Changbin was different. The way he walked towards the mat was more reserved, resigned even. I waited patiently for him to stand in front of me, and I eyed him with scrutiny.
"You'll take this seriously, right?" It was hard to tell what he was feeling as his expression remained serious, and he nodded slightly before getting into a fighting position. His hands were raised slightly to protect both his face and his body, and he placed one foot in front of him so he could move quickly if needed.
The position was well executed, and it seemed to be natural for him as his body went into the position without thought. Unlike Felix, he seemed calm, though equally on guard, and I took his lead and got into place myself.
He threw a jab, which missed as I dodged to the side, and he followed the move with a flurry of other hits. I continued to dodge the punches he threw with a nearly blurred speed, and if I was any slower, many of the hits would have ended up landing.
Minho had mentioned that Changbin was a master of multiple different martial arts, and that became apparent when he instantly switched from Boxing to Karate with an ease that spoke extensively of his skill.
The fundamentals of Boxing and Karate were very different, so switching between them mid fight would normally result in clunky and awkward movements. However, Changbin switched so fluidly it was almost impossible to tell when he switched styles.
I felt myself smirking as I just barely managed to dodge his attacks, and I quickly realized that I probably wouldn't be able to beat him in one move. But I guess the best way to test that would be to try.
As I dodged the punch he threw, I attempted to perform an uppercut. His eyes widened slightly but he was able to step back at the last second, and my fist collided with nothing but the air.
We both regained our composure almost instantly, expressions serious as we circled each other. Most would consider the first person to attack to be considered the loser, but hesitating in a real fight only results in failure.
We both seemed to think this, as we once again charged forward to attack at the exact same time. Focusing on delivering a blow while simultaneously dodging one was difficult, and as our fists neared each other's faces, we both decided to block instead of moving out of the way.
His fist connected with my forearm as I performed a high block, and my own fist landed in the center of his palm. The pain in my arm was slightly jarring, but I kept my expression blank as my knuckles grounded into the soft flesh of his hand.
We pulled away simultaneously, only for him to launch towards me with another series of blows. He was doing a rather good job of keeping me from catching my breath, and I smirked. It had been a while since I actually had fun fighting someone, so I should take this seriously, right?
I grabbed his wrist as he once again threw a jab, and I yanked him forward before grabbing his neck. His momentary loss of balance made it easy to get him in a choke hold as he practically fell into my arms, and I tightened my grasp as he struggled to be released.
He rasped slightly as his nails dug into my arm, and while I was able to ignore the pain in my arm, the feeling of my skin tearing on my chest was painful enough to make me wince. In our struggle I had somehow managed to tear my stitches, but even as a searing pain erupted across my sternum, I still focused all of my energy on the guy still struggling in my grasp.
A few more seconds passed before he stilled and tapped on my arm in defeat, and I released him with a pleased smile. "You're a lot stronger than I thought you would be." He rubbed his neck slightly before giving me a pleased smile of his own, and he held his hand out.
I shook his hand, though cautiously, and he patted me on the back before stepping away. "The feeling is mutual. It's been a while since I've met someone stronger than me." He walked off the mat and headed towards Felix, and the freckled blond held up a water bottle which Changbin accepted gratefully.
"So, what next?" They both turned to look at me, but the searing pain in my chest was a not so friendly reminder that I only had a little more time before the blood would be visible through my shirt.
"That's all for today. We'll start again tomorrow. And this time, I actually might be able to help you." They both turned sheepish as I made my way to the door, and Felix rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Yeah, sorry. We were just scared we would end up hurting you." I laughed it off, opening the door with maybe a little too much eagerness.
"I told you there was nothing to worry about, right? You better not hold back again." They both nodded, and my eyes trailed over to Minho who was seated beside them. His brow was raised, obviously aware that something was wrong with me, but he said nothing as I left the practice room.
I hurried down the hall and towards my bedroom, thankful that Felix gave me a first aid kit to have in my bathroom. I couldn't stitch nearly as good as Felix could, but I'd fixed myself up enough in the past to be able to manage.
I cursed as I felt my shirt sticking to my chest, and I looked down to see a large red spot seeping through the fabric. It wasn't bleeding as badly as it was when I actually received the wound, but it was still enough to be troublesome.
I would ask Felix to help me, but after the speech I gave them about how they wouldn't be able to hurt me, showing Felix the damage was something I was way too prideful to do. Admit I was wrong? Risk them holding back on me in the future? Hell no.
But this was rather problematic.
I'd probably have to throw the shirt away so they don't question why it's stained with blood. Maybe they would believe me if I said it was jam?
I opened my bedroom door with more force than necessary, and I rushed towards my bathroom as the pain in my chest turned into a dull throbbing.
If I remembered correctly, then Felix left the first aid kit in the cabinet below the sink.
I opened the cabinet and began rummaging around the contents, huffing in annoyance as my hand grazed against about twenty different cleaning products. Seriously, how many did they think I would need? My fingers came in contact with cold metal, and I squinted my eyes to see the red metal box with "First Aid" written in bold white letters.
I pushed everything else out of the way to pull the box out, and I placed it on the counter with a huff.
That was not fun to do while my chest ached from every movement.
"Everything ok?"
I jumped slightly and nearly lost my balance as I was still kneeling on the tiled floor, and I turned to Seungmin with a sheepish smile. "Yep. Just dandy!"
His eyes trailed down to the still spreading spot of red on my chest, and he quirked an eyebrow. "Uh huh. Why aren't you getting Felix's help?"
I sighed before standing with a pained groan, and I turned back to Seungmin with pleading eyes. "Because he can't know. Please don't tell him." I could already imagine the amount of nagging he would do if he found out I got hurt and tried to hide it.
Seungmin sighed before making his way further into the bathroom, and I watched him in confusion.
"Fine, but at least let me look at it. I'm not as good as Felix, but it will be better than you trying to do it yourself." I groaned slightly before relenting, deciding to pick the lesser of two evils.
He made his way towards the first aid kit once he saw me nod, and he motioned for me to take off my shirt as he began to rummage around the different bandages and antiseptics. I shuffled out of the shirt awkwardly before staring down at the blood soaked bandages, and I groaned.
I only felt one of my cuts tear, but it was the deepest one that spread across the width of my entire chest. It would probably scar from the fact I'd already ripped it twice. Honestly, from how deep they were, they would all probably scar.
Seungmin turned back to me with a pair of scissors in his hand, and I turned around so he could cut the bandages without further aggravating my wounds. I watched silently as the bandages fell free, huffing slightly when I realized I would probably have to wipe the blood off of the floor once we were done.
He grabbed my shoulders and turned me back around, his face serious as he observed the damage done to my chest. He whistled once he noticed how extensive it actually was, and he raised an eyebrow.
"Yikes. Chan really wasn't holding back, was he? How did you even manage to tear it again?" I shrugged, watching him as he grabbed a cloth from the counter and began to dab away the blood still leaking from the wound.
"Sparring with Changbin and Felix." He froze slightly, a look of shock now apparent on his face.
"They didn't hold back despite knowing you were injured?"
I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. "I might have scolded them for it and promised them I wouldn't end up getting hurt."
He rolled his eyes before turning back to the first aid kit, and he set the now bloody cloth into the sink. He rummaged around a little before pulling out a needle and thread, and I braced myself for the pain I was about to experience. It was nothing compared to what I was used to, but having aggravated skin sewed together without painkillers wasn't exactly pleasant.
"No wonder you don't want Felix to know. He'll think you're a dumbass."
"Well thanks, I'm rather fond of you too." Sarcasm was dripping from my words, and he threaded the needle before turning towards me with a solemn expression.
"I'm serious, though. Don't push yourself too hard, ok? Chan is really worried you'll end up hurting yourself, and that you won't come to us for help when you do."
I raised a brow. "Why?"
His expression turned playfully condescending as he reached for my chest, and I resisted the urge to flinch away. "Seeing as you just got hurt and tried to hide it you don't get to say anything. The only reason you're getting help is because I walked in on you." I managed to keep my expression blank as the needle poked through my skin, but I had to put effort into not wincing as he began to sew the wound closed.
"That's fair. So, how about the weather we're having?" His expression turned confused as his eyes flicked up to look at me, only for him to realize I was looking for a distraction.
"Oh, truly wonderful. And the economy? Booming."
I sniffed. "Yep. Must be all the illegal trading taking place here." He snorted as he continued to work, and my eyes shut tightly as he got to a particularly painful part.
"If you got the chance to travel somewhere outside of the city without the responsibilities of SKZ holding you back, where would you go?" He seemed content with responding to all of my lame attempts at a distraction, and he responded without tearing his eyes away from what he was doing.
"I want to go to the moon."
I snorted.
"For any particular reason?"
"Because I could bring Chan with me, and the lack of gravity would help reverse his aging." My wound screamed out at me as I began to laugh, and I quickly reined in my amusement so as to not mess up his work. "You?" I looked back down at him as I pondered his question, and by now he was working on the center of my wound.
"Tilda always talks about how beautiful Russia is, but if all people from Russia are like her, I might be too scared to actually go."
He laughed. "Who's Tilda?"
"A good friend of mine." He froze, and I raised a brow at his sudden expression of shock. "You good?"
"You said you didn't have any friends." His eyes hardened but his hands still worked with gentle precision, regardless of how much he currently looked like he wanted to make it hurt more.
"Not conventional. When you asked you were trying to figure out if I had anyone who would look for me if I was gone for a long time, and I was honest when I told you I had nobody. Tilda watches out for me, but I don't have a phone and she knew I was homeless, so me disappearing wouldn't have been that weird. She wouldn't be able to look for me either, because she wouldn't know where to start."
His hands slowed to a stop before he looked up at me with an unreadable expression. "You were homeless?"
I blinked before bursting out into laughter, and his brows furrowed. "You really don't know a lot about me, do you? Yeah, I've been homeless for a little over three years. You couldn't tell by the way I looked when I first arrived?"
He shrugged. "I just assumed you weren't a big fan of soap." My amusement died off, and I watched him finish up sewing my chest, no longer needing a distraction as I got lost in thought.
Our city was a dangerous one, and not one that really catered to the well being of its citizens. There were no homeless shelters, no food stamps, and no support for those who struggled financially, so most of the homeless here looked more ragged than they did in other places.
I wasn't an exception.
Jisung was able to reverse most of the damage done during that time, so while my hair, skin, and nails no longer looked unkempt, I still had calluses and scars caused by the hardships I experienced during that time. And that wasn't even counting the scars I had from before I became homeless.
The others were nice enough to not comment on them, but they were incredibly visible once I was shirtless. The wounds on my chest would certainly scar, but my chest honestly wouldn't look that much different from before once they did.
"All done." Seungmin tied off the thread before standing up straight, and he groaned as he popped his back.
"Thank you." He smiled at my words before packing everything back up in the first aid kit, and I moved to pick up the blood stained bandages on the floor. Seungmin noticed this, and his eyes widened.
"Oh shit! That's right! I forgot to do bandages!" I jumped slightly at his rather loud exclamation, and he pulled out the bandages he had just put back.
"What's going on here?" We both froze before turning towards the door, and my stomach dropped when I saw the concerned face of Chan. His eyes scanned over the blood soaked bandages in my hand, the needle and thread left beside the opened first aid kit, and the bloodied cloth in the sink.
I sighed and allowed a fake solemn expression to mask my hidden panic. "I fell." Neither of them laughed at my awesome joke, and I threw my hands up in the air dramatically. "Ok, I might have accidentally torn my stitches, and Seungmin was helping me tend to them."
Chan's expression of concern didn't ease as he stepped closer towards me, brows furrowed. "How did you tear them again?"
"Um . . ." I looked around the room for an excuse, but my usually quick thinking betrayed me. "Ice skating."
His face fell and Seungmin snorted at my lame excuse, still busying himself by cleaning. "It's the middle of June."
I scoffed. "I never said where."
He deadpanned, clearly not amused by my antics. But when had that ever stopped me? "So what? You took a private jet to Greenland and had a day of ice skating in the span of two hours?"
"No, but that sounds lovely. Can we go do that?"
"Seungmin, how did he injure himself?" We both turned to the poor guy who was now frozen in place as he looked between the two of us. I pleaded with him with my eyes, but he ignored me as he turned to Chan.
"By sparring with Felix and Changbin." I gasped dramatically, grabbing the counter to steady myself as my hand went to my heart. Unfortunately, I still didn't have bandages on, and I flinched when my hand came in contact with the sore skin of my chest.
"They ask you if you're fine, and you tell them you're fine when you're not really fine-"
"Hyunjin?"
"Yes, Mr.Bossman?"
"No more sparring."
I pouted but made no move to disagree, well aware our next few lessons wouldn't require it anyway. I might as well use his lack of knowing that to my advantage, though. "Fine. But on one condition."
He sighed as he massaged the bridge of his nose, clearly expecting the worst. "What?"
"You can't tell Felix or Changbin that I tore my stitches."
"You tore your stitches!?" Felix rounded the corner, a look of concern, guilt, and anger apparent on his face. What is with people and just barging into my bathroom!?
"Oh, for the love of- No. I said I swore . . . my bitches . . . into a . . . sorority . . . yeah." They all looked at me with varying levels of disbelief as I smiled awkwardly, and Felix pushed his way past Chan before grabbing my shoulder gently, eyes training over the newly stitched wound.
"It was stitched rather well, but the skin is really aggravated now. Why didn't you tell me you tore your stitches?"
I blinked. "Do you not remember me taunting you about the fact you wouldn't be able to hurt me? I mean, I tore them while I had Changbin in a chokehold, but still."
"You had Changbin in a chokehold?" I looked at Chan from over Felix's shoulder, and I shrugged.
"It's a long story."
"It's really not. I'll tell it. Hyunjin put Changbin in a chokehold. See? Done." Felix's sass quickly switched back to concern, and he gave me a serious expression. "But seriously, your wellbeing is more important than your pride or your word. Alright?"
I raised my hand. "Um, Felix? Do me a favor and think of who exactly you're talking to."
He closed his eyes and exhaled sharply through his nose, and I continued to stare at him as he clenched my shoulders tightly.
"Please. Next time, tell me if you get hurt, ok? I don't care if I bet a million dollars on you not getting hurt, if it happens, you tell me. Got it?"
I nodded, well aware I would likely go back on that. But I mean, if it reassured him, then I might as well lie.
He seemed satisfied as he let go of my shoulders with a pleased look, but that look quickly turned into a somehow threatening smile as he turned to face Seungmin. "And next time you notice he's hurt this badly, you come and get me. Got it? If not taken care of, wounds can fester. We all know how that ends." They all turned grim at his words, and I knew better than to make a joke. They seemed to be remembering something harrowing, and I had more respect than to make fun of someone else's pain.
I noticed Chan's eyes flick towards Felix's leg with a pained expression, and my eyes followed on their own accord.
My stomach dropped as I noticed the metal peeking out from Felix's left pant leg. A prosthetic. How did I not notice that while we were fighting? That would explain why he favored his right so much. Kicking me with his left would be the equivalent of hitting me over the head with a metal bat.
I didn't have much context, but from what I could piece together, Felix probably lost his leg from an infection.
So that was why he was so adamant. I guess I really would have to keep my word about going to him, huh? I would hate to bring back painful memories.
—--------------------------------------------
Jisung had the habit of tracking me down and then not leaving my side until he got bored, and while others would find his level of clinginess to be annoying, I found it to be adorable. He was a ball of energy, and was very unapologetic about that fact.
He had a way of lighting up a room, and the others always watched him with adoring eyes, myself included. It was hard not to like him. His bubbly demeanor was contagious, and he had the magical ability of bringing others up to his level.
So to see him look so terrified was concerning.
I had entered the main room with the goal of stealing the tv, only to stop in my tracks when I noticed Jisung standing alone by the front door. His shoulders were painfully tense, and his hands shook.
He didn't seem to notice my presence as he continued to bite on his lip, eyes blown wide as he stared at the door.
"Jisung?" Despite the gentleness of my voice, he still jumped, and he turned to face me with eyes that somehow managed to widen even further. "What's going on?" I approached him slowly, watching for any signs that I was making him uncomfortable. While he seemed to be experiencing anxiety, I couldn't say for certain, and I didn't want to upset him further by pushing boundaries.
His eyes trailed down to the floor as his fists clenched, and I continued to approach him when I didn't receive any signs that I shouldn't.
I placed my hand gently on his arm, and I rubbed my thumb in circles in a soothing manner. "Jisung, can you look at me?" His eyes fluttered upward to meet mine, and I smiled reassuringly. "What's got you so freaked, love?" The term of endearment left my lips before I could stop them, but he didn't seem bothered as he quickly pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around my middle.
He buried his head into my neck, and I leaned my head to rest on his as my hand came up to play with his hair. My other arm wrapped around him tightly, pulling him closer into myself as he relaxed slightly from the hold.
I began rubbing soothing patterns on his back as I swayed us side to side, now almost one hundred percent certain that he was experiencing an anxiety flare up. He had mentioned in passing that he suffered from anxiety, but it wasn't until now that I saw it in action.
"Babe, are you ok? Did something trigger this? Did you get a sudden wave?" I made sure that I was careful about how I worded it, well aware that people often downplayed anxiety when it wasn't caused by something tangible.
He didn't respond as he stayed glued to my front, and I continued to sway us, hand still tangled in his hair. "You don't have to tell me, ok? We can just stay like this." He nodded, and I smiled warmly despite the fact he wouldn't be able to see it.
From personal experience, I knew how bad it could be to be left with your thoughts, so I decided that keeping him occupied as he calmed down would be for the best. A few moments of silence passed before I finally thought of something, and I looked, or I guess tried to look, at the squirrel who was currently molding himself into my neck.
"Felix was telling me about the glory of memes, and when I asked what they were, he freaked out and decided he needed to show me all of his favorites. About four hundred memes later, I finally convinced him to do something else, and we found this subreddit about funny ways to call people stupid. Do you want to hear some of them?"
He nodded, though slowly, and I smiled.
"Intelligent thoughts followed him, but he was faster." My words didn't get much of a response, but I could tell by the air that hit my neck that he at least found it funny enough to huff in amusement.
"He couldn't empty a boot filled with water if the instructions were on the heel." I continued to draw patterns on his back, and he relaxed ever so slightly in my arms.
"You aren't the biggest idiot in the world, but you better hope they don't die." He once again laughed through his nose, still too stressed to laugh out loud, but I took the win.
"He's so behind he thinks he's in first place." He hugged me tighter, and I reciprocated the motion, tucking his head deeper into the crook of my neck. His nose hit my skin, and my hairs stood on end as I could feel his breath fanning over my pulse. He melted into me, and my smile deepened when I could no longer feel him shaking.
"How are you doing?" He groaned dismissively, still determined to somehow merge together. I simply allowed him to continue holding onto me, not really having any reason not to. I flexed the hand I had tangled into his hair, massaging the back of his head as we continued to sway.
"Sorry." His voice was so quiet that I could feel it more than I could hear it, but my grip tightened when I finally processed what he said.
"Don't apologize. Anxiety is a bitch." He chuckled at my words before pulling away slightly, and I looked into his eyes as my arms remained locked around him. "But seriously, are you ok?"
He nodded, looking off to the side in order to avoid my gaze. "I'm fine. I just . . . it's my turn to go get groceries, and when I went to leave, my anxiety just kind of. . ." He trailed off awkwardly.
"I get it. Do you usually get anxious about leaving the house?" My voice remained gentle, and he shook his head.
"It's not about leaving the house. I don't do too well in crowds, and the market is usually packed at this time."
"Do the others know about this? Perhaps you can go at a different time, or someone else could go instead?"
He pouted, his bottom lip jutting out as his eyes watered. "No. Felix is planning on making a big dinner tonight to celebrate a break in a case we got, and he needs the stuff for it. And they're all busy. Besides, I wouldn't want to bother them. We split all the housework evenly, and they never complain when it's their turn."
I pulled away slightly to be clutching his shoulders, and I urged him to meet my gaze. I smiled in reassurance once he did, and I once again found myself rubbing soothing patterns on his upper arms.
"Taking care of your mental health isn't complaining, and I'm sure not a single one of them would be bothered by it, ok? But I get how you feel, so how about we do this instead."
His eyebrow raised in curiosity, clearly open to any solution I could come up with.
"How about I come with you?"
-------- To Be Continued --------