there's a lot to unpack
choi soomin
"soobin said what?" chan asks, laughter filling the car. i sigh.
"he said my heart lives in my vagina." i deadpan, this being the third time i had to repeat it because he found it so hilarious.
"that's a good one. i'm gonna have to start using that." he says, clutching his stomach in laughter.
"anyways." i sneer. "he might be right."
"oh? you like minho?" he asks.
"i don't know. i think about him sexually all the time, literally all the time. but then he talks to me and my heart starts beating a mile a minute and my stomach feels weird." i pout.
"maybe he just makes you nervous. afraid that he's gonna know all the little sexual fantasies you have about him." chan teases, poking at my temple.
"i don't know. and the way he talks to me... it's... different." i shrug.
"different how?" he asks.
"like... yesterday. i asked him why he put me in your room after we slept together, and i was all upset about it, but instead of like... telling me i'm being ridiculous, or overreacting, he apologized." i tell him, recalling the words he said to me. i admired the way he never seemed to escalate my emotions, but rather calm them down.
"so what you're saying is, if it was just a one night stand to him, he would have said that you're looking to much into it. like, you think it meant more to him?" he clarifies.
"yeah... something like that..." i nod. "i don't know, i just think... why would he care to make it right if he didn't want it to happen again, you know?"
"yeah, i get it. but, not to play devils advocate, minho is just a nice guy." he starts. "i know you never really thought so, but he really is a nice guy. i'm saying this because i don't want it to happen to you, but a lot of people get attached to him because of it when he's really not looking for anything serious." i groan at his words.
"how do i know the difference?"
"ask him." he says simply.
"what?"
"minho is very mature. he's big on communication. he's not going to beat around the bush. if you want to know something, just ask."
"it's too soon to ask something like that." i shake my head.
"how come?" he questions.
"well, if i ask him... and it's nothing more than just sex to him, he might not want to sleep with me anymore cause he thinks i have feelings." i tell him.
"but... you do have feelings." he cocks an eyebrow at me.
"i'm not sure. i think i might... but i don't know."
"right... so what are you going to do then? suffer in silence so you can keep getting dicked down?" chan chuckles slightly.
"yes. it's not like i'm in too deep yet. i mean, if i don't even know my feelings, i doubt minho does." i shrug.
"he's actually very quick to know his feelings. he usually knows what he wants and gets it."
"well i guess we'll find out."
"as long as you're okay with that. you don't need to come out heartbroken when you have the power to get the answers you want." he speaks wisely.
"i think i know what i'm doing." i nod.
"alright. but if what soobin says is true, the more you sleep with him, the worse off you may get."
"ill cross that bridge when i get to it." i wave him off, knowing he's probably right, but i didn't have the energy to think about it. "tell me about your love life." i change the subject, bringing my gaze to the window of the car, watching the trees as we drove by.
"my love life? why?" he chuckles.
"we talk about me too much. what's going on in chan's world?"
"not much. just watching all my friends fall in love." he shrugs.
"who?"
"changbin, you-"
"i'm not falling in love." i correct him. "but changbin? who has he met?"
"you should ask him. it's not my story to tell." he shrugs.
"boring." i fake yawn.
"i'm boring, you're a liar, we've got our own traits." he says with a smirk.
"i'm not a liar."
"sorry— in denial." he clarifies.
"not that either." i shake my head.
"tell me you're not thinking about minho right now." he challenges.
"i'm not thinking about minho right now." i answer confidently, though, i kind of was. he always seems to be lingering in the back of my mind these days.
"what are you thinking about then?"
"what i need to get at the grocery store."
"which is?"
"huh?"
"what do you need to get at the grocery store?" he clarifies.
"umm..." i trail off, actually thinking about what i need.
"caught, red handed." he laughs.
"what do you mean?" i contort my face at him.
"if you were already thinking about it you wouldn't need to think about it now."
"whatever, you caught me off guard." i roll my eyes.
"it's okay to admit that you like him."
"is this all we're going to talk about?" i groan.
"i just don't know why you're running from it."
"there's a lot of feelings to unpack. they're not all sunshine and rainbows, okay? sure he's nice to look at, and sometimes he gives me butterflies. but other times he gets on my nerves. and i don't understand him, he's always so calm it's a little unnerving. not to mention i don't really know much about him personally. what's his favorite food? favorite color? does he sleep on his left or right side? how many pillows does he sleep with? does he take hot or cold showers-"
"okay. i get it." chan cuts me off, holding his palm in the air. "i still think it's better to address feelings than to ignore them."
"what do you know? have you ever had a crush on someone?" i retort.
"i've had plenty of crushes. none of which anything ever happened with because i kept my feelings to myself."
"you sound like a dad."
"i just know a thing or two. minho is easy to read, but he's not so good at reading other people— also his favorite color is mint, and he actually sleeps on his back." he answers a few of my questions from earlier.
"his back? what is he, an alien?" i furrow my brows.
"no, he just says he doesn't to get wrinkles." chan shrugs. my brows furrowing again as i bring a hand up to my face, feeling for any possible wrinkles. chan laughs at my action, shaking his head as we finally pull into the grocery store parking lot.
"well... what about the other questions i asked?" i look at him with hopeful eyes, ready to learn more about minho.
"ask him yourself." chan winks as he pulls the keys from the ignition.
"but-"
"ask him yourself." he repeats, more sternly this time. "now come on, let's get these groceries." he hops out of the car, not giving me another opportunity to protest.
i guess it was about time to get my underwear back from minho.