Jihoon opened his eyes, he was woken up by the loudness at the bus station. He looked around in confusion. He saw people were busy walking, chatting, and pulling luggage.
He looked at me. "Mom, where are we?"
"Bus station" said me.
"Where are we going?"
"Hmm.. Seoul"
"Seoul?" Jihoon's face contorted. He remembered receiving needles at the hospital there.
"Mom, I don't want the needle again. I am scared" said him and started whimpering.
"No, Jihoon-ah. We're not going to the hospital" said me and patted his head.
But still he didn't stop crying. "We're going for a vacation. Disneyland. I'm going to take you to Disneyland" said me. It's already in my plan. I want to have a good time with him.
He stopped crying and sniffed away his tears. I helped him wipe away his tears with my thumb.
"Disneyland?" asked him
"Um, honey. Disneyland"
He started giggling, and buried his face in my chest. I knew he was still smiling.
My heart was relieved.
"Mom, it's cold" said him and tightened his arms around my neck.
"Oh" I quickly reached my luggage and took out his small blanket, I covered him.
"Is it okay, now?"
"Um" said him and closed his eyes. He looked comfortable.
I woke up and got up, sitting on the bed. I yawned and lazily stretched.
We reached Seoul before dawn and I just checked into a hotel room. It was pricey but reasonable because it was in Seoul.
I turned my back to take a look at Jihoon. He was still sleeping like a baby.
Eunwoo came across my mind. I took my phone and checked to see if he had called or messaged me since I left.
My face longed for disappointment. How I wish I had it.
Maybe he hasn't come back home yet or maybe... He didn't care.
I shrugged my shoulders and threw my phone aside. I turned my head forward to look at the scenery through the big clear sliding door that led to the balcony.
The sky was blue and the contrast was so cool. It's just refreshing to see it.
I was so mesmerized that I stood up and slowly walked toward the sliding door. I unlocked it, sliding it to the left. I got out and damn it! It was so cold. I folded my arms and my palms rubbed them. My hair strands flew because my hotel room was on the 12th floor.
I walked closer to the balcony and looked down there. I saw very busy traffic in the early morning like this. It's just so Seoul.
"Mom"
I heard Jihoon calling me and quickly I turned back. He already awoke. I got in, closing the sliding door, and I went to sit on the bed facing him.
"Good morning, dear"
"Good morning too" said Jihoon and rubbed his eyes. He was still looking like he murmured.
I held both of his wrists and pulled him forward at me, he was in shock.
"Jihoon-ah, do you want to go Disneyland today???" I asked with an excited tone.
A smile grew wider on his pretty face. "Um!" he nodded and linked his arms around my neck.
I was so happy that he seemed excited.
My phone rang and I loosened Jihoon's arms around me.
Who knows if it was Eunwoo?
I quickly grabbed my phone. I sighed. It wasn't Eunwoo but Taehyung.
I just stared at the phone screen. I didn't have any reason to answer his call anymore.
I already got what I wanted from him.
And about feelings? Those feelings weren't right. I wasn't in my right mind for those past days.
I rejected his call and turned off my phone.
Jihoon jumped excitedly when he saw the castle at Disneyland.
I could clearly see the excitement in his eyes. It had been like five minutes, he couldn't take his eyes off that castle.
I put my hand on his shoulder as he was lost at the sight. I bent to whisper in his ear as it was so loud here.
"Do you wanna get a mouse ear?"
He turned to look at my eyes. He seemed not to understand.
"Like that boy", said me and pointed to a boy who wore a mouse ear headband.
"I want, I want!" He shouted excitedly.
I took his hand and went to the small stall.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I stopped walking and so was Jihoon.
I took it out. It was Taehyung again and again. He's been calling me since morning. I just ignored him for today, not even 24 hours yet. Why did he act like it had been a week?
My phone chimed continuously. He spammed me.
Taehyung: Babe, Why aren't you answering me?
Taehyung: Are you busy?
Taehyung: I am worried. Is your flu relieved now?
Taehyung: I already transferred you the money last night. Did you receive it?
Taehyung: I realize you didn't talk so much for the past few days. Are you still sad?
Taehyung: You still don't tell me why you're sad.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. I slipped my phone back into my pocket.
I saw two girls and a guy, joking around in Disneyland. They seemed friends and in early 20s
"Yah, don't mess my hair or I'll kill you"
Her friends laughed.
They just reminded me of myself when I was in college. Fooling around with friends, went out for self-reward after cramming for the exam. Or when it was the summer break.
It was just only about one year, I was them. They looked happy. I wished I could graduate or at least last more than one year.
I sighed. I should move on. This was my fate.
I started when Jihoon pulled his hand off me and ran forward, he pointed his finger. "Mom, I want to ride this!" said he excitedly. His eyes, like usual, were waiting for my approval.
"Bumper car?"
He nodded.
I went to see the description of this play. The adult could ride together with the kid. That's great because I was worried that I missed watching Jihoon and then if something could happen. If something happened to him, I swear I would kill myself.
I took his hand, "Let's go" said me.
Whenever someone bumped into our car, Jihoon screamed and giggled. I loved watching this so much. He had been smiling from ear to ear all the time. I couldn't be much happier from seeing my son in euphoria like this.
Please stay like this. I was thankful that I had him despite all the hardships I went through back then. It's worth it.
I got out of the bathroom while drying my hair with a small towel.
Jihoon was sleeping. He even snored and I know it because he was extremely tired from playing.
I giggled slowly at his snore and went to sit at the dressing table. I looked in the mirror and stared at myself.
I was here to find myself, to find what I wanted.
But why did it feel more like I was running away from my reality? Because whenever I wanted to give a thought about that, my chest felt painful.
How I wished I could turn back time and change everything.
My phone rang again. It was no other than Taehyung. He'd been calling since morning.
I saw Jihoon move and quickly I took my phone and rejected it. Gosh, I didn't want to wake my baby.
I silenced my phone and at the same time Taehyung sent me some texts.
Taehyung: Why do you ignore me? What did I do wrong?
Taehyung: Actually, I missed you so much. I have a free day this Thursday. I will come to see you, babe. I love you.
Taehyung: Have you eaten your dinner?
I read his messages. I was so uneasy when he said he wanted to come to see me again.
He really won't leave me alone.
I called him and put my phone against my ear.
"Babe, where were you? I missed you, you know?" said Taehyung right away when I answered his call.
"Can you leave me alone?" asked me under my gritted teeth while walking back to the bathroom.
I worried that I would wake Jihoon up.
"Why so sudden? And I won't"
I bit my lips. I knew this guy was hard to deal with. "Listen. Our relationship should be only because of Jihoon. Just call me only about it".
"Babe, you are so sudden. And I realize it is after I gave you money"
"I remembered you saying you wanted to compensate me 10M for leaving my job to visit your mother. So that 10M is my compensation. You don't forget about child support too, right? Because I am being generous, I will include that in the 10M you gave me. Start paying child support next month".
"No babe. It's not about money actually. Why are you being cold to me again?"
"And one more thing. Your visitation right is two times in any week in one month. So, this month, it is already two times in the early week of the month. So, in the next month, I want it to be two times at the end of the month"
"No. What the hell? No, I don't want to. I missed you, I want to see you. So, no" he rejected my idea.
"You have visitation rights to the child or to his mother, huh?" asked me with my veins popping out.
Y/n got his gut kicked, leaving him speechless about her backfire. "Babe.. Why are you suddenly being like this to me? I'll go to see you tomorrow"
"You won't find me," said me.
"What again?"
I pressed my lips together. "Eunwoo already knows everything. He said we kissed and I felt like a cheater here. I am fucking ashamed, I run away. But the good thing here is that you can't threaten me. It's over for us"
To Taehyung, it was good that Eunwoo knew. But she ran away? And was this the cause she was sad for the past few days? He clenched his jaws. He was so angry that she cared about him.
But he had to play smart. Firing his anger would worsen his relationship with her. "Babe, where are you now?"
"My home country" I blurted out.
"This is a Korean line. Stop lying to me"
I clenched my hand. I felt embarrassed. "Call me again, and I will block you"
"Last time you said you loved me. Why do you change now?????"
"I didn't say that! I only asked do I love you??? That's all. You manipulate what I've said!"
"Ridiculous babe. You're so ridiculous"
"Yes, I'm ridiculous. So, what?"
He didn't say anything. Moreover, to him, she sounded like losing her mind.
"By the way 10M is enough for me to go back to my home country with my son"
"I don't agree," said him right away.
"Do I look to ask your opinion?"
"Jihoon is my son. Anything you do to him, you should ask for my opinion. He's Korean. He better growing up here"
"What's wrong with Y/n's country? Are you being racist right now?"
"You keep accusing me. I didn't say anything about your country".
"Jihoon isn't all Korean! He's my son and I'm not Korean. Why do you skip my blood in him?" asked me.
"He has been here since he was born. Do you want to do him half here half there? Do you think it's easy? I don't agree, y/n. If you do it, I'm going to bring this thing to the court"
"Why?? Why do you keep controlling me?!" asked me and burst.
He heard her slow whimper. "Babe, you're depressed, you're being emotional. This conversation makes no sense in the first place. You keep bringing out the ridiculous thing. Take a break and rest".
When he said I was being ridiculous, he was right at one point. I even already thought it was not easy for Jihoon to adapt to my country but I was against him. Was I being emotional like he said?
"Babe, I love you. I love you so much. Where are you now?"
I didn't say anything.
"I am worried about you. I'm serious, babe"
I turned off the call and pinched my eyes closed. Damn, it was so stressful. He kept saying he loved me. It's been like many thousand times already.
And I? I shouldn't love him.
I slid my back against the sink counter and sat down on the bathroom floor. I hugged my knees and buried my face in that. "Gosh, I shouldn't" I shook my head.
Eunwoo came across my mind.
If I made a choice, I would hurt either one of them, and any of them, I would hurt myself as well.
But why did the hell I care about Taehyung? He had hurt me so much. Why?? I was so confused.
And Eunwoo. He was so nice to me and yet, I?
I sighed. I couldn't say it.
My phone screen lightened again. I cursed under my breath. It must be Taehyung. I already warned him that I would block him if he called me again. Did he think I was just kidding???
I lifted my face off my knees and I reached my phone on the floor beside me.
My eyes flickered, my hand trembled. My lips suddenly pressed tightly together. It wasn't Taehyung.
It was Eunwoo.
***