With a spoon, I scooped the bibimbap and ate it.
I nodded my head, emphasizing that I like Taehyung's cooking. "It's delicious," I said.
He let out a shy, slow giggle. "You lie"
"No, I'm serious," I said, and then I held out the spoon to feed him.
He leaned forward and took it in.
"I told you. It's delicious," I said.
"It's just fine, baby," he said.
"To me, it's delicious," I said, shuddering my shoulders, and I continued eating.
He curled up with a smile at my insistence. Then, his facial expression turned serious when he remembered about the honeymoon plan.
"Oh, babe, about our honeymoon. Do you want to do it?" asks him.
I stopped eating and steeped. Then, I looked at him. "The winter isn't over yet. I think it's not a good time yet. And I feel like staying home until I give birth to our second son."
Taehyung was quiet for a brief moment, and he nodded, agreeing. "Yeah, it's hard to travel now. Let's do it next time," he said.
"Honey, when can we take Jihoon back here? I feel a bit missing my little boy," said.
"Next week"
"Oh, it's still long," said I.
Taehyung noticed she looked upset.
"Do you really miss him?" asked him.
"Yeah. But it's okay. Your mother must be wanting to spend more time with Jihoon. So, it's okay," said me.
Taehyung switched the brightness of the light to dim. Then he went to bed with me.
"Honey, I love you," I said, staring into his eyes.
"Me too, babe. I love you.".
"Thank you for today. I really love it," I said.
"You're welcome, babe," he said, and he leaned forward to peck my lips.
Then he looked at me. "Go to sleep now; it's already late," he said.
"Yeah," I said and nodded.
I adjusted my sleeping position to be more comfortable. Then, I closed my eyes.
"Wait, babe"
I opened my eyes again.
"I forgot to tell you that I want to go somewhere else tomorrow morning," he said.
"Where?"
"One of my houses. I have to check on it. I left it for quite a long time."
I smiled in excitement. "Can I follow you?"
He didn't say anything and just looked at me.
I held his arm. "Um? Honey? Can I?".
He stared at me for a while before answering me. "It's my house on the hill. The one that I used to lock you up," said him.
My eyes flickered, and my lips instantly flattened. I was speechless. A strange silence ran between us, and we stared at each other.
"Go to sleep," he said, breaking the silence.
I turned my back to him, and he pulled up the blanket for me.
It's still giving me a chill. I don't know why that place was still giving me a chill. Just hearing of it, it's giving me a chill.
Then, I felt Taehyung's body heat, hugging me from behind. His face is on my back.
It was so warm. I put my hand on his.
That's right. He's warm to me now. Those were all just the past. I was overreacting.
But I just thought he should sell that house. I didn't like that place. And I didn't like that he's keeping it either.
I opened my eyes, and I was startled right away. A brief, high-pitched scream escaped my mouth, and I turned away.
I saw a black figure watching me.
Curious, I turned my head slowly to see what it actually was.
"Gosh, Taehyung," I patted my chest in relief and sighed out.
So, it was actually Taehyung who was staring at me right in front of my face.
"Honey, what are you doing?" I asked him.
He didn't say anything, and I adjusted my position to face him.
"Why? You can't sleep."
"Um," he said.
I tried to study his face, but it's too dark to see his facial expression. But right now, it's like he's quiet.
"What's wrong?"
He shifted his eyes to my chest. "Babe, can I play with your boobs?" asked him.
"God, seriously???" asked me, and I laughed.
He didn't laugh. It made me laugh harder. He really said that with a straight face.
"Babe"
I flipped my hair away from my chest. "Yeah"
He put his hand on my left boob, and he started cupping and groping.
Then, his other hand came to my right boob.
His excitement lit up, and he pulled the shoulder strip of my dress down to my waist, revealing my boobs.
He stared at my boobs for a while.
I didn't know how to react to this. Wasn't this going to lead to sex? Sexual intercourse?
I thought he didn't want to do it.
He buried his face in my boobs and began kissing my cleavage.
His lips traveled down to my left nipple, and he sucked it.
I gasped, and I closed my eyes.
His other hand groped my right boob, and then he circled my nipple with his thumb before he pinched it.
I whimpered. I was trying to avoid getting turned on because he might stop in the middle and leave me in sexual frustration.
After a while, he lifted his head up, looking at me.
I could still feel his face over my boobs, but he stopped.
I opened my eyes and looked down at my chest. Our eyes met right away.
"Ever wonder why I love your boobs so much?"
I wheezed. "How is it a question? Because you're horny. That's just obvious."
He smirked. "That's right. You keep calling me, babe. You're calling me," he said, and then he pulled the blanket completely off my body.
I frowned. "What are you doing?"
He didn't say anything and lifted up my dress, revealing my underwear.
My eyes widened, and I held his hand. "Taehyung. Do you really want to do that?"
"That what? Do you mean fucking?" asked him.
"Yeah"
"Pregnant women can fuck. And you're just in the early second trimester. It's nonsense for me to wait another six-seven months," he said.
"But last time, you said you didn't dare. And you want to consult with the doctor first too.".
"I changed my mind, I can't hold myself" he said, and then he removed my underwear.
I frowned. He really changes his mind fast. But he was always like that anyway. "Taehyung, be gentle."
He nodded.
***
Taehyung stopped his car right in front of the main gate of his house on the hill.
He got off and glanced up at the house.
After a while, he went to the gate and unlocked it.
The gate made a creaking sound as it was quite rusty.
Then he went back into his car and drove inside.
Taehyung opened the door, and then he turned on the lights.
As soon as he opened the door, he saw the sofa first. He couldn't help but see that Y/N was there.
Because every time he went back home, she was always sitting there.
He ignored it and walked towards the sofa, then sat.
He turned his head around, and every place had memories.
Good and bad. Maybe all bad for her, but some are good for him.
He accidentally ran his hand at his side and had his finger stuck in the hole in the fabric.
He turned his head and saw the mark of a stab through the sofa.
Sure, it wasn't just the memories when Y/N was here.
Six years ago
Night after Y/N ran away
Taehyung barged the door open in anger.
His body was shaking in rage, which took over him from his toes to his head.
That bitch was lying to him and running away!
She's even running away with his child!
As rage had possessed him, he threw the TV broke on the floor. Not enough, he threw the whole thing down to ceramic tile, and it split into two.
After that, he scowled. His heart was black with rage, and his eyes flashed fire. "Bitch! Fuck, you bitch!!!"
He picked up the end of the table and then threw it down onto the floor. The glass shattered and spilled all over.
Sweat started dripping down from his temple, and his chest moved up and down.
Reality started hitting him. No matter what he broke now, she's not going to come back.
"Y/n." Her name lingered on his lips.
He shook his head; she would come back. There's no way she could live without him. She needed him, right?
Especially since they would have the baby together. The baby needed a father. So, she needed him.
He leaned against the wall, and then he slid down his back. He sat on the floor.
She would come back. He just needed to wait.
Maybe two-three days more, she would be back.
___
Taehyung opened his eyes.
He groaned; back pain killed his nerves to the core.
He was falling asleep while sitting in the living room.
He stretched out his leg, and suddenly he felt a sharp piece stabbed into his flesh.
He groaned in pain.
After that, he brought his foot into his sight.
He saw a glass piece stabbed into his flesh.
He sighed. He needed to remove it, and it would cost him more pain.
He held the glass piece, closed his eyes, and pulled it out.
"Fuck!" he cursed out of pain.
He studied that bloody piece and threw it away.
After that, he got up to clean himself and dressed his wound.
He needed to clean up this mess. Y/N would come back.
That bitch would be suffering more outside, and she would come back to him.
She would.
It took time just because she needed to plan.
Taehyung stared at the view in front of him. But that view wasn't his concern. He was thinking about Y/N. He was curious what she's doing now.
He scoffed at the thought. Was she ever thinking if her life could go back like before when she ran away from him? "You wish," he scoffed out of laughter.
They all depended on him. How stupid was she that she chose that?
There's a thought in his head that she would try to find a way to come back to him.
His phone rang. He took it out and looked at the cracked screen. It was a phone that he recently endorsed, and he didn't know how much he would get scolded by Namjoon if he saw it. This was all because of Y/N!
He saw that the ID caller was Saeho. "A stupid motherfucker."
He took the call and pressed the phone against his ear. "What?" asked him coldly, as he was really annoyed with him. Because of his small dick too, he lost y/n! How coward! I just threatened her with something; she would not dare to scream.
"Taehyung-ah, I don't mean to talk bad about your friend."
"Which friend?"
"I mean your female friend last night. I didn't even ask her name."
It was y/n. "What's up with her?"
"Actually, I really remember that I put the watch in my car. But then it went missing."
"So what?" asked Taehyung.
"So the only person that got into my car was your friend before it went missing. And you know what I mean."
Taehyung frowned. So that bitch stole a fucking watch? It was like she already planned to run away from him! Rage took over his body. She really fooled him by using the baby as an excuse. And he fell for it!
"I think she stole it. Taehyung-ah, it's a 10 000 000 won watch.
"How do you know if she stole it? She isn't that kind of person. How are you so sure that you put your watch there? You're just senile," said Taehyung, who hung up the call.
To him, Saeho deserved that. He should pay for what he lost. Even though Y/n was more valuable than 10 000 000 won,.
But 10,000,000 won? In her hand? That bitch must be partying with the money now.
He gritted his teeth and clenched his hands at the thought that she must be happy out there.
Finally, he groaned and stomped his foot angrily. It was just so annoying to think that when he expected her to suffer more outside there,.
And also, the baby? That he's been waiting all the time? What if y/n attemp to hurt the baby? He could feel that all her concern for the baby was just fake. Maybe she was the one torturing herself without thinking about the baby so that she could escape with this excuse. He swore that if she hurt the baby, he would kill her.
Taehyung hit the road with his car. At this moment, with ten million won, she would not come back.
If she did, it would at least take one month, and he couldn't wait.
He couldn't even focus on anything besides thinking about when she would come back to him.
He needed to find her.
___
One week after the runaway
Taehyung sat on the floor, his back leaning against the bedside board.
His eyes held pupils the size of grapes, surrounded by sclera's so petrified white they could have been seen from space.
His teeth were chattering, and he bit his thumb to stop it.
As the days went by, he felt as if he would go crazy if she still didn't come back.
"Y/n," he murmured.
His phone rang on the floor by his side.
He looked at his phone. It was none other than his manager.
It had been a week since the last time he talked to his manager. His sudden silence must have worried his manager.
He knew it, but he couldn't do it. His manager was going to ask him a lot, and at this moment, his brain had died to think of an excuse.
He held his phone and slid it across the floor, away from him.
Then he hugged his knees and rested his head on them. "Yeah, I missed you, babe," he mumbled under his breath.
He closed his eyes and started to fantasize about the touch of her hand, her voice, and her scent.
He opened his eyes. Her scent. Yeah, her scent. He would get the real one.
He quickly went down to the laundry machine and searched it through for her unwashed clothes.
He found her dress, and he smashed it against his face. He took a deep sniff and groaned. "Oh babe. Ahh.."
He took another sniff, and he moaned. "Babe, I'm fucking missing you.".
After that, he took it off his face and looked inside the machine.
He saw the black lace on her.
He gulped down his own saliva.
No, he would not do that. But fuck, he's so desperate!
He took it, put it in his nostrils, and inhaled deeply. "Damn, baby".
The smell of her pussycat was so exquisite.
He went to the bathroom. He put the lid on the toilet bowl, sat there, and loosened his pants.
He wrapped her pants around his dick and started to jack off.
The visual of her pants on his cock makes him want to come quicker.
As he reached his climax, he started calling her name. "Y/n.. Oh baby.. You're making me come'.. Oh, fuck your pussy, yeah. Fuck, baby, I'll fuck you harder once I find you. I want you to suck my cock, babe. Mmm... Ahh.. Y/n.. Y/n."
The talk got more breathless and intense as he was about to shoot his load.
Finally, he came inside her black lace.
His head was pounding from the intensification of his orgasm, and he had also been skipping meals a lot too.
___
Two weeks after the runaway.
Taehyung just realized the notification of y/n using the same email for her Google account.
His hand shook a lot because he was so impatient.
"A new log-in from Ulsan?"
He tried to find more details about the whereabouts, but this fucking thing was so unspecified.
But Ulsan? It was still better than nothing.
He just remembered another, more important thing.
Her search history.
He looked into it, and his eyes flickered. His facial muscles went stiff.
'Abortion hospital in South Korea'
'Abortion hospital in Ulsan'
'Illegal abortion place'
'Abortion conditions in South Korea'
'Abortion of a five-month-pregnant woman'
'Abortion pills'
'Abortion diary'
'Blog about abortion'
"No, no, no. My baby, no." He shook his head, and a tear was about to fall from his eyes.
It's just another four months. The baby must have grown up already. His body started to tremble. He wondered if she really did it.
Aborting a five-month-old fetus was illegal in South Korea. But still, there were a bunch of illegal abortion businesses in this country.
"No!" he shrieked and threw the phone aside.
He couldn't sit still, so he stood up. His teeth chattered again, and he bit his thumb.
His eyes looked around wildly. "No, she's stupid, she won't be able to find it," he said to convince himself.
But what if she did it? He got scared again, and finally, he groaned.
"Bitch! I'll kill you!"
___
16 days after the runaway
Taehyung stopped the car, and he took out Y/N's phone from his pocket.
'Ulsan Central Market'
Taehyung looked at Y/N's phone search history.
It was a recent search.
She must be wanting to go here.
He leaned into his car seat and sighed out. She would be here at any time.
He looked around from his car, but after that, he didn't feel good just searching from here.
She might be in the crowd, and he might be missing her.
He pulled down the internal car mirror, and he adjusted the mask on his face. Then he got out of the car.
His eyes roamed around, looking for Y/N's figure.
But when his eyes met someone else's, he quickly lowered his gaze and turned his face away.
It's dangerous for him to expose himself in a big market like this without any bodyguards at all.
He walked along the path while looking for Y/N.
"Young man, please look at this fresh banana," said one of the sellers, holding Taehyung's arm.
Taehyung was startled, and then he quickly shook his head.
The seller let go of Taehyung's arm and then went to pick up the banana and show it to him. "Look at this. It's so fresh!"
Taehyung shook his head and quickly walked away.
Then he walked towards the center a little bit. The sellers were too noisy, calling passersby to their stalls.
His eyes widened when he spotted a woman several meters away from him.
He couldn't see her face because her back was facing him.
But she's carrying a baby in her belly, and her hairstyle is similar to Y/N.
He quickly walked to her, but then someone blocked him in front.
Taehyung walked to the side to dodge that person, and then he looked at that pregnant girl he had eyes on.
That person followed him and spread her arms to block him. "Are you BTS Kim Taehyung?"
His face pinched in discomfort when that person said that.
But he didn't have time to settle. He might lose that pregnant girl who could be Y/N, as she seemed to make a payment now.
Taehyung dodged the girl who blocked him, but that girl kept doing it. "You're Kim Taehyung, right???"
What she said had attracted some people around him, and they started having their eyes on him.
He shook his head, and he still looked at that pregnant woman. He started to panic when she was about to walk away.
"Oh, it's Kim Taehyung."
"No. Please move aside," said Taehyung. He was too desperate until he didn't realize that he talked when he was supposed not to.
The crowd around him gasped because it's just obvious that it was Kim Taehyung's voice.
"Oh? It's Taehyung's voice."
"I've been fanning you so much! Can we have a photo together???"
They started circling him.
He looked at the store where that pregnant woman was again, but she had gone.
He pinched his eyes closed in frustration and bit his lips.
Fuck, he lost her. And fuck, he didn't know how to escape from this crowd. For sure, he would get a scolding from his agency.
He even went to Ulsan without them knowing, and it even took the whole night for him to drive here.
Fuck, everything just exhausted him for nothing!
One month after the runaway.
"Hyung, can you tell Hobi Hyung that I really can't go to practice today? It's not like I don't want to. You see, I'm not feeling well," said Taehyung through the phone call to Jin.
Jin could clearly hear how he sounded really unwell.
"Have you already gone to the doctor?" asked Jin.
"I'll do it later."
"Yah, are you alone now?"
"Yeah. But my sister will come to my house soon. Don't worry about me, Hyung. Please, just tell Hobi Hyung for me."
"Okay"
"Thank you"
"But Taehyung-ah, if something happens or if you need something, please tell me. Honestly, you're acting weird lately."
Taehyung faked out a laugh that sounded weak. "I'm not weird, Hyung. I'm just not feeling well."
As Taehyung sounded tired and weak, Jin chose to end the conversation to let him rest. "Okay. Just go get a rest and get well soon."
"Okay, thank you, Hyung."
"Okay"
As soon as Jin hung up the phone, Taehyung quickly opened his gallery to look at Y/N's photo.
His eyes filled with tears as he caressed her photo. Then, he pressed his phone against his cheek. "Babe, where are you? Babe.. Come back to me, babe."
He shed tears when he realized he had been waiting for too long.
And he realized it's so stupid to expect that she would come back.
The reality hit him so hard.
At this moment, he was devastated. She wouldn't come back, and he couldn't find her either.
It's almost impossible to find her because, first of all, he was a celebrity.
Appearing in public wasn't easy.
And Ulsan was so fucking far too!
He lost hope, and he cried, whimpering her name on his lips.
Taehyung took the knife from the kitchen, and then he went to sit on the sofa.
He leaned in. His eyes were in the space, and he started to see Y/N's face. He recalled some memories with her too.
His grip on the knife tightened when, in the back of his head, he saw you running away from him.
He grunted and then brought the knife pointed to his heart, holding it with both of his hands.
At this point, his heart was already broken. Thinking of her hurts him so much in here.
He really couldn't live without her.
He closed his eyes and pressed the knife against the tip of his skin.
He saw you running farther from him, and he gasped, breathless.
He opened his eyes and threw the knife aside.
His chest pounded, moving up and down.
It's just not that he couldn't live without her. He couldn't die without her, either.
Death would only bring her farther from him. He shook his head. "No, no"
If she lived, then he had to live. If she died, then he had to die. And for her too.
He looked around. But still, at this time, she wasn't here with him! He picked up the knife and stabbed into the seat several times until he got exhausted.
Two months after the runaway
"Taehyung.. Taehyung-ah.."
Taehyung opened his eyes, gasped, and got up, sitting on his bed right away.
He looked around. It's still dark.
"Fuck," he muttered.
It was a dream. It was just a dream. In his dream, he heard y/n calling his name.
He rubbed his face with his hands. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." That dream made him almost suffocate.
"Taehyung.."
His eyes flickered, and he shut down his lips. Did he just hear Y/N calling him again?
He concentrated on hearing it again.
"Taehyung.. Taehyung-ah"
His eyes widened. He couldn't be wrong because he had heard it twice!
He turned his head in the direction of the voice.
It came from the bathroom.
He pulled down the blanket, got on his feet, and walked slowly to the bathroom.
"Taehyung-ah..."
He heard her voice again. He gulped down his own saliva. It scared him, but he missed her so much.
He turned on the light and opened the bathroom a little bit.
He peeked and saw no one. Then he pushed the door wide open. There's no one here.
He got in the bathroom to have a better look, and still there's no one here.
He sighed and scoffed. It's just that he's hallucinating.
When he turned his head, he caught a glance of Y/N in the bathtub, and his eyes widened in shock.
She was soaking wet in the bathtub, and her breath was so loud. It was like she was so exhausted and tired. It's like she was about to die too.
"Babe." He called her and was about to walk to her, but he stopped when he saw he was there as well.
He saw himself grabbing her hair and pulling it up so that she faced himself.
She started crying. "Taehyung.. Taehyung-ah.. Stop, please. I'm begging you. Stop."
He saw himself ignoring her and forcing her into a kiss.
Her lips started to bleed. Her shoulder flesh was also cut from his deep grip.
She was screaming desperately. "Let me go! Let me! You monster!!"
He was shocked by what he was seeing, and he fell. Sitting down on the bathroom floor, he scooted himself away.
He closed his eyes. "It's not real. It's not real," he said to himself.
"It's all because of you."
He shut his lips when he heard another voice. He didn't know whose voice it was.
He opened his eyes and saw nothing in front of him except the empty bathtub.
It shocked him because Y/N was inside there just now. And the water—the bloody water. Where are they now?
"She left because of you."
He flinched. The random voice was still here.
"It's all because of you. You're a monster."
He pressed his hands against his ears. "No, it's not real."
He started hearing someone chuckling. "You're a psychopath! You're a psychopath! Of course she will run."
"No, I'm not a psychopath!!!" he shrieked.
"You are. Kim Taehyung, you are."
His eyes widened when he just recognized it was his own voice.
The voice finally stopped, and he pushed himself up.
He turned his head around, and he stopped when he saw himself in the mirror.
swollen, puffy face. He looked so fucked up and messed up.
He walked slowly closer to the mirror, and then he stopped.
He reached his own reflection and studied it.
Would she come back if he was a little bit nicer?
He hung up a big mirror in front of the sofa, replacing the TV that he broke.
He stood in front of the mirror and looked at himself for a while.
He turned his face at every angle, and then he stopped.
He closed his eyes and murmured. "Empathy, empathy, empathy."
He imagined she was talking to him. Then he opened his eyes and nodded. "I understand, babe."
"If you're crying, that means you hurt. If you're screaming, that means you want me to stop. I understand, babe."
Then he studied his face carefully. "Are my eyes the ones that scare you? I'll change it," he said, and he put on a wide smile until his eyes were also smiling.
"I'll be very gentle with you. I'll be very slow with you. I'll not hurt you anymore. I'll be far better than Kim Taehyung, you know? I know you still love me; just come back quickly, babe."
Then he turned to sit down on the sofa. "Come back quickly, babe. I will wait for you here," h said excitedly.
He shook his legs while waiting. He really couldn't wait for her to come back.
Flashback ended.
Taehyung turned his head from the sofa stab mark to ahead.
He saw himself in the mirror.
The mirror that he hung six years ago.
He studied himself in the mirror.
His gaze was so dark. And there's totally no emotion inside; they are just filled with empty darkness.
He tilted his head slightly, crossing his legs, and then he started tapping his fingers rhythmically.
***