Author: Rhine
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I can't believe you let me down
But the proof's in the way it hurts
He believed that what you had with him was real.
Something tangible in your hearts, something – something permanent.
It was all he ever dreamed of, tour bus nights where the bumps in the road keep him up at night but he imagines you, he imagines you and how you would look like in white, how you would look like when you said I do.
And maybe it's his foolish heart paired with his intoxicated brain that's taking over him again but he always goes back to it, to the thought of you in his arms and the meaning forever laced around your fourth finger.
Do you take Luke Hemmings....
He's moving too fast but it's all in his head and he's so caught up with these future would be's and wishes that he's blind to the you that was presently shredding every promise of it's only you right behind his back.
And when he finds out – when he sees you entangled with someone else, the guilt etched on your face something he never thought he'd see – when Luke finds out, he makes sure to leave his silly daydreams next to his broken heart on his way out.
Through thick and through thin...
There are some things you can't turn back to and Luke wills himself not to walk back to you.
He's always dreamt of you walking down to him swathed in white but now he's left with your unbuttoned shirt flapping as you run down the corridor to him, breathless pleads of let me explain instead of I do.
And the I love you is still there, but it's just a twist in the knife that you plunged into his heart.
He always thought you would be more – no, he always wished you were, he always dreamed you were – and maybe that was it, maybe it was his blind fantasies that blinded him to what you were.
What he was to you.
Momentary.
Maybe he was always meant to leave.
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But when you call me baby
I know I'm not the only one
You were lonely.
And it's no excuse, no reason to do what you did – wasn't he just as lonely? Wasn't he aching for you just as much as you were for him?
But he had his dreams of you to keep him company, and you, you –
You needed more than that.
You needed more than phone calls and fuzzy videos, you needed more than a picture in your head and a voice that you tried to hold on to before it slipped away.
You needed arms around you and a touch to melt in and a kiss to taste; you needed something to hold onto, something more tangible than balloon dreams that popped as it surfaced reality.
You needed Luke, but he was always too far out of your reach.
And the arms that found its way around you was never as comforting as his but you could pretend, the taste of foreign lips on yours just a tinge too sour, the fingertip touches just a smidge too rough.
It was never the same but this was how you pretended, not close-eyed fantasies – you needed something to give you a basis of reminder, you needed somebody there.
You're disgusted at yourself, at your weakness and your cowardice, at your fragile heart and apathetic mind – how could you do this to him?
He was everything you ever dreamed of but dreams always faded when you woke up to reality, to an empty bed without him.
He may have been Luke Hemmings but there was only so much he could do, and the taste of perfection that was just out of your reach was worse than never having it at all.
He was Luke Hemmings but god, you were so lonely.
And no one could ever fill that gap but him, no amount of pretense enough to make you believe what you snuck was better than what you already had.
You're disgusted at the way you say I love you when you should be saying I love you.
I miss you babe, I can't wait for you to come home.
And his brilliant blue eyes light up when he hears those words, like he was afraid you changed your mind about him while he was gone.
I miss you too. I love you.
He says it like a reassurance, but it only adds to the guilt that was piling on your shoulders.
It was only ever because you missed him too much to the point of doing something that would drive him away permanently.
How despicable.
You can barely bring yourself to say the words.
I love you too.
He's not the only one you've said those words to.
But he's the only one that you meant.
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Your heart is unobtainable
Even though Lord knows you've kept mine
He walks away, but he can't let go.
He can't let go of you because he's already injected you into his veins and to pull away from your desperate grip was like ripping away at the tubes that kept his heart beating.
But what used to keep his heart beating was now the reason for why it lay in shards at his feet.
And you're left with the broken pieces of the boy who loved you too much.
He gives everything to you but it's all in fragments and when he walks away, he walks away empty and hollow, feet dragging.
He couldn't have your whole heart but you always had his and now you cut yourself on the broken edges that you handled all wrong, now he's walking without a heartbeat from the investment that cost him.
Some things can't be returned the way they were given, some things can't be fixed after they were broken.
Some dreams were better left in one's head and some truths weren't meant to heal.
He knows that now, tears in his eyes over his stupidity.
You know that now, broken sobs over your weakness.
You say your apologies and he says his goodbyes.
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