*
"I'll be discharged tomorrow morning." Jasmine squealed to Hafsat as she was sitting on the bed in the room whilst Hafsat sat on a plastic chair beside Jasmine's bed while her son, Humayd stood beside her. Sa'eeda was on the couch at the corner of the room, smiling at her phone.
"Stop acting like a baby." Hafsat eyed Jasmine, holding Aayan.
"Mom, this baby is cute." Humayd said with a cute smile as he caressed the baby's head.
"He's your little brother." His mom told him.
"Just like Asma?"
"Yes just like Asma, honey."
"Talking about Asma, where is she?"
"She's at the crèche." Humayd answered excitedly.
"Yes maybe I should go pick her up, I almost forgot it's almost time, today's a Friday." Hafsat sounded a little tensed.
"Yes you should go get her please."
"No I'll call brother Sulaiman to bring her here." Hafsat took her phone.
Jasmine's stomach churned at the mention of his name, she wasn't ready to see him. At least not after the tons of messages he sent to her and the numerous calls she intentionally missed that earned him a ticket into her phone's blacklisted contacts.
"I think it's better if you go yourself, your brother might be busy. And don't forget to bring with you the pepper soup you claimed to have made for me but forgot." Jasmine laughed at herself for finding a solution. A cicatrising one.
Probably even futile.
"If Ahmad was here he would've done that for me because I don't want to leave here for a second, I want to spend the rest of my day here. I feel as though I'll never get to see you again." Hafsat's words were sincere and emotional, making it seem more serious that it is or maybe less serious than it is.
Jasmine hissed playfully. "You better go, don't leave the poor girl waiting."
With a wide genuine smile, Hafsat nodded. "Come here Humayd, let's go and come back."
"No I'll stay with Aayan, when you come back with Asma, we'll play together with her and Aayan."
"You have to come with me Humayd. We'll come back together." Hafsat was lightly stern with her voice.
"Leave him if he doesn't want to go. He's obsessed with his cousin." Jasmine chuckled, reminiscing on the times they vowed to make their respective children cousins albeit they had no blood relation.
Hafsat stood and handed Aayan who had woken up few minutes ago to his mother.
Hugging Jasmine, Hafsat said, "I love you Jay. Take care of Humayd."
"I'll smack you idiot." Jasmine glared playfully at her only and truest best friend.
"I love you Humayd, don't trouble aunt Jasmine or Aayan." She pecked his cheek.
"I'm not troublesome, mom." Humayd whined.
"I know you're not but be a good boy, okay?" She twinged his cheek and kissed his forehead.
Sighing, she unfolded to her full height. "Bye-bye Jay. Sa'eeda," she called and Sa'eeda looked up at her. "Goodbye." She said with so much enthusiasm before closing the door with Jasmine patting the space next to her on the bed and Humayd struggling to climb up being the last thing she saw before the door closed completely.
"Salamu alaikum." Ummulkhayr said the taslim and walked in with Muslim behind her. Sa'eeda answered.
The couple met with Jasmine sleeping and Humayd looking at Aayan in his crib while Sa'eeda sat on a prayer mat.
Sa'eeda exchanged pleasantries with them then stood up to fold her prayer mat.
"Aunt Sa'eeda I want to go home." Humayd was starting to get impatient. It had been about four hours since his mother left and she did not come back, neither did she call.
Few seconds of eye contact between Muslim and Ummulkhayr, the latter nodded then smiled at Humayd.
"You must be hungry, let's go get you some really nice food." She bent a little. The boy looked at Jasmine, then Aayan, Muslim and Sa'eeda, Ummulkhayr being the last.
"Go with her Humayd, she's Aunt Ummulkhayr, my sister." Sa'eeda smiled at the little boy and he reluctantly followed Ummulkhayr out of the room with her two fingers in his little loose fist.
"Hafsy, wait." Jasmine's voice came, making Muslim to turn and see her awake. Sa'eeda excused them because she felt they needed to be together.
"That's Ummulkhayr, not Hafsa." He swallowed a lump then sat and took her hands in his.
"She didn't come back here since she left." Muslim sounded pale.
"Let me call her." She attempted to reach for her phone.
"Later, please. How do feel?"
"Excited, exhilarated. Thrilled to bits." She smiled widely but her husband gave her a tight-lipped smile, that too because the baby blues was no longer there. He knew she was just saying that because she also wanted to believe it, thinking that forgetting about Ummulkhayr being his wife would do her some good.
"You know, it'd be so ethereal to go back home as a family of three." She said in order to get rid of the awkward moment.
"Listen, Jasmine." The way his voiced dropped so low made her shiver. Something was definitely not right.
She nodded with a curious look on her face.
"I'm sorry.." He was hesitant
"Stop being hesitant. Tell me?" She sat up.
Muslim breathed once.
Twice.
Thrice.
"Jasmine, Hafsa..." He stopped again, not wanting to see his wife broken which is definitely going to happen.
"Hafsat what?"
He did the process again.
He breathed slowly three times.
"Her house caught fire-" Jasmine's eyes widened. "-neither her, nor her daughter made it out of it."
"What do you mean?" Jasmine's voice was almost gone.
"She's-she's no more."
"What do you mean she's no more? She told me she was going to pick up Asma and the food she made for me at home." Jasmine shook her head in denial. "This prank is not funny Muslim." Tears filled her eyes to the brim.
"Jasmine, this is not a prank. I don't pull pranks on you." Muslim sounded concerned as he took his wife's hands in his.
"Innalillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un." Jasmine cried. "Hafsat is gone." She threw herself into Muslim's hold, cried hysterically for about ten minutes, totally lost of words. All she could mutter were silent prayers
"If only I had bot convinced her to go. If only I didn't really care about the pepper soup, if only I had agreed to her sending Sulaiman to pick Asma'u up."
"Keep quiet, stop acting like it's your fault. This is where her life ends, we can't do anything about it, baby." Muslim tried calming her down although he didn't know how to and it would definitely be futile.
"What do you want me to say to Humayd. She left him, this little boy and his father barely has time for them. Innalillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un."
"Allah will take care of Humayd." Muslim whispered.
"And me?" She pulled away. "What about me? I lost my best friend who is more like a sister to me. Who is going to take care of me, who will I be able to talk to, who will calm me down when I'm anxious, who will take my pain away and my worries fade with just few words, who will make me smile at the mere sight of them, who will say my silly talks to, who will trust with my secrets, who will be my confidante? No one can replace Hafsat in my heart, no one-" She cried hysterically.
Muslim silenced her by placing his finger across her lips. It was a light contact but she stopped speaking immediately.
I
"Allah will take care of all of us. I'm here, I Muslim will be your best friend. You can call me Hafsat." He smiled painfully.
She let out an ephemeral smile.
"It hurts so much paapa, how am I going to take this pain away?" Her face was forlorn and her voice, woebegone.
"Come here." He said, he however went closer to her and hugged her real tight.
"I'm not saying you shouldn't grieve. Grieve, grieve and grieve maama, Hafsat deserves that, even more than that. But what's more important is prayers, pray for her. She's in a better place in sha Allah. One day, we all will not be here, not just Hafsat."
Jasmine didn't say anything, she just kept sobbing, drowning herself in the vespertine comfort and willow.
Minutes later, Muslim had thought Jasmine was asleep only to push her gently to see her numb face. She looked so numb.
"I want to leave this hospital." Jasmine voiced sternly.
"You have to-" Muslim started.
"This night. This instant." Her voice came out so unladylike.
"Fine. Where do you want to go if you leave here?"
"Home." She blinked away the tears in her eyes.
"I think you should go to Hafsat's. They all think Humayd is also no more, give them a relief." He lightly squeezed her palms.
"I cannot go. I cannot face them." She broke down again.
"You have to go, Jaz." Muslim stroked her back.
"I can't, no I can't."
"It's okay if you don't want to go. We'll go at your convenient time."
"I remember she said she doesn't want no gathering for her death. That everyone should pray for her from where they are." She grimaced and bit her lower lip. She couldn't believe Hafsat was really gone, she was just with her hours ago, it felt like seconds.
Aayan's babyish cries jolted them out of each other's embrace.
"He has woken up." Muslim stated the obvious.
"Let him be." Jasmine waved dismissively. "Just shut him up, his cries are irritating." She rolled her eyes leaving Muslim with no other choice than to wind the baby to make his cries subside.
"Salamu alaykum." An unfamiliar voice came from the door, pronunciation each sound efficiently. It was Ummulkhayr.
"Wa'alaykum As-Salaam." Muslim answered.
"I want to go to mom." Humayd ran to Jasmine. Tears formed in her eyes as everyone's attention went to them.
"I'm sorry Humayd, you can't go to your mom now." She smiled through her tears.
"Jasmine no-" Muslim tried to stop her.
"No. He has to know, he has the right to."
"But he's too young to understand."
"We can't lie to him, Muslim." Jasmine almost thundered.
"Something bad happen to my mom?" The little boy titled his head a little and grimaced.
Jasmine's nostrils flared as she sniffed and blinked. "No, Humayd-"
"See you're lying to him." Muslim sounded furious.
"Nothing bad happened to your mom. In fact, she's in a really better place." Jasmine twinged his cheeks, ignoring Muslim. She didn't only tell Humayd the words, she also needed to hear that.
"Is this place not better? When will she come back?" He sounded so desperate and there was longing in his little voice.
"Whoever goes there doesn't-doesn't come b-back Humayd." She stuttered.
"Why?"
"See-" she pulled him even closer. "-the place she went is better than here, it has beautiful home, delicious food, beautiful people. Everything there is excellent, you should be happy for her." Jasmine smiled genuinely feeling her words getting to her herself.
"Why didn't she take me? Is Asma with her?"
"Yes Asma'u us with her. She didn't take you because it's not yet your time to go, if you become a good boy, when your time comes, you'll join her." Jasmine said, having no idea where she got the moxie, the confidence or the words from.
"Where?" He inquired.
"Heaven big man. Paradise."
"Show me the way. I'll try reaching my mom and my sister." Tears filled the little boy's eyes at the thought that his family was never coming back.
"Jasmine you're confusing his little head, he can't take all of this at a go." Muslim spoke and Aayan started crying again.
"Aayan is crying too." Humayd's voice was broken. "He is confuse just like me." Humayd's lone tear dropped on his face and he grimaced.
"Don't worry little boy, you'll understand very soon."
"I want biscuit." He saved them the stress by throwing away the other topic.
"Sa'eeda get biscuit for him. And a lot of chocolate, aye?" Muslim directed his last part to Humayd as he winded Aayan carefully. "Take him with you."
As Sa'eeda and Humayd went out of sight, Jasmine's body slumped against the wall beside her, as though she lost all weight whatsoever.
"Hold him." Muslim handed Aayan to Ummulkhayr and walked to his life leaning on the wall.
"Come here." He held her shoulders and pulled her to him. Her scarf fell and Muslim brought her to his chest and caressed her hair as she sobbed.
"See this poor little boy. He doesn't know anything, yet his mother left him in this cruel world with no one to love and care for him like her." She cried, her voice came out as if it was dying down with each word she uttered. "My heart would've been at peace if I had let him follow her, seeing him would only make me feel guilty of his mother's death." She said that in pain not that she meant what she said. If Humayd had followed Hafsat, she would've said, my heart would've been at peace if one of them stayed, at least, a piece of Hafsat should've stayed.
Well, neither what she was feeling nor what she was saying would bring back Hafsat, turn back the hands of time or take Humayd to his mother.
"You're not responsible for this, maama." Ummulkhayr's eyes shot up to him-her head had been hung low, pretending to stare at Aayan-and saw him cupping Jasmine's face.
Maama?
That was a name he said their kids would call her.
Evident, it was not for her no more.
"Of course I am-"
"Shh." He placed a finger across her lips. "It's been written that Hafsat was going to die on this very day. Even if your camaraderie would break, she would give in to that to reach her house on time and die there. Even if you knew, you couldn't have been able to stop it." Jasmine knew all of that, it however felt ethereal that her husband was the reminding her in the most gentle way possible.
Through the corners of their eyes, they saw Ummulkhayr kept Aayan on the bed and walked out of the room which didn't matter right then.
"Please be strong." He hugged her again. "I'll take Humayd to Sulaiman while you stay at home, okay?"
"No I want to go with you." His shirt muffled the sound of her faint voice. He heard her, however.
"You have to heal first. Let's see the tummy." He took her to bed. "Careful, don't sit on my baby." He snickered lightly.
"Our baby." She pouted.
"Yes our baby. Now let's see.
*
"Please, please, dan Allah, forgive me. It feels so dark without you, you're my light, I've been living in a dark room without knowing how painful it had been. Now that I know the taste of the light you showed me to, it feels so terrible and excruciating that I have to be in the dark again. If you were with me, it wouldn't have been dark. I didn't know I feel this way towards you and it might seem wrong because you're Jasmine's cousin but being her cousin means you both have a lot of things in common. You remind me of her in the way you talk, the way you laugh the way you treat me, the way you call me just to say silly stuff and a lot more. I would lie if I say I love you more than I've loved Jasmine but I want you to know that I feel it in me that you'll fix me and we both will be fine together. Please don't say no."
Aisha kept quiet and stared into his eyes. The sincerity was undeniable albeit she tried to find a glint of lies, she could find any.
"You won't say no, will you? I read your diary-"
"What?" Aisha jolted her body from the table she rested her elbows on.
"I was falling in love with you, I wondered if you also felt the same and that tempted me to go through your diary."
"How could you do this?" She whispered, a furious whisper.
"I couldn't help it, Aisha." He looked at her interlaced fingers on the table that was between them. He would've placed his hands on them.
Aisha heaved a sigh, then looked away from Sadeeq to some friends playing cards on a table that was a few metres away from them.
She felt embarrassed when she thought of how poetic she sounded when she wrote about her first kiss adventure although it was so wrong, it felt so right that she needed to write about it in the language of oxymoron-juxtaposition
Relief washed over her when she thought they didn't meet since when she wrote that.
Her peripheral vision caught a lilac notepad with a purple one on top.
"Here." Sadeeq said and extended the book to her. Her eyes widened as he dropped the book beside a cup in front of her seeing as she wasn't ready to collect it. It was her diary.
"Please don't blame Hauwa, I cajoled her into getting this for me, I literally blackmailed her. Trust me, I never wanted to read your secrets, I just wanted to know if I'm loved by you or if there's someone in your life." He explained as though he read the question on her mind.
"You could simply ask me, Sadeeq." Her voice was so low. She refused to look his way.
"You weren't sparing me a second to hear me out." He defended himself. He regretted spying on her book because of the way she reacted; her indecipherable reaction
"I feel so betrayed right now." She calmly said, "I'm so disappointed in you." She needlessly stirred the iced coffee in front of her and took some through the straw. She just wanted to calm her anxious inner self.
"I am so sorry. I couldn't control my curiosity. I'm sorry." He left his food untouched, apologising to her from the depth of his heart.
Aisha sighed again, fixed her veil, stood up, classically picked her denim bag and Fatima's car keys then said, "I've heard what you said, allow me to think it through. I'll get back to you." Internally, she wanted to scream her lungs out because of how excited she was, but then, she needed to show him that what he did was wrong so he shouldn't repeat it next time.
"Please unblock me then." He beseeched.
"I'll do that." She said without sparing him a glance then walked away. She looked so exhausted as she was just coming back from her morning duty when she received his message with a different number, so they met at their usual spot.
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I sincerely apologise for updating late. Thank you for waiting.