The slight bump irritates the alpha who keeps on pulling his omega's head closer to his neck, trying to hide him from the rest of the passengers. New is already an hour into his heat, his strong pheromones calling out to Tay, his desperation clearly shown as he tries to muffle his moans by clinging onto the younger one.
Anxiously tapping his legs, Tay continues looking at the monitor for their stop, trying hard to ignore the others who keeps stealing glances towards them both. Had he been alone, he would have already made a scene, but he maintains his cool for the man in his embrace.
Ten dreadful minutes later, they finally arrive in front of one of the welfare centers in their campus. He can tell the bus driver tried his best to reach here faster, Tay didn't forget to give him a sincere nod.
"Newwiee, baby, we're almost there." he kisses the omega's forehead, hoping it will help him relax. New's heat is hurting him; Tay can see all the veins on his clenched fists, his neck, even his forehead. Hugging the man tightly, he makes his way to the registration counter, not giving any mind to the surrounding. Before he could say a word, the lady at the counter held out her hand, "I'll just need one of your student IDs."
She knows. She has a concerned face while she is working the registration. A few clicks later, a key card is passed towards the alpha, "Protection's inside the drawers. Other needs can be bought from the vending machine. Manual's on the table."
She makes sure to tell him before letting go of the card, to which Tay replies with a swift smile. "Second floor!"
Pulling the omega inside and closing the door behind, Tay wasted no time in pulling their coats off, undressing New from the peach sweater as quickly as he can. The soft, white skin glistening with droplets of sweat, Tay will never get enough of that view. It turns him on so badly he starts to breathe heavily to stop himself from jumping on New. He can, but he doesn't want to.
New got thinner from the last time they were together - his collarbones are protruding. It is concerning.
It makes him sad.
It makes him angry.
"Te." The alpha, glancing up in response to his name being called, is greeted by the deepest kiss he ever had from the omega.
Fuck conscience. New wants this as much as he does. If he wants to hate him after this, he will gladly accept the beating. But right now, they both, want this.
Sucking on the shoulder, Tay continues his way to the collarbone before he is pushed back. New is trying to undress him as well but his hands are clumsy and too shaky to even pull it above the man's head.
Taking his own sweater off, Tay proceeds on unbuckling his belt. New doesn't appreciate the distance as he pulls Tay closer and traces his jaw with his tongue, not even trying to hide his desire as his hands rub the alpha's biceps. The man really knows how to turn him on…
Tay pulls that tiny waist close and carries New towards the bed, throwing him forcefully. Positioning the omega beneath him, he locks those delicate wrists on each side, not entertaining even the slightest attempt of dominance. "Nn… AAhh!"
That sweet voice, that high note coming for New. That captivating voice calling out the beast inside him. Shit. He doesn't want to hurt New. He needs to control himself. "-woo! Ahhkk!"
"Shut up…" Tay hisses, clashing their lips together to silence the entranced omega. He loves this. He loves New's voice. He loves it so much he wants to make New his.
He wants to thrust into him so badly. He wants to taste every part of him, he wants to hear New calling for him in desperation. He wants to be the only reason for him to cry. He wants to make New cry in pleasure. He wants to make New cry because he feels so good.
Fuck. He wants to break this man. He loves seeing the stubborn New begging for him. He loves seeing New lose control of himself. He fucking loves everything about this omega!
Throwing desperate kisses on the New's neck, Tay continues to ravish his chest as his hand moves lower, enjoying the shrunken stomach before resting his palm on the hard shaft. Squeezing it, Tay returns to the omega's lips to muffle the moans, continuing to torture his member, rubbing it quickly until New can only squirm madly to get away.
"Te… unh... inside…" New spreads his legs apart and pulls the alpha's neck towards him, whispering in his ear, "Please… inside me…"
****
Pulling New's left thigh towards his chest to make more space for his hard thrusts, Tay leans down, touching his chest to the man's back, kissing the red earlobe. New is left whimpering, no longer having the energy to respond to the sensual stimulus. He already came a few times, but unlike his first heat, he couldn't get the release he so desperately needed with a mere ejaculation.
And that made him confused and scared at the same time. Every chance he gets, New will try to hold onto Tay for support. Not able to see his alpha makes him nervous, as if the man will disappear if he looks away.
Feeling the fragile hand around his neck, Tay shifts his attention towards the omega who is trying to change his position. His body is twisted almost completely while Tay is still slapping their body together. Concerned, he finally pulls out, locking the tired male on his back before pushing his knees up to continue where he left.
New is clumsily moving along, hoping to chase his own climax. Tay notices his agony. He should, because it is his doing.
He intentionally refused to grant New the pleasure he much needed. He is unwilling to break his heat just yet. He knows how, he just doesn't want to.
He isn't hurting New, in fact the man is drunk in pleasure. Because of him.
He makes New feel good. New needs him, Tay Tawan, to feel good.
And he will gladly do it for as long as he can.
He wants to feel needed as long as he can.
"Please… I can't…" New tries to beg but only whispers can be heard. He is too exhausted to voice anything, even moans are draining him. "-woo… cum… I want to cu-"
Claiming those swollen red lips, Tay stops moving as he feels periodical jerk coming from thinner male. New is sobbing. He is sobbing hard. He looks so broken. "New…"
"Too much… Te…" Maybe he overdid it. Shit. "Newwiee, baby, it's okay…"
Feeling the weak pull from the man beneath him, Tay takes him into his embrace, throwing kisses on his face to comfort him. He admits, he went too far. New is only here to be taken care of, not taken advantage of. And he did the latter.
Dammit. He is really a bad mate. He is a useless mate.
Slowly, but gently, he starts the rhythm again, whispering soothing words to New. The older has no self-control anymore, with no strength to hold himself back, nor the energy to push his orgasm faster. He can only hold onto Tay, letting him take control fully.
One final thrust and Tay feels the spurt on his abs. Completely aware of what is to come, the alpha pulls out before he would knot again, letting himself fall beside New. The drained omega has already gotten into a fetal position as he shakes involuntarily out of intense pleasure. Heaving, Tay pulls New close, letting his body fully cover the other's smaller one. Having New in his arms like this makes him feel complete.
He realizes, this is the reason why he had been feeling empty all this while. And he could have had this a long time ago.
Had he not run away to save himself.
"Forgive me, New. I Love you."
****
The squirming figure beside him moves closer, and as the soft hairs poke into his nostrils, Tay moves his nose around to stop himself from sneezing. He tries to rub the hairy thing away from him but his hand feels very heavy. Wha…
Oh.
Between his eyelids, Tay sees a bundle of hair belonging to his beautiful omega. And at this distance, he can really enjoy his alluring scent, as sweet as its owner.
New is fast asleep, facing away from him, but he is holding onto Tay's hand over his chest while his head is resting on his other arm. No wonder he cannot move them. The room is really bright it hurt his eyes. Tay has to narrow his eyelids so he can focus on something without getting a headache. There should be a clock somewhere…
Urgh. His neck hurts. He cannot move much in this position without letting go of New. But he doesn't want to let go…
Can he just pull New on top of him and carry him around?
No. New needs the rest and he is tired too. Sighing, Tay places a soft peck on top of the unconscious one's head, sniffing deeply, as if he would gain something from doing so. Motivation to get up, maybe. Slowly liberating his arms, Tay leans against the headboard. It is only 9 o'clock.
Looking back at the sound asleep omega, he deduces that the man won't be waking up until early morning, or at least for another hour or so. The probability of them spending the night together here is really high. Of course, he can always just leave New alone but, no way. Not again.
****
The fact that the facility has a fully functional hot shower is beyond him. He was expecting a cheaper shower set because - university facilities, but that is not the case. Maybe he underestimated Thai university too much. Or maybe, this is because this building is the one closer to the arts department. He doubts it would be as good if they were at the one near the medical department, just like all the other worn out buildings there.
Putting his shirt back on with his boxer, Tay brings out a damp towel to start cleaning his omega. He can imagine how grumpy New will be if he wakes up with his bottom wet. It is his fault the bed was soaked anyway, he should at least do this much. He did, drained the man off his energy. He shouldn't expect New to be able to stay awake to clean himself after that long session.
Fuck.
Not again. Goddammit.
He forgot the condom. Again.
And surprise - there is a bunch inside the drawer, just like what the receptionist told him.
Oh well, not like he can turn back time…
Fuck. What the hell was he thinking?? Looking at the digital clock, he gets up on his feet. It is already 9:30. He should go down to see if the pharmacy is still open.
★★★
The room feels really comfortable. The smell… this is not his room.
There is warmth beneath his body.
Frowning, New tries to open his eyes slowly but decides it is too comfortable to break his half-asleep state. He can still save himself as long as he keeps his eyes close. Then, his brain won't notice he is awake…
But this is Tay's…
Forcing his small lids open, New is stunned as he is greeted by the noble staring back at him. Awkwardly looking around with his body still frozen inside the man's embrace, New takes note of the arm around his back, locking their bodies together. "Hey."
He opens his mouth to answer but no sound comes out, only whistle-like noise. Flustered, he attempts on clearing his throat in vain; the vibration only succeeds on hurting him.
There is a gentle rub on his shoulder; he doesn't know how to feel about it. He likes it, he wants to enjoy the soft feeling it gives him, but his brain is screaming for him to get away. There is a voice on the back of his head telling him to push this alpha away from him. Because this alpha hurt him once, and he will do it again. This alpha shouldn't be trusted.
But he doesn't want to. He feels really safe right now. The safest he ever felt since he got back to campus. And that, is what bonds do. He read the books; he knows this much.
"Here, water." New didn't notice Tay had gone to pour him a glass of water which he readily accepts. The man also, passes him a familiar looking pill, "I did it again. Sorry."
Shit. Panicking, New shifts his body as he looks around for a tissue box or a towel. He needs to clean it as quick as-
"I cleaned you up. You were asleep for a while."
He releases a sigh of relief, touching the black shirt on his body. This is not his… and boxers…
"Your, clothes. It was dirty so I washed them. The store downstairs sells cheap shirts and undies for," Tay pretends a cough, "I guess for stuff like this…"
Noting a similar looking one on the other, New nods as he puts the pill in his mouth and proceeds to wet his throat. That feels so, so good…
"Want anything to eat?" New avoids looking at the younger male, eyes wandering around to search for the time instead. This doesn't feel right. He should not be here.
But he doesn't want to leave either. He is still very exhausted.
But he needs to get away. Break the bond.
"It's late so the restaurants downstairs are closed. We need delivery." The soft voice breaks him from his thoughts again. This is suffocating. This dilemma he is feeling, this is too much. He wants this to stop. He wanted this to st-
"New? Are you okay?"
"Te..." New stares at the concerned pupils gazing back at him, trying to hold the urge to cry. He doesn't want to feel like this. He wants to be able to accept, or reject the man clearly. He cannot deal with this ambiguity. This, this confusion. The constant war in his head. The tiring-
Oh. What just happened?
Grabbing the hands on his cheeks, New studies the alpha in front of him who has just placed a kiss on his forehead. He doesn't know what Tay did, but it stopped. Did he suck the bad thoughts away? Can nobles do that? Like some kind of magic shit?
"You hungry?" New nods. He is really hungry. No, he is famished. He hasn't eaten since lunch.
The sudden movement from the alpha triggers something in him and New reacts by grabbing his hand and pulling the alpha back, just enough to stop him from leaving. That seems like a surprise to the latter, which is expected. New even surprised himself.
"There's a few pamphlets on the table. I'll just bring them here." Tay caresses his cheeks softly, and New feels himself blush. Why did he do that? God, so embarassing…
"Khai Jiao looks good. Hm." Tay sits back on the bed and spreads the pamphlet for easier comparison. He already had something a few hours earlier so he can survive, but he is really sure that New will refuse to eat if left alone. And that man, needs food. Lots of food. He needs fats.
"Cheeseburger."
"Hm?" Tay tries to search for any burger flyers to no avail. Maybe he heard wrong?
"I want cheeseburger. Give me a cheeseburger."
****
It was a hard task trying to find the healthiest cheeseburger for his mate who wouldn't settle for anything else, but he did, and New thoroughly enjoyed it. And now he is on the carpeted floor, lying down as if the bed is not only a few steps away from them.
That is unhealthy. He wants to complain about it but choose not to. He doesn't want their last moment together to end with him scolding the pretty thing.
"Where are you going?"
Tay stops buttoning his coat halfway at the sudden question. He thought New is trying to get back to sleep. "Are you leaving?"
"You don't want me here."
"I don't."
That short, sure answer feels like a stab. He knows this was coming but that doesn't make it any less painful. "I'll leave you alone."
"Now?"
"Before your next wave comes."
"Why?"
Confused, Tay turns to the omega who is now sitting up. He is expecting something, Tay doesn't know what. "Because… you don't want me touching you?"
"But you touched me. We had sex."
"That was different. You needed help."
"And fucking me was the only way."
How should he react to that? Now that they are both calm, he realized that, yes, he had other choices. But he chose to sleep with New. He had no excuse for that.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. I am now. You want me to leave you alone. I'll do that."
"I didn't want the bond either but you never cared. You looked for me and made sure the bond stayed strong when I tried hard to break it. What changed?"
So that was it. What New wanted to say to him. The 'talk' he always pushed the omega of having. It is finally happening. "New, that wasn't… I didn't know we were mates…"
Both of them were clueless of the other, there wasn't any obvious signs. Even the people around them didn't know. He wasn't guilty of that. If anything, since New remembered some of his attackers, shouldn't he remember Tay too?
Not that he is blaming the omega or anything…
"That might be true last year, but you know about it now. You knew about it and you still wanted to meet me at the lake. Why? I clearly didn't want this, you knew what meeting me means. And yet you…"
Their meeting was not his fault. "You came to me yourself."
"Because you fucking told me to!"
He knows he should be patient with the omega since the latter would be agitated due to his heat, but he feels like he is being bullied. "You didn't come to me the first time I asked you to. Not last month. Not last week. I didn't threaten you. You came to me, because you wanted to."
"Because of my heat! Shouldn't you know that? Being the omega-expert you are? What did you expect me to do?"
Tay clenches his jaws at the question. He wanted New to meet him, that was true. "I only wanted to give you the result…"
"And what?"
And what? He isn't sure what he wanted. He wanted New to be free from his trauma? He wanted New to be able to relax? No, that was the lie he told himself; he actually wanted to be with New. He is hoping for a second chance.
"Were you actually thinking about me? About what I wanted when you waited there everyday? I wanted out. You, didn't let me."
"New… I'm sorry. I forgot…" He messed up again. Again and again. He knows New is bound to him. He knows how bonds work. But those are always two different things for him. It just never clicked…
"Good for you. I guess claiming someone against their will and almost killing them is a forgettable thing for you. I want that kind of memory too."
Fuck. FUCK! He knows he deserve the beating but this is too much for him to accept. This, and that, are completely different things! He had his reasons for forgetting the night! "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THEN?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!" New stands up as he screams his confusion. Feeling all his muscles tensed at the perplexing confession, Tay moves his eyes left and right, his mind in disarray. Should he get mad? Should he leave? New clearly conveyed his displeasure towards him. Maybe that is why he stopped Tay from leaving? So he can spat on his face for the last time?
"I don't want you to leave…"
God. He really cannot understand this man. "You hate me."
"I hate you. So much. Fucking hate you."
Tay bites the wall of his mouth to stop himself from reacting. He never feels so little of himself until right now. People have only ever loved him or hated him out of jealousy, and in some occasion, annoyed by him but they never affect him even the slightest.
"You bit me and left me there. I thought…" He hears a hiccup. Finally finding the courage to face New, his heart breaks into pieces. His omega is crying again, but now, he can feel the misery. It is all around them, sprinkled in his distressed pheromones. "-One of the alphas… disgusting alphas…"
"Wonho."
"It was so hard for me to… you… I thought he'll find me and, and do it again, I- everyday I-"
Shit. He cannot let the man speak anymore. Running towards him, Tay pulls New into his arms tightly, pushing his head into his shoulder. "I'm sorry I left you back then. I shouldn't have left you."
"I hate you." He fels the weak push on his chest. Squeezing him firmly, Tay plants a kiss on the top of his head, his forehead, rubbing his cheek onto his head. "I'm sorry. I won't leave you. I'll never leave you again. Let me stay with you."
"Don't leave me."
"Never again. I'll take responsibility. Give me another chance." Tay feels a hand enveloping over his waist. "I'll protect you. I promise."
****
Tay doesn't know how he got from being the ultimate playboy to the alpha overly obsessed over his omega in less than a year. Less, because he had been obsessed with New the moment he laid his eyes over the pale stranger at the lake that orientation night. And that night, he completely forgot about other omegas and betas. His whole world revolved around finding this man, trying to make himself known. Trying to become a part of his world.
Maybe it was because of his unconscious guilt of leaving him that night at the alley, or maybe he is just attracted to New because of his charms. He doesn't care. New is now in front of him, playing his video games and laughing his heart out. He would never imagine this to happen last week.
"Newwiee, Khao Phat. Like you ordered."
"I said Phad Thai."
"And I made you fried rice. Eat."
"Why you gotta hate on Noodles?" New mumbles as he walks towards the table counter, at his usual spot. Smiling to himself, Tay moves to the other side and sits beside him. "I'll make you noodles if you put on more weight."
New scoffs at him, "Everyone can make noddles. I don't need you."
"You don't want to eat the one I make?" Tay teases, enjoying the small pout on the other. He knows New loves his cooking. It is always evident on his face whenever he eats. And New always finishes his meals when he's with Tay. He seldom does so with his friends.
"Newwiee, do you want to live here? Ow!" Tay quickly grabs a tissue as the bits of rice flew all over the table straight from the omega's mouth. As their glass are also victims of flying rice, he has to grab another one to fill them with water and hands it to New who is coughing.
"What do you mean?"
"We're mates. If you're not familiar with that term, it's the equivalent of marriage in beta world. We should live together." Noticing the frown and the lack of hand movement, Tay knits his own. "You don't want to…"
"We just made up. I haven't sort out my feelings yet. I still have a lot in my mind. And I'm messed up. It'll take more time for me."
"We're bonded. It's only natural."
"I didn't agree with the bond." New takes big gulps of the plain water before looking up at the alpha, "That's just the fact. A fact that I'm trying to accept. I, still have a lot I want to achieve in life. I'm not ready to settle down."
It takes a while for Tay to finally agree to that. He acknowledges the fact that the bond was forced onto New, he admits it was his mistake, no matter the intention. He also realizes how New is trying to pick up the pieces of his life and heal his wounds. He knows he is asking for a lot.
"I still need to work on my feelings for you. I mean, even YOU have to admit the thing about being drugged and blacking out is hard to buy. I mean, come on. Right before? And even then, you just happen to be the only one not affected? Are you a super-alpha or something."
Tay puts his bowl down, not pleased with what he just heard. "You don't believe me."
"I mean, I trust you but we both know that's the bond. I want to, believe you. I need time. It's not easy." He feels a hand on his left and watches as New caresses the back of his palm, to reassure him about his feeling. Though he hates it, he already promised himself to try and understand New. So he will.
"I, also have a lot of explaining to do… to the guys and…"
Oh god. His friends. Why can't their relationship only involve just the two of them? "Why should they care?"
"Because they were there for me when you weren't. You might've helped stop the attack, but they helped me survive it."
"Fine. But you don't ignore me like you did every time we parted ways." It is difficult for him to let New out of his sight because every time they get intimate, something bad would happen and New would avoid him again. It happened twice; he isn't sure he can take the third.
"And you need to apologize to Inn."
"The bastard started it."
"And you fucking deserve it."
"The hell?"
"You remember how you left me that night?" Every fucking night since he regained his memory. How can he forget the horror displayed in front of him? "That was how he found me. And you know what? He called the police. He didn't leave me."
"New-"
"-And if he was late for a few minutes, I could've died and you wouldn't even remember what you did to me. He dealt with the police and lawyers for me. He told my parents about what happened for me. He fucking helped me stay in the university. So you deserve that beating because I would've done the same thing to you for him."
Tay wants to argue that Inn messed up by asking him to let go of the case, but he knows it will only backfire at him. Pouting, feeling neglected by his own mate, Tay continues to eat his rice without any more questions. "Sorry."
"Tell that to him. You broke his nose and ribcage."
"Yeah I did." He almost grinned triumphantly before noticing the scary look New is giving him. Fuck Inn Sarin.
"If you keep putting him before me, I might break his face."
"And I'll break yours."
"Tsk." Tay grits his teeth as he takes a piece of chicken and places it into New's bowl. He hates the Chinese beta. "But I get to be with you everyday."
"I dunno…"
"Everyday." Tay glares at the omega, daring him to challenge his request. "Even weekends."
"But I need my privacy…"
"Every-"
"Okay. Fine. It doesn't have to be long right?" New rolls his eyes, wondering what kind of mess he just got himself into.
"And finish your food."
"Tsk." New gives the alpha a dirty look as he stuffs everything into his mouth. He notices the man smirking in satisfaction, which is enough for him to feel relieved. At least, they have come up with some sort of agreement over their status. No more confusion there.
Oh yeah. He forgot something important. Probably the most important. "Te?"
"Hm?"
"I want to go back to my parents."
Tay seems surprised, but smiled at him nonetheless. "I'll let you go. But call me everyday."
"What are you talking about? You need to go with me."
This was unexpected. After all the things about sorting out his feelings, New wants Tay to meet his parents. They are already at that stage of their relationship? Fighting his urge to smile widely, Tay pretends to act cool and nods.
This is exciting. They will love him.