(Y/n)'s Point Of View
I woke up gasping for breath, tears running down my face and sweat rolling down my neck. I couldn't breath. The air was heavy and cold, and the harder I tried to breath the more I felt it suffocate me- weighing down on me like bricks. My mother's watery eyes were fresh in my mind, as well as the way her blood dribbled down her lips- the pain in her eyes and not her expression. I choked on my own sobs the longer I thought about it.
I pushed myself up until I was sitting in an upright position, gripping my fingers into my blankets as I cried. My mother died because of my irresponsibility. Yumi died because of my irresponsibility. If I had held my ground- if I had said no, both of them would be alive. Their deaths weren't even a month ago, so the wounds of their deaths were still fresh. But I'd never been able to mourn for them, not with my shackles on.
I didn't realise that I'd ever be given to opportunity to grieve for them because I always assumed that those cuffs would stay around my wrists until the day I died. But now, here I was, cuffless and finally given the chance to grieve. But here in this temple, I wasn't the only one grieving. I choked harshly in a sob when my eyes widened with realisation. Everyone in this temple was feeling my grief. My mourning was not mine alone. I gasped as I stumbled out of my futon, quickly activity my cursed energy. I needed to get as far away from here as possible.
I warped to a clearing that was around seven miles away from Lord Sukuna's temple, landing on my hands and knees as I let out a saddened cry of regret and shame. Now that my grief was mine alone, I let myself feel it. I allowed myself to feel every bit of shame and regret and self-loathing that I couldn't feel outloud the day they both died. Now I could cry for them. Now I could scream for them. Now I could feel for them.
"I-I'm so sorry, mother. I should have been more responsible." I sobbed, my fingers digging into the dirt. My cheeks were wet and red with tears, my baby hairs sticking to my forehead. I knew I was a mess and I did not care. Nobody was here to see it. I cried until my eyes were dry because that is what my mother and Yumi deserved. They deserved my tears and I was sorry that I couldn't give that to them before now.
I dropped down against the grass as I cried, curling into a ball. It was cold here. The sun had now yet come up. It probably wasn't even four in the morning yet. The sky was dark and clouded, the breeze cold and painful against my skin. I wasn't even wearing my kimono, only my hadajuban which was short and barely reached my mid-thigh. I'd made this one myself as usual hadajubans were long and made it uncomfortable for my legs to move around in my sleep.
Due to how much skin was showing, I would probably get ill here. But I didn't care, not when I could finally feel the grief I'd been keeping in for so long. I wasn't sure how long I laid there against the grass sobbing, but when I was done and felt myself become numb, I turned over and laid onto my back. I stared up at the sky with empty eyes. And then suddenly, it wasn't just the sky that I was staring at, but a pair of red eyes staring down at me with an unimpressed look.
"M-My Lord..." I whispered out, immediately sitting up and whipping around to face him, sitting on my knees.
"My Lord, w-what are you doing here? Why are you awake?" I asked him, question after question leaving my lips. Sukuna glared down at me, his red angry eyes boring holes into mine the longer he stared. I began to realise that the answers to those questions probably all linked back to me.
"I'm out here because I did not appreciate you leaving the temple without my permission. Now that you live onsite, you need my consent to leave temple grounds." The man began, "And as for why I'm awake? Well, I so happened to wake up in sweats this morning. My eyes burned and my heart felt as if someone were crushing it under their heel...almost as if I'd had a nightmare?" Sukuna's correct accusation made me look down to the grass infront of me with a guilty expression, frowning.
"I apologise, my Lord. It...was indeed a nightmare. I tried to warp away before I effected anyone too badly. I cannot control my dreams." I mumbled with a frown, making him hum loudly.
"No, I suppose you cannot." Sukuna agreed with sigh, his hands clasping nonchalantly behind his back as he looked down upon me.
"What you felt was my grief, since the dream was a memory...about the death of my mother." I admitted, making him sigh boredly. Sukuna rolled his eyes.
"I don't recall asking what your damned dream was about." He replied with a raised brow, making me nod in agreement. I suppose he didn't. But then again, I suppose he also wasn't at all asking me not to share either. And that was something I needed- to share.
"I didn't get to mourn her death because of the shackles. So, to see the memory so fresh in my mind during my dream finally gave me a chance to grieve for her." I whispered to him. Sukuna did not reply, staying silent. I slowly looked up at him, to judge his facial expression. But his eyes were not on me, rather on the night sky instead, focused on the stars. The stars were more obvious at this time of morning, showing themselves so gloriously right before they hid when the sun rose.
"A powerful sorcerer never grieves those he has killed." Sukuna then told me. Even as he spoke those words, he looked so calm, standing there. He looked as if he were so deep in thought and I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking about someone that he'd like to mourn. Or maybe there's another emotion he'd like to feel. Maybe, just like me for so long, his dream let him feel those emotions too.
"Do you have bad dreams, my Lord?" asked him softly, watching as he paused. For a second, I thought he'd snap at me or turn this conversation back onto me- maybe mock me for asking such a foolish question.
"No. I do not dream." He replied simply, surprising me with the honest answer.
"You do not dream at all? That...must be really lonely." I whispered, "I am greatful for all my dreams, even the nightmares. When my shackles were on, those dreams were the only times I could feel everything I wanted to feel. I could smile. I could cry. There were no concequences...no repercussions." Sukuna stared down at me with narrowed eyes before scoffing.
"You've gotten quite comfortable with talking to me about thing you know I do not care about." The man huffed, making me laugh, nodding in admittance.
"Yes. Well, you haven't warped away yet so in my eyes that means that you wish to listen." I replied with a soft smile, my hands gasped together on my lap as I spoke, offering the lord a genuine close-eyed smile.
Sukuna scoffed at my audacity before turning around on his heel and warping away in a gust of flames, leaving me alone on this field without another word. My smile never faded as I sighed with content, falling back onto the grass once again so that I was laying down. I closed my eyes and outstretched my arms, letting the wind blow over my exposed legs before whispering,
"Thank you for listening."
(A.N ~ I hope you enjoyed!)
Chapter 25 Quote Teaser :
"Summon my whores. I need a good distraction."