This chapter is dedicated to @Phili2417 for being such a loyal reader and always posting such wonderful comments :) Now, Chapter 17.
I barricaded myself in my room for the rest of the night. Mia and Rachel had both texted me to make sure that I was okay and I assured them that I was, that I just needed some time to myself.
Ben, on the other hand, had knocked on my door only once. My refusal to answer after a few seconds, left him retreating elsewhere into the house, never to try again that night to talk to me. This only fueled my desire to want to make him even angrier by going out with Nathan tomorrow. He barely tried to make amends. Could I have also tried? Yes. But it wasn't me who started throwing rocks in the first place, so it wasn't my job to clean up the mess.
The next morning came faster than I was ready for. All night I had been tossing and turning, thinking about how this lunch date would go. I tried to talk myself out of going multiple times but the stubborn streak in me kept telling the reasonable side to shut the fuck up and deal with it.
So I rolled myself out of the comfort of my bed and began to get ready for lunch with my professor. In no universe should that be a normal statement, boys and girls. But alas, my life never seemed to want to take a spin down normal lane for once.
After washing my face and discovering that I had a small, devil of a pimple show up on today of all days, I cursed the universe once more and applied foundation and a bit more concealer than usual to hide my new found blemish.
Fuck you, stress for making me break out.
Sighing, I walk over to grab my phone to see what time it is only to find that I have an unread text message.
Good morning, Ms. Merrick. We still on for today at noon?
- Nathan
Smirking playfully at his proper use of my name, I decide to play along.
Yes, sir. See you then, professor.
- Alex
I couldn't help but smile at the irony of our professional wording towards our completely unprofessional get together. Throwing my phone on the bed, I walk over to my closet to pick out an outfit for this adventurous day. I didn't want to seem like I was trying too hard and have it come off that I thought this was a date. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea that I'd decided to throw the student code of conduct out the window and wanted to start dating. I honestly didn't know what I wanted right now between us. My heart and my sense of what's right were in a maddening war with each other over everything to do with Nathan.
I ran my hand over the clothes hanging in front of me absentmindedly. The soft material threaded through my fingers as I considered what to wear. I eventually ended up going for casual but sexy all wrapped up into one dress. I chose a deep blue sweetheart neckline, strapless dress with a cinched waist line that went just above my knees and wrapped a thin white belt around the middle. I paired the dress with some casual white lace flip flops and let my chestnut hair fall down in natural waves across my shoulders and down my back.
I put the finishing touches on my light makeup, snatched up my purse and made a B line out of my bedroom, hoping desperately that I didn't have a run in with any of my roommates. And just as luck would have it, I did. And with the one I was aspiring to not come in contact with for weeks.
"Where are you going all dressed up?" Ben's voice rang out inquisitively. As much as it pained me, I refused to look back at his once friendly face. It would only remind me of the piercing words he spoke to me just yesterday; and to be honest, I wasn't quite ready to face him yet.
I continued my walk to the front door without sparing him a glace.
"Out," I grumbled in a monotone voice while throwing the door open and slamming it in his face without a second thought.
While driving to the small cafe near the outskirts of town, I couldn't help but regret how I acted towards Ben this morning. My subconscious kept yelling at me to be the bigger person. My guilt gnawed relentlessly at me until I pulled up into a parking spot near the quaint cafe. I was welcomed by the sights of the the familiar deep green awnings, paired with aged window shutters covering the two largely sized windows looking into the restaurant.
I used to come here often in the beginning of college. The cafe had a cozy, open feeling to it that welcomed me graciously in my darkest times.
I stepped out of my car onto the warm cement side walk. Out of the corner of my eyes, I spotted a woman with far too many grocery bags in her aged hands. She was struggling to make it back to her car in one trip and my heart clenched for her. Running over quickly, I offered my help to her in which she greatly accepted.
"You are too kind, my dear," she spoke in a tired but merry voice, smiling up at me while handing me a few bags.
"It's really no problem." I smiled back and hauled the bags into her car.
"You are so beautiful. Inside and out," her rasped voice said fondly. " Don't ever let anyone take that from you." Determination clear in her delicate voice. My voice slipped away from me for a moment at her tender advice and lovely compliment. She patted my arm affectionately and left without another word. I had to physically shake my self back into reality after that odd but delightful moment. I spun on my heel in the direction of the cafe only to take a surprised step back when I came face to face with the ever-strikingly handsome, Mr. McCoy.
There he stood, tall as ever, dressed in those same dark wash jeans and a light blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, exposing his tan, muscular forearms. His dark brown hair was swept back into perfection, only making my hands twitch in desire to run my fingers through it and mess it up. His eyes gleamed with mirth and...admiration?
"You are truly one of a kind, Ms. Merrick." His compliment sounded so sincere. I had to bow my head to keep him from seeing the blush that had appeared on my cheeks. I pulled my bottom lip in between my teeth and bit down to keep the smile that had risen on my lips from spreading into a full blown grin.
"I would hope so. Being ordinary is so boring," I said through my impending smile, bravely peeking up at him through my eyelashes. He shook his head with a lighthearted look in his eyes.
"And boring, you are not," he said before gesturing to the few tables that sat outside of the cafe. "Care to sit outside and enjoy the weather?"
I nodded my head at him and he waved for me to go ahead of him. I took a few steps before feeling a warm weight, of what I assumed to be his hand, rest slightly on the small of my back. Butterflies erupted in my stomach at his unexpected touch. I cautiously looked around the scene to see if anyone that we could possibly know was watching.
"There's no one around, Alex." His voice whispered huskily next to my ear, making me slightly jump and falter in my steps, bringing us to a halt. His body pressed up against my back and both of his hands locked onto either side of my waist, making sure I didn't fall from the small impact. My breath hitched in my throat and my body came to a stiff standstill. It felt as though time had stopped, waiting in anticipation for what move would be made next and by whom.
His hands tightened on my waist, sending a jolt of foreshadowed pleasure through my body and my head dropped back onto his shoulder on instinct. It still baffled me to this day how any little thing he did or said to me, had the greatest impact of any man I had ever known. Every touch of his was sensual. Every word he spoke in secret was forbidden. And it was all such a turn on.
I turned my head towards his, rising it off of his shoulder. Our eyes connected, never wavering from each others. Our ever lasting challenge of getting as close as we possibly could without actually bringing our lips together had begun. And I intended on keeping that challenge going for as long as I could.
"This is gonna be a long lunch," I moaned more to myself as I pushed my body out of his tight grip and walked to an intimate, two person table near a white rose bush.
His jovial laughter rang out behind me as I took my seat and grabbed a menu that was already placed on the table. This place had some of the best paninis that I had ever had the pleasure of devouring the last time I was here. My stomach twisted in hunger since I skipped breakfast this morning due to nerves for this exact lunch.
Nathan took his seat across from me and picked up his own menu, still flaunting his prideful smile at my statement. Without really thinking about it, I kicked my foot out and jabbed at his shin under the table. Not hard but with enough force to get him to stop smiling that ridiculous smile of his.
"What was that for!?" He asked with a surprised but playful look in his eyes and sound to his voice.
"What was what?" I looked up at him with the most innocent look I could muster. My eyes were wide and my lips formed a small 'o'. I shook my head at him as he rubbed his shin, acting as though I had actually hurt him.
"You've got a hard kick there, minx," he stated, using that nickname that he had somehow conjured up in the first few moments of our knowing each other.
"What's with the nickname? Even the first day we met you called me that." I set down my menu and directed my attention towards him, curiosity bubbling up in my stomach. "Where did that even come from?"
Nathan looked on contemplatively, rubbing his hand across his chin and the long stubble that laid there. He shrugged.
"It just came out of my mouth that day." He looked back up at me. "You were so feisty and relentlessly flirtatious at first." His eyes sparkled with the memory. I, on the other hand, groaned in embarrassment and let my head fall into my hands.
"Then it just sort of stuck. I like it and I'm keeping it. So deal with it, minx." I forced my head up to glare at him and he had the audacity to wink at me. A sexy, mischievous wink that had me squeezing my legs together to relieve some of the tension that had begun to build since this lunch started.
Before I could say anything in retort, our waitress arrived.
"Hi folks! What can I get for you guys to drink today?"
All of the breath was abruptly sucked from my lungs at the sound of her voice. I hadn't heard her voice in over two years. My entire body froze as the panic started to set in. How would she react when she realized that it was me? I literally couldn't breathe. My body was prepping for an attack.
Not here. Not now. Please, not in front of him.
Slowly, meticulously, I lifted my head out of my hands to reveal my face to our waitress. Emily. My absolute best friend in the world in high school. Until it all came crashing down around us, leaving nothing but pain in it's wake.
We locked eyes, and I braced for impact. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nathan, regarding us with confusion and undeniable curiosity. The moment she realized who her new customer exactly was, those all too familiar blue eyes of hers hardened like ice, forming into two deep blue holes of pure hate. Any hope that she had forgiven me was crushed painfully into the back of my heart, where all of her memories were buried.
"Hi, Emily," I said weakly, praying that she wouldn't cause a scene in front of all of these people; in front of Nathan.
"You guys know each other?" Nathan asked cautiously. Never taking her eyes off of me, filled with such disgust, she answered.
"We used to. Until I realized what kind of person she actually was." Such malice and disdain dripped from her words. They stung like a fresh hangnail that's just been exposed to pure alcohol. I tried to divert the conversation anywhere but to where it was inevitably going.
"So, what are you doing up here? Did you move out of Foresthill?"
"Yeah, I kind of had to since no one could look at me the same anymore. Everyone knew our families dirty little secrets," she spit back at me. Guilt tore through my body at everything she went through after the incident.
"But none of it was your fault," I tried to reason, show her with my eyes how deeply I meant what I had just said. Her eyes only tightened, glazing over in raw pain.
"You should be saying that to my dad."
And just like that, all of the tedious, emotionally draining therapy sessions that I had gone through became practically non-existent. Every agonizing memory came flooding back into my mind, playing before me like a horror movie on repeat. Suddenly, I was back in that house, that room, with him.
My breathing was shallow, barely tangible. My eyes had begun to swell up with guilt ridden tears. Emily had been witness to several of my breakdowns before, she knew what was happening. She knew and she didn't care.
She came closer to me, bending down so that her face was inches away from mine. I kept my glazed over eyes cast downward at the table, staring at the menu even though I couldn't make out any words due to my hazy vision.
"I hope he breaks your heart," she spoke in a hushed, ruthless tone. She looked at Nathan for a split second, just to let me know who exactly she was talking about before returning her bitter stare back to me. "I hope he rips your heart into a million, tiny little pieces and leaves you broken. So broken that you can't even function for days, weeks. Then, you may understand a fraction of what you put my family through."
She disappeared from my vision, standing to her full height.
"Just a friendly tip. Don't take her to meet your family. She has a tendency to ruin those." Emily directed the mocking advice towards Nathan.
"All right, that's enough!" Nathan shouted in a jarred whisper, still trying not to attract an audience, but I simply couldn't hold it in any longer.
I bolted out of my chair and took off down the street. Tears were blurring my vision but I didn't stop. Couldn't stop. Everything was just too much. Images of his face flashed in my mind, causing my breathing to falter with every image. Those eyes. His deceiving hazel eyes that haunted me everywhere I went; even in my sleep.
I ran as fast as my feet would take me, slamming against the pavement in desperate steps. My lungs began to tighten, constricting my air flow. More tears slide down my face relentlessly. My body was out of my own control, trembling, and rushing with unfiltered, raw emotions that had my skin crawling.
I kept running for what seemed like days, but it was only a matter of seconds before I felt a hand grasp my arm and spin me around. A male hand. His hand. I thrashed my body around in his clutch, the fear of being caught again engulfing my mind.
"Please let me go! Greg, please!" I begged as more tears rolled down my flushed face. Two hot hands grabbed firmly at my arms, holding me in place so I couldn't thrash anymore. I still tried.
"Alex! Alex, it's me! It's Nathan," A voice called out with desperation. A familiar voice. A soothing voice. I stilled for just a moment. Those two hands on my arms used my temporary lapse in angst to latch onto my face fiercely and bring it straight forward, staring directly at the person who had me in their hold.
Nathans helplessly concerned face came into my vision. His deep blue eyes were swarming with worry and his eyebrows creased downward. My breath caught in my throat as I took in his familiar face; soaked up his welcoming touch.
"It's me, Alex. You're safe." His lips spoke and that was all I needed to hear. I released all of my pride and let myself fall into him. His arms curled tightly around my form, locking my body up against his warm one as I begged my tears to stop flowing.
I was safe.
"Listen to my heartbeat. Breath with it," he calmly instructed.
With all of my strength, I tried to calm down my hyperventilating. I opened up my mind to nothing but the sounds coming from Nathan. His breath was coming out in long, even spurts. It tickled the hairs on the top of my head. Then his heartbeat. When he first told me to listen, his heart beat was erratic; almost copying mine. But now, it flowed seamlessly, in perfect sync and rhythm. Like the perfect serenade to my unhinged mind.
We stayed like that for some time. He had started drawing his fingers up and down the fabric of my dress, soothing me and making me feel far more comfortable and loved than I should in the arms of my professor. Eventually, my tears had ceased, my breathing died down and I was simply exhausted.
Having a panic attack sure does take a lot out of you.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, breaking the silence that I was relishing in.
I pushed my hands up against his chest to put some necessary space in between us. Without looking at him, I turned around and started wiping the mascara that had leaked down from my eyes, trying to salvage any last bit of beauty that had been washed away by this miserable turn of events.
"Do I have a choice?" I muttered with my back still to him. I turned to my left and noticed the window of the store next to me gave off a fine reflection. I inspected the rest of the damage to my face in the window as he responded.
"You always have a choice, Alex." He paused for a beat too long. Noticing his silence, I gave myself one last look over in the window, fluffed up my hair and turned to look at him. Once our eyes met, I saw something I never wanted to see again for as long as I live embedded in his eyes.
Pity.
"Please don't," I grumbled, suddenly extremely annoyed with his presence.
"Don't what?"
"Pity me. I don't need, nor do I want your pity." I turned on my heel and kept walking in the direction I was running in, no longer up for any type of lunch date with him.
"I don't pity you, Alex." He ran up besides me and grabbed my hand. I yanked it out of his and hastily looked around for any bystanders. There were none. Nathan sighed heavily but didn't try and grab for me again.
"I just have one question and then we can let it go, okay?" My hazelnut eyes met his sapphire ones. He silently tried to coerce me with his eyes, pleading and curious but with an overwhelming overtone of concern. After moments of silent war, I buckled.
"Fine. One question."
He slowly nodded his head before asking the one question I was praying so desperately that he wouldn't.
"Who's Greg?"
Dun,Dun,DUN! A little insight into Alex's past! Who is Greg?? What do you guys think!? Please comment your feedback! Your opinions are always appreciated and wanted! Vote if your enjoyed it please! :) Until next time, lovelies!