened, and in every one I envisioned the green light that emitted from my own wand. Draco tried his best to comfort me, but I found myself not wanting to be touched. I would pull away any time he attempted to embrace me, and I could tell it hurt him, but it felt so wrong. I still could not believe that he truly was in love with me or that he cared. I tried to convince myself the feeling would pass, but there were so many thoughts running through my mind and I could not correctly find an answer or explanation for them.
Or, perhaps I could, and I didn't want to admit it.
My soul, was in fact, damaged. Hopefully not beyond repair. I wasn't quite sure exactly how killing affected the soul, but I'm sure Voldemort could tell me all about it.
Don't worry, I had no intentions to ask.
I tossed my Dumbledore's Army coin into the fire, as I found myself wanting to contact the trio to ask if they were alright, but I could not put them or myself in anymore danger.
I was pushing away anyone who might care even the slightest, but I did not realize it at the time.
Days turned into weeks, and I found myself going through more books than I ever imagined I would read. I repaired the books I destroyed, but still felt terrible for even doing so. I missed the Ravenclaw Common Room, and the enormous shelves of books that lined the wall. I never did have much time to read, and when I did, it was usually research for the shenanigans the Gryffindor trio and I got caught up in. I sat in the living area, reading an old book I found somewhere in the Manor. I stopped reading upon hearing an unusual noise in the silence. I listened carefully. I swore I heard someone from below, but I was already downstairs. No one else was home. Lucius was at a meeting at the Ministry, while Narcissa and Draco were grocery shopping. I could hear footsteps and hushed voices from below.
The dungeons, I realized.
The Malfoys hated having meetings in their home, but it wasn't uncommon for Death Eaters to show up unannounced at Voldemort's request. I dropped my book on the couch before sneaking downstairs to the dungeons. I peeked through a crack in the wooden door carefully, and covered my mouth as I watched Luna Lovegood being thrown into the cell. My best friend was being kept underneath my own feet. My first thought was to free her once the Death Eaters left, but I knew better. I couldn't free her. I just couldn't. Lucius would bloody kill me. Even worse, Voldemort would kill me, and the Malfoys, too. Surely the Dark Lord wasn't planning on actually hurting Luna. He most likely needed her for something. Perhaps to get to Harry. I quietly backed up the stairs just as Narcissa and Draco walked through the front door. They immediately noticed my discomfort, and before Narcissa could answer they felt a light breeze and heard the 'whoosh' of the Death Eaters leaving.
"Why were they here?" She asked, setting down a bag.
"My best friend is being held captive in your basement." I stated harshly before storming upstairs.
Draco followed me quickly. "You know it isn't our fault," He whispered. "I may not be friends with--"
"Luna."
"Luna," he continued. "But I don't like having my home serve as Voldemort's base of operations and having Death Eaters come in and out as they please. Neither do my parents."
"You think they'll resent their loyalty?" I asked curiously.
"I'm not sure." He replied doubtfully. I stood quietly at the doorway to my room. "Would you like to get out of the manor?" Draco suggested, his brows furrowed as he waited for an answer. "You have been spending a lot of time alone."
"I murdered my godmother," I whispered. "If you were a murderer wouldn't you spend time alone?" I stepped inside my room and shut the door on Draco who begged I speak to him for a moment before finally leaving me be. I slid down the door and sat in silence on the floor with my eyes shut. I could only see the green light of the Killing Curse, but the feeling of guilt vanished each time I replayed the memory in my mind. It had been replaced with something I couldn't explain--something darker. I felt entirely alone, even in the moments I spent with Draco. I felt angry and hateful. I wanted to shout into a void and release all the negativity inside of me. The side effects of my soul being split. Twice. A knock on my door startled me and I snapped out of my thoughts.
"I don't want to talk, Draco." I whispered as I stood and opened the door, but it wasn't Draco.
"Your friends are getting themselves in a handful of trouble," Lucius sighed. "We need you in the dungeons."
"What for?" I raised a brow, but the man walked down the hall and I knew he expected me to follow without question.
I trailed behind Lucius as we entered the room. Draco looked frightened as he stood near Bellatrix. Bellatrix cackled as she ran up to me. The woman grabbed my hand and pulled me and Draco closer to the visitors.
Two strangers held Hermione and Ron. I disregarded the two for their own safety, acting as though I'd never met them before. They knew to do the same. Bellatrix held her wand to the neck of a boy who sat in a chair. His face was swollen and bruised. I turned back to see Hermione and Ron, but there was no Harry. Could it be him in the chair? Bellatrix shoved Draco closer to the mysterious boy.
"Well," Bellatrix asked. "Is it him, Draco?"
"I can't be sure." He replied.
"Draco," Lucius approached him shakily. "If we are the ones to hand Potter over to the Dark Lord, everything will be forgiven. It will be as it was once before. You understand, yes?"
Draco nodded uneasily while one of the strangers, a snatcher, I assumed, boasted about how he was the one who truly caught him. "Let's not forget, Mr. Malfoy."
"Don't you dare speak to me like that IN MY OWN HOME--"
"Lucius!" Narcissa pulled Lucius away from Draco. The boy shook as he stared at Harry.
"Don't be shy, sweetie," Bellatrix called Draco closer. "We need to be absolutely sure that it's him, or he'll kill us all. Iris, pretty doll, come take a look, too."
I looked back at Narcissa and Lucius. They urged me to look closer at the boy, and as I walked over, I could see the detail in the boy's injuries. I felt a pit in my stomach. The boy didn't resemble Harry at first glance, but I knew in my heart that it was him. Harry and I stared at each other for what seemed like forever. One of his eyes was shut due to an awfully terrible black eye, but the other glistened a bright green. I studied him carefully, Merlin it is him, but I would never tell. I'm sure Draco knew it, too, but he was too afraid to speak. I wanted to keep everyone in the room safe from Voldemort, but I was only a child, and I could not save both sides. The group discussed his distorted look while Draco and I studied him carefully.
"Was it you, dear?" Bellatrix asked Hermione, referring to Harry's injuries. "Give me her wand. We'll see what her last spell was."
Bellatrix was delighted that she has caught Hermione red handed, but before she could even check the wand, she noticed a sword in possession of one of the snatchers.
"Where did you get that?" She asked.
The snatcher explained it was in the possession of the teens, but Bellatrix's rage got the best of her, and she threw a hex at the sword-holding snatcher, taking it from him. She harshly rid of the others, having them leave the room injured. Narcissa rushed Harry and Ron into the cellar at Bellatrix's request. The deranged woman was to have a 'little talk' with Hermione. Bellatrix threw Hermione to the ground, kneeling on top of her. She whispered harshly into the girls ear. I could barely hear what she was asking of Hermione. Something about how the sword should be in her vault. Hermione sobbed as Bellatrix tormented her.
I felt numb as I watched Bellatrix carve into Hermione's arm with a blade. I watched my friend become mutilated by the deranged woman. I felt tears spill out of my eyes, but could not look away even when Hermione began screaming bloody murder. Merlin, I wanted to scream, too.
"Wormtail," Bellatrix shouted. "I want to speak to the goblin."
The man nodded and rushed to the cellar to retrieve the goblin Bellatrix asked for. When Wormtail returned, a goblin hobbled at his side, and Bellatrix was beyond enraged. She left Hermione on the floor. The brunette looked up at me helplessly as blood dripped from the word Bellatrix carved in her arm.
Mudblood.
There was nothing I could do for her. Just then, Ron and Harry emerged from the cellar. I looked over at the two, then back to Lucius who already had his wand ready in hand.
"Don't!" I shouted at him, but Harry already hit the man with 'stupify' and he flew backwards. Narcissa and Draco began throwing hexes toward Ron and Harry, but Hermione remained on the floor until Bellatrix snatched the girl by her hair. "Stop! Drop your wands." I told Harry and Ron. Behind me, Bellatrix stood with a blade at Hermione's neck.
Draco picked up their wands as they did so. I looked at the two boys, and it was no doubt that it was Harry who stood next to Ron. His swollen face returned to normal. Harry's gaze darted back and forth between Hermione and me. I swallowed hard, nervous to see how the chaos would end. I wanted the trio to escape unharmed.
"Look how bright and shiny and new he is~" Bellatrix looked over to me, then the Malfoys. "Call the Dark Lord." She hissed.
Lucius, Draco and I looked at each other with discomfort. Neither of us truly wanted to call the Dark Lord. Harry looked over at the three of us as well, hoping we wouldn't act on Bellatrix's request.
"Call him." Bellatrix persisted.
Lucius slowly began rolling up his sleeve, revealing the skull and slithering snake that was inked into his skin. I saw the trio's eyes wander to my left arm, as well as Draco's, but our sleeves covered the inked skin. They realized the answer to the question they had been avoiding all along: Are they really Death Eaters? Just before Lucius called the Dark Lord, everyone's eyes looked up to the chandelier that hung above us that began to shake and squeak. A familiar house elf stood on the decor, and he began unscrewing the chandelier from the ceiling. Before anyone could react, the chandelier broke from where it hung, hurling right toward Belllatrix and Hermione. Hermione broke free from Bellatrix's grasp.
Bellatrix flew backward while Hermione ran into Ron's arm. I watched the scene unfold before me, and in the chaos Harry ran over to me, and gripped my arm tightly. He snatched my left sleeve and tugged it back, revealing the Dark Mark on my skin. I looked up at a heartbroken Harry. I knew he was beyond upset.
Horrified.
Draco pushed Harry away from me. The boy snatched the wands the blond held before he ran back over to his friends.
"Stupid elf!" Bellatrix yelled. "You could've killed me!"
"Dobby never meant to kill! Only injure!" The elf exclaimed.
Narcissa began to wave her wand, but the elf snapped his fingers, and in an instant Narcissa's wand was in his hands.
"How dare you take a witch's wand!" Bellatrix shouted. "How dare you defy your masters!"
"Dobby has no master," the elf stated boldly. "Dobby is a free elf."
As the group began to Apparate, Bellatrix threw her blade toward the group. The moment happened so quickly, but it was clear to see the knife followed them into the apparition. I felt uneasy. The knife could have easily hit anyone. I turned to Narcissa and Lucius, who stood side-by-side. Draco stood next to me, and we all dropped our gaze as Bellatrix fell into a fit of horrid screaming before apparating to who knows where.
A small puddle of blood remained on the floor where Hermione previously laid. Draco gently placed his hand on the small of my back and led me out of the room. I sniffled as I tried to keep myself from crying. Draco pulled me closer to him and softly kissed my head.
"It'll be okay." He whispered, though he did not sound convincing, as he rolled my left sleeve back down to cover the dark mark.
❁ ❁ ❁
Five o'clock in the morning.
I sat at my windowsill with my quilt wrapped around myself. I watched the darkness on the other side of the window as I listened to the pouring rain. Thunder bellowed in the sky, and every so often lightning struck and illuminated the rose garden. I felt sick to my stomach as I thought of the trio and where they might be. Luna escaped with them, too, and I could only hope they were okay. I gripped the quilt tightly and slammed the back of my head against the wall. I couldn't bear to be in the situation I was in any longer. I knew it was selfish, but could anyone blame me? An hour passed before I finally let myself fall asleep; my head rested against the windowsill as my eyelids drifted shut.
❁ ❁ ❁
My eyes snapped open upon hearing thunder in the distance. Rain still fell gently from the clouds. I looked over to see Draco on the other side of the windowsill bed. He flipped the page of the book he held before his grey eyes settled upon me. He did not smile and he did not speak. He closed his book and set it beside him, still silent. I averted my attention back to the mucky weather. Draco wanted to comfort me, but that was not exactly his speciality, and that was okay. I did not mind. His presence was enough.
"I love you," He spoke softly. I waited a moment before I turned to meet his longing gaze. "Iris." He addressed me.
His lips slightly parted as he waited for an answer of any sort. I didn't know what to say. I found myself at a loss for words as I dropped my eyes to my fidgeting hands.
I swallowed hard as Draco stood from the windowsill and left the room before I buried my face in my hands. Merlin, I knew he wanted an answer. I knew he wanted me to tell him I loved him, too, but I felt so unsure of myself. He had been trying so hard the previous weeks to get any ounce of affection out of me, and I couldn't give that to him. I looked back outside to see the blond walking around the garden in the rain. His hands were tucked into the pocket of his black coat, and his green Slytherin House scarf we wrapped snugly around his neck. He kicked a few pebbles aside as he walked through the bushes that were covered in petal-less buds. Then he ripped his scarf off and dropped on his knees, letting the rain fall on him.
I know it sounds a bit over-dramatic, and believe me, it looked more than a bit over-dramatic, but the boy was just as troubled as I was. He had been comforting me, and there wasn't anyone to comfort him. I sighed before rolling off the window sill bed. I grabbed my black coat from my closet before I trudged downstairs and out into the garden. I stood behind Draco and watched him sob into his hands in the pouring rain.
"You look absolutely ridiculous," I whispered. "Get up, Malfoy." I grabbed his arm and pulled him from the ground. He looked at me with his already swollen eyes. The boy sniffled and wiped his tears.
"Don't look at me, Éclatant," He whimpered. "I look pitiful."
"I know," I frowned. "I'd ask if you were alright, but you definitely don't look it."
"That isn't funny." He scowled before snatching his scarf from the ground.
I stifled a laugh, but only received a glare from an unhappy Draco. I watched him fumble with his damp and muddy scarf, his wet, blond locks stuck to his face, and his lips a bit chapped from the cold weather.
"Get the children, Narcissa!" Draco and I looked toward the manor upon hearing Lucius yell. We were approached by the Malfoys who both looked beyond concerned.
"The Dark Lord has requested our presence." Lucius informed us. He grabbed our hands in his, and Narcissa held his arm before he Apparated us out of the garden.
We appeared on our feet in Gringotts, which had been ravaged entirely. Goblins laid motionless in puddles of blood on the floor and the glass ceiling had been broken to pieces which were scattered around and on the bodies. I took a few steps closer to a specific goblin who held a silver sword in his hand.
"The sword of Gryffindor." I whispered, recognizing the tool Harry wielded in the Chamber of Secrets all those years ago, and the same sword the snatchers held only a day prior, but before I could reach for it, the sword vanished from my eyes.
A fit of screams from the other side of the room startled the Malfoys and me. Voldemort shouted as he threw hexes at the already dead goblins. Lucius knelt in the presence of the Dark Wizard before he mustered a question which only further angered Voldemort.
"They took. My. Goblet!" The Dark Lord shouted, answering Lucius's question. "The one from Bellatrix's vault! Potter and his friends are hunting down my Horcrux. Do you know what this means, Lucius?"
"M-My Lord... Please," Lucius stuttered. "It is likely impossible they will find the last few."
Lucius's eyes wandered toward Nagini who slithered into the room and rested by Voldemort's side. The Dark Wizard whispered something to the snake in Parseltongue. I realized then that the snake was one of the last Horcrux, but that still left another according to Lucius.
The Dark Lord sent us away so he could contemplate the situation. Lucius Apparated us back to the manor. We sat in the living area quietly. Narcissa prepared us tea, but Lucius was too nervous to eat or drink. He sat with a blank stare, and I did not plan on bothering him. Draco sat next to his mother; he, too, held a heavy gaze. The gentle pitter-patter of the rain prevented complete silence, but the lack of quiet did not prevent my loneliness. I watched Narcissa comfortingly rub the back of her son, and even Lucius cracked a smile at his family. I sat in a chair alone with a cup of tea in my hand that was becoming chilled. I set the cup on the coffee table before I left the living area. I entered the vast library, a place I felt a little less lonely. I trailed my finger along the spines of many books before I picked one from the shelf. Hogwarts: a History. I sighed as I opened the lengthy book. Oh, joy. I skimmed through the pages before a certain image caught my eye. A beautiful young woman who I knew I had seen before stood in the halls of the castle with a small crown-like jewel in her hair. I flipped to page to see the name Helena Ravenclaw.
"The Grey Lady..." I skimmed the page for more information. The book states she stole her mother's diadem and ran away from Scotland. "Harry's looking for the diadem," I shut the book and placed it back on the shelf. "They will never find it," I mumbled to myself as I paced back and forth in the library. "Surely Luna will know about the diadem," I continued to ramble. "But how will the trio contact the Grey Lady? How will they return to Hogwarts? And that's if they figure out the diadem is the last horcrux--well, that's if it is the last horcrux, but surely it is a lead on something."
I burst into the living area, already out of breathe from the worsening anxiety.
"Iris, what is it?" Narcissa stood from her seat. "What's wrong?"
"The Lost Diadem of Ravenclaw," I blurted. "That's what Harry is looking for. That's the last horcrux, isn't it?" She waited for a further explanation. "I have to help them find it." And cue an angry Lucius...
"You can't possibly be serious!" He shouted. "You are not to go against the Dark Lord again." Lucius persisted.
"You can't possibly expect me to stand around and let my friends struggle!" I argued.
"They are no longer your friends, Iris!" Lucius hissed. "You must not assist them in any way."
"I know you secretly want Harry to find and destroy that diadem," I whispered. "You want this all to end just as badly as I do."