"So...what would you like to talk about?"
I sat before Titan and our dad, seeing him look at me awkwardly. My arms were folded to my chest because this isn't what I wanted.
"I don't want you to speak for him," I tell Titan harshly, seeing him look at me in confusion, "This has to be all him. If he can't even muster one damn sentence to me, then we're wasting our time."
"Jun, come on. I'm trying to start a conversation here." Titan pleads with me, but I didn't...care. "You don't think I don't feel this awkwardness? I'm trying to be the mediator, the conversation starter. Can you accept that much?"
My lips were tight together, looking at my dad.
He was looking away from me and he just looked...looked stupid! I'm right here, in front of him, and he can't even fucking look at me!
My hatred is rising the more he refuses to look at me.
"You have nothing to say to your first born? The one you supposedly lost your mind over? I'm guessing not, that can't be true. How is that possible with what I've heard? Your actions tell me something else, there was no way you...missed me. Even when I was back before you, you avoided me it seemed. Still to this day, you fucking avoid me unless I pull your hand and you have no damn choice." I sneer in disgust at him, seeing him finally look at me. "Oh? Now you can look at me? I wonder why? You couldn't look at me before just to simply start a conversation. What gives?"
"You say all of these things that are simply not-."
"They're true." I interrupt him, sitting back in my chair as I ignore Titan's warning with his eyes. "If you really loved me and wanted me so bad, you wouldn't have settled with Evander's words. You would search hard and try until you couldn't try again. Every time Damian went missing, you found him so easily. It's not like I was being hidden in some top secret place. I was right there, if you looked hard enough. You didn't, and Damian found me within a short amount of time; so you just didn't try it seems. How pathetic."
I saw my dad's hands ball into fists. He was clearly becoming more and more agitated.
"Then there's Titan, he was born weak and pathetic. You could've given up on that, but it seems you didn't. I remember seeing you come and beat Lulu up for what he did to Damian while he held him. Then you glanced at me, no emotion. I was beside my mom, and I knew immediately you were my dad. Except you didn't seem to care, they were your primary focus. Not me, the son you were looking for!" I stood up fast, beginning to become more and more angry.
I just didn't understand!
Why...doesn't he love me? Why doesn't he love me as much as he loves the others? I'm fucking trying over here...
"I can't do this Titan." I finally say, and I saw him stand up quickly. "This isn't going to fucking work! I can never be enough, he hates me! I'm not...I'm not Damian's child and I'm not you, so what's the fucking point?"
"I don't...hate you-."
"Well, I hate you." I interrupt him, seeing my dad look away again.
I feel a hand grab my arm, and I saw Titan trying to sooth my nerves. Except I shove him back, shaking my head quickly.
"Nothing you do or say...will work. You won't be able to understand because you're not me. No one can relate to me, especially you, Titan. You're living the life I should be having, you know?" I croak, collapsing into my seat as he crouched before me. I stood back up, not wanting to feel pitied by him of all people. "I should be the Mafia King, right now. My last name may be King on my birth certificate, but I don't even feel like I'm a part of this family. I don't think you want me to be-."
"Jun, stop!" Titan cries, grabbing my arm and I try to pull it away again. "You're just saying whatever at this point."
"I'm saying facts, that's what I'm fucking saying you privileged piece of shit." I shove him away again and he sighs. "Yeah, sigh. You know it's true."
"It's not."
"But it is. I'm not saying I wasn't privileged, but not to the degree you were-."
"This isn't about money-."
"I'm not talking about money! I'm talking about you were privileged with the company and enjoyment of having a father in your life! I didn't have one, you did! You and everyone else, did!" I shout in his face.
Titan didn't say anything, looking to the side and I look too. I saw our dad crying, his hands covering his face.
He was clearly crying as his shoulders trembled slightly and you could see some tears slipping through his hands. My eyes slowly move back onto Titan who was looking at me sadly.
"Have you...gotten all you wanted to say out of your system yet?"
"Not at all." I snicker, moving back from his face. "I actually still feel...abandoned. I think there's even more I can say."
"Before you do, can I say something?" Titan asks me warily.
I look back at our dad once more and saw him still crying. A grin coming to my lips, I shrug for him to go ahead.
"I won't pretend like I understand the struggles you had, because I can't, okay? You and I had different lives, and I know this. Please...if you really want to heal from this...you have to forgive-."
"You lost me." I interrupt Titan, beginning to shake my head at his words. "Forgiving isn't an option. I can let go, but never forgive."
"Why would you let go what you're feeling? Then you'll never truly be able to heal from all of this." Titan insists, looking at me pleadingly.
I remain silent, not having anything to say.
Forgiving...really doesn't seem possible. I can't do it.
I've given my dad multiple chances and he's failed me all the times I've given him chances. Who's to say he won't fail again? Not to mention we aren't kids anymore, so in all honesty, he doesn't need to really worry about me since I'm not a kid.
The only reason why we still have contact is because of my last name linkage to him and the fact my group is partnered with his. I'm probably going to cut ties because...this just seems like a wasted effort.
"This was a great waste of my time. I'm leaving." I walk towards the door, actually content with the end result.
I'll probably regret it later...but it's not like things were going to get any better than-.
"Jun please, I'm sorry." I heard my dad cry, and that halted me in my tracks.
A smile slowly began to grow on my face because I was hearing him apologize, but there was another feeling within that. Was it...pride? I don't know, all I do know is that hearing him say sorry didn't really mean much.
He's said it before, and yet, here we are.
I know as a child I made some mistakes and did stupid things. I caused the death of Amor's father because he risked his life for me. I acted brash and was just jealous of the attention given to my siblings.
All my life, I never had that. If I ever did receive that affection he offered his children with Damian, it was through... Means of him feeling bad or being told off. It never felt like it was really him wanting to be with me, it just felt like he pitied me or was told to be with me.
That's not what I want at all.
Why don't I...do what he did to me, to him?
Act like I'm there for him and that I've forgiven him, just to leave. Just to reveal the truth that I really haven't forgiven him?
He'll know how it feels to be...disappointed, to be hurt.
Honestly, would he even care-?
"Jun?"
I look at Titan, seeing him look at me with concern again. I shove him aside, going towards my dad now.
Crouching before his chair, I look up at him with a smirk. I saw his cheeks covered in new and old tears.
What a sight...Gideon King, crying for me?
You don't see that...ever!
"So, you're sorry?" I ask him, and he nods softly. "How am I supposed to believe you? You always let me down before...you lied. I can't trust you...how unfortunate."
"I know, and that's my fault. I was...a horrible father to you. My misplaced disdain and resentment towards my past and regret...migrated onto you. I was wrong for that. I shouldn't have...done that to you, and I'm sorry." He whimpers, but my face was still.
I had to stop myself from shoving him onto the floor and punching him in the face. This is what he tells me?
That he resented me for something that had nothing to do with me? Because I'm a part of his past he wanted to forget?
Fuck that.
"I see," Is all I could say, seeing Titan even look upset by our dad's words in my peripheral vision, "Hearing you say that now...makes me happy I haven't had kids yet."
"And why is that?" My dad asks in a hushed manner.
"Because I am not sure what a good parent would look like. I wouldn't be good enough for them, just like I wasn't good enough for you back then and even now." I stood up, increasingly becoming more and more angry. "I'm leaving. I need a moment."
"Understandable." Titan nods in agreement and I glare at him.
I hate him so much. Him even trying to sympathize with me makes me hate him more.
"Don't even try to sympathize with me. You'll never understand, so keep your mouth shut on trying to 'relate', because your ass can't." I hiss at him in disgust.
Titan looked away from me as I left that stuffy room, but the further I walked down the hall... I found myself beginning to run.
I ran right up to my mom's door and was about to open it. Until I stopped, just staring at it.
If I open it...and just recount everything that happened, it'll be the same thing. Him talking shit about Damian, Titan, our dad. He won't console me...he'll just incite my rage towards them further.
Stepping back, I didn't know where to run to. If my own mom couldn't even be an option right now...? Who could be?
I'm all alone.
Even with him behind this door and my dad downstairs. My younger brother was here and still felt alone. With all the guards around, still fucking alone.
I'm alone.
"Jun!"
I sigh in annoyance, looking to see Titan walking towards me. My arms folded to my chest once he stood before me, smiling awkwardly at me.
"So...I know you didn't want me to sympathize with you; but I just have to say this. I always thought you just...hated me because I was Damian's child. And honestly, I don't think you hate me because I've done something to you, you hate me because I had everything you never did. I took away...what was rightfully yours. I'm the Mafia King, but it should be you. You were disregarded and ignored, and I took your place as 'first son' - when I'm not. Our dad was wrong for what he did to you, and I am sorry for never trying to understand your perspective on things. I just...believed what I heard too, huh?" Titan smiles at me shyly, my eyes softening on him.
I look away from him, my head beginning to hurt some.
That part of me that hated him...was still festering within me. I wanted to hate Titan so bad...but a part of me wanted to forgive him so bad too.
I just...can't.
"Leave me alone." Is all I could muster out of me, inhaling deeply.
"Jun, please, I am trying here. I want to be there for you, I want us all to be a family. You don't deserve to be alone when you're a King too." Titan tells me firmly and my head whipped onto him so fast.
Before I could speak, my mom's door flew open. I saw him glaring right at Titan who immediately looked displeased by the sight of him.
"He's a King, you say? You could've fooled me. For years after he's been found, I tried to get him into that despicable family. But Gideon wouldn't budge, he didn't think it was for the best. That he'd visit, what a bunch of bullshit!" My mom snaps at Titan who looked back at me.
"Jun I'll be down waiting, dad and I will be. Just know I am on your side in this." Titan insists, walking away from us.
Once he was out of earshot, I feel my mom grip my shoulders tightly. Twisting me to face him, he looked so panicked.
"You're not seriously thinking about giving them anymore chances...are you? After everything they have done and haven't done?" He trembled, and I could feel the way his hands shook.
I grip them, clasping them within mine as I just look down at them. Forcing a grin on my face, I say what I know he wants to hear.
Even though...I'm not sure myself anymore.
"Of course not."
____________________🫠
after a million years...
i updated it.
i really was going to end it at the chapter before this, but-
i began to feel bad.
a lot of people are reading this and to see them all want a happy ending for Jun...?
made me want a happy ending for him too.
or will it be? 🫣
vote, comment, follow~
- yolo 🫶