"You wanna go back?" Tay sits beside New who is playing with his phone on the sofa with both his legs up, without a care in the world. The man looks at the wall clock and shakes his head. Smiling, Tay turns the television on, trying to find something to do in the living room.
Since coming back from New's hometown, his mate has been spending quite a lot of time in the apartment, despite what he said earlier about not being ready to move in. Most of the time, they will return to their dorms at night after hours together, but in rare cases, New will want to spend the night.
"What?" He looks at the omega who is staring at him from behind his phone, "Finally admitting I'm hot?"
"You look stupid." Tay smirks at that comment. Stupid means handsome in New's dictionary. Well, at least that is what he assigned the word to be. Whenever the smaller male says something bad about him, he means the opposite, or something good so Tay just interprets it however he wants it to be. Right now, he likes to be called handsome and since New likes to call him stupid, that will be the meaning.
Resting on his back, Tay turns to his left, at his omega. His pajamas that is too big for New perfectly reveals his alluring collarbone and his soft neck. He is not sure about it at first but recently, the older has been giving him some hints. Maybe. He is never good at reading subtle hints. And New's subtle is really subtle.
The man had been requesting to wear his clothes but when Tay gets excited that he was doing something a couple would do, New would retort back saying it is too much work to bring his here. Then, the stares started. That was really hard to catch because the omega was quick to change his gaze but after a while, he stopped trying to hide it.
And now this.
This is really obvious. New knows Tay loves his clavicles and still he chose to wear the button-down pajamas, purposely leaving the two uppermost ones unbuttoned.
New wants it.
Tay stares at that soft skin, afraid to make his move. This is not New's heat so he may be more susceptible to flashbacks and his trauma, but it has really been a while and Tay really wants to touch the man. Not just touching, he wants to hold him, lick him all over. Really, really badly. He is sex deprived. And New is a tease.
Slowly, Tay places his hand on New's knee, testing if the man wants the same thing. With no rejection yet, he gently makes his way down the loose pants, tracing the skin gently while placing short kisses on his right knee. Hearing the soft moan, Tay makes his way ever so slowly, caressing the omega's inner thighs. Glaring at New whose phone already forgotten on the floor, Tay claims those lips hungrily, until New pushes him away for air. Resting their forehead together, he stares at that dark orb, pecking those sexy lips in between, "Seriously?"
New nods shyly but before the alpha gets too excited, "Not too hard. I can't-" he gulps, "I'm a bit nervous."
"You don't want it?" Tay frowns. Though New is the one inviting, he just said he is nervous, which means he is scared. Why would he want to proceed with it? But god, he is so turned on right now, he doesn't know if he can hold back. Fuck, his hand is on New's crotch for god's sake! Maybe he can just give the man a blowjob or some-
"Not like this. I, uh on top…"
"Top?" Hell no. No way. Alphas never bottom. No fucki-
"Lemme ride…" New muffles the last word, too embarrassed to say it out loud. He is not comfortable being on his back, he feels too vulnerable like this. This was how they took him. He didn't feel anything when he is clouded by lust so he initially thought it is fine, but his heart is pounding vigorously right now. He might be okay taking the lead, or at least, be on top instead, just like their first time.
Maybe.
"You? Really? You don't know how." New pulls his man closer, not wanting him to see his red face. This is really the first time he initiates such intimate things. It had always been Tay, which he will normally rejects. "But you do. You guide me."
"Fuck, New. You're so fucking sexy."
New felt his face getting hot. That compliment, and Tay's entranced face looking at him, and his sex pheromones surrounding them turned him on so bad he doesn't think he will be able to stop even if he wants to. Almost screaming as he is suddenly lifted, he braces himself for their first night together with him entirely in control of his body.
****
Finally able to catch their breaths, New backs himself until he feels the warmth of the alpha, automatically lifting his head so Tay's left arm can be placed beneath his head. Feeling the latter's other hand on his waist, New raises his own to touch Tay's cheek, slightly turning his face to see his partner's. "How's your first time?"
"Not the first." New rolls his eyes, pretending to be annoyed as he moves the hand on his waist away, but the hold tightened instead, and Tay starts to shake behind him, whining, not wanting him to leave. On the other side, Tay is grinning happily. New's first heat was with him, and now, his first time awake is also with him. Ignoring that horrible incident, Tay would love to think that New's virginity is his.
"You were really into it." He teases.
"It is good…" he hears New whisper, not playfully denying it like he usually would. And that somehow makes Tay feel proud of his performance.
"Good? That is fucking amazing!" Tay pulls New towards him and pecks his head a few times. Damn, he really loves his omega. He thought the needy New was the best but, confident New, he is out of this world. His unique pheromones reflected his feelings which Tay could sense too, making it even better. It made him want to pleasure the male even more. He didn't have to assume what New likes, he just knew. That was the first time his own pleasure doubled in intensity. With the inexperienced omega, nonetheless. Imagine with training, how addictive he will be.
If only New is up to another round…
But this is okay too. He is satisfied with the after-sex as well, "Well, I guess I'm great at sex so…"
"That confidence. Did they teach you how to have sex at school too?" New turns to him, cracking an innocent joke. He really has no idea know what they teach alphas. Since omegas learn how to pleasure themselves to prepare for their heats, maybe alphas learn how to pleasure omegas instead. Who the hell knows?
Tay can only laugh awkwardly. Yes, he learned most of his skills during high school, but not in the classroom, "I watch enough porn."
Which is a lie. He didn't even watch porn since he already got enough action. Seeing the man in his arms chuckling and holding him back, Tay lets out a soft sigh of relief.
Fuck. That was close.
****
"Being in a bond with an omega doesn't make you hate other omegas, Tay. It makes you stop looking for a partner. You feel towards them how you feel towards mated omegas."
"Nothing?"
"Yes, nothing. You hating them is a problem we need to fix."
Tay puckers his lips, crossing his arms as he leans back against the chair and flops his head down to the side. He just got back from his long overdue visit to the therapist and since New went somewhere with his friends, he decides to spend the rest of the day at the dorm.
This session really bothers him. He thought he was making progress because he could tolerate New, too well, which was why he reckoned there is no need for him to return. When it was later revealed that he had claimed New, his focus was no longer on himself; instead, he became obsessed with fixing their broken relationship. Then, as things progressed, completely ignoring his own problem and without further discussion with his doctor, Tay simply decided that his distaste towards the others are the result of the bond.
In fact, had it not been because of his almost hitting the omegas a few months ago and again just last week, Tay would never even considered making an appointment with a professional. He had been too caught up with bliss, thrilled that he is mated with New and things are going smoothly.
As it turns out, he is really unaffected by the bond at all. Not physically nor emotionally.
…does this mean he actually likes New?
Tay scoffs at his thought, amazed at himself. Just a few years back, being madly in love with a messed-up omega would never cross his mind. He was the hottest alpha who, due to the attention he is constantly receiving from the omegas, never felt the need to start a family. He only dreamt about being the best surgeon who owns a mansion and a yacht, travelling the world and sleeping with models until he gets old. It was not an impossible dream, he already has the family background to support it.
But how things changed.
New Thitipoom is really something. To think that during orientation night he actually fell in love at first sight...
…and how lucky he is that that scared omega was already his even then…
He is not even that beautiful.
Wait. No. New's face is the best.
"Argh…" Tay closes his eyes, chuckling to himself. He is doing it again. Dammit, now is not the time to go crazy over his lover. He is avoiding his problems again.
The therapist asked him to try and open up to other omegas, to slowly scrape off the unconscious thought that all omegas want something from him - a thought which apparently, has been engraved deep in his mind since the night of his attack.
The only problem with that suggestion is the fact that the only omegas he know are all mated - his omega, Dunk, and Mew's mate as well as his in-laws. All the others keeps showing interest in him which is obviously not good because they may get the wrong idea if he tries to talk to them. It would be great if New is with him all the time since it will keep all the other omegas indifferent towards him, but the man has his own classes to attend.
He sighs. If only New claimed him as well that night, it would make things much more easier. It is stressful for him as well, hiding his scents even while going out on dates. Because if he doesn't there will always be that one omega who will try to get his attention, in front of his own mate. At least, the few moments before they realize the man with him is bonded to him.
Just last week a cashier passed him her phone number on the receipt which New noticed. Despite his effort to hide those receipts, some of them will always make its way to New accidentally. And a few months earlier, New told him about the cheerleaders screaming his name during the basketball match. Although the omega's tone was cheery, he can sense the annoyance as the words left him. Lately, despite New not saying a thing about it, Tay noticed the change in attitude. He knows the unwanted attention is affecting New which in turn, irks him. If things keep going on like this, Tay may end up actually hitting someone, literally hitting someone; an omega most probably from his own frustration. In fact, he is scared that he may accidentally become violent with New out of rage.
He is scared of his own temper.
Dropping his head on the desk, Tay again, releases a long breath.
He really wants to be bound to New as well so his mind can rest.
****
Tay clicks his tongue at the receipt with the phone number and throws it away, right in front of the omega behind the counter. Bringing the coffees he just bought to the arcade, Tay puts them on the seat beside him and inserts the coins in the arcade machine.
Today, he will challenge Inn's high score for the Mario race. "Go!!!"
"Heyy!!" He screams, glaring at the beta seated next to New. Inn is purposely aiming for him, letting his other friends pass and throwing the bomb at him. Fucking Inn Sarin.
"You suck!" New laughs, looking at their rankings. Tay is the fourth out of five, led by Inn, followed by the omega and Joong. Breathing heavily through his mouth, Tay throws the tissue in his pocket towards Inn, interrupting his concentration, making his car sways out of track. "Hey, Tay Tawan! That's cheating!"
"There's no such rule." He smirks, before a piece of paper hits his head, and another.
After a few more rounds, the group of friends finally decided to end their fun and head back to their own. Entering his car together are the older couple. The only reason why Tay joined their outing today is because they wanted to celebrate Mew's graduation, and with the other alpha's car broken, they needed a ride. And since Inn was bringing the other two with him, the only option was Tay. Not that he minded, on the contrary, he is glad he was invited. It gave him the opportunity to be closer to New's pack.
"How much is it? The coffee." The older alpha asks as they arrived at their destination. New holds out his hand to take the receipt which Tay ignores.
"My treat."
"No, come on. I said I'll pay today." Mew insists and again, Tay rejects the offer. He remembers the total but there is no way New will let him say it without proof. Beside, it will be too weird to do it anyway, as if he is expecting to be paid. Managing to convince the couple to leave it as it is, he is alas left alone with New.
"You have anything to do?" New shakes his head. Nothing to do means spending their time together so Tay knows where to head to. He already bought everything to make dinner today, so they do not have to stop for groceries. Slowly driving, enjoying the song on the radio, Tay hums along.
"You threw the receipt again?" New questions, breaking the peace.
As expected, New walks quickly. He is pissed. Normally he would walk beside Tay and hold his arm when they are inside the building since other residences are barely seen. Right now, not even sparing him a glance, New unlocks the door and enters their apartment, heading straight to the bathroom.
"Nuu," he calls at the omega when the man gets out with a new change of clothes. The latter answers him but still refuses to look at him, playing with the remote instead. "Are you mad? Because I threw it?"
"It's just piece of paper. Whatever." Putting down the knife, Tay washes his hand and turns the tap off, "Yeah. It is." He continues to cut the carrots before stopping again, not feeling good about it. "You know why I did it right? I have a mate."
"Mated alphas don't have omegas flocking around." New mumbles so softly it is almost inaudible but Tay managed to catch it. That stirred something inside him. Trying to light up the tension, he replies, "That's because I'm too hot."
"Good for you. Lots of options." New gets up and moves towards the television, taking his earphone. "I'm not hungry."
"Newwiee, I told you I'm not interested in them." He tries to speak before the omega could cancel all the noise through his earphone and completely ignore him. This is always a sensitive issue between them because it is related to the bond. For some reason New is convinced Tay may someday leave him for another because he is free, and truthfully, though he is sure that wouldn't happen, he doesn't know how to convince the man otherwise because, he really doesn't know if he would. There is also the fact that he is only made aware about the older man's feeling through Mew, who was informed by Gulf. New never talk about his feelings. Just sensing his stronger emotions is useless if he has no clue what caused it.
"New, hey!" Tay doesn't like being ignored like this. This is a serious issue they need to work out. They have been ignoring it for way too long, he wants a solution. He is tired too. Tired of the other suitors. Tired of New being cold towards him. It is not his fault.
"Hey, I'm talking to you." He snaps and pulls the man's earphones out, shocking him. New is finally angered and glares back at him, trying to take the earphones back without success.
"What the hell you wanna talk about? The other omegas around you? You're hot? I get it! Just leave it!"
'I told you I don't like them! I have you."
"We're not even mates. Do whatever you want." Tay twitches at that statement. He knows they aren't mates because it wasn't done right but that is something he had hoped the other would never say. Never. He hates to be reminded of it - his mess, his failure to claim someone completely.
"What did you say?"
"You're a free alpha aren't you? Isn't that why they're all over you?"
"Does it matter?? You're mine and I like you! I'm fucking taking care of you right now! You know how annoying you can be to other people??" Tay throws the earphones on the floor and stands up. Noticing the shocked look on the omega, he rubs his temple, taking a deep breath to relax.
"What I'm trying to say is, I hate the omegas too. More than you do."
"That's because of your trauma." New mumbles, avoiding looking at the alpha. He is not prepared for a confrontation. He know this is not Tay's fault. He is aware that this is another type of anxiety which is why he had hoped for the alpha to leave him alone so he can calm himself down, like always. But it has come to this and he feels cornered. And he knows he gets defensive when he is trapped. This is really stressing him out.
"Fine!" New winces at the loud voice. Tay is angry.
"Let's say I'm not bound to you! But I don't like other omegas." Tay clenches his fists, sensing the insecurity from his omega. Trying really hard to calm himself, he continues, "Nu, I like you. I hate other omegas but I love you. That's something right?"
New shakes his head, "That's the bond! You don't like me!"
"Fucking hell New! Are you even listening to yourself? You're not making sense! First you said I'm a free alpha and now you're telling me my feelings for you is not real. What the fuck do you want? Make up your mind for fuck's sake!" Tay bangs the kitchen counter, hurting his hand in the process. New's eyes widen in shock and he is left speechless. Sensing the fear from the omega, Tay curses at the situation and goes to the sink to cool himself. Drenching his face in cold water, he stays there, trying not to do anything stupid.
He knows the older is stressed out because of the flirting from others and finally had enough, anyone would. And with his own disorder, Tay is aware that something like this is bound to happen. He knows he needs to be patient, but he cannot. Unlike Mew, he cannot keep collected. He has unresolved anger issues. He cannot help New at all. He only managed to make it worse.
He is useless. He failed his one and only job as an alpha. He failed to make New feel safe.
After a few minutes in the kitchen, not even looking at the other in the living room, Tay finally comes up with a solution. As he walks back towards New, he notices the man's arm already red from scratching.
It hurts him.
"Let's redo the bond." Tay suggests sternly. He heard about Mew doing it with Gulf because of the same concern the omega had and thought this is the best idea for their situation. There is nothing bad about it at all - he gets to be bonded, New gets reassurance. It will be a win-win situation.
…or so he thought. Though Tay is excited over that plan, the frown on New suggests the man is thinking otherwise. Tay tries to stay calm, holding New's hand to comfort him, to convince him. "If that's what's bothering you, let's do it again."
"I don't think I-" New places his hand over the scar on his right neck. "Why?"
"I just don't feel like it."
"Don't feel like it?? Is this a simple problem we can solve by 'feeling like it'? You're paranoid New! You're acting out. We need to do something!"
"Something doesn't have to be THAT, right?" New looks at him, begging to be spared. Tay truly cannot comprehend the rejection. Why is he so adamant about not wanting it? "It won't hurt."
"It's not that…" the man tries to get away from his grips, trying to run away but Tay holds him in place. Still pushing him to accept the suggestion, Tay gets more agitated as New starts to show discomfort. "You can close your eyes."
"No, I can't do it." He is struggling to break free. "Stop it. Te, please."
"What do you wanna do then?? We can't keep doing this! Are you gonna ignore me every time someone show interest in me? I'm a noble, New! They won't stop!" New doesn't say anything else, he just keeps trying to free himself from Tay. The alpha isn't actually exerting any force, this is clearly a difference in strength. Seeing the watery eyes, Tay decides to be an alpha in the relationship and get with it. New is too unstable to make a decision right now. "I know you're scared. It'll be over quickly."
Slap!
Tay stares at New, taken aback as he feels the familiar pain on his cheek. It shocked him enough to break himself from New's distressed pheromones. He didn't even realize he is affected by it. Unfortunately for the pair, it brings him back to his own temper.
New shudders at the glare, feeling himself shrink. He didn't mean to do it, he just wanted to get away. The intense pheromone around him felt heavy, New almost forgot to breath. Tay is angry, he is really angry. New is scared. It is his first time seeing Tay this frightening.
He needs to run away. Tay is furious at him. He can get really dangerous.
Pushing the alpha back, New tries to jump away from the couch towards the kitchen, hoping to make it to the bedroom to lock himself in but before he can do so, his hand is pulled back and he falls back on the soft cushion, straight toward the alpha. Bringing his free hand up to protect his face, New closes his eyes the moment he sees the other's hand hovering above him, praying he will survive the hit.
…which never came.
Still stiff in the tight embrace, New's breaths stutters as his head is pushed toward Tay's chest, hearing the really fast, and strong heartbeats. Tay is breathing heavily as well, probably trying hard to stay calm. "Te, I-"
"Don't you slap me again. You fucking know I hate that." He hears the larger man growls and nods hastily, bringing his own hand to hug the man back. His tears stuck in his eyes are now freely flowing as New starts to speak. "I'm sorry."
"You're not the only one with problems here. I'm trying too." Tay hisses between his teeth, obviously still pissed. Nodding weakly, New stays in his position, trying to relax along with his alpha. He doesn't want to move, feeling safe inside the embrace despite the other is still in a worked-up condition. He knows he is safe now.
He doesn't know how long they stayed there, maybe minutes, maybe hours, but they are both finally sane enough to talk. Still holding on to each other, they move their positions to the couch, leaning against the soft back cushion. "Why don't you wanna do it?"
New shakes his head at first, refusing to answer but as he looks at the tensed face on his partner, he gathers the courage, "I- I'm scared.'
He locks his eyes with his alpha, "What if I die?"
Tay frowns at that answer. If omegas die during bonding, it would already be considered a crime. That is the stupidest reason he could ever think of. Unless, of course he was concerned due to what happened that night, but that was a special case. "You won't."
"You don't know that."
Tay sighs a loud sigh. He is still irritated from what happened minutes ago. Though he is trying his best not to get physical and run, he really cannot handle any more of this shit. He is so tired of explaining these things to New over and over again. His doctors already told him about it, his friends know it, even the betas remember it. Why can't New get it inside his head??
"You can control your pheromones now. You'll be okay."
"You don't know that…." New sits up, getting excited suddenly, "I don't wanna die. I don't wanna-"
"You're still free… what if you try to claim me again and I won't be able to take another bonding because I'm already bon-" New chokes on his own words, not even knowing what he is thinking about anymore. His mind is a mess. He had thought about why he didn't want to do it again; he had a good reason why, but now the reason doesn't make sense anymore. The more he has to explain, the more confused he becomes. All he knows is that he shouldn't do it. It is dangerous.
To Tay, all he hears is absurdities. He cannot comprehend anything New just said as it doesn't make any sense. All he can hear is excuses. Unreasonable excuses. Why won't New want to do it if he is so bothered about other omegas chasing Tay and him doing the same? That alone should be enough reason to want to claim him for himself. It just doesn't make any sense. "Let's just do it at the hospital in front of the doctors! Is that enough for you?! Or we can do it in front of your therapist that you trust so much. If anything happens, they can give you instant medical attention. Huh? What bout that?" He raised his voice, almost at the edge.
"I don't want to… please don't make me…"
"You know what? Fuck this shit. Fuck all of this!" Standing up and taking his jacket and car key, Tay shoves the door open and stomps down to the car park, wanting to escape that suffocating atmosphere. He cannot stand it anymore. He cannot stand being in the same room with New and his stressed-out pheromones. It agitates him so much he wants to knock his head on the wall to break away from it.
Driving a few miles from home to a playground, he finally stops and gets out, taking in the fresh air. It is already dark so there is no one in sight. Tay screams his heart out, kicking the tires buried in the park a few times until his leg hurts.
Why the hell is it so hard for New to be claimed again? The one who did it the first time was Tay anyway, so he doesn't understand why New is acting like this, as if he was recalling his assaults. Why is this such a big deal?? They are already bonded, there is no need for overreactions! He only suggested it because New brought it up in the first place. Sure, he wants it too, but New needed reassurance and this was the only way he could think of. It was for his own good, why the irrelevant extreme panic??
Sitting on the nearby bench, breathing heavily out of anger, Tay curses himself. He needs to control his temper; he is losing it. Clicking his tongue in annoyance and tapping his legs on the ground to lose all the extra energy, Tay screams again and again until he finally gets tired of it.
A few more minutes of just sitting, staring at the dark sky, Tay moves back up to his car. The pills he got from his therapist are in the glove compartment. He hid it there after New took a handful of it almost a year ago. He is drained now, but he is still angry. He is sure he will feel this way the rest of the day, maybe even tomorrow, until they resolve this issue so, as much as he wants to avoid it, he needs it today.
Tay is about to take one for himself before remembering about the omega at home.
New has his own pills, and he is addicted to it to say the least.
New was really stressed when Tay left. What if he overdosed on those? Oh god, he was not ready to lose New.
Tay closes the door and starts the engine, accelerating back full speed.