"not insane, not insane. don't listen to them, i'm not insane,"
el rubbed her face repeatedly, turning around on the couch as she huffed. "damien, i want my blanket,"
he bit down on a granola bar and pointed ahead. "it's right there, el,"
she pouted, a frown on her face as she grabbed it from the end of the couch. "damy," she sat up straight. "let's go for an adventure,"
he shook his head. "dante will be pissed,"
she pouted further, softening her eyes. "please...."
he sighed, shaking his head. "fine, fine. where do you want to go?"
she instantly giggled, smiling widely before standing to walk over and hug him. resting her chin on his chest, she tipped her head up. "i want to follow him,"
"is that a good idea?"
she nodded and smiled from ear to ear. "of course! i am a better dolly now. i am good!"
he narrowed his gaze at her and shook his head. "fine, fine. but didn't he forget you—"
"NO, HE DIDN'T!" she screamed loudly and stomped her feet. "HE JUST— HE WILL REMEMBER!"
he nodded and she quiet down and stopped her stomping. "sorry..."
"it's okay," he whispered with a gentle smile before cupping her face. "let's go before dante notices,"
she nodded repeatedly, "yes,"
she headed for the door instantly and bounced up and down as she waited for him to exit the apartment after her, him going to press the button to the elevator for her.
"thanks," she smiled at him before giggling. "aren't i a good one? i said thanks,"
he let out a snicker, shaking his head as she chuckled, "i guess so, el,"
she gave a childish grin before walking into the elevator, giggling at her reflection inside before walking up to the mirror to rub on her face.
"wish i was pretty," she murmured to herself as he shook his head. "you are beautiful,"
she shrugged in response and turned back, hand over her stomach with a huff. "quiet, QUIET!"
looking down at her stomach, she frowned and felt her boney arms. "i feel fat,"
"you're beautiful,"
she looked down to the ground, sadness consuming her and eating her alive in a split second. "i wonder what mama would think of me now,"
"her opinion doesn't matter, el,"
she shrugged, her voice quiet. "it doesn't but i can't help but think about it," she scratched her skin with a small sigh. "am i stupid?"
he shook his head and pulled her into his chest. "you aren't at all. you just want her love and we all understand that,"
"you're not stupid. remember that,"
"i... i'll try.." she promised quietly and hugged on tighter, trying her best to find warmth in his arms.
✿
"he's there," el pointed ahead, hiding behind a tree. "see?"
"yes, i do," he nodded as she began to walk, following mike down the road as damien trailed behind her.
but she was noticed instantly.
"i've had it," he turned to face her. "are you done? the fuck do you want from me, i can't turn my memory on,"
she frowned as damien stood besides her. "he's mean, el,"
she turned. "shh,"
mikes brows furrowed at her and she shrugged gently. "that's my best friend damien. damy, say hi," el shook his arm. "this is mike... who shall remember me,"
"who the fuck—"
"damy, be nice. shake his hand," el cut in as damien huffed, holding out a hand.
she looked over at mike with a saddened look. "why won't you shake his hand? his hands aren't dirty... they're scars. i promise."
mikes face morphed into further confusion but held out his hand. "okay, you're fucking insane. crazy. don't follow me—"
"maybe you should eat lunch with him. jog his memory," damien chimed in and el nodded, tapping her chin.
she stepped closer and presented her proposition. "go to lunch with me and then i'll leave you alone. if... if by the end.. you.." her voice cracked and she blinked back her tears. "if you hate me... scared of me... then i'll leave you,"
mike waited a moment, looking around her. "is, um, is your friend coming?"
she nodded, happiness bubbling again. "yes... yes, damy will come. he is a good dolly, i promise! swearsie! good good good dolly!"
he looked at her weirdly. "fine. you will leave me alone after right?"
she nodded repeatedly and turned to damien. "good dolly, let's go,"
he smiled gently at her and watched her bounce up and down in excitement. "let's go! let's go! diner? diner?"
"calm down, i agreed to a lunch," mike mumbled. "let's make it quick,"
her smile dropped a little. "okay..." she whispered and dragged damien along. "you used to be nicer to me,"
"doubt it," he followed her and she swayed damien's hand. "can you be a bit nicer? just a bit?"
"that's right," damien nodded in agreement. "you're so mean and for what?"
el looked down, shrugging weekly. "you think i'll leave after, right?" she frowned at the thought, grabbing onto damien's hand tightly. "because you want me gone?"
"i just don't need a stalker, thank you,"
she looked down sadly.
"please do not cry or scream," he told her as she walked into the diner across the street. "it's annoying,"
"you're annoying," damien retorted. "el, let's go. you deserve better,"
"i..." she looked around. "but he doesn't— damy, i know. i doubt there will be another time anyways," her voice cracked and she went to sit down on a booth and mike sat across from them.
"stop being so sad, it's making me uncomfortable," mike rolled his eyes and picked up a menu.
damien leaned into her ear. "need to use the bathroom,"
she nodded. "okay," she murmured and watched him stood and leave.
she glanced over at mike. "what do you do?"
he never glanced up from the menu. "nothing much. private investigator,"
"oh..." her voice trailed off and she pressed her nails down into her thighs, down into her wounds.
"you?" he asked and she shrugged weakly. "i clean the world,"
his brows furrowed. "clean the world?"
"of course..." she smiled sadly. "evils go, evils go. remember?"
"no, i really don't,"
"well you told me evils should go."
"when?" his interest grew and she shrugged again. "when we met." she turned her head and smiled when damien was walking over.
"where'd you meet your friend?"
el placed a finger to her lips and shushed him. "secret,"
his eyes narrowed and he shook his head with an eye roll.
"stop rolling your eyes, i'd think you're doing something else," she giggled, covering her mouth with her palm.
"you're completely and utterly insane," he remarked just as damien sat back down. "you have thirty minutes before i leave,"
"what?" her eyes softened. "why do you have to go?"
"because i have things to do," he said. "we're not friends, you know,"
"we were BEST FRIENDS!" she slammed a fist on the table. "YOU— YOU—"
"we're not friends now,"
"why not? why can't we? you don't remember me but WE CAN START OVER!"
"and do what?"
"well... well," she turned to damien for help and he smiled encouragingly at her. "we... we can hangout,"
"we have nothing in common. for starters, i don't follow people around like a maniac,"
"you ignored me so i did what i had to," her voice died down.
he let out a small sigh, examining her expression. "tell me how we we first met,"
"at an insane asylum!" she exclaimed happily before giggling. "and you were next door to me," her smile brightened. "you were cute,"
"thanks?" he gave an unsure smile. "i wouldn't question why you were there but you're certain it was me? there's no way,"
"yes, IT WAS YOU!" she huffed to herself. "but i can't say much because i searched and said if i told you about the past, it might make your memory loss even worse!" she exclaimed loudly and shook her head. "that can't happen!"
his expression remained blank. "thanks for your consideration,"
she smiled from ear to ear. "you're welcome! but you were very nice before. you understood me..."
"understood what about you?"
her eyes trailed down to her lap, picking on the inside of her nails. "that i'm not the evil one..."
she looked over at damien and he gently brushed her hair. "you're not evil. never ever."
she nodded weakly and looked over at mike. "i'm not evil," she pouted gently. "let's me friends again,"
"i'll think about it,"
she frowned, sadness consuming her. "okay..."
she blinked slowly, looking around her.
she wanted to run. yet she wanted to stay.
what point of being here when he wanted nothing to do with her? why hurt herself in such way?
but she wanted to make him remember again.
she didn't want to give up just yet.
and most certainly not on him after fighting to see him for years.