Days rolled and raced into weeks and months. It'd been nine weeks, roughly two months since the demise of Hafsat, the birth of Aayan and the marriage of Ummulkhayr. Everything changed in Muslim's household, it changed to be so quiet with almost only Aayan's cries to fill the ponderous and tensed silence, unlike before, when chatters would be heard flowing through the corridors. It might not be much, however, at least not as silent as now, there was thick tension in the silence making it not as light and peaceful as before when the silence would feel nice with a cute couple cuddled up on the bed, each having their own thoughts in the appealing quietude.
Jasmine had her own reasons to go all cold and distant. She had lost her best friend and she was trying to get used to Ummulkhayr being in the house as her husband's wife, trying to get used to ‘sharing’ her husband. Being a mother was also no fun but she loved it nonetheless and wouldn't mind being one for the rest of her life—or well, it fluctuated, she'd sometimes cried in regret and then later regret regretting being a mother.
She didn't bother that her co-wife lived with her, it seriously made no difference—to her—whatsoever. She wouldn't have time to give a good look at them, talk less of being triggered or even having a conversation with them. She only talked with them when necessary. All thanks to the way Muslim had the house renovated. It was still under the same roof, they however had their respective sides, making their chances of bumping into one another fierce limited.
She knew Ummulkhayr was definitely worried about something. Sometimes her face got puffy and red and her voice sounded so low and raspy when she would evidently want to have a chat with her. She prayed Allah ease and rectify her affairs but see if she cared..
Whatever it was that might be troubling Ummulkhayr and ‘her husband’ she wasn't going to ask albeit the fact that she prayed and hoped for the peace of everyone under that roof and beyond.
"Good morning." Ummulkhayr's broken smile came. She tried to hide her pain behind her radiant smile, oblivious to the point that Jasmine was also a victim, making her pain obvious to her.
"Morning." Ummulkhayr returned kneading the dough on her kitchen island, internally wondering what brought Ummulkhayr to her own kitchen.
"Would mind giving me some flour here?" She stretched out a little container. Jasmine took it and fetched from the bowl she kept aside.
"I made use of the last ounce of flour left for me and I forgot to leave some to dust the surface." She explained in her really light and breathy voice.
"Here." Jasmine handed her the container and d futilely tucked the strands of hair that fell off her scarf with her back palm.
"Let me help you with that." Ummulkhayr offered and went to adjust Jasmine's messy bun before she could protest then tied her scarf securely around her head.
Jasmine smiled warmly, "thanks."
"Thanks for this as well." She lifted up her bowl that contained flour.
"Oh it's nothing." Jasmine waved dismissively.
After a little while of silence, Ummulkhayr spoke, "are you also making croissant?" Jasmine had her dough in a bowl and was covering it with one of the kitchen towels.
"No. I'm making doughnuts." She walked to the sink to wash her hands. She knew, her co-wife wanted to start up and conversation, she decided to go with the flow for once. "Are you making croissants?"
"Yes."
"You like croissant, don't you?" Ummulkhayr turned to smile at her from the sink.
"I do, a lot. It's one of the things I can do best." She beamed, making use of Jasmine's sudden change of mood.
"Exactly. The ones you brought were so tasty."
"They were? So are your cookies with milk." She followed as Jasmine led the way out of the kitchen.
"That combo lives in my heart." They both chuckled and each of them took respective couches to sit on.
"Where's Aayan?"
"He's in his nursery, sleeping." Jasmine said, her attention on the television, trying to find a good channel for them to watch to at least keep Ummulkhayr silent.
Aayan's faint cries jolted Jasmine out of her seat after she was too engrossed in watching National Geographic Wild. Her intuitions would never let her hurt Aayan, her body would respond to him even before she knew it.
She found herself walking into the nursery, going straight to his crib and picking him up with utter carefulness.
"Oh hey, little man wants to get his diaper changed, we can't bathe now it's getting cold." She spoke playfully, as though her little son would comprehend what she was saying.
She shushed him and talked to him in a singsong voice as she took off his overall.
"What are you doing here?" Jasmine asked when she saw Muslim in her bedroom when she came back from the nursery after changing Aayan's diaper.
"I'm here for my wife and son obviously. Came back from office few minutes ago." He answered with affection.
"You're supposed to be at Ummulkhayr's. You probably walked past her in the living room." Jasmine resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him.
He face palmed, "sometimes I really do forget I have another wife."
"Quit the pretence, we both know you don't mean that." She approached the chaise lounge and picked up Aayan's shawl to back him.
"I'm not going to say you're lying because if I were you I would've said the same also. But we all have our reasons, Jasmine. You'll find out about my reason, sooner than later, I promise. Even if my reasons are not string enough to justify what I did, I hope you consider it.
"Well, that wasn't in any way touching. Why can't you tell me the so-called reasons now?"
"Ummulkhayr wants it as a secret for now."He said and instantly regretted.
"Oh. You mean her royal highness?" Jasmine cocked a single brow. "I'm not even interested in hearing your stuff. See if I care."
"Being this cold doesn't suit you, this is not who you are." He stood up and walked to her in front of the mirror. She was tightening the knot of the shawl on her chest to make Aayan stay in place.
"Talk to my hand."
Seeing that she wasn't going to talk to him, he talked about something else. "You could just keep him in his trolley and do your work, keeping the trolley beside you, your chest would hurt or you might have difficulty I'm breathing if you keep taking him kike this. I see you're making those mouthwatering doughnuts." His eyes beamed.
"Aayan is not heavy enough to cause that. And oh, your wife is making those heavenly-tasting croissants. Also, I think it's not fair walking past her as though you didn't notice her—"
"Of course I didn't know she was there." He interpolated but she ignored that, completing her sentence.
"—and then come here and speak needless stuff."
"It's totally fair if I come to check on you."
"You know what?" She feigned a drained face, "I really don't have the time to have silly conversations with you or argue with you on obvious matters, as you can see, I'm not a fan of talking too much these days. Do as you wish." She sauntered out of the room.
"Sorry I took long." Jasmine smiled briefly at Ummulkhayr.
"I didn't even realise you did take long, I'm carried away by this incredible Dr Paul." Ummulkhayr motioned to the TV.
"Oh. I'm sorry I have to leave you again, I need to be in the kitchen now."
"Oh my God, this reminds me. I came for flour but I stayed this long." She laughed at herself. "Is Aayan sleeping? I'd like to take him with me."
"I would really love that. But I'm afraid he cries too much." Jasmine lied. She knew Ummulkhayr wouldn't harm him but her intuitions made it not sit well with her.
"He might not even let me do my work, I'll be staring at him, he's so adorable. Ma shaa Allah." Ummulkhayr said her words with a smile. Jasmine smiled back.
Muslim salaamed and entered the living room. Jasmine took that as a cue to go check her doughnuts.
She heard when their footsteps echoed a while after she disappeared into the kitchen, indicating that they left. She released a breath she didn't know she was holding as she picked up the doughnuts and dipped them carefully into the oil on her gas cooker.
She carefully glazed the doughnuts, paying serious attention to what she was doing, focusing on the beauty of it alone and not let her mind wander around in the slightest bit.
"Salamu alaikum." Ummulkhayr's enthusiastic voice came from the living room. Jasmine answered the taslim and looked up at the kitchen door to see her appear.
"Hey. You're still at it?" She beamed, her pearl white teeth complementing her tan skin. Jasmine didn't like the idea that she got so free around her just because she was all smiles with her earlier. Ummulkhayr was trying to bond with her, obviously.
"It's so intelligent of you to notice." Jasmine gave a fake smile.
"You're so sarcastic." She chuckled. "Anyways, croissants here." She dropped the tray she brought with her on the breakfast bar.
"Thanks."
Jasmine finished glazing the last piece of doughnut left when the doorbell rang. She quickly washed her hands in the sink and dried it with a towel then headed for the door, wondering who came because she wasn't expecting anyone. When her mind went at peace with the thought that it might be the neighbours, she didn't care checking through the peephole and opened the door after untying her veil and draping it around her face and neck.
"Aunt Jasmine." Humayd threw his hands around her thighs before she could even comprehend who were at the door.
"Humayd. It's so nice to see you." She smiled and looked up to see Sulaiman and Ahmad–Hafsat's brother and husband.
"Good afternoon Jay—" Sulaiman started.
"Jasmine." Jasmine corrected.
"Sorry, Jasmine." He then lost all of his words so Ahmad decided to take over.
"We're sorry we came unannounced."
"No it's okay, come in." She moved to the side and gave them space, holding Humayd's hand.
"See how much I grow and I'm a good boy but I'm not with mom up till now." The little boy pouted at Jasmine. He was sure missing his mother.
"Don't worry, grow a little bit older." She smiled at him and offered the men a seat. She kept Aayan on the couch for Humayd because he demanded so and went to the kitchen.
"Seems like you have visitors." Ummulkhayr stated.
"Yeah." She curtly replied as she arranged the last pieces of cookies she had on a small tray then opened her fridge and took out yogurt.
"We're here for Muslim." Ahmad said. "And you too."
"Oh." She said and then told Ummulkhayr to call her husband when she saw her heading towards the door.
"I guess I left my phone in the car." Ahmad said after touching his pockets. "Wait a minute." He said and went outside.
"Your husband has married again." Sulaiman stated after a short while of strained silence.
"Obviously." She pinned her gaze in his eyes just like he was doing to her.
"If you had considered filing for a divorce at least once again, if you had listened to me and considered me, we could've been the ones to adopt Humayd."
"What are you implying Barrister Sulaiman?"
"I think it's better if we let your husband come so we can discuss altogether."
Jasmine let out a silent ‘okay’.
"Could you meet me someday between this week and the next?"
"Where and why?"
"It's nothing formal so let's meet at my house."
"I'm a changed woman Sulaiman. And I respect my marriage more than you could think of. I respect my husband. I respect my home."
"Is this what you call home? You're not even happy yourself. You can still ask for a divorce, it's not late. We'll raise Humayd and Aayan together."
"You daydream too much. You think I can ditch my beautiful home for you?"
"You're all that I see, you're all that I want—"
"I'm reminding you that I'm a married woman and you're in my house right now. Watch your words."
"I know what I'm saying and you have to let me finish."
"What do you think will happen if my husband finds us like this, Sulaiman? Where are your manners?" She was starting to lose it, to say the least. She felt disgusted.
"The worst he can do is divorce you and that's exactly what we want." He smirked and leaned back on the couch.
"Not we, you. What you're talking about is so filthy, don't you think? Hafsat wouldn't like this if she was alive." Tears were starting to form in her eyes but she blinked them away. It would be a stab in the chest for her to let him see her breakdown.
"But she's not. Moreover, my desire isn't what you should call filthy. I want you, that's not filthy since I want to make it halal."
"By trying to pass through haram?" Her brows furrowed in a feigned perplexity.
"You don't understand me." He inched closer as though to grab her hands but she was at alert, she shifted on her couch closer to Humayd. She turned to see him looking at Aayan, not paying attention to the filth his uncle was talking to her about.
"Don't!" She said in a warning tone. "Don't you dare." She raised her index finger and was fuming with rage when she heard her husband's voice saying the taslim in a voice she never thought could make relief wash over her and make her facial features soften. She wasn't even conscious of the effect he had on her.
"Sulaiman." Muslim smiled through his clenched jaw.
"Salamu alaikum." Sulaiman stood up and reached for a handshake.
"Wa'alaykum As-Salaam." Muslim's grip was firm on his hand before he released it.
"I'm sorry I took long. I had to answer an important call." Ahmad said, appearing from the entrance.
Jasmine took Aayan to his nursery and left him with Humayd there. Coming back to the living room, she sat beside her husband on the loveseat to show possession and to remind that “dumb man” that she was taken and happy with that.
Virtual happiness, that is.
"Could you excuse us?" Sulaiman pinned a hard gaze on Jasmine. She rolled her eyes and stood up but Muslim pulled her back.
"Nah she's staying. I think it's more of her business in what we're about to talk about although I do not know what it is." Muslim's words came out hard. The words came out through gritted teeth.
"Yes she does. It would be much better if she stays." Ahmad smiled.
"We're all aware that my wife passed away about two months back. And that Sulaiman here is her elder brother and also her only sibling with Jasmine being her sister from another mother." He cleared his throat at this point.
"I didn't spend enough time with her when she was alive and I deeply regret that. She had been nothing but the best wife I could ever pray for, she's the nicest person to the point that she says even the most unpleasant things pleasantly. For the times I left her all alone, she had always complained in the sweetest ways which I mistook for her many ways of giving me the warmest welcome with affection, good food and words of love." Ahmad chuckled bitterly at this point. The tears in his eyes intrigued every occupant of that living room to know what he had to say next.
"She would always complain that I love my work more that I love her that if I don't stop this obsession in the next few years, the work itself would cause me pain. I always told her that I was doing it for her, I just wanted to have more than enough for her so that she doesn't have to check the pricetag before picking a commodity from the shelves of a mall or on the internet. I just wanted her and our kids to have the best lives after I've gathered enough. However, everyday, shaytan kept telling me it wasn't enough, luring me to deprive her rights in the process although she seemed cool with it.
Little did I know that she wasn't. When she was alive the love I had for her would make me forget my work when we were together, it made my work feel so small and irrelevant. But now that she's not here, my work doesn't make me forget her, it makes me loathe it so much, my work doesn't take her place like she took its place when she was with me. Which I find so betraying.
I now want to give the last piece she left what I couldn't give her, I'm now I changed person. I however came to know that she kept letters whenever I wasn't around, she poured her heart out in those letters; a dairy, she said how hurt she was and how painful it was to hide the pain, things she couldn't say to me when I was away. A lot of the letters made me cry and that made me want to take care of Humayd genuinely to make up for all the times I caused her pain.
But then, I came across a particular page in her book. She wrote that when she was pregnant with Asma:
“It's so sad, I know. It hurts now that you're not here to show me the affection I need in this moment, you're not here to help my mental health and even when I'm sick, you're not here to make me feel okay with the least things that you could do. I miss you more than words can say but since you said all of this will one day be over and you wouldn't leave my sight, I'll wait and pray for you. But I would seriously appreciate if you were here.
In less than a month, I'm going to give birth to our baby girl. I don't think I can make it, I don't think I can come out of it alive and seriously, the only thing I can think of is my child, Humayd. My mother can't take care of him she's already old, brother Sulaiman is not married too, even if he is, I'm not so sure his wife will mother my child(ren). You yourself cannot do it Ahmad, I mean no hurt but we both know you can't. I want them to have the best mother, I don't need you to want to change for me. The only person I can trust with my child(ren) is Jasmine. You might want you to ask her if she can do it, if she can't, you'll have to take them with you, marry a good woman to take care of you and them. I know Jay won't refuse it so please do this one thing for me, please Ahmad, please. Don't let my death stop you from having a spouse again. Take care of yourself, my love. My heart will always beat for you, until its last beat.”"
Ahmad closed the book he read out from. Tears were already all over his face as he spoke so low.
I only want to fulfil this for her, not because I want to leave Humayd. Humayd is the only piece of her I can hold onto and don't want to let go, right now I feel he's the only reason I have to live. She intentionally didn't talk about my relatives, none of the wanted my marriage with her, as a matter of fact, they dislike her because I rejected my cousin and went for her." Ahmad inhaled deeply.
"Muslim, you're the man of this house. Are you okay with Humayd staying here with your wife as his mother?" Ahmad was visibly pleading.
"If my wife wants to, he'll stay here. Whereas, if doesn't feel like, I won't question why. Her mental health is all that matters to me right now, she's also not in her previous frame." Muslim held Jasmine close, who had been sobbing silently.
Losing her only true friend broke her to a thousand pieces.
"Humayd will stay with me. He won't mind, I know." She was genuinely happy with that. She had lost one of her twins, Allah gave her another in one of His many ways. Jasmine couldn't be any thankful.
She made up her mind to show gratitude to Allah by loving and treating Humayd as though she birthed him. Well, a part of her did.
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