Author: Rhine
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I don't even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy by now
The more I try to push it
I realize – gotta let go of control
He thought he had it all.
It's everything he wanted, isn't it?
It's everything he ever dreamed of.
But he realizes that there are chips in his dreams, that perhaps some of his dreams stole space in his life from other things he took for granted.
He has it all, though – the money and the fame and the music and the fans and his friends and he has everything a boy his age could ask for, everything he always pictured before he went to bed when he was just fifteen years old –
So why is he still so unhappy?
It's lonely sitting on top of the world, he realizes.
He's missing you, he's missing your smile and that's more than just a dream, it's a need.
He needs you and the worst part of it all is that he can have anything he asked for, but he doesn't know what to say to get you.
He doesn't even know who you are.
Yet.
You're out there, he knows – are you somewhere in the crowd he plays for? Are you at home, in the arms of someone else? – and Luke might not know your name yet but he knows you're his, in time.
You're the reality he needs as he lives in his dreams, you're the one thing that makes his smile complete, that can make him truly happy.
He's saving that smile for you, he's saving those words for you, he's saving his love for you.
He doesn't know for who yet, but he knows it'll be for you.
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Every night I try to dream
Tomorrow makes it better
Then I wake up to the cold reality
And not a thing is changed
It seems a little impossible.
And for all he knows, you've already found your someone, that maybe he's destined to search for a girl that's already long lost in the heart of another.
In a crowd of thousands, in a world of billions – how is he to find you?
Luke dreams of it, though – how maybe you'll be waiting for him backstage with his name on your lips, how maybe you'll wander into his life in some store or a holed-up shop with confusion in his eyes when you see him for the first time, how maybe you know him already or how you aren't even aware of his existence.
Maybe you'll just walk right past him.
It's a little whimsical, a little too airy – but that's just who he is, a boy with his head in the clouds, living his dreams yet still waiting for another one to come true.
You.
He imagines how you'll smile when you see him round the corner, how his name will feel like a treasure on your lips, how your touch will send goosebumps up his skin, how your kisses will taste – Luke dreams of you a little too much, laughter from the boys in the background when they see the boy's blue-eyed haze once again.
Dreaming of a faceless girl again?
And it's true; he'll never see what colours your eyes are in his head and whenever he kisses the image of you it's always with his eyes closed and forehead pecks always block the shape of your smile and the colour of your skin blends with his until he can't see a thing.
It's like loving someone who isn't there, someone who might not even exist.
It's pathetic but the poor boy's heart beats for someone who doesn't even know it, with a figment of his imagination that he holds on to in order to stay sane – it's what he holds on to, the idea of you, every morning when cold reality hits him when he opens his eyes again.
He's alone but when he thinks of you, he's not as lonely.
He's in love with a daydream, with a belief, with a hope.
That is, until he finally meets you and the word love becomes synonymous with your name.
He doesn't dare to think about the if.
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And the salt in my wounds isn't burning any more than it used to
It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just that I'm not afraid of hurting anymore
And the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has
And that's the hope I have, the only thing I know that's keeping me alive
It's the balm to every pain, it's the ointment that soothes the hurt.
That every goodbye he's ever known is only a prelude to your hello, that every cut he suffers is just to make way for new skin when he meets you.
And even though his heart breaks from all the people before you, it's still beating, it's still holding on for you – it's a little chipped and a little marred from all the ones before that have hurt Luke, but it's still for you.
Even though it's just patchwork stitches of a poor recreation of something that was once whole, Luke's heart always opens again with all the love he has left for you, even if the exposure of the air stings.
It'll be worth it you'll be worth it you won't hurt me please don't hurt me –
And he's not alone when he's crumpled on the ground from yet another heartbreak, he's never alone after he's suffered yet another loss, yet another blow to his already-fragile heart.
He's just waiting for you.
He's scared to think that maybe being left waiting for nothing could hurt more than any physical tear.
You won't hurt me –
But your absence could hurt more than any disappearance.
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It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I keep my eyes closed, with the blind hope)
And when it's dark out, no one around
It keeps glowing
It's a little funny, he thinks, that the very thought of your slim existence – and even slimmer existence in his arms – is what keeps him going.
That you are the plotline for every fantasy, you are the muse of every song, you are the core of all his love.
You are nothing but a hope to him, a lonely boy's lifeboat rope of belief.
You are what he clings on to, even if you're just a ghost.
Just a wild idea, just a transparent flash of something that could be real – not enough evidence for solidity but just enough faith to make it something more than a thought.
He's holding onto nonexistent strings and dreaming of a baseless girl; he's a madman in love with you but he isn't crazy, he's just a dreamer in happiness, a believer in love.
And you are his last hope.
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