Hobi goes to therapy 🥰
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Trinity was very convincing. Hoseok had realized that for the first time ever when they were kids. She was 8 and he was 12. They had just met one another only a few months prior. She had convinced him to play Barbie's with her after a foot energy caused her to stay home from school for a week. Namjoon wouldn't play with her, and Hoseok feeling bad - decided to do so.
She could convince him to do a lot of things in life, no doubt. He would do it even if it meant sacrificing himself in the end. All he ever wanted to do was keep her happy. Even if it meant defying his own morals and beliefs.
"Stop tightening it." Hoseok grumbled, adjusting brown button up as he looked down at Trinity with a frown. His girlfriend smacked her lips, removing his hands away from the shirt and finishing her task.
"It has to be tightened. This shirt is too big on you and I don't want you looking a fool." She bit back. Hoseok rolled his eyes but nonetheless, let her finish her task.
They currently stood in the hallway of the counselor's office. The building was cold. Everything was an off white color, the halls were almost completely empty. Hoseok didn't understand how a place like this was meant to feel welcoming for people. He felt like he was in jail. Hell, he would rather be in jail.
"Is it almost time to go in yet?" He asked impatiently. His appointment was for 2:30. They had arrived at around 2:00. Trinity couldn't stand being late, and hoseok couldn't stand being too early. Yet here they were where none of that mattered anymore because the time was ticking down.
He was nervous. He had never done this before. Speaking to a therapist was never on his bucket list. He had been his own therapist for so many years. And obviously that wasn't helping much because he still needed to consult in professional help. Or atleast that's what trinity thought.
As much as he wanted to be upset, he knew she meant well. And he couldn't help but love her even more for that.
"Almost baby. It's 2:29." Trinity sighed, smoothing out his shirt before dropping her hands. Hoseok licked over his lips and looked down at her.
"Thank you." He said. Smiling softly, she reaches up to caress his cheek before pecking his lips.
"Of course. I'll be sitting out here the entire time. Her name is Ms.Caio. She's really nice. You don't have to tell her everything. Just be yourself, okay?"
Hoseok felt like a little boy all over again. Walking into his first day of school, receiving a pep talk from his mother. Trinity had the most gorgeous eyes. And she stared at him with such a soft look. It made him feel comfortable in this cold, white prison.
"Okay." He muttered back softly. Just as he said this, the door opened behind him. Both of them turned to see a short Asian woman standing there with a large smile on her round face.
"Good afternoon. Are you Hoseok?"
"Yes mam. And this is trinity." Hoseok spoke up. Ms.Caio nodded.
"Of course, I'm familiar with Ms.Kim. I'm Ms.Caio. Please, come on in if you're ready."
Hoseok nodded. He looked back at trinity and she gave him a confirming nod. He sighed before turning on his heels and entering the office. He could hear Ms.Caio and Trinity exchange a few more words before the door closed and it was just them alone.
"Please, make yourself comfortable." Ms.Caio said. He could hear the sound of her heels clacking as she made her way behind her desk. Hoseok cleared his throat awkwardly and took a seat before her in the loveseat couch. It wasn't an off white color. It was a pretty, warm purple.
He took his time to look around her office. On her desk, she had a family portrait of her husband and daughter and son. She had painting on the walls, colorful painting. She had rugs and valuables that gave character to her work space. This made hoseok feel far more comfortable than the outside did. He found himself sitting back, spreading his legs a tad. Placing his palms on his thighs.
"They should've hired you to decorate the entire building." He said without even thinking. Ms.Caio laughed. She had a very light laugh.
"Why do you say that?" She asked. Hoseok shrugged.
"Everything out there is ugly." He said honestly, without giving much thought to it. The woman hummed.
"We can agree on that. But what goes on out there has very little to do with me. So I try not to judge." She said.
After that it got silent. Hoseok was waiting on the cliche shit. The "tell me a little bit about yourself" followed by the crocodile tears, sob stories and diagnosis.
He already knew how this was supposed to go. He hated it for a reason. Hoseok knew enough about himself. He knew he had adhd, he new he was prone to fast anger. He knew he was fucked up. And he didn't understand why he had to pay so much money to have someone else tell him that.
Surprisingly, the question never came. She never asked him to tell her about himself.
"So..." Hoseok drifted. "Aren't you going to ask me about myself? My favorite color or some shi- something." He cut himself off.
"I want to. But Ms.Kim already told me a lot about you. If you want to tell me about yourself I won't stop you. I would love to hear it."
Hoseok kissed his teeth. Trinity was nuts. She should've been the one sitting before a counselor, not him.
But he loved that she did that. She understood him better than anyone else.
"Why are you here today?" Ms.Caio asked. Hoseok ran his fingers through his hair, blowing out a breath.
"I don't know. My girlfriend thought I should see a counselor so I did it to make her happy I guess?" He answered truthfully.
"But I suppose there has to be a reason as to why she wanted me to speak to you. She wouldn't just make me do anything if I didn't need the help." Hoseok mumbled.
"You two know each other very well. Very good indications of a healthy relationship." Ms.Caio smiled. Hoseok chuckled.
"We're the furthest thing from perfect." He said.
"I didn't say perfect." The counselor corrected. Hoseok hummed.
"She asked me to do this because I tend to get very angry. Not at her... well at her. But it's never because of her. I just get..." he stuttered. "She understands why." He mumbled.
Ms.Caio began to jot something down in her notes. Hoseok rolled his eyes. Here they fucking go. He wanted to take that damn notepad and throw it across the room. And this was the first time he had ever seen her use it.
"Trinity says you two argue a lot. Is that true?"
"Yes." Hoseok answered quickly.
"What are most of the disagreements about? If you don't mind me asking."
"Um...shit." Hoseok's leg began to bounce as he thought. They argued about pretty much anything. If trinity was hungry and he took too long to get her food, they argued. If they were sexually frustrated, they argued. If they just wanted to, they argued.
"I can't pick it out. We just argue." He said.
"Do you think your anger plays a significant part in these arguments?"
"Yes." Hoseok said.
The counselor nodded, writing something else down. Hoseok didn't like how he felt so out of control of the situation. She had all of the power right now. He just wanted to feel equal. But he was so fucking nervous.
"What would you say is your greatest trigger? For anger." She asked. Hoseok scratched his eyebrow.
"I don't know. I think I just get angry." He didn't know how to answer that.
"Can I tell you something? And I don't want you to be upset. However, I completely understand if you happen to be annoyed. She means well." Ms. Caio said. Hoseok nodded.
"Trinity told me about your source of income. Usually, when a person recommends someone to us they have to give us a valid reasoning as to why they believe a person should consult in us. Nobody else knows about your background except for me so don't worry about that. You aren't in any trouble and she didn't tell me much."
Hoseok tensed up. As upset as he wanted to be about trinity doing that, he couldn't be. It was shocking.
"Do you maybe think that your outside activities play a huge factor in your relationship and feelings towards others? Maybe it's some kind of displacement."
Hoseok shrugged. "I don't know. You're the counselor." He said.
Ms.Caio nodded. "But you're Hoseok. And nobody knows hoseok better than he knows himself. Not Trinity, not Ms.Caio."
Clenching his jaw, hoseok thoughts about his response.
"Yes." He answered simply.
"So what's stopping you from pursuing a different job?"
"I don't feel comfortable in any professional fields." Hoseok said.
"I'm not a dumbass or anything-"
"I know you aren't. You're excellent in math, you had a 34 ACT score after two takes in high school, you graduated with a high class ranking. I understand you're a smart person, Hoseok. But smart people can take wrong turns too."
"A 34 ACT score and a high gpa does not mean I can pursue a white collar career. None of it matters when you're raised by an alcoholic druggie of a mother and an half absent abusive father." Hoseok sneered.
"None of this shit matters. This counseling meeting doesn't matter. I'm still going to leave out and go back to the work trinity hates so much after this. But it keeps the bills paid, it keeps food on the table and it funds her expensive ass mall trips so it doesn't matter. She's fine. I'm fine." He says tightly.
Ms.Caio nods, choosing to let him release his emotions rather than telling him to restrain them. This was the healthy way to do things rather than letting them build up.
"And you can't tell me anything I don't know already. I know I have anger issues. I know I have adhd. Am I bipolar too? I don't need you or any other doctor to tell me that." He says.
"Well I won't ever tell you that you are bipolar because it isn't true." Ms.Caio said. Hoseok clicked his tongue.
"Yeah right." He mumbled. "I've been getting called bipolar my entire life."
"It isn't. Many people get being moody and being bipolar misconstrued. I want to tell you what I've gathered after only forty minutes with you. Is that okay?"
Hoseok nodded, leg bouncing 100 miles a minute as he rubbed his bottom lip. As much as he wanted to pretend like he didn't care, he cared very much. He wouldn't be able to sleep at night if he didn't know.
"For 1, you are angry. But it's not a bad thing to be angry. In fact, it's very healthy to allow yourself to feel anger. It's how you express that anger. That's when it becomes a problem. You displace it instead of confronting the actual source. And that is something we will work on. Only when you're ready."
Hoseok nodded. That much made sense.
"I don't think you are bipolar at all. You were diagnosed with adhd, I can't argue with that. But I don't see bpd in you at all. If anything I see signs of obsession. You get hyper fixated on things and you have to confront them immediately. The reason you don't want to leave your current job is not because it's helping you survive. But because you feel like if you leave, you're playing it too safe and something bad could happen. So rather than you leaving, you make these irrational decisions to continue doing it everyday that you know aren't right but you do them regardless to confront those anxieties. It helps you alleviate those thoughts that something bad is going to happen when you're actually involved. And these schedules and activities become to ritualistic to the point where you get addicted to them. And it becomes a loop." She makes a gesture with her finger.
"Granted, you may actually do it because you love seeing trinity happy. It's fast money, it's a lot of money. But it's not good money. I think I'm seeing signs of ocd."
Hoseok remained silent. He never thought of it that way.
"And I can't diagnose you. I have to write you a note for the psychiatrist to do so. But I think...that makes more sense as opposed to being bipolar."
"And it's not a bad thing. You don't need to worry. It is treatable, and if you do have it it isn't very severe in your case."
"So what does that mean?" Hoseok asked. He was freaking the fuck out. How did she gather all of that from an hour session?
"It means that I want to continue seeing you. Are you available on Wednesday's and Mondays?"
"Yes." Hoseok answered. He probably wouldn't be at times. But he would make time. He was curious about Ms.Caio. Hopefully, next meeting he came in with a light heart so that he could get to know her. She seemed like a very sweet woman and he felt bad for how he had treated her earlier in this meeting.
"A-and I'm sorry if I was an asshole earlier." He said, scratching the back of his neck.
"You weren't. You're just very expressive. I like that about you. I want to see that next time too, do you understand?" She raised a brow, standing up from her desk chair. Hoseok grinned and nodded.
"Yes mam."
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"So how was it?" Trinity asked as they walked hand in hand out of the office. Hoseok sighed.
"I hated it." He said. Trinity pouted, feeling damn near defeated. She didn't know what else to do.
Hoseok licked over his lips. "But I'm going back. I hate the practice in itself. But I like Ms.Caio."
Instantly, her eyes lit up. "Really?" She asked happily. Hoseok chuckled.
"Yes baby. Thank you. I appreciate that."
"I just want you to get that anger out. Understand yourself better. I'm grateful you did this. I don't love you any less." She said. "Okay?"
Hoseok brought her hand up to his lips, kissing the back of it. She was telling him what he already knew.
"I know baby." He said. "I know."
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A/n: Please keep in mind that I only have GAD lmaooo. Yes I have spoken to a counselor before and yes I have been diagnosed. I don't have ocd nor do I have adhd. If any of my information isn't completely accurate please (kindly) let me know in the comments and I will go back and correct it.
I acquired my knowledge for this from my psychology class as well as sources online so yk.
Please excuse any mistakes <3!