"Goodbye Jihoon," said me kneeling in front of Jihoon, holding his shoulders as I was about to send him to school.
"Um, goodbye Mom," said Jihoon back. His voice was so weak, unenthusiastic unlike he used to do whenever I sent him.
He didn't tangle his arms around my neck, pull me to him to peck me on my forehead, and then giggle for me. He didn't do those to me anymore.
It hurt me.
I realized it since his birthday. And I knew the reason. I knew it very well.
"Mom will pick you up again this afternoon. Don't trust the stranger, okay?"
He nodded "Um"
I lowered my head. I was so upset. It's so obvious that he was actually mad at me.
I took a deep breath and then I lifted my head, looking into his eyes, "Are you mad with me, Jihoon-ah?"
"Um?"
I shook my head. I should not confront him when he was about to leave for school. It might affect his learning and his interaction today. "Nothing. No. Go inside now, um" I said and let go of his shoulders. I waved my hand at him.
He waved back at me and then turned. I still didn't see a smile on his face.
I watched him going in and then I turned to leave for home.
I felt my heart start trembling in sadness and tears already welled in my eyes. I quickly wiped it away before it dropped. And walked at a quick pace to ignore that feeling.
Right after I reached home, I went straight to the kitchen. I rested one of my hands on my hip and then slowly tried to calm myself down by taking a breath, holding it, and blowing it off.
After that, I went to the sink and stared into it. The dishes that I left this early morning because I was quite late to send Jihoon off to his kindergarten.
At first, my mind saw the dishes but then that feeling came again. I shook my head realizing that I needed to work on something so that it would not stick in my head.
I put on the gloves and started washing the dishes. I tried so much to focus my mind on the dishes, not on that feeling. The sadness because I could feel that my bond with Jihoon began to become tenuous. It was my mistake too. I kept yelling at him lately.
Tears escape. I couldn't focus like this. I shut the tap and pressed my palms against the counter. I sniffed away the tears in my eyes.
"y/n"
I heard Eunwoo's voice from my back from a distance. I quickly wiped away my tears completely with my sleeves, pushing the water free, and continued washing the dishes like nothing happened.
I heard footsteps closer to me. "Y/n, we need to talk again... About the ticket"
My hands froze, I pressed my lips and then nodded. "Yes we need to talk about it" I shut the tap and took off my gloves, then I turned at him. "Have you returned it?"
He turned his head aside before turning it back to me. He seemed frustrated when I asked him that. AGAIN.
"Y/n, no. Please don't ask me that again. I can't. Did you see how excited Jihoon was when he saw this?"
"I don't care. Soon, he will forget about this" said me
"Are you sure about that?" he looked at me as he doubted what I'd said.
I turned my face aside, I bit my bottom lip. I remembered the look on Jihoon's face this morning. I bet he's going to be disappointed with me more after he misses that fucking fan meeting.
"Y/n, give me reasons why you're really against him to attend this fan meeting. I-I just don't understand"
"Of course because it's expensive and just a waste of money"
"I can afford it and how it's a waste when Jihoon is so happy about it?"
"No. It's a waste. Happy? Of course, he's just a kid, what does he really know? It's a bad starter for him as a kid. Obsessing over an idol, do you think that's healthy? And then,"
"Y/n, it's-" he walked closer to me
"No. Later he will become a big spender. Asking for more and more. Maybe he will become"
"Y/n, no, no listen to me"
I just ignored him and continued with what was in my head. "Become obsessed and will spend more time on fanboying rather than studying. It-"
"y/n!" Eunwoo finally yelled.
I shut my mouth in an instant. I was very shocked. He never yelled at me. What did I do until he yelled at me? I must be crazy. I started feeling guilty.
Tears escaped my eyes. "I-I'm sorry," I said with my quavering voice and then both of my hands struck my hair.
"No, no, y/n. I'm sorry for yelling at you too" he said and held my hands.
"No, Eunwoo. I was being disrespectful for not listening to you and I just.."
"No, let's forget about it. Let's talk about the ticket again. I'm sorry but your reasons are ridiculous. Can you let him attend it? I just can't bring him to because you don't allow it"
I wiped away my tears and then pressed my lips together. He's right that my reasons were so ridiculous.
"If I don't bring him to, he's going to be upset. Six years old boy. He can have that feeling, he can feel disappointed and he can remember it. Y/n.."
"Just give me a moment," I said and took a deep breath.
Eunwoo was right about Jihoon. And thinking back, it's just a fan meeting. It's not like anything really would happen. There were like thousands of Taehyung's fans. Why would I think he's going to interrogate my son so much? Is he going to be suspicious just because their faces quite resemble each other? Gosh, everyone had seven twins, right? Furthermore, it would be just 'hi', 'how are you' and then 'bye', right????
I nodded at Eunwoo. "Okay, fine. Just go" I said.
"Really, y/n?" asked him.
I heard the excitement in his voice.
I nodded again. "Yes"
"Thank you, y/n," said him in relief.
______
I was walking back and forth in the living room. It's Taehyung's fan meeting today. I let Eunwoo go with Jihoon. Because it's going to be more obvious If I went with Jihoon instead. Even though I wanted to control the interaction between both of them so much.
I'd given thought to disguising by wearing a mask and baggy black clothes. But what if he talked to me and then he heard my voice? I was sure he was going to remember my voice. It was his fetish anyway to hear me moaning his name back then. I'd read somewhere on the internet that a psychopath usually could remember his fetish very well even after years.
My legs and muscles started to stiffen from walking around and I slumped my butt on the sofa. I bit my nails and then took a deep breath.
"It's going to be like 3-4 minutes then boom over" I tried comforting myself with positive minds.
I put my arms under my head "He won't know, he won't know. How would he know anyway? I'm just overthinking and just over-worried for nothing"
I took a deep breath and shot it out, then I leaned on the sofa. "It will be okay, it will be okay"
Eunwoo was holding Jihoon in his arms. Jihoon kept looking at Taehyung who was sitting at the table, talking to the other fan. Jihoon was still in the line waiting for his turn. He couldn't really wait that he kept rocking his body in excitement.
"Dad, is it really Taehyung hyung"
"Yes, Jihoon-ah. Are you happy???"
"Yess Dad!"
After a long wait, now it's Jihoon's turn.
Eunwoon put down Jihoon and in an instant Jihoon ran towards the table, standing in front of Taehyung with a big grin.
Taehyung looked at Jihoon. His eyes locked on him and he felt like this kid had something that caught his attention. He looked at his eyes, his nose, his lips and he realized how much this kid resembled him when he was a child at his age back then.
"Hi, hyung-nim!" greeted Jihoon excitedly.
Taehyung was startled as he almost forgot about the fan signing that just now he kept staring at Jihoon and was really amused by how he resembled him a lot. "Oh, hi!"
He realized that there was a man behind that boy too. It must be his father.
Eunwoo smiled at Taehyung when he looked at him. Taehyung smiled back and studied his face. To his surprise, they didn't resemble each other. Maybe this kid resembled his mother?
Jihoon put the album on the table and Taehyung took it.
"What's your name, little boy?" asked him with a smile.
"Cha Jihoon"
"Cha Jihoon, good name. How old are you?" asked Taehyung and signed the album as he wanted to save time to talk with him longer.
"Six years old!"
Taehyung's eyes flickered. He remembered about the five months of his baby in y/n's stomach back then. If she kept the baby, the child would be this little boy's age too. What a coincidence.
"Hyung, many people say we look alike!" said Jihoon.
"Really? We really do" said Taehyung and giggled. It amused him more as he found out that he was not the only one who thought like that.
Jihoon felt more proud when Taehyung himself agreed about it but then he just remembered that it was not everyone. "Except for my mom. She doesn't think we look alike"
Eunwoo heard that and he felt alarmed when Jihoon talked about y/n. Because to him, y/n didn’t like such a thing and it would be a negative conversation to mention her.
The excitement in Taehyung disappeared. Why would his mom think like that when everyone did? "I think your mom makes a mistake then because we really do" Taehyung joked and laughed.
Jihoon put a small book on the table. Taehyung took it and flipped it.
"Can I write?" asked Taehyung
"Yes," said Jihoon and watched him writing something. “Hyung, I like you so much!” confessed Jihoon excitedly
With another free hand, Taehyung took Jihoon’s hand and caressed it. “You’re cute. Hyung likes you too”.
Jihoon giggled and then stopped when he remembered that he wanted him to write about another thing too. "My mom hates you. She didn't like that I like you. Can Hyung write something to my mom so that she will allow me to like you?" asked Jihoon with the eyes of a puppy.
Taehyung frowned when he heard that. Why would a random woman hate him? But why would that woman hate him so much when her son liked him? Maybe that woman was jealous because she couldn't marry him.
Eunwoo was shocked when he heard that, he worried if it would hurt Taehyung's feelings and he squeezed Jihoon's shoulder lightly. "Jihoon-ah"
"Um, dad?" Jihoon turned his head at Eunwoo confusedly.
Taehyung just laughed.
"I'm sorry," said Eunwoo to Taehyung.
Taehyung waved his hand off at Eunwoo. "No, no it's okay".
Eunwoo felt embarrassed about it and his face slightly flushed red.
Then, Taehyung focused back on writing. "To Jihoon's mom,.. wait" he raised his head to look at Jihoon. "What's your mom's name?"
"Y/n"
Taehyung's facial muscles were stiff and his smile immediately disappeared. Was this a coincidence again? Y/n? She hated him? Coincidence? That didn't make sense anymore.
He continued writing, and lowered his head as much as he could, knowing that he could not control his facial expressions so much right now.
After that, he looked at Jihoon with a forced-out smile. This time he looked at him with a different feeling. He looked at the details of his facial features carefully. Too similar. Too much coincidence. He started thinking if there was a possibility that Jihoon was his child. But who's the man behind that kid right now? That kid even called him dad.
Taehyung got up and then his long arms reached Jihoon, he was about to take him in his arms.
Eunwoo noticed it and helped him with that. Jihoon's smile widened as Taehyung took him in his arms. Then Taehyung sat back, and placed Jihoon on his lap.
"Where are you from, um?"
"Um?" Jihoon didn't know how to answer that question.
"Ulsan" Eunwoo answered instead.
Ulsan? Another fact that hit him. Actually, he had y/n's phone. And y/n signed in to her account using the same account as the one in his possession. It was signed in from Ulsan.
His hand slightly clenched Jihoon's shirt. This child was his. He could feel it. But who's the man that he called a dad? Thinking back, the fact that he couldn't confirm it made him feel really uneasy. With no black and white, he couldn't just say the boy was his.
He brought his lips closer to Jihoon's ear. "Do you remember your mom's phone number?" whispered Taehyung.
Only Jihoon heard it as the situation was quite noisy with some fans going head over heels when he looked so cute, interacting with the kid on his lap.
Jihoon remembered it as he was taught to memorize both Y/n and Eunwoo's numbers if it happened to be an emergency.
"Yes, Hyung! I remember it"
Taehyung went to whisper in his ear again. "Whisper your mom's phone number to me. I will call her to convince her so that she will allow you to like me"
Jihoon smiled from ear to ear when he heard that.
Then Taehyung moved his ear closer to his face. Jihoon put his lips between his palms and whispered y/n's phone number to him.
Taehyung secretly wrote it on his arm under the table.
"This is going to be a secret between us. Promise that?" asked Taehyung and held out his pinky finger.
"Yes!" Jihoon wrapped his pinky finger over his.
Later the bodyguard came and whispered at Taehyung. "The time is up"
Taehyung nodded but he really didn't want to put Jihoon down now. What if Jihoon was his child? He'd been waiting for this so much. But there's nothing he could do now. It was still unclear.
He got up and held out Jihoon slightly to Eunwoo. Eunwoo took Jihoon from Taehyung and then looked at Jihoon. "Say goodbye to Taehyung hyung".
"Goodbye hyung!" said Jihoon
"Goodbye" said Taehyung. He smiled faintly. He just felt something made him really attached to Jihoon now. Maybe a thought that he was his son.
And then Eunwoon walked away accordingly with Jihoon in his arms.
Taehyung kept watching Jihoon. He almost forgot about the other remaining fans. He couldn't really focus on doing this anymore. His mind went to the woman that ran from him five years ago and there's a possibility Jihoon was his son. What a fate if this was true.
Taehyung went straight to his bedroom after getting home. He threw his bag on the bed and then slumped himself inside there. He stared at the phone number on his arm. He recalled the look of Jihoon. The coincidence. The everything. It's just too much. But still, it wasn't a confirmation. He scoffed when it was maybe just because of the desperation that made him have such a thought.
The desperation that y/n would keep the baby. And he knew how much was his desperation, the one that made him sensitive and suspicious over everything.
He pushed himself up to sit on the bed and then looked for the bag that he had thrown just now. It was at the corner of the bed. He sighed as he needed to crawl to take it. He crawled and sat with his legs dangling. He took his bag and fumbled for Y/n's phone. He always brought her phone with him everywhere. To him, it was still so stupid for y/n to use the same account. But he couldn't know the exact location by using this because only her IP router was provided instead of her exact IP address. Too bad.
But still, he could access her search history. That was the only thing that he was interested in and followed about y/n. Her search history. At least he knew what she thought.
But sometimes her search history was annoying. She searched for a place and when he tried to go there, she was not there. It could be she didn’t go or he missed the timing. It frustrated him so much because Ulsan was far from Seoul. And he was even sacrificing his break just to go there to find her.
He scrolled over her search history and activity. He scoffed when he found something funny to him.
But later Jihoon came across his mind again. He also remembered y/n's search history back then. She searched a lot about abortions. He thought she'd really killed his baby. But when he gave a thought again, nothing could confirm it yet. There's still hope. His son could be alive and it could be Jihoon.
He threw her phone aside. He rolled up his sleeve and looked at his arm again. His mind kept saying it there was a possibility and his mind also kept saying that he was just too desperate.
He sighed and then closed his eyes. “It’s not a loss to give it a try” he said to himself and opened his eyes back. This time he was determined that he really needed to confirm it.
He took his phone and dialed the number. When he heard the call was connected, beeping, his chest started to race, he bit his nail and his feet didn't stop tapping. This was the only way to confirm whether his son was alive or not. Whether Jihoon was his son or not?
"Hello?"
His eyes widened, and he stopped biting and tapping. Y/n. It was really y/n's voice. He could remember her voice clearly and it's still the same.
Jihoon was really his son. There's no doubt anymore. Five years old. Ilsan. And y/n herself is a mother.
He recalled the guy with Jihoon just now. The one that his son called dad??? Was she marrying someone else??? And she dared to make his son call someone else his dad?????
Rage started to overtake his body and he began trembling. He hung up the call quickly because he would lose his control. Then he threw the phone aside on the bed.
He clenched his hands in anger.
How could she marry someone else and move on quickly???
To him five years were still too short to move on. How dared she?! He was unable to forget her even for one second! But she? She dared to get married!
His eyes darkened with anger and determination. This time he would reach her. It’s going to happen. The kid was his. He’s going to get what was his.
***