VANIE's POV
Burning tears stream down my cheeks, the salty droplets pooling near my chin before falling down to my lap. But I continue to drive away from his place, a place that I called home a few hours ago. It's astonishing how my entire life has turned upside down in a matter of a few hours.
Some bitter words were spoken in the past, but their bitterness was felt today.
I loved that man with all my heart. I would have poured my life into him if it meant he would be mine. But, I guess things do not always work out the way we want. The entire thing was too good, too surreal to be true.
How stupid was I?
You always knew it was a deal.
I did, but I didn't expect him to marry me just because of the deal. It means if there had been a better offer, he would have agreed to marry someone else.
He reduced my worth to money. People get into arranged marriages all the time, but not solely because they are benefiting from the marriage, but because they are okay with spending the rest of their lives with the other person, because they want to give it a try, they want someone to be by their side. Arranged marriages do not mean the lack of love, it means promising to spend the rest of your life with a person and then making efforts to make it work, respecting them and always being there for each other, while falling in love with them.
Business deals are made all the time, but humans are never the ones getting exchanged. We do not deal in humans, because that's simply trafficking. And if it does involve a wedding, it's never just about the money. It's about the union of two families, and the two souls. But for him it was just money.
Did he see other women behind my back? Did he have someone he loved, someone he abandoned to marry me for money?
No. Aadi would never do that. I know his heart, or at least I thought I knew.
I recall every news article I have ever read about failed marriages, families falling apart. Some of the men involved were even my father's friends. Maybe they too married for just money. And maybe that was the future I was heading towards.
I can't even blame him for everything. Every businessman is strategic, all of them will take any risk to make money, to gain a name. But marriage was something sacred to me. It is something sacred. And it shouldn't have been exploited like this.
The least he could have done is respected me and not mocked me like this. Why create all this fuss about feelings when he could have simply told me in the start of the relationship that it was nothing but a deal for him? Why make an effort?
Because he wanted to fool you.
He fooled you.
He lied about being in love.
My mind screams at me, as nothing makes sense.
It all seemed so real, until it didn't. And yet my mind is struggling to make peace with the fact that he lied. All I can think of is how he begged, how he fell onto his knees for me. I wanted to hold him closer and cry for him, not because of him.
He seemed equally hurt, if not more, and that doesn't sit right with me. I have so many questions, so many thoughts but no one to guide me through them.
I wipe my eyes with my hand. I am on the road and I shouldn't be driving like this. My vision is blurry from all the crying. Good thing there is barely anyone on the road right now. A few cars passed me a few minutes ago, but that was it.
I drive as fast as I can. I take every turn I see. It's not like I have a destination, all I have is the journey .
Where would I even go?
I can't go back to my place, because my parents will convince me to move back with him and I don't want to trouble Daadi. There is nowhere I can go at this time. At least not without telling people what's wrong.
My throat chokes every time I think of what has happened. We weren't meant to go down like this. And the worst part of all of this is that I still love him. I still want to be with him.
My heart broke when I saw him look so helpless and hurt. It was almost like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and shredded into pieces right in front of me. But I also couldn't get the words he spoke out of my mind.
That video still plays on loop in my head.
My trembling hands catch my attention and that's when my eyes fall on the speedometer and I realise how fast and recklessly I have been driving. My attention is barely on the road in front of me and it's not safe. I am risking several others along with myself. I try to look for the nearest parking spot. My eyes fall on an old man on a bicycle, with a huge pile of newspapers at his back.
I could have hit him.
A cold chill of guilt and fear runs down my spine.
Stopping the car, I park it and put the gear in the neutral mode. I take my hands away from the steering wheel and watch them tremble like a leaf.
I am so messed up.
Where will I go?
Ragged breaths leave my trembling lips as I relax my body on the seat by taking off the seatbelt. I try focusing on my breathing.
Get a hold of yourself.
1..breathe..2..breathe..3..breathe.........
I continue the counting and breathing process till the time my breathing is finally even. Once my chest moves up and down in rhythmic fashion, despite the pain in it, I grab my phone.
A part of me is too scared to look at it and the other knows that I need help.
Closing my eyes for a few seconds, I try gaining as much courage as I can.
I am afraid of seeing the texts he might have left me.
My eyes fall on the numerous notifications sitting on my lock screen. Names flashing in front of me, like they are mocking me, whereas, the reality is that nobody knows what has happened in the past few hours. Yet it feels like everyone will laugh at me, for being so naive, for not seeing the signs. Just like all those newspapers ripped those couples' dignity and privacy years ago, they would rip ours too. They would pity me and call him a heartthrob who cannot be caged by an engagement band.
I shake my head and try to stop the noise my devilish brain is making.
Two names on the notification bar catch my attention. They are Sidya's and Aadi's. There is one single message that he has sent me, it's a photo.
Ignoring all the messages by Sidya, I click on Aadi's chat. I don't know how I feel about Sidya. I am at crossroads about her.
Did she know since the beginning?
How long did she have the video for?
The blurry screen loads and a picture pops up on the screen. But I can't focus, since my eyes are filled with water. So, I wipe them and take a deep breath before bringing my focus back to the screen.
At first the picture is just a blur of colours, but when I click on the image, and a picture of a little girl in lavender frock appears on the screen. She is looking up at someone standing next to her. Her face is filled with everything I lack at the moment. Hope, love, laughter, joy, innocence and excitement. I assume the woman standing next to her to be her mother.
With one of her tiny hands she is holding the hem of her mother's dress while the other is in her mouth. She is nibbling on her fingers. I feel a rush of emotions in my chest. I remember him talking about having kids one day right after I had fallen asleep in his arms. He thought I was sleeping, but I wasn't.
And he found out I wasn't sleeping soon after he said all those words. I couldn't help but blush and smile with every word that came out of his lips. That's what gave me away. He then tickled me and kissed me so hard that I almost forgot where I was.
It was all so surreal. But now I can't look at all this without thinking about the words he spoke. I was so stupid to think it would've meant something more to him. He is a businessman just like my father and for them it's all about money.
Every time my father would bring his associates home, I would see all these men bring their wives, kids and introduce them as trophies they owned. My own father treated me and my brother as stars on his shoulders. It was always about our victories and how one of us was better than the other.
I throw my phone away. It falls down and rolls under the seat. The urge to cry overpowers me, but my eyes have run out of tears to shed. I stare at the road, people who pass by me give me weird looks. They probably think I am a madwoman. It feels humiliating, like they can take a look at me and know my entire life story about what happened and how it happened.
I am overthinking, and the thing about overthinking is that it takes you to places that do not actually exist and makes you feel all the emotions that are not even real.
When Sidi told me it was all about money, I should have believed her. But I didn't. I pretended it was a normal arranged marriage, a normal deal and that we would have a normal relationship. But we didn't.
When Aadi pushed me away after our first attempt to kiss, I should have believed him. I should have never blamed it all on his childhood trauma. Maybe he never actually wanted a wife. But I didn't. Rather I believed every lie he spoke to me after that. He played with my feelings. Unnecessary feelings.
All the proofs were there. Our first hug making it to the newspaper should have been the sign for me, but no, I am that naïve character in the book who ignores all the signs and walks head first into the trouble. And now I am so deep into it that I don't know what to do.
I ran away like a coward, because I was scared that I would give in to his pleadings. I couldn't see him so hurt, with every cry of his words a part of my soul left my body. And now disgust fills me as I think all of it was just a lie. Was it?
It's so hard to tell the lie from the truth.
I place my hand around my temples and rub them. No matter how hard I try to stay calm the frustration gets the best of me and I throw my hands in the air, one of them hits the steering wheel and the sound of a blaring horn blows out from the car. And if the looks people gave me were weird before, then they are now filled with pity, annoyance and anger.
I close my eyes and lie back on the seat. I am not moving from here until I have calmed this ache in my chest.
Good luck with that.
The sound of vehicles moving and horns keep me company. At least I am not completely stranded.
I stay in the same position, in the same surroundings, the only thing changing is the speed, sound and amount of vehicles on the road. It must be the rush hour now, judging from the sounds on the road I guess everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere. The warmth of the sun makes me feel a little alive.
A loud and aggressive tap on my window startles me. I open my eyes and the orange-yellow light of the sun falls straight into my pupils. I wince. Slowly rubbing my eyes I turn around and squint my eyes to focus on the person standing outside my window.
The woman in front of me frowns at me as she actions with her hands to open the door.
A truckload of emotions unloads in my chest. Sidya. She is here. But do I want her to be here?
My mind sabotages me in every way. Being paranoid has become my second nature since the last few hours. I have been questioning everything. And now I am scared of what she will say. I am scared of her judging me. I am scared of her looking down on me and calling me a failure, a coward for running away. Will she abandon me again or will I abandon her this time?
She was always there for me. We were always there for each other. From her first knee injury to her first heartbreak, I was always there with tissues in my hand. Yet, she left me all alone to deal with my shit.
So, instead of opening the door, like she asked, I roll the window down.
"Vanie." She says with concern in her voice.
My heart threatens to give up and cry for the loss as soon as her voice reaches my ears, but I swallow my emotions somehow.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" She asks.
Well, the question should be how she found me? And I should be the one questioning her, seeing I was the only one who was kept out of more than half of the details.
I wasn't even told what the deal comprised, apart from us marrying each other, but she knew, everybody knew.
"How did you find me?" I ask.
"Well..." She takes an unusually long pause. And my heart can't take the anticipation.
"Just say it." I tell her.
"Umm.... The pretty boy showed up at my place with his friend. It....wasn't very pleasant, but he told me that you flee from the house and I got scared so I tracked you down."
My heart lodges in my throat. "Did you tell him where I was?"
"I would never Vanie. You don't want to see him, I will make sure you never do." She puts her hand through the window to the door lock. Her eyes stay fixed on mine as she unlocks the door.
"Why didn't you call me?" She questions.
Tears fill my eyes.
How could I call her when she abandoned me to face the news all on my own?
How could I call her when I am not even sure how long she has had the video for?
Why did she wait so long before showing it to me?
"You are just like them." My voice breaks at the end. "You knew all along, but you waited till the last moment to show me the truth."
"You never believed me. You wanted the proof and I am so sorry that it took me so long to find one." She cups my cheeks and rubs the pad of her thumb over my cheek.
"Let's go home okay."
"I don't have one." I press my lips in a thin line.
"You do." She smiles and grips my biceps and slowly pulls me out of the car.
She takes a look at me and I watch her face frown with worry. I am sure I look terrible. I feel terrible.
"I can't believe the fool let you drive in this condition. If I were there I would have killed him. I hate.."
"Yeah, but the only difference is you weren't there. You too abandoned me. Left me on my own to face my own actions and why wouldn't you?" I cut her off.
She pauses and looks down at me. "I would never abandon you. You and I are the end game. We have always been together and I am not letting you accuse me of something I didn't do."
"You kept the video. You hid the truth." I shout.
"I only got the video an hour before I brought it to you. And I always told you he wasn't right, you wanted the proof. It took some time but I did show you his real face."
"But you left, like you didn't care." I sniffle.
"I do care, Vanie. If it were up to me you wouldn't be facing any of this. I know you have questions but please let's go home first. I promise I will tell you everything I know." She nudges my arm.
I give in and step out of the car and follow her. Her car is parked right behind mine. A lean, tall boy steps out of the passenger seat and walks towards us. Sidya throws the keys at him and he catches them easily.
She can't be serious.
"Are you seriously going to ask an underage boy to drive my car home?" Well driving is the least illegal thing he would be doing. Ritvik has been working with Sidya since he was a kid in grade 9. Well he wasn't exactly working for her, Sidya rescued him when he was 12 and nobody in Sidya's company is ever normal. He wanted to learn what she did, so she and her father started teaching him everything from real estate to hacking.
And after three years of learning he wanted to be a part of everything she did. Be it running away or burying her own identity. He was always there.
"Excuse me, my boy just turned 18." She informs me.
She is lying straight to my face. His birthday isn't until next week. "I know his birthday."
"Vanie, I will be 18 in a week. It doesn't really matter, age is just a number. Right?" He winks at Sidya, who offers him a fist bump in return.
Over the years Sidya and Ritvik have developed a weird sibling bond. Being an only child, Sidya always wanted a sibling. She was always surrounded by cousins, who had siblings and she would always fight with her father for a little brother. She never wanted a sister, because she enjoyed being her father's favourite girl, while her mother was his favourite woman. And then she met Ritvik and she has loved that child ever since.
It's like they were destined to be each other's siblings.
I watch Ritvik walk towards my car and drive away. We two stand on the road as he drives away from us.
"He doesn't know." She says.
"Sorry?" I ask.
"He doesn't know what I did today, or how I extracted the video. All he knows is you and Aadish had a fight and I plan on keeping it the same way. So don't mention the hacking in front of him." She explains.
"Why? He is always with you, why not this time?"
She turns around and I see the fire in her eyes.
"There are some things he doesn't need to know. He is a kid....after all." She motions towards the passenger seat as she walks towards the driving seat herself.
Taking a seat next to her. I cover my face with my hands as I think of the mess I have become.
I am embarrassed, hurt and ashamed. An almost 18 year old kid had to come to my rescue because I was so weak at driving myself away. I look in the rear view mirror, and my own reflection scares me. I run my hand across my dried lips. My swollen eyes are looking no good either. That's what trusting someone blindly gets you.
Closing my eyes, I fall back in the passenger seat. The two of us drive in silence. I can feel her everytime she turns her neck to check on me, or when she casually puts my hair behind my ear.
*************
I stay still as Sidya and Ritvik call my name. Pretending to sleep is easier than facing reality. No amount of explanations can make me feel better. Ritvik tugs on the blanket, but I hold onto it tightly. I am not letting go.
"Vanieeee wake up. It's just a lovers quarrel. You guys will be alright." He says.
Lovers. I feel my heart drop to dark depths as the word rolls off his tongue. We were never lovers.
"I am not making it complex, rather I am making it simple. She could have never pretended to be this lost in me, had she known it was a setup for the media, for the public. She doesn't have a deadpan face like you and me."
"She needed to believe it was genuine and it's best for the deal that she continues to do so, to continue to think that it's a normal relationship."
"I don't even like her. In fact I have never liked her. You know it. I could barely stand her presence—-."
His words from the video replay in my head.
I stay in the same foetus position I have been since I arrived here. Everyone wants to talk, whereas all I want is to be left alone. I need to process.
I hear footsteps walking away from the side of my bed towards the door. A sense of relief passes over me. At least they are going to leave me alone. The door knob twists and the sound of door opening doesn't do my pounding heart any good. It's like I crave being around them but I don't want to talk. I am scared of being alone or left alone.
The door shuts close and I immediately take the blanket off my face. I push myself up from the bed and it makes a screeching sound. I lift my chin only to find Sidya standing near the door. She didn't leave.
She stares at me with a look I can't exactly define. It's definitely not pity or anything even close to that. It's...anger, but....why?
She walks towards me. She takes a seat near my feet on the bed. Moving her hand on top of my blanket she slowly squeezes it. "I know what it feels like." She says through clenched jaws.
A few years back she went through a heartbreak and I had never seen her look so vulnerable. She shut herself in her room, but she also wasn't the one to cry. She held her head high, even when she struggled with facing all of us. I never knew who the person was, but all I know is that he was the worst kind. It's not easier to get Sidya to open up to you, and it's even harder to get her to distance herself from you. So when she does it's safe to say that the other person messed up real bad.
I feel my throat choking from the weight of emotions and words unsaid. I look into her eyes. "It felt real." I say.
"It always does." She leans forward and slowly starts moving towards my side.
"That's the thing about being in love, we forget to be cautious," she continues.
"How can it not be real?" I ask. It was all so surreal. I was happy and it was mine.
"I am sorry. The company he keeps should have been the first sign, but I....I forgot how these people will always put themselves first." She hugs me and all my emotions start pouring out through my eyes.
"I am not letting them win this time. This time they will be the one getting hurt."
They?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was supposed to upload this chapter tomorrow, but I am impatient 🥲.
Also, let's be a little kind towards Vanie. I know she is fictional, but we would never abuse someone going through so much in real life. So let's maintain that boundary. Her character did not know the details of the deal, and in the video Aadi clearly implies faking being in love, so she isn't wrong with her reaction.
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