Spaces between your fingers are supposed to be filled with mine !
•5•
"And you are telling me this NOW?!" Maryam yelled at Ezzah, her eyes widening in fear and astonishment.
Ezzah pressed her hand on her mouth. "Speak slow! If Hanah wakes up, I swear I'm going to hand over her to you for the night!" She glared.
"B-But! Why? " Maryam was lost in her thoughts. Her already traumatized mind couldn't accept the fact that Hamza did try to kill himself once.
"He was a simple loving man, Maryam. And when he loved Ramsha, he loved her with all his heart and got it crushed in return. I know it will hurt you but I want you to know all of this. I am sorry for saying this so late. But I thought you guys might work through this but I was so wrong. I-I am so sorry! "
Ezzah didn't know peace since she saw her beloved brother and sister-in-law this tangled in chaos. She wished and prayed for them but their life was going all down the hill. Her eyes glistened with tears as the guilt flooded through her heart. She could have saved Maryam's life and stopped this marriage. But her selfishness and stupidity clouded her rational sense.
Hashim was right. He was right all along.
Women aren't rehabilitation centers for men.
She wished she supported her husband that day. Maybe then two lives wouldn't be on the brink of ruination.
"Hey! It's not your fault. " Maryam pulled her into a hug, calming her sobs. She didn't know what to feel.
As if all the things she witnessed about her infamous husband isn't enough, now she got to know that he even tried to kill himself once.
What kind of love is this that destroys humans from the very core?
She can't sit and see him ruin himself like this, she had to do something.
*****
The next day she visited a therapist in her hospital and exposed all the happening with Hamza from whatever she had collected and witnessed. The old lady was silent for a while, letting the information sink.
"He needs Rehab" She whispered.
"Huh?! " Maryam didn't see that coming. She thought a simple therapy would help him.
"Look, Maryam, Some of us are very sensitive and passionate. Then comes the way of loving. Romantically, passion is what ignites a relationship but if it exceeds it may harm too" Maryam leaned back in her chair, her words making sense.
"In the case of Hamza, he was very passionate about her and I could have given him therapy but it is not just that. Since he is an alcoholic with a very complicated lifestyle he needs time and Rehab"
"He will never agree to this" She exclaimed hopelessly.
"You have to convince him. Tell him that it is better for him, for your relationship "
"He never wanted a relationship with me." Her insecurities were no less. The unwanted feeling with a constant reminder of how you are not needed, broke her heart.
"Maryam, He is afraid. The way you said how he loved her, He is afraid of heartbreak" The lady held her hand and squeezed it gently.
Maryam stared into space, her mind coming up with different ways to convince him until an idea strikes her.
"I guess I have an idea." She smiled brightly at her with gratitude and left the room.
"Maryam! Where have you been? Your phone has been ringing! " Sana snapped at her as soon as she entered the room.
Maryam checked the caller id and her eyes nearly popped out. It was Hamza. Her heart raced at the thought of him calling. But then all the excitement vanished the moment she remembered the last time the call came and it was Ezzah.
With a glum look, she received the call.
"Salam! What happened Ezzah? "
"Do you need glasses to read the caller Id's name?" Maryam almost fell out of her seat at the heavenly sound of her husband.
"A-aap?" She stuttered and mentally punched herself for being so lame.
[you? ]
"Jii main! Bahar aney ki takleef karengi? Adhe ghante se khada hu!" If her eyeballs didn't fall back then, they definitely fell out now and were probably rolling on the floor.
[Yes me! Will you come out? I'm standing here for half an hour! ]
"WHAT? Aap hospital aye hai? Par kyu? " She replied, relishing the aftermath of shocks.
[You came to the hospital? But why? ]
"Pocha lagane! Neeche aao!" He growled and cut the call. Maryam placed her hand on her heart to calm it. She can't believe he was here to take her.
[To mop! Come down]
"Chehre par chand kyu nikla hua hai? Kya hua? " Sana asked curiously. It's been a long since Maryam was this happy.
[Why is your face brightened like a moon? What happened? ]
"He came! " Maryam had a dreamy look in her eyes, a foolish smile tugging at her lips.
"Who? "
"Hamza"
"What? But why? "
"To take me home! "
"OH, MY GOD! Are you sure? " Sana smiled widely and pulled Maryam back to her feet.
"As sure as I am about me being a girl" She winked.
"Then why are you here? GO!! " Maryam nodded her head and grabbed her bag. Sending a goodbye to Sana she sprinted out of the room with a big smile on her face.
As soon as she reached the parking lot, her heart went all tango.
Why is he so handsome?
Why did he have to wear that black shirt?
And his black shades? Uff!
He was leaning against his car. His legs were crossed with one hand in his pocket and the other ruffling his hair.
Maryam took her sweet time ogling at her husband from afar where he couldn't see and when she was seated she walked up to him.
"Hey! " she said breathlessly.
"Hey! " He replied, his eyes pinned on her.
"So, tell me why are you here? I mean the driver comes daily, you are taking up his job? "
"Very funny Maryam! The driver's father is dead and he is on leave. I was passing by and was generous enough to drop you off. Get your ass in the car! "
"Awe! Aren't you so romantic? You pass by my workplace to check up on me? "she batted her eyelashes at him making him groan.
"Maryam! Get in-"
"Maryam? " A manly voice interrupted his words and they both turned to look at him.
"Oh hey! Marcus! " Maryam greeted politely. Marcus was her colleague and was a good friend to her.
"Here is my number! I will send you the card! And-Uh! Hey," Marcus's eyes fell on Hamza who was glaring at him during their entire exchange. His deep brown eyes were shooting fireballs at the extended phone in Marcus's hand. Marcus slightly shuddered and retracted his phone back.
"Marcus! This is Hamza, he is..."
"Her. husband. " Hamza completed by wrapping his arm around Maryam's waist. His chilly gaze didn't leave him for a moment. Marcus smiled reluctantly and looked at Maryam for help.
“N-Nice to meet you!" Marcus held out his hand to shake. Hamza stared at his hand and then forwarded it into a firm shake.
"Can't say the same" Maryam elbowed him in his gut, glaring at his rudeness. Hamza shrugged, still keeping his firm hold on her.
"You want my number? " Marcus sensed his arrogance and gritted his teeth. His eyes went to Maryam who was shooting daggers at her husband right now.
"Why?" Hamza piped in again, eyebrows shooting up in mock, making Maryam sigh.
Maryam grabbed his phone and entered her number into it. Thanking him she dragged a furious Hamza who was one second away from beating the hell out of Marcus.
Hamza stopped in his tracks and cornered her against the car. Maryam lost her temper too.
"What is wrong with you?!" She glared at him. He inched forward trapping her against the car. Maryam gulped in their proximity and jabbed her finger against his chest.
"Why does he want your number, Maryam?" He deadpanned, his eyes boring into hers, an untameable fury rising in them.
"He is getting married and wants to invite me to his wedding. He was stuck in a hectic schedule so he was going to send me the invitation card on the phone. Am I clean now? " She hissed and pushed him back.
"Oh! " She glared at him as her eyes narrowed in slits. "So worried, Mr. Husband, aren't you?" She mocked.
Hamza cleared his throat in awkwardness, the realization dawning upon him that he went all possessive over her.
"I am not" he looked away, his eyes betraying him like all the time. Maryam bit her lip, hiding her smirk.
And then she wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him close to her face. "Between, he is handsome. Isn't it? " She wanted to burst out laughing at how ridiculously his face changed from embarrassment to anger.
God! Even she can see he likes her, why can't he?
His hands wrapped around her waist once again, keeping her close to himself. An unsettling scoff appeared on his face as he clenched his jaw.
She found that man, handsome?
"You dare to compliment another man in front of your own?" He seethed, his fingers tracing her back, sending delicious chills down her back.
She realized she provoked him and it was so much fun! It was long since Hamza was in a good kind of grumpy mood, and she can tease the hell out of him.
"My man? Uh-Uh! Are you sure? Where is he?" She preferably was messing with him as she looked here and there as if to find someone.
"Maryam!" He dragged her name and she appreciated the way her name rolled off so beautifully from his tongue.
"No, let me find him"
"Do not tempt me!" He growled.
"Is he th-"
The rest of her words were cut off as he bent to her level and his mouth covered hers. She moaned in delight, cradling his face in her palms. He leaned on her as her back was now completely pressed against the car.
They were in luck that it was dark and they were in a corner, away from peering eyes.
Their lips molded against each other passionately, forgetting everything and everyone except for both of them. All the problems and their differences aside, they lived in a moment of pureness and contentment.
"Found him" She whispered harshly, his forehead pressed against hers. Hamza stilled in his position as her words sank in.
Hers?
Shit!
He pulled away as if her touch burned him. Maryam blinked in confusion and he grumbled something under his breath all the while opening the car door.
"Get in the car! " He ordered and started the engine. She was quick to pick up his other mood swing which seemed to be not leaving him alone.
Their drove in silence, with Maryam knowing better than to talk and rile him up even more. She was hurt by his behavior and his emotional absence but had no choice.
*******
"So I need to talk with you all" Maryam began awkwardly as all Qureshis who were present except for Hamza, stared at her in confusion. Hammad Qureshi sat in his armchair eyeing her, trying to figure out what his beloved granddaughter-in-law is up to now.
"It is about Hamza! " She offered, making all of them freeze in their position.
"Maryam! What is it, child? " Zulekha calmly asked her.
"Mom, it's not working. He is getting worse than he already is! " Her helpless words were the worst nightmare of every Qureshi.
"We can't go like this anymore! He is hurting and his habits are worsening. This marriage can't cure him. We need to send him to Rehab" Everyone looked at her shocked except for Hashim who stood proud of her sister-in-law. Finally, someone spoke!
The Qureshis hearts were terrified of Hammad Qureshi's reaction. The last time the idea of Rehab was suggested it didn't end well. And now the girl was right out calling this marriage a misstep, which could be taken as a mockery.
No one dared to say anything, until Aslam Qureshi, Hamza's father stepped in.
"You are right, Maryam. He needs Rehabilitation" His words were firm, contradicting Hammad Qureshi's previous words. The fact that he was rebelling against his father's words was much of a transgression.
But he had to do it. Because elders aren't always right. Sometimes some modern ways to heal could help. And most of all he was his father!
Maryam looked gratefully at her father-in-law and nodded her head. "He is still drinking, isn't he? "She looked hesitantly at her Hammad Qureshi, a hint of fear of disappointment in her.
"He is" Maryam looked down at her feet, muttering out prayers.
"She is right, He hasn't changed, instead he had worsened" Rehan Qureshi added, a deep frown adorning his face as his heart went out to his nephew. He was particularly close to Hamza and now seeing him so out of his path made him regret his choices.
After a long moment of pure silence, Hammad Qureshi finally let out a shaky breath. The wrinkles near his eyes deepened as he wracked his brain searching for the wisdom he has collected in all these years.
"Will he agree?" Maryam's heart dropped. She knew this was the hard part. He will not agree easily.
"He won't, Dadu. But I will make him" She replied, muttering all the confidence she had.
"How?" Came the demanding question.
"I-I will do it. Trust me!" Her gaze lowered, not able to meet his eyes. Perhaps what she has in the plan would be considered another disaster by all but she has to do it, for him.
Hammad Qureshi studied her carefully, until he sighed-a sign of approval along with defeat.
"Fine! Do whatever it takes" Maryam beamed at him, her eyes sparkling at the feat she just achieved. It is not easy to convince the old man, especially with the matters of his grandchildren.
*****
"Did you lose your mind?"
"No, She went completely crazy!"
"Maryam! How could you even think like that?"
"What's the point of sending him if you do this to him?"
The women of the house dragged her into a corner to extract her plan and were outrageous after hearing that. She knew it.
" Mom! Listen-". Maryam was brutally cut off with a glare.
"You can't do this! " Zulekha declared.
" There is no other way, if you all force him to go then there will be no improvement. This might be a chance for him and me to discover ourselves and what we want from each other!" Maryam held her hand and pressed a kiss on her palm, a loving gesture she always does to coax her mother.
"Par tumhara kya?" Amna fired. Ezzah was losing her mind with all the drama created in the house.
[But what about you? ]
"Mohabbat ki hai, koi mazak thodi hai? Agar humare naseeb mai ek dusre ka saath likha hai toh hum ek dusre ko khud dhund lenge! Ap Allah par bharosa toh kariye" Her words were true, a sense of new hope rising in their hearts as they prayed for the well-being and happiness of the newest hearts which joined in the Haveli.
[I fell in love, it is not a joke, is it? If our being together is written in fate, then we will find each other. Trust Allah! ]
*******
"Muskura kyu Rahi ho? Kisko chuna lagakar ayi ho?" Hamza eyed his wife who was smiling in nervousness, her sight buried in Hamza.
[Why are you smiling? Who did you con today? ]
"Aap ko toh mere muskurane se bhi problem hai!" She rolled her eyes, or at least tried to. Her heart was on a troll in her body, trying to figure out how to bring up the topic.
[Now you have a problem with me smiling]
"Haa toh! Tum konsa Shareef ho? Parsu Tumne Raza ka phone gira ka tod Diya or ilzaam Masoom Hanah par daldiya, haina? " He narrowed his eyes at her, laying on the bed beside her, scrolling through his phone.
[Yes, You aren't Innocent either, are you? A day before yesterday, You broke Raza's phone and blamed it on innocent Hanah! Right?]
Maryam sat beside him, and her eyes widen at the fact. "Apko kaise pata? CCTV Bane phirte hai Ghar ke! "
[How did you know? You walk around like a CCTV]
"Mujhe sab pata hota hai! Jab Raza ko Rona aya toh tumne bade hi sharafat se dilasa Diya! "
[I know everything. When Raza was crying you were consoling him so sincerely]
"Haa toh or kya karti? Maine itne pancakes banai hai uske liye, Itna toh vo kar hi sakta hai! " She looked anywhere but him, her cheeks flaming red at the fact that he knew her better than anyone else.
[Yes, so what should I have done? I made so many pancakes for him, he at least owes me this much]
"Kyu aisi harkatein karti ho Maryam?"
[Why do you do this type of deeds? ]
"Apse se toh behtar hi harkatein hai meri!"
[My deeds are better than yours]
"Kya matlab hai tumhara? " He sat on the bed, his eyes narrowed, with a furrow between his eyebrows, Silently daring her to say what she means. She did.
[What do you mean? ]
"Matlab, Mai itni khadoos toh nahi hu na? Mai sabko Darati nahi hu...Apni zindagi apne bade haathon se barbad toh nahi karti hu or sabse zaroori, apni life partner ko itna ignore toh nahi karti! Dusron ke khayalon mai reh-"
[Meaning, I'm not arrogant like you, right? I don't scare everyone... Nor I am spoiling my life with my own hands and most important, I don't ignore my life partner this much! Being lost in someone else's thoughts-"
"Nahi hu mai kisi ke khayalon mai!" He snapped at her.
[I am not lost in anyone's thoughts]
He patiently listened to what she was saying knowing that it was true. His wife was a mirror to him. Her frankness, her endless care for him, always worked in his favor. He knew she was right, that he was indeed such a man but the last part wasn't true. Not at least now.
"N-Nahi ho?" She took a sharp breath.
[You aren't? ]
"Maine pehle bhi kaha hai, ab bhi keh raha hu mai, Vo mera maazi hai. Ab Mera us se koi lena dena nahi hai" His eyes were cold, like the previous time he talked about her.
[I told you before and I'm telling you this again. She was my past. I don't have any business with her anymore!]
She clenched her jaw in irritation. What kind of ruination has occurred to him?
" Toh phir Ye apne aap ko takleef Dena, kya hai?" She asked frustratingly. The urge and desperation in her voice were too much for him. He stood up and walked into the balcony leaving her alone.
[Then what is this you giving yourself pain?]
Maryam was on a mission, she wasn't letting him go. She followed him right where he stood and sighed helplessly when he took out a cigarette.
She snatched it from his hands and threw it away, earning a glare from him. "Hamari baat abhi khatam nahi hui hai Hamza!"
[We aren't done talking! ]
For some strange reason, he didn't like her calling him Hamza. Her special Nickname for him was what he was craving but she refused to acknowledge him like that.
"Mujhe baat nahi karni-"
[I don't want to talk-]
"Karni hoga! Itni nafrat hai mujhse? Mai toh dusri aurton ki tarha apne shouhar' ka khoon toh nahi peeti hu!" She scoffed.
[You have to! Do you hate me this much? I am not like other women who suck out their husband's blood! ]
Maryam was a confident girl who never cared what others thought about her. After her marriage, the coldness she received from her husband made her self doubt herself. His ignorance made her look at herself inferiorly thinking that she was not enough or desiring enough to be loved by someone.
And now looking back at herself she realised how this toxic relationship has affected her mental and emotional health. She hated herself for feeling so low, she was becoming someone she never wanted to be and all the credit goes to her beloved ignorant husband.
"Tum mai koi Kami nahi hai Maryam! Tum kyu apne aap par le Rahi ho?"
[You don't have any imperfections! Why are you taking this on yourself? ]
"Toh mai or kya karu, Huh? "
[Then what should I do?]
"Galati meri hai, Mujhe ye shaadi nahi karni chahiye thi. Kam se Kam tumhari zindagi ko yun kharab nahi hoti" He said sadly, his heart clenching even thinking about a life without Maryam. Not all words are true.
[It was my mistake, I shouldn't have married you. At least your life wouldn't be destroyed]
"Hamza! Talk to me! Tell me what's in your heart" She took a few steps in his direction until their faces were inches away. Her palm cupped his cheek and slowly caressed it.
He stared into her deep mesmerizing eyes, with uncertainty flooding through him
"I-I can't. I can't do this again, Maryam! Even if I want to" He pulled back but she caught his hand.
"Why? What are you so afraid of?" She urged, her eyes turning glassy.
"I'm afraid of falling in love and failing it again. I'm afraid to fail you" He shook his head repeatedly as if convincing himself of something.
Maryam stared at him wordlessly. His eyes were pleading, he looked like he was in his most vulnerable form. The theories he created in his mind were taking a toll on his mental health.
"I am broken, with nothing but darkness in me. I can't do justice to you. Just look at your beautiful soul! You deserve the world Maryam! Not someone like me, I would destroy you, Maryam! " His words were imprinted on her heart. He cares for her and that's what mattered to her.
"You deserve better" he whispered, looking at the sky, his body shaking, trying to get away from this conversation.
"You can become better for me because I only want you!" Maryam held his arm and brushed her lips against his. It was a soft peck, which sealed a confession, in the deepest parts of their hearts.
"I don't think I'm capable of" He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. She pulled him closer to herself, a tear escaping her eye.
"Leave me be " He pulled away reluctantly and turned his back to her. Maryam looked at him with a clenched heart. She had to do it.
That's it.
"Okay, I will"
"Huh?! " He whipped his head toward her and stared at her with astonishment.
"I will leave you. You can live your life on your own. But only at one condition. Go to Rehab" Hamza stared at her as if she was speaking Greek until it dawned on him.
She was serious. Never did Hamza see Maryam this serious ever.
"Are you kidding me? "
"No! Why will I? You wanted me to leave, I won't do it easily. I want to you join Rehab and in return, I will divorce you" Her words didn't have a brink of emotion in them.
Cold and curt. That's how she spoke.
But her heart? It felt like it was continuously getting stabbed with Razor, bleeding profusely.
"B-But what will you gain in this? " Hamza couldn't fathom the deep pain that encrypted his heart when she mentioned that she would leave him. He collected himself and looked straight into her eyes.
"You will be fine after the Rehab, and that's enough for me! " She smiled a little. A very forced and painful smile.
Hamza peered into her soul without a blink. His mind trying to wrap up what she was asking. Or more like trying to believe she could say something like that.
"Afraid to let me go?" She mocked, trying to get him convinced. His eyebrow raised perfectly at her audacity.
"It's a deal! "He nodded curtly before releasing his breath.
At that moment Hamza became reckless. The thought of her leaving his life and moving on with someone she deserved seemed more appealing to him. He would do that for her. How strange it was that she was willing to leave the man she loves for his betterment.
That's the beauty of love. They both were willing to let go of each other in hopes of each other's happiness.
And if they are meant to be, they will find a way back to each other once again.
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
Mere paas har solution ka problem hai!
•♦•♦•♦•
Share Your thoughts! I hope you all can now see what I wanted to do all along : )
From the beginning, I decided on their ups and downs and was aiming to send him to Rehab. To prove one point:
Hamza is deeply affected by heartbreak and turned to alcohol and other stuff -which is usually very common in teens nowadays - which means he needs help, not someone to be romantically involved with to leave his bad habits. It is very common where such cold and emotionally detached people are married off in the name of moving on thereby destroying their respective partner's lives. I'm not saying not to marry, The point is, why not get yourself mentally stable and clear before you get tired in a beautiful and glorifying bond of nikah?
Well, maybe it does help few people but from what I had seen, it usually results in toxic relationships and much more bad stuff which I restrained myself from writing. I can only hope this chapter was worth your time and that you do get my point.
I am very eager to know your thoughts, So please share your views and Vote.
Next part might take time since I have planned a lot of stuff for it and hadn't started writing it yet.
Thanks for reading!