Trapped
Haplos sa aking pisngi ang nagpagising sa diwa ko. Pero hindi ko iminulat ang aking mata, bagkus pinakiramdam ko lamang ang banayad at magagaang haplos na iyon.
His fingers ran across my cheek down to my chin, and slowly, carefully caressing my lower lip. I shivered.
Lumundo ang kama and I stiffened when I felt his warm lips on mine. Sandali lamang iyon. Parang halik lamang sa hangin ngunit malakas ang naging epekto ng damping iyon sa katawan ko at higit na sa puso ko.
I flickered my eyes open and was surprised to see how dark the room is. Tanging ilaw mula sa lamp shade ang nagsisilbing tanglaw sa buong silid. Agad akong napalikwas at naupo sa kama. Hinila ko ang kumot hanggang sa dibdib ko.
"Hey..." Hinawakan ni Jack ang palad ko at bahagyang pinisil. I saw the smile on his lips when he looked at me.
"My sleeping beauty has finally awakened by my kiss." He whispered huskily.
"Anong oras na?" Ang tanging nasabi ko. I ignored his words.
"Around nine o'clock, love. Nakatulog ka at may mga tuyong luha sa iyong mata." His eyes concerned.
Hindi ako nakaimik at nagbaba lang ng tingin. Tinitigan ko ang palad niyang niyang nakadaop sa akin. Kumudlit sa diwa ko ang tagpo kaninang hapon at naramdaman ko na naman ang sakit mula roon.
Hinawi ko ang palad niya gamit ang isa ko pang kamay. Nakita ko ang pagkagulat niya sa ginawa ko. Niyakap ko ang aking mga tuhod at binaling ang tingin sa kabilang direksyon.
"Gusto ko nang umuwi. May trabaho pa ako bukas."
He chuckled. "Tomorrow is Saturday, love. Don't tell me you work on weekends?"
Damn it. I don't want to be stuck with him in this place. I need to find a way out.
"Yes. May kailangan pa akong asikasuhin sa opisina. Hindi ko kasi nagawa kahapon lahat. And magkikita kami ng pinsan ko bukas ng gabi."
He nodded at me. "No problem. Pero dito ka pa rin uuwi." He stood up.
Nalaglag ang panga ko. What did he just say?
"And why is that? The last time I checked, hindi ako dito nakatira, Jack."
"Gabriel informed me na nakapag-usap na kayo tungkol sa bagay na ito, Julianne. I thought you agreed to this."
Umiling ako sa kanya. "I didn't agree, and I don't think I will. I don't see any point why I should stay here when I have Gab's condo. There's no logic in here."
He ran his fingers through his hair at umupo ulit patalikod sa akin. "Ako man ay hindi makuha ang gustong iparating ni Gabriel, Julianne. Pero ayokong tanggihan ang paki-usap niya. I made a promise to him na lahat ng paki-usap niya ay susundin ko. I don't want him to get upset. That's the last thing I want him to feel." His jaw clenched like he's trying to hold his emotions.
"Kakausapin ko siya ulit. And I'll stand by my decision. I don't want to stay here. I don't want to live here."
He cocked his head sideway. Kumislap ang diamond stud earing niya sa kanang tainga and I was dazzled by it. The side view of his face is a fine sight to behold. His prominent nose is just perfect.
"Do you love my brother, Julianne?"
My mouth dropped open. I didn't see that question coming.
I swallowed hard as if there's a lump behind my throat. "Must you have to ask that, Jack?"
Lalo akong napayakap sa aking tuhod at ang aking baba ay tinukod doon. My eyes on the linen of the bed. I can't meet his gazes. They will hypnotize me.
"My question is simple, Julianne."
"Of course, I do. I love him. Bakit kailangan mo pang itanong yan? Nagdududa ka ba sa nararamdaman ko sa kanya?"
He smirked at me. "When I'm near with you, I sometimes think that you tend to forget that my brother still exists. That all you ever think of is just me and you."
Nanliit ang mata ko sa kanya. "You are so full of yourself, Jack. Mahal ko ang kapatid mo."
"If you really love my brother, then don't make him upset. Sundin mo ang lahat na makakapagpasaya sa kanya because that's exactly what I'm doing right now for him."
"Is this blackmail? It's sounds one to me!"
"Julianne." He moved closer to me. Ang isa niyang kamay ay nakatukod sa kama while he's leaning forward to me.
"Pansamantala lang naman hanggang sa makabalik siya mula America. Ibigay mo na ito sa kanya. Don't complicate the situation, love."
"Bakit Jack, do you think my stay here won't complicate the situation we are facing right now?"
"Why love, do I still affect you that much?" Malalim ang kanyang titig sa akin. His eyes lingered and roamed around my face. I stopped breathing when he gazed on my lips. Natutunaw ako sa kanyang mga titig. And I couldn't help but to stare back at his luscious lips.
"Nag-usap na tayo, Jack. O sige, aaminin kong naapektuhan ako sa presensya mo. Sa tingin mo makakatulong sa ating dalawa ang manatili sa iisang bubong para mag-iwasan? I don't think it will work. Things will just get worse."
"Like what, love? What kind of worse?" He moved an inch closer to me. And my body started to tremble again. He's the only one who can affect me this much.
Naramdaman ko na ang kanyang hininga sa aking mukha. Halos isang dangkal na lamang ang lapit ng mukha niya sa akin. Our noses almost touched.
I saw his Adam's apple moved from swallowing. His eyes never left my lips. I bit my lip as hung my head low. This is crazy.
Inangat niya ulit ang baba ko gamit ang hintuturo. Palapit ng palapit ang kanyang mukha sa akin.
I closed my eyes waiting for the inevitable. Pero sumaksak sa gunita ko ang tagpong nasaksihan ko kaninang hapon sa kwarto niya. Umiwas ako kaya ang labi niya ay tumama sa aking pisngi.
I pushed him. "I don't want to be kissed by someone who just kissed another girl's lips."
He sighed deeply. "Don't take that against me, Julianne. We are not children anymore. Wala kaming relasyon na espesyal. Kung may namamagitan man sa amin ay hanggang kama lang." He answered blatantly.
May kung anong galit ang umusbong sa dibdib ko. "Fuck buddies, is that the right term? Then why are you here with me? I don't fuck, sorry to burst your bubble Jack. I'm not the woman you think I am. I don't know what games you are playing, Jack. Kung ang laro mo ay ang mahulog ako sa iyong patibong, you are almost there. If you are seducing me, then yes, you are succeeding in that part. But please, stop it. I'm not the best player you could get for your games. Spare me. I deserve better than this. Don't treat me like a bitch." Nag-iinit ang sulok ng aking mata. Kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ito dahil nagpatangay ako sa nararamdaman kong atraksyon sa kanya.
"No, no, Julianne. Don't think that way." Hinawakan nito ang magkabilang pisngi ko at pilit na pinapaharap sa kanya. "Hindi ka masamang babae. Napatunayan ko na yan ng ilang beses. I just can't stop thinking about you, love. You occupied my mind most of the time. I need someone else to forget you, to say the least. And I know it's wrong. But tell me, how am I supposed to forget you? I'm aware of the fact that I don't own you. You belong to my brother. And that's a reality I hate to accept." There's pain in his voice and his eyes mirrored sheer agony.
"Kung ganun ay mag-iwasan na tayo, Jack. I don't own you too. We don't belong to each other. At hindi solution ang manatili ako sa mansyon mo. We should steer clear with each other. It's for the best, remember?" Nabasag ang boses ko. Bakit ang hirap nito?
Tumango ito sa akin. "" know. Pero hindi natin pwedeng balewalain ang kagustuhan ng kapatid ko, Julianne. He wants you to stay with me. Subukan lang natin kahit isang linggo. Kung hindi talaga kaya, then bumalik ka sa condo. Just give this a shot, love. It won't do any harm."
"We both know it will, Jack."
He sighed again. "One week, Julianne. Hindi naman tayo magkikita palagi. You have work, I have mine. Sa gabi ay bihira lang din ako dito sa bahay. I'm sure our path won't cross each other more often. Pagbigyan na natin si Gabriel, Julianne. This will make him happy."
"Isa pa yang si Gabriel. Hindi ko rin maintindihan ang pinupunto niya. Wala ba siyang tiwala sa akin? I told him kaya kong mag-isa habang wala siya. Bakit hindi niya iyon maintindihan!"
"Hindi ko rin alam, Julianne. Ang alam ko lang ay hindi ko bibiguin si Gabriel sa mga kagustuhan niya."
Tinignan ko siya gamit ang nakikiusap na mata. "He loves me, Jack. At siya ang unang taong masasaktan pag nalaman niyang may atraksyong namamayani sa ating dalawa. Kaya kailangan nating mag-iwasan."
"Alam ko. Gagawin ko ang lahat para maiwasan ka habang nananatili ka sa mansyon. I'll make this easy for you. You have my word."
I nodded. "Sana sa pag-iwas mo, makakalimutan mo na rin kung ano man ang mayroon ka para sa akin. We should put an end to this craziness, Jack. I'd rather choose to hurt myself than to hurt Gabriel."
He blinked and look down on the floor. "You mean, hurt each other than to hurt him."
"Kung ano man ang nararamdaman natin para sa isa't isa, mababaw lang ito. Malayo ito sa pag-ibig, Jack."
Ang mata niyang nangungusap kanina ay napalitan ng pagkabigo. Tumayo ito mula sa pagkakaupo at tumalikod sa akin. "Mababaw nga lang ba, Julianne? Maybe. Mababaw lang siguro ang hindi ka mawaglit sa isipan ko. Mababaw lang siguro na nasasaktan ako sa tuwing nagkukwento si Gabriel tungkol sa inyong dalawa. Mababaw lang siguro na dinasal ko pa sa Diyos na sana paggising ko hindi na kita maalala."
My eyes watered again and my heart bleeds by his words. Nanginig ang labi ko at buo kong pagkatao sa deklarasyon niya. Tumingala ito at menasahe ang batok.
"Mababaw lang din siguro ang nararamdaman mo para sa akin Julianne. Kaya siguro nakatulugan mo na ang pag-iyak at sa pagtulog mo ay humihikbi ka pa. I've been watching you while you sleep, love. And it breaks my heart knowing that I hurt you even though our relationship hasn't started yet. It's painful knowing that we feel something special for each other, yet we can't be together. How cruel, right? Life is so unfair, but then again life has never been fair."
"Ja—Jack." My voice faltered. I don't know what to say. I can't fathom a word.
Humarap siya sa akin at malungkot na ngumiti. "Kung nagkataong hindi si Gabriel ang kapatid ko Julianne, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na agawin ka sa kanya. I'll give my all just to have you in my arms, love. Itataya ko ang lahat maging akin ka lang. But with Gabriel, I can't. You're right. Mas pipiliin ko pang saktan ang sarili ko kesa masaktan ang kapatid ko. Pero ang tanong, hanggang kailan ko kakayanin ang sakit? Hanggang kailan ko sasaktan ang sarili ko? Will the pain ever go? I don't know. All I know is that the moment I realize who you are, I'm starting to feel the pain that I never wish to feel. I'm suffering, love. You just don't know how much. I'm paying the prize, big time. I guess this is what I get from falling in love with a girl that belongs to my brother."
Falling in love with a girl........
Humikbi ako ng tuluyan. Ang anyo niyang nasasaktan ngayon ay sobrang masakit sa akin. His eyes sparkled from unshed tears. He loves me....
He's in love with me......
He's in love with me!
Tinanggal ko ang kumot sa aking katawan at hinagis sa kung saan. Mabilis na tumakbo ako papunta sa kanyang direksyon. Bakas sa kanyang mukha ang pagtataka at gulat but I don't care. Gusto ko siyang yakapin. Gusto ko siyang maramdaman.
Naglahad siya ng kanyang braso sa akin at hindi ako nagdalawang isip na pumaloob doon. Ginapos niya ako sa kanyang katawan at mahigpit na niyakap. His hug tightened and I wrapped my arms around him even tighter.
God, why am I feeling like this? Why do I feel like I'm in the safest place on earth for the first time?
Ilang beses niyang hinahalikan ang noo at ulo ko. At hinayaan niya lang akong humagulhol sa kanyang dibdib.
"Oh Lord, I miss you so much my love Julianne." He breathed.
"We are praying the prize, Jack. We are praying the prize." I whispered against his chest.
"We are trapped, love. And I don't know if there's any way out. The three of us are trapped in this thing called love." He kissed my forehead again.
Tumango-tango lamang ako habang yakap-yakap niya.
I am sure now.
I'm in love with this man. I'm in love with Jack. I don't know how it happened. Forgive me Lord. Forgive me Gab, but yes, I'm trapped as well.