Were we the first ones here? The room was completely empty, the only thing in here several doors. Five in the side Hyunjin, Jeongin and I had just gotten out of, and one on the other side of it, likely leading to the next safe zone. I decided to take the time, letting myself fall on the red carpet floor, laying down to rest out further. All the running about had taken most of the energy I had left. After all, this looked like it was simply a room to have us wait for the others anyways, how bad could it be?
And yet, my mind instantly went to the other guys. I could only imagine what they were going through. What kind of challenges did they go through? Would they have gotten hurt? And how would Jisung be doing? Part of me didn't want to care after he didn't seem care about what would happen to me either, but I still hoped he at least would still be alive, and not just for the money. Spending the past week here, I'd been able to experience so much more than I ever thought I could or would, finally finding a person again I wanted to be with, I actually felt myself starting to care about these guys, despite thinking that I could never get close to anyone ever again.
I could feel my head lifted up slightly, placed back on Jeongin's arm as he had laid down beside me, him too still panting. I this time didn't pull away, though unsure whether I was getting used to his affection for physical contact, or whether I was just too tired to care about it. Unlike at home, I had luckily learned here that being touched didn't always have to be a bad thing. It would still take a lot of time to actually be comfortable with it more in general, there was a person on my mind right now I couldn't help but want to hold again. Being in his arms was simply so comforting, that I couldn't even explain why I changed so much about it in such a short time, and yet I couldn't get enough of it.
And now, seeing Changbin coming out alone, tearstains on his cheeks, I already knew that wasn't going to happen anymore. I sat up straight, trying to peek through the door that was left half open, seeing nothing but blood on the ground. "Changbin...?" Jeongin asked, his voice already quivering. "Where's Seungmin?" he continued as Changbin stayed quiet, curling up on the ground. "If only I had chosen the other door," Changbin muttered out, now actually breaking down. "If only I chose the other door, he could have made it."
"Could have made it?" Hyunjin repeated, only now realizing what was going on. "Don't tell me he's-" Hyunjin shouted, interrupted by Changbin continuing. "We got separated into two rooms, there was nothing I could do. I tried to shout tips at him, but he wasn't listening. It was like he had already given up. He was just ranting about how I should take care of you guys, and how he wanted me to be sure to tell Y/N he loved her, and before I knew it he was on the ground, completely covered in blood, and he didn't even seem to be breathing anymore... I'm so sorry," Changbin ranted, but I couldn't listen anymore. I got up, speeding through the door Changbin had just gotten out of, pressing my hands against the glass wall.
Though Seungmin was nowhere to be found, the puddle of blood confirmed Changbin's story. "Changbin, where did he go?" I shouted, banging against the glass. "I don't know," he answered shakily. "He just suddenly disappeared through the ground, through some sort of opening." The room became quiet, besides the sobs audible from Changbin and Jeongin. Hyunjin only sat there, staring blankly in front of him. I let myself fall back to the ground, laying down on the floor, not even caring that my clothes now too were covered by blood. I wanted to scream, cry, fight, and yet nothing came out. All I could do was lay there motionlessly, rethinking every moment we had together as I closed my eyes.
----------
"Can you all just cut the chit chat and be quiet? I'm trying to rest out for tomorrow. If you don't remember, we have to be up and running at 5. In the morning!"
---
"Great, this just keeps getting better huh," Seungmin groaned.
---
"Easy, it's just me," Seungmin said defensively. "Listen, I know you being here with a group of unknown people isn't exactly ideal, and to be frank I don't like it either, but you doing things on your own isn't going to help anyone, so at least stick with us for everyone's sake."
---
I slightly opened my eye again, this time trying to get a glance of the situation, yet instead meeting Seungmin's eyes, who had apparently been doing the same as I did. You could clearly see the sadness in his eyes, making my heart sting a little. The poor guy heard it all.
---
"Actually, I was thinking me and Y/N could go," Seungmin argued, his eyes meeting my surprised ones. Me? Why on earth? I thought he disliked me. Is he trying to get rid of me or anything? "Since she has a good memory and intuition, plus my ability to stay quickly adapt if necessary, I think it might be easy for us to get a good overview together," he argued. In a way he had a point, but I still didn't understand, it's not like we'd stand out as a team particularly in how amazing we'd be together, plus it would make more sense to do as Chan said, but I wasn't stupid enough to not notice there was something else on his mind when he suggested it.
---
For the first time, I actually hear Seungmin laugh besides me. I finally managed to bring my eyes up to his face, seeing him smile brightly through his tears. I grew speechless, just staring at him. It had been about three days, but this was the first time I actually saw him happy, and not even a little bit. He was crying with the biggest grin I ever saw someone have.
I sat down with him, actually feeling signs of relief. "So you don't hate me after all? I swear I was convinced you did." Seungmin shrugged. "Hate is a strong word. Did I like you being there? Absolutely not - no offense - but I didn't hold anything against you personally. So don't worry about that."
"I'm glad you came with us after all Y/N."
---
"Oh come on, I'd feel bad for anyone, not just you. Don't think you're so special because I worry," I teased, happy to be able to be so relaxed again around someone. It had been a while. "Awh, what a shame. I was hoping I'd be a little more special to you than the others by now. We even indirectly kissed, doesn't that mean anything to you?" he teased back, making my cheeks flare up. "Ah, that's it. Put me down put me down." I said, lightly hitting his back. "Sorry, sorry," he laughed, lifting me up again.
---
"Say, Y/N," Seungmin muttered, his gaze slowly falling down to me, then to Felix who was chatting with Changbin right behind us. "Did something happen between you and Felix?" My breathing stocked for a second. He didn't actually see anything did he? My mind already flashed back to the both of us eavesdropping during the conversation back in the safe room. Shit, if that was true I was screwed. He was one of the few I so far felt comfortable with, if he thought I was already playing hookup the little bit of reputation I could have built up would be ruined. "No, why?" I asked as innocently as I could, trying not to show my shaky breathing.
"Nothing special, just saw a couple of comments about it," he brushed it off to my luck. I don't really think he was convinced, but I was just glad he didn't question it further.
---
"We just needed a break, that's all. We're unharmed, so no worries," he answered lightheartedly. Chan let out a sigh, glancing over at Seungmin who had stopped to listen. "Tell that to Seungmin. He'd already gone around to try to find you, looking more worried than I'd seen him in a while." My eyes met Seungmin's, making my heart stop beating. That gaze already said it all. The slight hint of discomfort in his eyes as he looked at me; he saw.
Who knew what he thought of it. Did he think Felix and I were actually dating? He probably did if he saw us hugging each other like that.
---
The storm would be here any second now. Though we were lucky the was nothing but sand that could hit us, taking the largest death factor away, we were still at a huge risk of being suffocated, or being taken so high we wouldn't save the fall. I closed my eyes tightly, bracing myself for the impact. And yet, if I were to die, I had to get it off my chest. "SEUNGMIN, THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU," I shouted to him.
"THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN ME AND FELIX. IT WAS ALL A SHOW FOR THE VIEWERS TO GIVE US MORE DONATIONS. THANK YOU FOR NOT TELLING THE REST SEUNGMIN, I REALLY OWE YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING."
And right then, our bodies were hit with the storm.
---
Please, just a little longer... we can't go like this... I couldn't die just yet...
While I could feel my grip slowly slip away, Seungmin's just now tightened around me, bringing his lips back to mine, exhaling into mine again. His lift felt soft, like the tingling of a feather against your skin, the only soft thing in these harsh winds. His breath felt hot in my mouth, almost intoxicating me with the cold sharp wind outside. As if the cold melted away, just because of him. My eyes were continously closed, making me unprepared for the sudden return of gravity beneath us. Without a second thought, Seungmin brought my head back to his chest as we both fell to the ground.
Is he even breathing? Was his heart still beating? I pressed two of my fingers against his throat, trying to feel a pulse. Though I could still feel a weak one, I couldn't seem to hear any breathing, nor see his chest rising or falling. Without another thought, I pressed my lips against his once more, hoping desperately to give him enough oxygen this way until he'd hopefully start breathing on his own again. I pulled away for a split second to breathe, once more going back in to give him back the breath he saved me with just now. Before I knew it, his hands were up again, cupping my face. I pulled away as quickly as I could, seeing his eyes open again. "You're alive!" I yelled out, the tears that had slowed down earlier rolling down my face faster than before. "We made it," I added, still trying to convince myself we were actually alright. The storm had passed again.
"Seungmin! Y/N!" a distant voice yelled our names, but I couldn't even be bothered with it as Seungmin once more pulled me towards him, laying be back on his body. "Please let me stay like this for just a little longer," he pleaded, his voice cracked. "I don't know if I can get up just yet," he said right after. His grip still felt weak to the touch, but I couldn't argue with him. My body felt too weak to truly get up too. Everything seemed to hurt, though the soft feeling on my lips had never left.
---
The door opened slowly, quickly making me glance towards it. Speaking of the devil. "You feeling okay?" Seungmin asked, climbing up the stairs again. I was about to get up, but Seungmin motioned me to sit back down, doing the same next to me. "Yeah," I answered hesitantly.
"How about you?" I diverted the attention back to him. He seemed quite beaten up. His skin looked pretty pale, his breathing heavy, and the sweat still rolling down his forehead. Whatever lie was about to come out of his mouth, I already knew better. "I'm fine, don't worry," he answered. Just like I thought. "Just need a nap," he chuckled, his head slowly leaning further to the right until it hit my shoulder. His eyes closed, while my shoulders tensed up. I tried to focus on my breathing, hoping to calm myself down. I followed his lead, closing my eyes too, feeling my chest rise and fall, while the tension in my shoulders eased up bit by bit with every breath. I took one more deep breath, holding it in as I rested my head on his.
"Did you mean what you said before we got hit by the storm?" That was too direct. Way too direct. I knew it was gonna come, but he really got straight to the point right away. "I did," I answered him shortly at first, trying to think of what to say further. "When everyone else was asleep two nights ago, we both were awake, looking up at the comments. Most of them were urging us to do whatever, offering money for it, and I guess we both just got the same idea. It felt awful at first though, but I'm just glad we both agreed to fake it for the camera." I let out a sarcastic chuckle, thinking back about my words. "Though after hearing out Changbin, I'm not even sure if he is. And we only started... whatever it is. It's definitely too soon to develop any feelings, right?"
Seungmin stayed quiet, not even giving me a hum. "You think he likes you?" I sighed, lifting my head up again, only to lean back at the wall, lifting my eyes up. "I don't even know. Changbin surely seems to think so, but I honestly don't even know. I'm too focused on surviving out here to really think about anything else right now. Plus, we only just met. Can you even really fall for someone in such a short amount of time?" I paused for a second. "I think he might just like the idea of a relationship, or the idea of someone caring for him or something. But actual feelings? I just can't see it in such a short amount of time." I glanced down at him, still seeing him quietly lay there.
"I don't think time should be a factor here," he finally answered. "Falling in love can happen in a split second, you know? If the feeling is there, you can't change it. You can't choose to fall for someone after all, whether you like it or not, weird conditions or not. Maybe you just made him feel like no one else could before..."
---
I gave him a weak smile as I got his eye, watching him walk towards me rather than to his door. Without another word, his arms wrapped themselves around me, pulling me against his chest. I could feel all eyes on us, even with my eyes closed. I hesitantly wrapped mine around his waist, leaning my head against his chest when it dawned upon me. He was preparing for a goodbye.
The weak smile instantly dropped at the thought of it. Of course it's a possibility, either of us, or any of us here, dying this next round. I had been quite optimistic so far, we all made it anyways so far, but what was beyond these doors was a mystery to all, and we wouldn't know anything until we made it out. Even to my surprise, I pulled him a little closer, wrapping my arms around him tightly. While his right arm remained wrapped around my waist, his left hand moved to my head, brushing his fingers through my hair. And for the first time in years, I felt safe again in someone's arms.
I didn't want to let him go. I had faith in him, and knew Changbin would do everything he could to ensure Seungmin would make it through, but I didn't want to risk it. And yet, the last thing I wanted was him to worry. I forced myself to pull away, putting the smile back on my face. "I'll see you right after we get through, okay?" I said, probably too obviously forcing myself to sound optimistic. His hands still lingered on my hips, instead of me not hiding his worries at all. "Yeah..." he said weakly, not sounding convinced at all.
----------
I opened my eyes again, staring at the ceiling. The entire commotion in the hall went right past me, only barely picking up Seungmin wasn't the only one who didn't survive, but hearing Felix's name fall too. And yet, I already shut it all out. Getting close to them was a mistake. Had I not let myself get carried away by emotions, maybe I wouldn't be feeling like this. Maybe then, if I shut everyone out, I wouldn't be feeling so miserable. I should have never tried to think I could have something more, as it never ends well. Besides, this now wasn't about making it through with our eyes on the money prize anymore.
This game was now about survival.