Day 2
Once Steve arrived in LA, Sharon dragged him to lunch with her family even though he said that he had so many thing to manage at his art gallery. She ignored it and he had to sit there in complete silence as the Carters talked about the wedding plan.
It was in the last stage. Everything was going according to plan except the freaked out groom-to-be. They didn’t like the fact that Steve was disappeared and left Sharon to deal with this alone but they also like it that they could do whatever they want with the wedding without Steve saying no to everything.
Once the lunch was over, Steve had back to his art gallery where Phil and Melinda were still trying to arrange a huge chunk of arts that arrived yesterday. All the painting Steve shipped from Las Vegas.
His manager and his wife didn’t get a glimpse of any painting because it was perfectly concealed with paper. Steve told them they could see it when he done arranging it. The married couple left the artist alone to himself in his art studio and private gallery.
Steve slowly put everything in place, hanging the portraits of the woman he loved in his art studio. God, he missed her so much and it was not even a day that he left her.
But arranging the gallery could help him calm down and as if his mind knew that these painting was something of her. It reflexed how he thought of her, how much he love Natasha. Steve took off the current centerpiece of his art gallery and hung up the portrait of Natasha, The neon painted portrait of Natasha in box canvas, the red head woman whose fiery red hair burned brighter than the neon signs at night , he intended to give her when he said goodbye in the better circumstance that the on he had.
He hung it up and set the light so it could beautifully display the portrait. It the best he could do to worship the probably last remaining of what would remind him of her. Steve didn’t know how long her stood there admiring his own work, no, he didn’t admire his work, he was thinking about Natasha and how that night at the neon sign museum went.
It was a night of a warm fussy feeling that brought them closer together. Every memory was so beautiful that he really wished he could turn back time and revisited that moment again.
He came home late because he lose track of time after lying on the floor of his studio and looked at the painting of Natasha. He just could take his eyes of it. He came home to find that his own home feel completely strange, like this wasn't his place anymore.
"Hey..." Sharon went up to him and gave him a kiss.
"Why are you still up? This is very late."
"Wait for my fiancé to come home." She replied sweetly but he couldn't help but feel like she was forcing it. "Go take shower, sweetie. I will wait for you in bed."
Steve nodded and did as she said. When he came back to their bedroom, Sharon was already asleep so he just kissed her cheek and slipped in beside her.
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Steve woke up, feeling a little bit disoriented. It felt a little bit familiar as if he was waking up in Natasha's bed once again. The warm body that was pressing against his chest smelled so good. This must be a dream. He dreamed that he was back with Natasha.
He could sleep forever if he was dreaming like this.
Steve wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and kissed her back up to her shoulders and neck. The woman hummed happily and relaxed into his touch.
But the voice wasn't belong to Natasha and reality strike him.
It was his own fiancee, Sharon.
Aww, shit! He thought she was Natasha and how bad of a fiancé he was to think about other woman.
"Morning, honey." Sharon greeted, rolling over to face him and gave him a kiss. "How do you sleep?"
"Great." Steve replied. "Do you have to go to work today?"
"I have to deal with our wedding in the morning. I will be in my office the whole after for a meeting." She told before slipping off their bed. "You have any plan today."
"Yeah, got a meeting with Phil."
"Then you should get out of bed."
Steve didn't move but Sharon didn't care and went on to do her things. Steve closed his eyes and tried to get back to sleep. Then he felt Sharon kiss him on the lips.
"I will make you pancakes and bacons."
"Thanks."
He heard the door shut behind him. Steve sighed and sunk back to his deep thought for Natasha and how pancakes and bacons was her favorite breakfast.
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"Nat, you have to get out of bed, darling." Maria gently spoke to the red head who laid on her bed in fetal position. "You'd been sleep like this for day."
The only reply was a strangled sob and Nat pulled the blanket over her head, curling herself tighter in to a ball. The covers smelled of Steve's cologne and she needed to but a new one if she really wanted to get over him.
But on the other hand, it was the only thing that helped her sleep at night. She made herself surrounded by his scent to sooth her that somehow he was here with her.
"Nat, you gotta eat something." Maria said. "Starve yourself to dead isn't going to bring him back."
"At least it will put me out of misery." Natasha mumbled through the covers.
"You can't go on like this, Nat."
"I don't want to live anymore. Leave me alone, Maria."
Maria sighed. "Alright, if you need anything, I'm right out side."
Nat didn't say anything in reply. She closed her eyes to hold back another wave of tears. It kept coming even though how much she already cried the past few days. Natasha cocooned herself tighter with sheets as if it could fill the emptiness when he left her. It wasn't the same because Steve wasn't under the sheet with her.
Natasha inhaled sharply to take in another whiff of his scent. Dear god, she will never ever wash these sheets ever again since it was the only thing...the only proof that he was once with hers.
Maria didn't bother her again but Nat could hear the sound from television in the background. Nat knew she was an ass for waving Maria off right that when she mean well for her. Natasha just wanted to be left alone, drowning in her sorrow until there was none of it left inside her again.
She will get over him soon, just like the she handled Alexi.
Finally, Natasha crawled out of bed on all four. It was the most hideous stage she ever be. She guessed that Maria heard the sound that she made and came to help her up on her feet. Maria hurled her up and supported her all the way to the kitchen and sat a bowl of soup in front of her.
“Thank you.” Nat whispered before started to dig in.
“Our boss called. He wants us to come in tonight but I already told him that you’re sick.” Maria told.
“Maybe we should be there so I can take my mind away from him.” The red head said before making face. “Maybe climbing up and down some random guy would help.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I would really help me, Maria. I have to focus on something else rather than him.”
“If you say so, I will call him and let him know.”
Maria wasn’t even agree with this but if it got Natasha out of bed then she should be okay with it.
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Natasha and Maria were getting ready to go on stage. The brunette tried her best to conceal Nat's fluffy eyes. It was really hard to do though when she cried for two days in a row. Maria watched her friend closely as Nat interacted with people around her. At least, she was in a safe headspace and that nothing would trigger her memories of Steve Rogers.
Maria promised to herself that she will call Clint soon and she will unleash everything on him and get him to deliver it to Steve. Clint would probably as pissed at Steve as her because the last phone call he made before he left Vegas telling her that he felt the same. The way Steve handled everything was just too awful and not to mention that he made the biggest mistake of choosing Sharon over Natasha.
The stage manager told Nat to get ready to go on the stage and they had a welcome back event just for her. Her costumers missed her. They missed her body. Nat bitterly thought but it was a part of her job. But if it was just a part of her job then why she felt a wave of disgust causing over her when she thought about other man laid their hands on her.
Other man that wasn't Steve, touching her and being near her. If felt wrong.
Don't do this to yourself, Natasha. Nat scolded herself. He couldn't take over your life like this.
So Nat closed her eyes and took a deep breath before stepping out onto the stage. Once the spotlight shone on her, the mask of a stripper Natasha 'Black Widow' Romanoff was on. She gave her audience a seductive smile before she gave them the show that they had been waiting for.
"Give it up to the Black Widow!"
They screamed her name and she felt the surge of adrenaline rush through her body once again. A little proof that Steve wasn't the only thing that kept her alive and all she needed to do was to believe it.
Nat spun around the pole and sexily swung around, gliding up and down. The men nearby the stage rained money on her in hope that they would get a better glimpse at her or they would be lucky enough that she will choose them to give a private dance.
Finally the song ended and it was someone else's turn to get on the stage. Natasha stepped down and Victor, her boss, came to get her before any man could reach her. He also handed her a drink.
“Everyone still loves you, Talia.” He said. “I know you got a lot of thing going on but I’m glad that you’re back.”
“Don’t thank me yet, Victor.” She said. “I don’t know how long before I stop with this.”
“Take all the time you need, darling. You’re like my family. We always welcome you here.”
She hugged him. “Thank you.”
“I will not force you to do anything that you didn’t like but there is a lot of men waiting for a private dance with you.” He told and pointed to the men eyeing her. “They are very big fans of you and they are willing to pay you double or maybe triple.”
“You know money is not my point anymore.”
“Just pick one lucky guy. Please.” Victor begged. “I will charge him triple.”
“Fine.”
“Thank you, you’re a peach.”
Nat sighed and drunk the rest of the content in the glass before scanning the crowd to pick the lucky guy. The alcohol in her blood helped reduce her cautious about man. She finally saw one that caught her eyes. He was tall, blonde, and muscular. The kind of guy she liked…the kind of guy that looked like Steve.
Shit! Nat groaned but walked up to where the man sat.
“Ready?” She asked.
“I was born ready.” He replied and flashed her a predatory smile.
Nat huffed before led him upstairs to the private room where he will have a time of his life. Once Nat shut the door, the guy sat down on the armchair, expecting her to glide up and down him any moment now.
“Remember the rule, no touching. I am the only one who get to use my hands.”
“Anything you want, beautiful.”
He laid back and enjoyed the show that the most beautiful woman in Vegas was currently gave it to him. He kept his hands to himself as she told him but as she glided up and down, he caught a glimpse of something he didn’t notice before.
“I didn’t know that you have a tattoo.” He said cautiously.
“I don’t have a tattoo.” She replied.
“You might get it from your previous work but you really have it on your shoulder or maybe someone wrote it.”
Natasha became alarm. “What did it say?”
“It said ‘I love you.’ Your previous customer was probably in love with you or something.”
Steve! That was the first name that came up in her mind as she leaped up from the guy’s laps and bolted out the door. She could heard him yell and she only replied that she was sorry. The adrenaline combined with alcohol suddenly burned out of her system and gave her the clear conscious back.
Steve must be the one who wrote that because she felt him wrote something on her skin every night when she was about to pass out after so many orgasms he pulled on her. She revisited the memories again and tried to think of when he first started writing it.
She could remember anything when she reached Victor’s office but she realized that she was crying since she discovered this truth. Steve loved her but why the hell did he left her?
“Victor…” Her voice was shaken that made the man immediately noticed it and hang his phone.
“Is there something wrong?” He asked worriedly. “Did that guy take advantage of you? I can send someone to cut his hands off.”
“No—no—I’m sorry. I just couldn’t—do this anymore—I—I’m terribly sorry.”
Victor was alarmed by the sudden break down of Natasha. He never saw her like this before and he didn’t know how to handle this. He finally realized how sad and heartbreak she was so Victor gave her all the time she need and recover until she was ready to come back again.
“Thank you.” She sobbed before went straight back to her apartment.
She was crying the whole ride in the taxi. When she arrived at her apartment, she stripped off her clothes and went into the shower, pouring soap on her skin and using the sponge to scrub it out. Natasha put all the strength she had to rub it out. She didn’t need any reminder of the mistake she made.
He couldn’t do this to her. Bounded her by the word. Took her heart away and threw it to the ground again and again like this.
Why he had to hurt her this way?
‘ I love you. ’ The word still rang in her head. ‘ I love you...no matters what happen....please remember, I will always love you. ’
She sunk down on the floor and began to cry again, dropping the sponge when she realizing what she did. It was the only thing that reminded her that Steve somehow loved her.
He loved her and she pretty sured that she loved him too. Whatever they had was real.
“Nat!” Maria called when she entered her apartment.
The brunette came rushing in to the bathroom to find her friend sitting on the floor and hugging her knees, still crying and shaking. She turned out the water and handed Nat a towel.
“Come on, Nat.” She said. “You will catch a cold.”
“I don’t care.”
Maria sighed and pulled Nat up without any resistance from the red head. She wrapped Nat a towel and forced her to dry off while Maria handled with her hair.
“He wrote a sharpie on my skin.” Nat quietly spoke up and a sob escape from her throat. Maria kept quiet to see where this one was heading. “He wrote ‘I love you.’ on my shoulder but he didn’t tell me directly. I have a dream…I—I really don’t know that it was a dream or it was real.”
“What did he say?”
“He said he loves me. He will always love me.” A single tear fell from her eyes. “Maybe my mind made it up. Maybe—it just—I just—want him so much that my mind made believe of it.”
Maria pulled Nat’s hair aside and she saw the face paint from the black marker.
“Can you retrace it for me?”
“Why are you doing this?” Maria asked, completely disagree with this idea. “You should wipe it out so nothing will remind you off him.”
“A reminder of how stupid I was and to remind me that I will not do it again.” Nat replied, trying to sound strong and confident but she was clearly failed. “The sharpie is on the end table. He left it there.”
“Don’t do this, Nat. Trust me. Nothing good will come out of this.”
“Please…” The broken voice that left Nat’s mouth only broke Maria’s heart even more.
She did as Nat asked, tracing the line and watched as Natasha cried again.
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“You have been here for almost ten hours now, bro!” Tony spoke loudly as he stepped inside Steve’s studio.
“I’m just trying to make myself busy.” Steve replied without taking his eyes of the work he was currently doing. “Why are you here, Tony?”
“Sharon and Pepper had recruit me as their errand boy.” The billionaire replied. “I came here to deliver the document that needed your approval.”
Steve sighed, visibly irritated. Tony was taken a back because he never witnessed Steve in this stage of mood swing at all. Steve was always calm and happy but lately, to be more precise, since he came back from Las Vegas. Steve was losing his temper and he acted like he was about to lose his mind. Dark circle appeared around his eyes, proving that he hadn’t sleep much. His brows always furrowed and exhaustion always donned his face.
Not exactly the stage the someone should be when they were about to get married in two weeks.
Steve’s mood reflected on his art works too. They were dark and despair. They were really hard to look at without feeling depress. Steve lost all the grow he had. It was like some part of him was already dying.
“Are you alright, man?” Tony asked, concerned. “You were acting weird lately.”
Steve was still sensitive enough to notice his friend’s voice. ‘I’m fine.” He lied.
“You’re lying.”
Steve sighed. “I don’t know, Tony.”
“I need you to look at the guest list on last time before we send the invitation out.”
“Fine.”
Steve took the paper from Tony’s hand and began to quickly read everything but he lose his patience at the second page and skipped to the end where he could sign his name. When he handed the paper back, a realization hit him hard and it was enough to alarm Steve and gave him a panic attack. The blond stumbled back, breathing hard, hand clutching his chest before falling back on the couch. Tony quickly yelled for help.
“I’m fine…just a little panic attack.”
“Dude, you’re not fine at all. I will take you to the hospital.”
“It’s not necessary, Tony.” She shrugged Tony’s hand of his arm. “I will be fine.”
Phil came in with May. He held a glass of water while May had her phone in hand, ready to dial 911.
“Dude…” Tony was worried but his best friend kept brush him off.
“Just leave me alone.” Steve got up and went behind the easel again. His voice turned cold the way he never used with any of them. “All of you…leave me alone. I’m fine.”
They did as Steve wished. Phil and May led tony out of the room but the billionaire was still worry about his friend. Tony looked back again and found Steve buried his face in his hands. His broad shoulders shaking as if he was trying to hold back a sob or he was probably crying.
Phil held the door open and Tony finally stepped out of the room.
“I want Steve on full surveillance.”
“He will not like this, Tony.”
“I’m afraid that he might hurt himself more than he already was.”
“Do you know what cause this? I was perfectly fine when he left for Vegas and during the time he stayed there, I talked to him and he sounded fine…almost elated all the time.”
“I don’t know what happen too, Phil. I wish I know.” Tony replied.
“He shut everyone out, Tony, No one could reach him.” Melinda said and patted his back lightly. “Don’t beat yourself up.”
“I’m worried about him…I only see him like this once—just once is enough.” Tony muttered. “He came so close to the moment he lost his mother and his friend. I know, Phil. This is why I want him on surveillance because the last time, he went down the self destruction path and he almost killed himself from the guilt her burdened.”
Phil and Melinda never heard about it before. Steve didn’t tell them much but they respected the man’s privacy.
“I will send someone to keep eyes on him the whole time.” Tony continued. “You two will be my eyes and ears since Steve didn’t want me to install JARVIS in his art studio.”
“JARVIS?”
“My AI.”
“I will have the receptionist report to May and I the whole time.”
“Thank you so much.” Tony nodded.
Steve laid on the couch and trying really hard to slow his heartbeat down. Sweats dripped down his face and his back, his body was overheated by the sudden panic attack. He could heard the hard drum of his heart and he feared it would come out of his chest.
The guest he just finalized only reminded him how close the wedding was and it triggered something in him. The realization that he was very close to lose Natasha forever.
Just thinking about him making his heart arch and pain erupted in every fiber of his being.
But he already made his decision. The stupid decision that hurt both of them badly. Even he crawled his way back to Natasha right now and abandoned Sharon, he wasn’t sure that she would take him back after all the thing he put her though.
“Fuck…” Steve groaned and rolled off the couch. I need a drink . He thought as he stood up and went to the mini bar in the corner. The cabinet was empty. Oh, he drank all of it yesterday to make him stop thinking about Natasha.
He slammed the cabinet door shut and headed downstairs. There was two costumers right now so he took the back door to avoid them. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this, looking half alive. He took his car to the nearest liquor store.
The owner greeted him from behind the cashier. Steve just gave a nod and went through the shelves to find the drinks that he wanted. Within a short amount of time, Steve filled the basket with his and Natasha’s favorite liquor. It came almost instinctively that he didn’t realize it until he reached the whiskey section and that he grabbed a bottle of Langavulin instead of his usual Glenmorangie.
Fuck . He muttered as he looked at the bottle in his hand. He closed his eyes as the flood of memories hit him. The first time he discovered that she liked it, the way she tasted like it when he kissed her, so good and addicting.
The Black Widow left men as good as dead after nights with her.
He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t sleep. All he could think about was her.
Steve put the bottle in the basket. He didn’t put it back because he was so desperate to get the feeling of having Natasha. Just anything related to her was sufficient enough to help him surviving another day without her.
Steve earned a questionable look from the owner but he didn’t say anything. Steve took his wallet out but his hand was trembling and he dropped his wallet on the floor. The content in his wallet spilled out, money and stuff that he kept, he quickly gathered it back but when his hand reached a photo. It hit him hard when he saw the photo of him and Natasha.
It was from the day she took him to the homeless shelter. The photo of him holding Natasha tightly in his arms and kissed her passionately. Steve almost didn’t recognize the man in this picture. He was too happy that it grow out of the photo. That was what he could have been if he chose Natasha over Sharon.
He could be forever happy with her but he chose to do what he thought it was the right thing.
“Are you alright there?” The man asked, pulling Steve’s mind back to reality.
“Yeah…yeah…” He said and got up on his feet, handing the man the money.
Steve paid up and headed back to his art gallery. There was only the receptionist who greeted him. Steve nodded and carried the bags upstairs. Once Steve was out of her sight, the receptionist, Jemma, dialed the phone to Phil immediately.
“Mr. Coulson, about the update of Mr. Rogers, he just came back with three bags of I believe it was alcohol.”
“Thank you. Keep me posted.” Phil said. “Did the camera in his studio still working?”
“Yes.”
“You can go home now, Jemma. I will take care of the rest.”
“Thank you, sir.”
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Steve was arranging everything inside the cabinet when Jemma popped by at the door and told him that she was heading home. Steve saw her out and secured the front entrance.
He came back and started pouring the whiskey and took the first sip. The tingling sensation flow through him and he closed his eyes, trying to remember the moment right after Natasha drank it and kissed him. This was the closet thing to her kiss and he let his imagination and memories blended in together.
At least for a moment, he felt like he was back with her again. The memories of he was still fresh in his mind and he would keep it that way. If he forget one thing about her, he would lose it.
From one glass quickly turned into five and then six and seven before he stop at eight. His head was spinning and he had to lay back on the couch with his arm on his forehead.
God! He missed her so much that it hurt. He wanted to feel her near him, feeling the love that she always gave him even the last moment that they were spending together. He wanted her back even he knew that he didn’t deserve her after he left her with a complete heartbreak like that.
He knew how her previous break up did to her. How hard she was trying to recover the heart break Alexi cause her and he did it to her again.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Steve muttered as tears slipped down his face.
How could he claim that he loved her when he did that to her?
He wanted to talk about this to someone to get it all out but he couldn’t. Clint wasn’t his choice of talking anymore since he was the one who warned him not to see Natasha. Steve was sure that his friend would take her side in this matter. The others didn’t know about his relationship with Natasha except that they were friends. Bruce might suspect it but he wasn’t the choice too. Bruce got his own shit to handle and Steve didn’t want to burden the man with his trouble.
He guessed he would have to put on a mask for the sake of everyone.
He stared at the phone of him and Natasha. It didn’t help him feel any better especially when he was surrounding by portraits of her.
He should go back to her, dropping on his knees and beg her to take him back.
“Fuck…” Steve sighed.
The phone rang, startling him, and Steve pulled it out of his pocket, answering it.
“Rogers.”
“Steven, are you coming home tonight?” Sharon asked.
“No, I will stay at the gallery. I have too many things to deal with right now.”
“Do you need my help?”
“No.”
“Fine, I will drop by tomorrow morning with your breakfast.” She said. “Good night, babe.”
“Good night.”
Steve hung up immediately before he dropped his phone on the floor, closing his eyes and let the pain drowning him.
He deserved it after all.
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Day 3
Maria came to check on Natasha the next morning after her friend cried herself to sleep last night. The doorman let her in immediately and she stopped by the mail box to get things for Nat before she went upstairs.
Maria let herself in as she shuffling through Nat's mail and then one thing caught her attention. A pastel pink envelope with a flora pattern. Her heart sunk as she opened it to find a wedding invitation.
Mr. & Mrs. Marshal Carter
Invite you to celebrate the marriage
of their daughter
Sharon Carter
To
Steven Grant Rogers
Maria felt her blood boil and roar loudly in her ears. How dare he send his wedding invitation to Nat?! Did he wanted to rub it in her friend's face? Why the hell did he did this? As if leaving her and breaking her heart wasn't enough!
Maria was furious beyond word. Steve had outdone himself this time. This was the new level of asshole. She had to hide this invitation before Natasha got a chance to see it and shatter her heart even more.
Before Maria could do anything about the letter, she heard a loud vomit voice coming from Nat's bedroom. She ran inside only to find Natasha on the floor in front of the toilet, looking pale and lifeless.
"What happen to you?" Maria asked as she knelt down next to Nat.
"I don't know..." Nat rasped out through her sore throat. "Probably has something to do with vodka rock at five AM."
"Christ! Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"I need to forget and dull my pain."
It broke Maria's heart that her friend said that, admitting the pain so easily. On the bright side, she was facing the heart break but the real question was, when will it hit her limit?
When Nat was done with emptying every content in her stomach, Maria helped her up and told Natasha to take a shower and met her in the kitchen, she will cook breakfast for her. Nat complied easily the way she never did before. Maybe she was operating on auto-pilot to avoid causing any more damage to herself.
Maria only knew that they were lovers with a passionate urge to fuck each other's brain out every moment. For god sake, they even dragged her into their sexcapade when Natasha decided to send him dirty pictures. Not to mention that they were about to go at it like bunnies i front of her. She never saw Nat that happy before and she was okay with him making her happy. Right up until now, he left her wrecked and completely broken.
"Maria..." A broke sound came from the living room when Maria was busy preparing the breakfast.
The brunette looked up only to find Natasha holding the invitation in her trembling hand. Her green eyes swiped through the whole thing quickly and quickly registered it. Nat looked up at Maria as tear dripping down her face. Maria dropped everything and went to Nat who was now on the floor, crying. Her eyes never left the damning evident that Steve was deliberately trying to hurt her.
Why did he had to do this to her? Why did he had to hurt her this way?
Nat was crying uncontrollably, holding the invitation card in her chest. Maria held Nat and trying to pull the card away before tossing it into the fireplace. Natasha was completely lost it right now and Maria felt bad that she couldn’t do anything to help her friend feel better.
They sat there until her sob began to subside. Maria helped Nat to stand up and to the couch. The red head was still sobbing but at least she was trying to force herself to stop.
“Stop crying, sweetheart.” She said gently, rubbing her shoulders. “He will not come back and you know that…you have to move on, Nat.”
“How could he do this to me?”
“I don’t know…but he is hurting you.”
Nat went quiet and closed her eyes, sobbing herself to sleep again. Maria couldn’t do anything but soothing her friend, comforting her until Nat was in deep in her sleep. The brunette got up and grabbed her phone, walking over to the window.
She had to end this for Nat and also recruiting someone to help her.
“Barton, speaking” Clint was at another end, from his voice, she knew that he was pretty busy.
Maria couldn’t control her anger anymore. “CLINTON! YOUR FRIEND IS IN FOR A WORLD OF PAIN”
“What?” Clint was obviously confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Tell me why there is a wedding invitation for Nat!”
“WHAT?!” Clint shouted. “I don’t know that he send it out, especially to Nat.”
“You gotta get to the bottom of his and find out that Steve really did this.”
“I will do it.”
“And one more thing, your friend wrecked her. He wrote, ‘I love you’ with a sharpie on her shoulder.” Maria told. “She was lost it and trying to scrub it out but ended up with me having to re trace it for her.” She paused for a second. “Why did he do this to her?”
"He didn't mean it, Maria!"
Before Maria could say anything in counter of that, a message sound came from Clint’s phone. “Hold on.” He told and looked at the incoming message. “Hey, I gotta go. Tony just texted me that he needs me at Steve’s gallery.” “I will call back with an update.”
“Hey…before you go, when will you fly in again?”
“Four days, if nothing came up. I had to handle a lot of business matters.”
“Okay, I understand. I will see you soon.”
“I miss you.”
“Me too.”
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Clint hurried to Steve’s art gallery and parked his Porsche in front of the building where he saw Tony's Audi R8 and Thor's Koenigsegg parked before him. He walked upstairs without anyone stopping him. Jemma only called up to Steve's office to let Tony know.
"What the hell happen?" He asked when he saw Thor, Tony, and Bruce standing.
"Steve didn't come home last night. Sharon called me to check on him because she had to head upstate for some urgent business." Tony said.
"I'm not surprise." Clint shrugged. He knew that Sharon would never be there for Steve. "Where is he now?"
"Showering or vomiting, we do not know." Thor replied.
"What seemed to be a trigger this time?"
"He seemed odd since we came back from Vegas and I figure it out that something bad happened back there before we left."
Clint reminded unreadable because he knew what actually happened but he blamed his friend in this case. Steve gave Natasha hope, making her fall in love with him and then abandon her with a heartbreak. He also had a question to ask Steve Rogers.
Not to mention that Steve made a stupid decision of shoving Sharon over Natasha, the woman who clearly loved him from who he was and willing to be there for him.
Clint might not be the one who had long term relationship in a while but he knew true love when he saw one.
“Do you know what it is, Clint?” Tony asked. “You seem like you know something and you didn’t want to share with us.”
“I know as mush as you guys.” Clint said, maintaining his impassive face.
Their attention turned to Steve as the man stepped out of his bathroom, looking wrecked. His eyes were puffy and red. Dark circles around his eyes reached the unhealthy point. Clint would sympathize but he was still angry with Steve about Natasha and he would have to talk to Steve about what he just heard from Maria.
Steve laid down on the couch and closed his eyes. Everyone circled him and looking at him worriedly. Bruce looked at Clint as if he figured out why Steve was acting this way.
“What happen to you, Steve? Talk to us! We are your friends.” Tony said.
“Is it too late to go back to Las Vegas again? Because right now it was the only place I wanna be.” Steve mumbled. “Can we go back?”
"You want to go back? You, of all people?”
Steve didn’t reply. He sunk deep into his thought again and closed his eyes. Something happened in Las Vegas and they didn’t know what caused this to Steve. Clint knew but he rather not complicating the situation. Thor knew Steve was changing to the core was when he stopped talking so much since they left. Tony just realized it yesterday when Steve had a panic attack. Bruce looked at Clint as if he wanted to talk and confirm his suspicion. Clint will talk to the good doctor about this because he needed someone to vent out too.
"I don't want to talk about it. Please leave me alone." Steve said, turning back from his friends.
"Steve...."
“Please..."
Everyone did as he wished and headed for the door, only Clint lingered behind to talk to Steve about this matter.
“I mean you too, Clint.” Steve spoke up even he was still close his eyes.
“Did you send a wedding invitation to Natasha?”
Steve sat up and looked at Clint, confused. “No—Why would I do that?”
“Because Maria told me she found a wedding invitation in Nat’s mailbox.” Clint narrowed his eyes. “If you didn’t do it then someone else did.”
“I will find the one who did this and kill them.” Steve buried his head into his hands. “God…it would hurt her so bad.”
“You already did when you left her.”
“You don’t have to remind me.” Steve laid back on the couch again. “You should go now.”
Clint was reluctant. He had half a mind to tell Steve about the sharpie but he thought that if he withholding this from Steve would be better for everyone. Steve wasn’t in a good state of mind right now and if Clint told him about this, Steve probably lost his shit all over again.
Moreover, Steve needed to be tortured by the thought of it. D id she keep it? Did she try to get rid of it? Even it will eat Steve up but h e deserved it. Clint knew he was cruel but Steve had to feel the same pain and he only hoped that Steve would see the light soon and ran back to Nat and not going through with this stupid wedding.
Clint could only hope that all of this shenanigan will end soon.
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Maria told Nat that she had to go to work tonight and if she had any emergency, Maria will come to her right away. Nat just nodded and when back to sleep. Natasha woke up again when she felt that the living room was too cold and her body was freezing. She looked out the window to find the whole area was in the dark.
Is the right out again? Nat thought.
Nat went into her bedroom to put on more clothes to keep her warm and didn't forget to take the blanket along with her too. The night in the dessert area could be extremely cold sometime. Nat sunk back on the couch and wrapping the sheets around her, laying down and closed her eyes.
But she made a mistake of pulling the sheets too close to her nose and caught a whiff of Steve's scent, his cologne was still lingering on it like a second skin. Nat couldn't hold back tears as the memories flooded her. That one night when The light was out while they were in the shower and making love all night to keep them warm.
The night he slipped out that he wanted to make a baby with her.
Her hand immediately ran down to her toned stomach and her mind ran wild again.
If she was pregnant with his baby, will he come back to her?
It was just as hopeless as the thought of him really loved her. Of course, Steve will not come back to when he had his beautiful, high society fiancee with him. Why would her choose a striper like her? He lied to her that he loved her so she would let her guard down and let him fuck her.
He wouldn't take responsible for the child. He might come up with some horrid reason that the child might not be his children and she probably let every costumer fuck her the way she let him. Tears streamed down her face as she thought about all of that possibility. It would shatter her heart completely if he asked for a DNA test.
It would be the most damming proof that he never ever loved her.
God! What had she done to herself with all of this awful thought? She should move on with her life and let someone in so that person might replace Steve. She will soon forget him and be happy again. Nat closed her eyes and let that possibility sink in.
She could find another with blond hair and blue eyes, muscles everywhere because that was the type of guy she was into. They probably went on a few dates before she let him kiss her. There will be no more oral sec the first night they met. It probably took them quite sometime before they actually had sex. She hoped the guy would be a gentleman but an animal in bed.
It was a great way to relive some pain up until the point when Natasha realized all of the things she thought about was what she would do with Steve. Even the imaginary guy in her mind had the same shade of blue as Steve's eyes, as intense as his. Every line of muscles was the same as Steve. Every tiny little details.
'I own you.' 'You're mine.' 'No one will make you feel the way I did.' 'I will show the world that you are mine.' 'I want you to remember no one but me even when you fuck with other guys. Remember only my cock inside you.'
His voice rang in her head. The memories sent shivers down her spine when she thought about it. His low, sexy, seductive voice was always turned her on even when she just thinking about it. Wetness grew between her legs and she couldn't control it. Then a wave of disgust filled her. Steve haunted her in the worst way imaginable. She could still feel how his cock stretching her out, filling her up all the way in and exploded his cum inside her.
Nat cried the moment she realized that she hadn't move on from Steve on bit. He was still stuck with her in every moment and she couldn't stop. Steve imprinted on her and she felt the touch of his hands all over her body.
He owned her. In every way possible.
"No..." Nat moaned sadly. "No....."
She wrapped herself tighter in the sheets that smelled like Steve and cried her eyes out. She didn't even bother to light up the candles and let herself succumb to the darkness and feeling alone all the more. Steve fucked her right here, on this couch to keep her warm during the light out, holding her close.
It was such a sweet memory until Steve decided to ruin it in the most painful way possible. She was half thought that he might have been using her all along. She knew she had been through too much shit right now and might not thinking straight. But the way Steve acted only emphasized it, he used her, getting all the sex he had been long want to have and that pissed her off to no end because she gave him everything and he just took it.
She hated that she needs him so much, depended on him, trusted him and he betrayed her.
Her phone was ringing for a couple times now but Natasha thoroughly ignored it. She couldn't remember where she put it anyway. It might probably from Steve and she didn't want to talk to him and got her heart shattered again. That was until Maria came in and called her out.
"Nat! Where are you?"
"Here..."
Maria rushed in and knelt down next to her. "God! Are you right?" She asked. "I called you like six times. Why aren't you answering my phone?" Nat didn't reply. "Why are you in the dark like this?"
Because the candle only reminded her of that one of her many nights with Steve. Everything in this apartment was a trigger for her and she was trying to avoid it as much as she could by doing exactly nothing at all.
"Why are you come back early?"
"Light out at the club too. Victor sends us all home." Maria answered but she was still worried about Nat. "What happened to you?"
"Steve..."
Steve happened in her life and ruined her. Ruined her in every way.
"What did he do now?"
"Nothing." Nat wiped tears away from her face. "Just the memories he planted all over this apartment."
"You and I will clean this place up tomorrow and get rid of everything."
"I don't know if I can do that, Maria."
"You have to. You have to move on."
Nat looked at her friend with teary eyes. "I can't..." She sobbed. "He owns me, Maria."
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Day 4
It was 5 AM when Steve woke up in his art studio. He didn't go home again because it wasn't his home anymore. There was no Natasha back there so he didn't see the point of why he had to go back. Home was where Natasha was.
And he missed his home so much.
Steve groaned and climbed out of the couch then fell immediately to the floor. Every bone in his body made a sound of protest that he should move, probably he shouldn’t breath to because the pain was too much, both physically and emotionally.
When he finally able to get up from the floor, he went straight to the alcohol cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Lagavulin along with a glass before heading upstair to the roof top of his art gallery.
It was a breezy morning that sent chill down his spine. Steve quickly took a sip of the whiskey to warm him up. He sat down on the rooftop, facing toward the direction of sunrise.
He hoped that it would bring him a better day than yesterday because if it kept repeating like this, he wished he would die soon. The pain was too much when he was thinking about Natasha and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He was in pain all the time and alcohol was the only choice to take those edge off.
He missed her like crazy but he couldn’t do anything about it.
He let the love of his life go in order to keep the promise to someone he didn’t have feeling for.
“You stupid ass…” He scolded himself and poured another glass.
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It was a rough night because she could barely sleep. She cried all the time but it wasn’t enough to make her eyes shut. Now she was wrapping tightly in her sheets, still covering with Steve’s scent and she also spilled more of his cologne (that he left in her bathroom) on the pillow so it would also smell like him.
It was pathetic but she couldn’t help it. The smell of that cologne was the only way to help her sleep and the same time it made her wanted to vomit when the memories kept repeating in her mind.
She pulled her shit together and didn’t break down for two hours now and it was probably time to get out of bed.
Nat stumbled for first three steps before regaining her balance. She grabbed a bottle of vodka before heading up to the rooftop but also didn’t forget to leave Maria a note of where she went. Nat sat down on one of the couch on the rooftop, facing toward the East to watch the sun slowly rose from the horizon.
It was a new day, Romanoff and it was time to move on. She thought. You couldn’t let him own you like that.
She should start doing something to slowly get rid of him, taking Steve out of her system one piece at a time before putting her true self back in her body, not this…not this kind of weak and emotionally depended on a man who never loved her.
He made you shed enough tears, Natasha. She reminded himself. Love is for children anyway.
It was a new day and she was ready to begin the life without Steve and the first step to recovery.
All she could hope was that she was strong enough to get through this.