I stared at the dark strip of photographic paper with a white pixelated image.
It's still so early that I could only see the sac. A three-week pregnancy.
Then, I turned my head to Taehyung. He was driving back to his mother's house.
He noticed I was looking at him. "What babe? Do you want something?"
"It's only three weeks of pregnancy. I think I want to get married in the next two months. I think my stomach won't be bulging in the third month of pregnancy. So, I think it's okay. And if possible, I want a really small private wedding ceremony," I said.
He put his hand on mine. "Okay. It's a good plan. Two months more. I also need time to settle with my agency. They don't know about my plan to get married yet. Hmm. After the award, I'll probably tell them. About two weeks more."
"You have an award to attend?" asks me.
"Yeah, why?"
I lowered my head and pouted my lips.
He notices my sudden mood change. "Why babe?"
I ran my fingers back and forth across my lap. "Is it a ceremony where the idols are flirting with each other?"
He took a quick glance at her and scoffed out of a smirk. "You have to trust me."
I quickly turned my head toward him. I narrowed my eyes toward him. He was definitely shading me. "It's not the same."
"How is it not the same? You're worried if I flirt with some girls there," he said.
"Well, your case is different. You were actually dating Nara. It's not happening to me."
Taehyung frowned. "What? What's the relationship? I wasn't flirting with her. "Jimin introduced her to me. "
"Oh? Jimin introduced her to you??"
"Yes. But we're not really dating, to be honest. I just did that to annoy you.
I ignored what Taehyung explained to me. What mattered now was Jimin. "Jimin really did that?"
"Yes. Why do you bother?" asked Taehyung.
"Why did he do that?"
"Because he wanted me to move on."
"Why did he want you to move on?" he asked me right away.
Taehyung wheezed at how she was bombarding him with questions.
"Why do you laugh? What's so funny?" asked me.
He stopped the car and pulled the handbrake. "We've reached home, babe."
I looked forward, and we've really reached home.
He turned off the engine, unbuckled his seatbelt, and was about to get out, but I quickly held his arm. "Answer me first," I said.
"About what?" he inquired.
"About, why did Jimin want you to move on?"
"We literally fought on that day. He knew you were married. So, yeah"
"Oh.. So, does he know about us now?" asked me.
"About what?" asked Taehyung, confused.
"That we're going to get married."
"Not yet. I haven't told anyone yet. But after this, I'll tell all the members."
"Okay, tell them. Especially Jimin."
I was about to knock on the door, but the door was already opened, revealing Jieun's face. It's like she has been waiting.
"Yeah, quickly come in. It's cold outside," she said, putting her arm around my back. She escorted me inside.
"How's the checkup, dear?" asked her.
"It's really three weeks pregnant, mom." And the doctor said I'm healthy, too. The baby is very tiny now. I have to wait for a couple months more to get the baby scanned again," she said.
"Thank God. Go rest now, dear; don't overwork yourself."
I nodded with a smile.
"Mom, rice cakes," said Taehyung, showing the plastic bag of food to Jieun.
"Put them on the plate and let y/n have them too," said Jieun.
"Mom.."
I heard Jihoon's voice and turned my head toward him.
"Jihoon-ah. Come here," and I opened my arms to him.
He looked hesitant, so I went to him.
As he saw me approaching him, he came and hugged my leg. Then he looked up at me. "Where did mom and dad go?" asked him with pouty lips.
I just realized that he was sulking because we left him here.
I held his arm, then intertwined it with his fingers. "Let's go; let's talk inside," I said, and I walked into the room.
I let go of his hand and sat on the bed. He was standing in front of me.
I grabbed his shoulders and looked into his eyes. "We went to meet the doctor."
"Oh? Mom, sick?" he asked in worried and tried to reach my forehead to check my temperature.
I shook my head and pulled my hands away from his shoulders. "Wait," she said, and I fumbled for the ultrasound scan photograph in my bag.
I picked it up and gave it to him. "See Jihoon-ah"
Jihoon looked up at me. I could see he was confused. "Take it," I said, holding out to him.
He took it and studied that piece. "What is this about, mom?"
I jerked my head and pointed out. "This is my belly."
"Um?"
"Your sibling is inside here."
His eyes widened with excitement, and a small gasp escaped his lips.
He quickly hugged me; his head was against my belly. He closed his eyes. "Mom, I'm so happy!"
"I know," I said, patting his head.
He opened his eyes and saw that his head was against my belly. Realizing that, he quickly lifted his head off me and straightened his standing position.
He looked at the photo in his hand and then at my belly. "So, the baby is inside here?" he asked, carefully placing his hand on my belly.
His small, gentle hand caressed my belly.
"Yes"
"Hmm," he said, looking back at the photo.
"Mom, where is the baby?" he asked, showing me the photo.
"Here," I said, pointing to the middle of my sag in the photo. "You can't see it yet because it's so tiny." The doctor said the baby is so tiny. It is only three weeks. You have to wait a couple months more," I explained to him.
"Ohh.. The baby is going to grow big, right, mom?" he asked, grinning with giggles.
"Yes dear"
He touched my belly again. "Hi baby, please grow up quickly. Your brother can't wait to see you soon!" he giggled.
His giggle tickled my heart. I tucked my hand under his arms, pulling him to lie on the bed with me.
"Mom," he called me, and I giggled again.
I pinched his cheek and hugged him. "Jihoon-ah, next year you're going to be seven," said I, staring at his face. I recalled when I was holding him in my arms years ago. He was so tiny. Now, he's really big. "Time is so fast," I muttered.
"Yes mom. I'm growing big enough to become a brother to the baby inside your tummy," he said and giggled again.
I started recalling the moment I wanted to abort him. Had that occurred, neither this endearing chuckle nor this endearing smile would have been visible to me. I couldn't imagine if I really did that.
Jihoon stopped giggling when he heard a door open.
We turned our heads at the door.
"Are you both just having fun without Dad?" asked Taehyung to Jihoon.
"Mm, dad!"
Taehyung slumped himself in the bed beside Jihoon, and he put his arm across Jihoon to me.
Then, he buried his face in Jihoon's neck and closed his eyes. Jihoon giggled again.
I looked at Taehyung. He was smiling. His smile was sweet and lascivious, capturing my heart.
He opened his eyes and straightened my gaze.
He's so beautiful.
"I love you," I said under my breath.
"I love you too," he said.
________
Taehyung stared at Namjoon's contact on his phone.
He pressed his lips, considering whether to call Namjoon or not.
He took a breath, and his chest muscles began to relax.
He made a call and pressed the phone against his ear.
"What's up?" asked Namjoon as soon as he picked up the call.
"Are you at home?" asked Taehyung.
"Yes. Why?"
"Do you have time?
Taehyung rang the doorbell, and the door opened right away, revealing Namjoon.
"Come in," said Namjoon, and he turned, walking to the sofa.
Taehyung could tell Namjoon was still cold to him. He walked inside and closed the door.
Then he turned and saw that Namjoon was already sitting on the sofa, looking at him.
He went to sit on another sofa.
"What is your important matter?" asked Namjoon.
"It is.." Taehyung avoided Namjoon's eyes and rubbed his hands together in nervousness.
He mustered the courage and lifted his head, his eyes still on Namjoon. "I want to get married."
Namjoon choked on air and coughed out.
Then he looked at Taehyung with a frown. "What the hell??"
"I am serious. I want to get married, and I'm so ready for it. I don't have the guts to tell the company yet, so I want your help," said Taehyung.
Namjoon let out a heavy sigh before leaning back onto the sofa.
Taehyung took a glance at him. He looked about to break his head.
"First of all, there is the six-year-old son scandal. And it was true. Second of all, a new girlfriend, an idol. It was true, too. Thirdly, a breakout after one month. And now, a marriage? Are you crazy???" asked Namjoon, sounding so fed up.
"Hyung, listen to me first. I admit I caused a lot of trouble. But I really want to get married. I hope this is going to be my last scandal. I'm sorry"
"Are you serious????" I asked Namjoon again. He was still in disbelief about Taehyung wanting to get married.
"Yes, hyung. I'm not joking. I'm serious"
Namjoon let out a heavy sigh, his back of his hand on the forehead. He closed his eyes. "With who?"
Taehyung bit his lower lip. He was just concerned that Namjoon would be unhappy about this. "Y/n"
Namjoon quickly opened his eyes and straightened his sitting posture.
"We get back, and we both want a marriage," said Taehyung, who then nervously waited for Namjoon to respond.
"Y/n?"
Taehyung saw Namjoon's lips trembling. Then, Namjoon took a deep breath and let it all out at once.
"When?" asked Namjoon.
"Two months more. So maybe January of next year."
Namjoon closed his eyes, and a silence ran between them.
Namjoon was thinking about Y/N. After six years, they wanted a marriage. What was happening all the time?
Their relationship obviously wasn't easy. Especially Taehyung, who just broke up with that idol girl last month. And suddenly, both Taehyung and Y/N wanted a marriage.
"Is she okay?" asked Namjoon, breaking the silence.
"Yeah"
"Is she healthy?"
"Yeah"
"Can you make her happy?" asked Namjoon, and Taehyung flinched.
Namjoon noticed it. It was written all over his face.
"It's just obvious, your relationship isn't easy. And for Y/N, pregnancy at a young age must be hard. Especially when you weren't there for her. Did she already forgive you?"
Taehyung was quiet for a while. What Namjoon had said had points. Although he didn't know it all,.
"It's more than that. What I did," said Taehyung, looking at Namjoon.
Namjoon looked straight into Taehyung's eyes. He had a serious gaze.
"But I won't tell you. And you are right. I haven't heard her say that she forgives me yet."
In the kitchen, I gulped down water.
I was actually thinking, Where did Taehyung go? He went out when I was sleeping.
It's upsetting, to be honest.
But looking back, it was not something upsetting. It's normal. Why would he need to wake me up just to tell me where he wants to go?
I had been sensitive and clingy. That's bad.
I heard the engine. I knew it was Taehyung.
I put down the glass on the kitchen counter and went to the doorway.
Taehyung opened the door and saw Y/N coming towards him. "Are you waiting for me?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Where did you go?"
"Namjoon's house," he said, taking off his warm jacket.
"Is it about the job?" I asked.
"No. It's about us."
"Us? Me and you?" asked me for confirmation.
"Yes, me and you. I asked him to help me with our marriage. To tell the company about our marriage plan," said Taehyung, who went to sit on the sofa.
I stood frozen, thinking for a while. It must be hard for him to deal with the company.
He let out a sigh and spread his arms across the sofa's back on both sides.
He looked up at me and called me over. "Babe, come here.".
I walked towards him; he held my hand and pulled it a little bit to signal me to sit down.
I sat down and turned toward him. "Is this a breach of contract?"
"What contract, babe?"
"Will our marriage be a breach of your contract with your agency?" asked me.
He realized the worry on her face.
He cupped my face. "Are you worried??
I didn't say anything; I just stared into his eyes.
"Don't be. I just want to be clingy to Namjoon. My company will allow me. I have faith in them. And if they don't, I will quit."
I sighed and lowered my gaze. I didn't want him to quit because of me.
"I told you not to worry. Why do you sigh?" he asked, and I quickly lifted my head and looked back at him.
"You know, I'm sure they'll allow me. It just takes time. I am about to have my second child. It's crazy if they don't. So, don't worry."
"If they don't, you will quit?"
Taehyung could feel that this question was actually her concern. "It's unlikely for them to kick me out."
"Ohh.." I nodded and thought back. His company was good at taking care of their idols. I hoped they would do the same for this matter.
I had my eyes back on Taehyung, and I grinned widely at him.
He laughed when he saw her grin. It was like a grin on her face to ask for something from him. "What?"
I smashed into his chest and tangled my arms around his neck. "I have been waiting for you since this morning. You left me without saying anything. You said you wanted to be clingy to Namjoon? Don't do it, because I want to be clingy with you right now," I joked.
He laughed. "Does that mean you are jealous of Namjoon now?"
I nodded. "Yeah"
He laughed again. "You are being flirtatious, babe."
"It's your fault. You are getting more handsome every day, honey."
"Please, babe, you're getting dangerous every day," he said, which got us both laughing.
Our laughter died, and we stared into each other's eyes for a moment.
His gaze suddenly turned serious. He gulped down his saliva. "Babe, have you forgiven me?"
I frown. "What are you talking about?"
"About all my past wrongdoings toward you."
I started getting what he meant. I waited for him to say more.
"Since the first day we met,"
"The first day we met? What did you do?" asked me.
"You don't remember?" asked him.
I was clueless, and he noticed it.
"I grabbed your ass," said him.
I burst out laughing and hit his chest. "What the fuck, Taehyung-ah? You got me cracking," she said, holding my stomach, and I laughed so hard.
"Babe, what's so funny?" he asked, and he laughed too.
My laughter slowly died, and I tangled my arms around his neck again. "Okay. Why did you do that? Serious"
He closed his eyes, mumbling and thinking about his reasons. "I was very attracted to you at that time. You were touching Jimin's face. I was curious how your skin would feel," he said, opening his eyes and looking at me. "You were bending; you got your ass right in front of my face. I couldn't control myself, and yeah, I'm sorry."
"Okay. And then what else are you sorry about?"
"In the van too. When I got my hand under your skirt, God, I was such a fucking fool. I'm sorry." He leaned on the sofa and pinched his eyes shut. He looked so embarrassed about it.
I leaned forward toward him. "More"
He opened his eyes again, looking at me. "Sorry for not understanding you as well. You wanted my comfort, but I was only thinking about myself."
"What was this about?" asked me.
"When you got a low grade, if I'm not mistaken," said him.
"Oh," I remembered. My facial expressions instantly changed. I was hurt when he yelled at me.
"I'm sorry, babe," he said.
I nodded and turned my head, looking at him. "More"
"The sex that I forced you to have at our workplace."
I remembered it clearly. "I wasn't mad that you wanted to do it again with me, but I was so scared that we did it there. You know?"
"I'm sorry," said him.
"More, honey"
"All those evil things I did when I locked you up. It's all about my selfishness and lust. I didn't control myself at all. I did you too much. I'm sorry"
I leaned my head against his chest and let out a sigh.
"I'm sorry, babe. I'm really sorry. I am guilty of being all of those things. I was ruthless. But I can't live without you. I am selfish for doing everything just to keep you in my life. For that, I had given up my sanity. All of this is due to my selfishness. I'm sorry"
I stayed for a while. My mouth was still sealed, and my eyes were closed.
Taehyung let out a sigh and closed his eyes, too. He could understand if she didn't want to.
I opened my eyes. "I forgive you," I said, and I looked up at him.
He quickly opened his eyes and held my shoulders, pushing them to loosen our hug. "Babe," he said, looking into my eyes.
He was in disbelief.
I suddenly felt emotional when he looked at me like that. My tears rolled down my cheeks. "I really forgive you," I said.
He pressed his lips, and his eyes looked up. I knew he was controlling his tears. "How?" asked him.
"Sometimes forgiveness is selfish, too. It hurts, but it's my need. I love you."
I saw a drop of tears finally escape his eyes.
"Was it hurt?" asked him.
I nodded. "It was"
"So much?"
I nodded. "Very much"
He turned his face away from me. I heard his breath tremble.
"But honey, I want your selfish love now. Don't you dare give up on me. You have driven me crazy so far. Don't you dare to turn back," I said, and I put my head on his chest.
He didn't say anything.
"I forgive you. I love you. I love you. I love you, honey," I said.
He still didn't say anything.
I looked up at him and reached his chin. I turned his face toward me. "Our past hurts. Let's just remember the good things. "I love you," I said, and I waited for him to say he loved me again.
Silence ran between us. I was still hoping.
"I love you too," he said, finally breaking the silence.
He leaned forward. I closed my eyes, and I felt his lips against mine. He rushed against me so gently before he started giving me a slow kiss. I feel the sweetness and tenderness of young love.
I kissed him back, pouring everything I felt into that kiss.
***