12. IN THE BATHROOM
LATER THAT N I G H T
Despite having added more people to his security detail, Aiden didn't want to bring any unwanted attention upon himself by having more bodyguards with him than necessary, so he opted to only bring Julian along with him for tonight's festivities.
During the long and awkward drive to the Worldstar Event, Julian wondered if Aiden was a masochist. He wondered if the playboy enjoyed suffering, emotionally, because he carried certain tendencies that were beyond questionable.
The two were obviously going through a rough patch, and Aiden has made it more than clear that he wants his space from Julian, so it makes no sense to the latter for why Aiden has forced him to come to the event with him when Aiden could have easily picked another guard to be his chaperone for the evening.
The last place that Julian wanted to be right now was stuck on a limo ride with a stubborn man that he desperately wanted but couldn't have.
"I talked to Kyle earlier. He told me that you've been keeping him and Thomas updated on the Clarissa situation. You even went as far in telling them that I hired two more guards for the house, and a private investigator," Aiden spoke in a low tone, his green eyes glued to the floor of the limousine. "When were you going to tell me that you've been going behind my back to report everything to them?"
Julian, not up for an argument, sighed in annoyance.
"I don't know if you've forgotten this, but Thomas is the one that hired me to look after you. He's the one who pays me, so if you want to get technical, he's my boss. When it's time to turn in my report, he's who gets it. As for Kyle, he's your brother, and I thought that—"
"You thought wrong!" Aiden shouted. His anger more so directed at his brother and not Julian. "I get that you have to tell Thomas everything, but from here on out, I don't want Kyle knowing shit about what's going on with me. If he wants to get into my business so fucking badly, he can ask Thomas for the scoop. I don't want you talking to him anymore. Got it?"
Julian nodded, holding back a serious eye roll. "Is there anything else that you'd like me to keep my mouth shut about? Because I'm all ears. You have my undivided attention."
Julian knew that Aiden was only lashing out at him like this because he was still flustered and on edge about the enticing kiss(es) that they exchanged about a week ago. Julian understood but he could only give his boss the benefit of the doubt for so long because his patience was on the verge of running out. He didn't care who the fuck Aiden Grayson was; Julian refused to be anyone's verbal punching bag.
"There's no need for you to be a smartass." Aiden rolled his eyes, unamused by Julian's sarcastic tone.
"It's not like I'm intentionally trying to be one," Julian mumbled. "Look, I can only imagine what you must be going through right now, and while I've been trying to give you space to get your head right, I'd greatly appreciate it if you didn't take all your frustrations out on me when I'm only trying to do my job. After all, you're the one who kissed me. I didn't start anything—"
"Don't say another word," Aiden whispered, his hands balling into fists as his body tremored thanks to the memories of that night having rushed back to him all at once. "I know what I did, okay? I replay that night over and over in my head. It's not like I want to relive it, but..." Aiden shook his head as if that was going to clear his mind. It didn't. "Fuck. I can't talk about this right now. What's done is done and I don't want to hear anything else about it."
Before Julian could say another word, the limo finally came to a stop.
Aiden flew out of the car with a quickness. Julian, slightly taken aback by Aiden's half-assed confession that their kiss was still something that he thought about, hastily followed after him.
The two walked the red carpet while cameras snapped various pictures of them. Aiden had on his best poker face and even stopped long enough to smile and wave for the audience.
"Mr. Grayson, over here!"
"You look stunning, Mr. Grayson! Who are you wearing tonight?"
"Mr. Grayson, are you single?"
"Do you have any comments about Little Town's article, Mr. Grayson?"
Aiden continued down the red carpet, part of him wondering how people might react if Julian had been his date for the evening. He wondered what everyone's reaction would be if they had gotten out of the limo together and walked the carpet hand in hand. Like a couple.
What the fuck am I thinking? I can't have that. I can't have him. Aiden cursed under his breath once he got inside the building, hurriedly dismissing the thought as he made a beeline for the bar.
Julian wasn't too far behind when he got ready to open his mouth to tell Aiden that he should take it easy, being that he's already partially wasted, but after thinking about it for a second, he decided to keep quiet out of fear of starting up another pointless argument. Like Aiden, Julian also didn't want to bring any unwanted attention to the two of them.
He just really, really wished that Aiden hadn't made him tag along with him this evening. Julian would much rather be at home flirting with the cute blonde that Aiden hired for the extra security, Clayton Benton. Julian wasn't at all serious about the new guy, but he did welcome Clayton as an easy distraction while he tried to sort out the problematic feelings that he held for Aiden.
"If you're going to babysit me, I suggest you do it from the other end of the bar," Aiden said before Julian could take the seat next to him. Julian sighed, quickly moving to the opposite end of the bar. "Pour me something strong, beautiful." Aiden smiled at the bartender. "Give me something that'll put some hair on my chest."
"Are you saying that you currently don't have any hair on your chest?" The pretty bartender teased, smiling back.
"If you'd like, I can show you exactly what's underneath this suit and tie, baby," Aiden replied to the brunette, boldly checking her out. "What do you say to that, gorgeous?"
"I'd say that my name is Lacey and I'm not that easy." The bartender poured Aiden a drink, pretending to not be interested in him. "You'll have to try harder than that if you want to get with me, pretty boy."
"Challenge accepted." Aiden winked at the girl, and out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Julian had also already made a new friend tonight. Another man. Someone that he seemed to be in deep conversation with. Aiden took a small swig from his glass and then discreetly began to pay closer attention after Lacey walked over to serve Julian and his new friend.
. . . .
. . . . . . . .
Several Minutes Later
"The two of them are just so damn cute," Lacey said. "How much do you want to bet that the one you came with will be the one to make the first move? Ooh, look! They're already touching each other. It's obvious to see what this is going to lead up to – sex."
Aiden's head whipped around to see Julian's hand resting on the other man's knee. They were both smiling and laughing, carrying on like they were the best of friends. The sight pissed Aiden off for reasons he still didn't want to admit were true.
"Pour me another one. Something stronger."
Aiden wanted to leave but he couldn't move. He felt frustrated, irritated, and dejected. How long did Kyle expect him to stay? He walked the red carpet and took pictures for the media, he smiled for the cameras even when he didn't feel like it; he's come out and shown his face, made his presence known, so surely all of that had to have been enough for him to mark complete his assignment of keeping up appearances.
Lacey reluctantly refilled his glass. "You got it, pretty boy."
"My name is Aiden. Drop that pretty boy shit, will you? I'm not in the mood for it anymore."
Aiden ran his hands over his face, aggravated, when Julian and his new friend's laughter grew louder and louder. How could he be so happy while Aiden felt so damn miserable? Aiden was so confused. Was Julian purposely trying to get under his skin? If so, why? And if that wasn't the case, could Aiden simply be reading too much into things?
Shit, he didn't fucking know. He could barely tell up from down right now.
"Calm down and take the stick out of your ass, darling. Chill a bit," Lacey said, her tone less playful. "There's no need to cop an attitude. What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"
"Nothing, I'm fine." Aiden lied, chugging his drink. "Pour me another one."
"Are you sure?" Lacey questioned, eyeing the drunk with cautious eyes. "Because you look like you're about ready to fall over—"
"Don't question me! Just do your job and pour me another fucking drink like I've asked," Aiden shouted at the poor girl which then caused everyone that had been standing close enough to stop and stare in his direction. Aiden felt their judgmental eyes on him, but he didn't care.
Oh, shit. Here we go again. Julian excused himself from the conversation that he and his acquaintance were having before he made his way over to Aiden, now whispering frantically in his ear, "You're causing a scene. Let's go outside and get some fresh air before you further humiliate yourself."
"No! Don't put your filthy hands on me! I'm not going anywhere with you." Aiden shoved Julian back. "Go back to pretending like I'm not sitting right the fuck here. Please don't let me keep you from that... that... Vin Diesel wannabe. God knows I'd hate to be a cockblock."
Vin Diesel...? Cockblock? What the hell is he talking about... And then it hit him. The wheels in Julian's head started to turn at a fast rate, and he blushed when he finally figured it all out. "Oh my God. Are you jealous?"
"Fuck off, Julian." Aiden stumbled as he got up from his seat and started to walk away from the bar. He was headed in the wrong direction towards a door that wasn't the exit.
Julian had no choice but to follow. He eventually grabbed hold of Aiden's arm once he spotted the men's bathroom and quickly dragged Aiden inside. They were lucky enough to find the bathroom empty.
"I said don't touch me!" Aiden fussed, trying to tear himself from Julian's grasp.
"Stop fucking yelling!" Julian kept his voice low but spoke sternly. " Have you lost your damn mind? Have you forgotten where you are right now? You've been here for less than an hour and you're already acting like—"
"Yeah, say it! Go on and tell me how much of a fuck-up I am. Tell me how I screw up everything and can do nothing right. Or, better yet, how about you try to tell me something that I don't already fucking know, Julian!"
Aiden sunk to the floor and began to cradle his throbbing head in his hands, just like how he did in his shower after he woke up to find his body wrapped tightly around Julian's.
"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Aiden asked, brokenly. "What have you done to me, Jules?"
Julian sighed, slowly growing empathetic. With caution, he kneeled to Aiden's level and placed a hand on his shoulder, looking him straight in his sad green eyes. "I can try my best to help you get through this, help you sort your feelings out and whatnot, but you have to stop shutting me out. You have to stop fighting with me and let me in." You have to trust me...
"But I'm... I'm n-not like you. I can't be like you. I'm not... God, I can't even say the fucking word out loud," Aiden exhaled, his chest feeling tight, heart racing. Julian couldn't tell if he was crying, having a panic attack, or both with the way that Aiden's body began to shake. "I-I like women. I've always loved being with women. But then you came and... our kiss made me feel..." like I finally found what I've been missing in my life...
Aiden's words are lost on his tongue. His headache gets worse as the minutes pass, and even though he was currently sitting down, everything around him was beginning to spin. It made him feel dizzy and nauseous. His skin had started to look pale and it was raising immediate concern for Julian.
"I know what you're feeling, Grayson. I know because I've been there, and I'm here to tell you that it's okay for you to feel how you feel. There's nothing wrong about it, absolutely nothing." Julian brushed the playboy's hair away from his forehead, trying to get a feel for his temperature. "What you need to do now is calm down and think about this shit later when your head is clear and you're not under the influence. I promise you'll feel a hell of a lot better when you're not drunk." Julian helped Aiden up from the floor, holding him close. "What do you say we head out of here and call it a night?"
"Yeah. I don't... feel so well." Aiden's words were slurring, and his eyes were starting to close as he leaned against Julian to keep from falling. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for..."
Aiden's knees suddenly give out, Julian barely catching him before he falls onto the hard ground, and then his body begins to shake. Viciously. Julian watched in horror as Aiden's eyes rolled to the back of his head, nothing but the whites showing, while he proceeded to have a seizure on the bathroom floor.
"Shit!" Julian exclaimed in a panic while trying to pull his cell phone from his pocket. "You'd better not fucking die on me. Not here. Not like this."
Aiden couldn't hear his bodyguard talking because his mind was in another place; one where he didn't feel stressed, under pressure, or in denial.
Instead, he was in a place where he could be himself. His true self.
A place where he could, simply put, be free.
. . . .