Tick
Tack
Tick
Tack
The sound of the clock was loud. It makes you nervous...
Eren was sitting on his chair in front of his big desk, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned his back against his chair with an serious expression.
But the worst part?
He was silent.
This dude said nothing, just looking at you intensely while you stood there in the middle of his room.
It was like being in the detention room where the Teacher is about to lecture you when you did something wrong.
You shifted uncomfortably under Eren's intense gaze, feeling a bead of sweat forming on your forehead. The room suddenly felt suffocating, the only sound being the incessant ticking of the clock on the wall. Each passing moment only seemed to amplify the tension in the air.
You had entered his room expecting a conversation, perhaps a discussion about an important matter. But Eren's silence was speaking volumes. It was as if his quiet demeanor held a weight you couldn't comprehend.
Tick
Tack
Tick
Tack
Uncertainty gnawed at your mind as you tried to decipher the reason behind his silence. Was he angry? Disappointed? Or was he simply lost in his own thoughts?
This silence is killing you... what is this about? He was the one who brought you here, so he clearly wanted to talk with you... but why is he not saying anything?
You tried to stand there unimpressed and cool, but the way he silently looks at you... this tension... it makes you so damn nervous.
Tick
Tack
Tick
Tack
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Eren released a heavy sigh.
"How are you?"
The man spoke in an serious tone, his expression not changing.
His sudden voice made you flinch, but you quickly collected your thoughts
"Eeeh... huh? I'm fine. And... how you you?"
You nervously responded
God this is awkward.
It feels like one of these conversations you would have with strangers and don't know how to start a conversation. Like when you wanna start talking but don't know what to say, so you just start with simple questions like 'How are you?' or 'The weather is nice, isn't it?'
The brunette just raised an eyebrow.
"Not buying it."
God what does he want...
You let out a quiet sigh, looking at the ground as you just couldn't look into his eyes
"I... feel confused? Strange. I feel like my whole existence is making no sense anymore. I feel lost."
Tick
Tack
Tick
Tack
There was a long silence again. You still looked at the ground, but you could feel his gaze. It was intimidating and scary kinda.
"Come here."
He demanded suddenly, his voice cold
His strange demand surprised you, and you gave him an puzzled look as you tilted your head slightly in confusion
"Huh?"
"Did I stutter?"
You gulped again, your cheeks starting to burn. Well, here goes nothing.
Hesitantly you walked to him, now standing in front of him as he was still sitting on his chair, looking up to you.
As you just stood there, the brunette simply patted his hand on his lap, signaling you to sit down on his lap.
"Uh... you want me to sit on you?"
You blushed, giving him a puzzled look again
"..."
He just raised an eyebrow again, looking at you like how can you not understand such a simple demand
Jeez...
"O-okay... got it."
Hesitantly you did what he wanted, sitting down on his lap, facing him.
Jaeger then just looked at you for a while, his expression unreadable.
The silence stretched between the two of you, broken only by the ticking clock in the background.
Eren's intense gaze bore into yours, causing your blush to deepen. You shifted uncomfortably on his lap, feeling a mix of nerves and curiosity.
"Are you still thinking about your connection with Ymir? That she is your sis-"
"Please don't say it."
You interrupted him, avoiding eyecontact as feeling slightly uncomfortable
"Don't say it out loud that she is my-"
Eren's grip tightened slightly, and he leaned in closer, his voice barely above a whisper
"I am sorry. But... are you still thinking about her?"
Your face was heating up even more. He was so close... too close.
This is making you even more nervous and it shows.
Swallowing nervously, you mustered the courage to respond.
"Y-yes I d-do..."
Before you could delve further into your thoughts, Eren's hands slid around your waist, pulling you closer to him. The proximity between you sent a jolt of electricity through your body, making your heart race.
"Is there anything I can do to help you? Or..."
Jaeger spoke in a serious yet soft tone, glaring at you while he pulled you even closer very slowly.
"...distract you maybe?"
"HUH?"
You couldn't think straight anymore, even starting to sweat a little. What is he doing? Your face is red like a tomato now... literally
"What is this about Eren? A-are you trying to seduce me here???"
He was not responding right away, instead he was analyzing your face closely, looking at every single facial feature of yours.
"It was a simple question. If you say I am trying to seduce you here it actually already gives me an answer what you want. Talking is obviously not helping, no?"
"Are you drunk again?"
Your eyebrows furrowed, trying to get your embarrassment and heart rate under control
"Are you blind? Of course I am not."
He leaned his back at his chair again, his hands still resting on your waist
"Now answer the question, l/n. How can I help you?"
You took in a deep breath, trying to understand what this is about
"Why...? Are you-"
"-worried? Concerned?"
He finished your sentence, giving you a sharp look
"You think I don't give a shit about you or what? Of course I am worried. After learning the truth from Zeke I could see the pain and confusion in your eyes. Ya think I'm just gonna ignore that?"
"Well... I am not saying that I think you don't care about me at all, but I wasn't expecting this."
"You... didn't expect this? Y/n we literally fucked last ni-"
"YES I KNOW!"
you interrupted, blushing like a madman
"Eren I don't understand... you said I should forget you, yet you do this. Are you playing with my feelings? Are you testing me?"
He let out a quiet huff, his eyebrows furrowed and his grip on your waist tightened a bit
"I know what i said, but you think I can just sit there and ignore that the woman I care about is going through alot? Is it wrong that I wanna be there for you, you think I am a monster?"
"My God, you wanna play the hero now? Look- I appreciate the effort but you make this harder than it already is! The situation with the symbol of freedom and the Ymir stuff is already enough to deal with and now you keep playing with my feelings!"
"Playing with your feelings?"
He repeated what you said in disbelief
"Are you stupid?!"
You stood up from his lap, taking a step back as you started to get pissed now.
But deep down, you knew why he was acting this way. It was because he was scared. Scared of hurting you more, scared of losing you, scared of his own feelings. Eren had always been unpredictable, and sometimes his actions didn't align with his words.
"Can you fucking decide what you want? You know your words truly hurt me Eren... first saying you regret falling in love with me and that you want to push me away, but when you are doing something like this you make this even more painful for me! If you really want me to distance myself from you then stop trying to play the nice lover. This is just unfair."
He looked at you intensely for a second, although he was still looking sternly and serious at you there was pain in his eyes to see.
"You... are right."
The man also stood up from his chair, but not stepping closer to you
"You know how desperately I tried not to comfort your after you found out the truth about Ymir? How long I have been standing in front of your door, trying not to knock on it and come in? I really tried to back off and keep my word... but when I heard you cry I just... couldn't..."
"..."
Stepping back again, you just couldn't look into his eyes. Your heart was beating fast and there are tears trying to escape your eyes.
"I wasn't planning on doing anything... it just happened... I lost control."
He came closer, taking your hand and placing it on his chest gently
"When I was sitting right beside you last night... your expression...
I could see what was going on in your head.
I have seen this expression many times on comrades and on myself.
It was painful to see this expression on you too...
The expression when you don't know who you are and everything in your life seems like a lie."
Still looking at the ground, it was really hard to hold back tears anymore.
"Eren... please sto-"
"But when I kissed you, your expression then was... happy? The feeling of your touch and knowing it makes you feel better...being able to take away some of the pain- but I know I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry, Y/n..."
You couldn't help the tears anymore as they softly fell down your cheeks.
"Eren... I... I admit that it worked... but thinking back it even hurts more..."
He pulled you into a hug, resting his head on top of yours.
"It's okay, Y/n. You don't have to hold everything in. Just know that I'm here for you no matter what. I'm sorry... I never wanted to be source of that pain of you. It kills me to see you hurt like this."
Eren's expression softened further
"You... you made me realize something."
"And... what is it?"
"I thought pushing the people away I love the most was the best. Mikasa, Armin... and you. I don't have much time left, and I thought being the asshole would make things easier for you guys handling my death.... but..."
The brunette took in a deep breath, carefully thinking how to express his feelings
"But I can't do this anymore... perhaps I want to be selfish and just enjoy the time I have left....
I mean, your touch and presence is like a drug I get addicted too, no matter how hard I tried to resist..."
"So that means...?"
"I am sorry what I said. I've never felt like this before and this current situation is a whole mess. I don't undstand my feelings and don't know how to handle them anymore. Perhaps I am starting to get insane, not even knowing what I want..."
He looked at the ground, still standing close to you
"Tho you seem to be the only thing that still keeps me sane in this damn hell."
You were speechless for a moment, processing what he just said
"I swear to god if you change your mind again I will-"
"Don't worry, I am 100% certain what I want... and what I need."
Without a warning he pressed your body against the wall, his lips gently brushing against your neck. The feeling of his breathing is causing you to get goosebumps
"Like I said, you are like I drug I can't get enough of, no matter how much I try to resist. Your touch, your voice, your scent... it's just addictive."
"E-eren you-" you stutter, still trying to find your voice.
"You can push me back anytime y/n, I am not forcing you."
The brunette then started to kiss your neck, sending you a shiver down your spine. It is scary how quick this man can control you just with simple things. No matter how bad you still wanna be pissed at him, you can't. Like he said, it is addictive and you find yourself leaning into his touch. His lips trail up to your jawline, leaving a trail of hot kisses along the way.
You just can't push him back.
Eren continued, and as he noticed you seem to let him, he even started nibble and bite gently, wich was driving you even more insane with desire. His hands trailed up and down your sides, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. You couldn't deny the electric connection that crackled between you, drawing you closer in a dance of passion and longing.
His words echoed in your mind, resonating with an unsettling truth. You knew that giving in to him would only lead to heartache in the end, yet there was an undeniable pull, a magnetic force that seemed to guide your every move.
But as Eren's kisses became more fervent, his touch more possessive, you couldn't help but surrender to the desperate yearning that consumed you. The world around you faded into oblivion, replaced by the intensity of this stolen moment. In his arms, you felt both invincible and vulnerable, a contradiction that only added to the intoxication of the experience.
Yet amidst the haze of desire, a voice of reason whispered in the depths of your soul. It urged you to pull away, to reclaim control over your own heart. Was this what you truly wanted, or was it just temporary solace in a sea of chaos? Could you trust him, his promises, when he himself admitted to being unable to resist his own addictive nature?
And just as you questioned the choices you were about to make, Eren abruptly released you, his grip loosening. He stepped back, his eyes filled with a mixture of uncertainty and longing. It was a silent acknowledgment that he too battled with his desires, aware of the destruction they could bring.
"Don't worry, I am 100% certain what I want... and what I need." he repeated, his voice now filled with a raw vulnerability. "But I understand if you need time to figure things out, to think about it. I will not force you or blame you for anything, but I finally understand what I want and feel."
For a moment, the air between you hung heavy with unspoken words. And as you looked into Eren's green eyes, you saw an echo of your own conflicted emotions. Neither of you had the answers, but for now, that glimmer of understanding and respect breathed life into the fragile connection that held you both captive.
With a heavy sigh, you reached out, carefully placing your hand against Eren's chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart. "Don't worry about the future..."
You whispered softly. "In this moment, all that matters is what feels right. Life is too short to be burdened by what-ifs and what-could-bes or what-will. We both had to go through a lot and this current situation is pushing our psyche to it's limit, but together we can do it. I know you're going to die soon, but right now I'm thinking about the time you have left."
As you leaned into his warm embrace once again, your heart beat in sync with his, a rhythm that spoke of shared desires and unspoken promises. There was no grand plan, no road map for the future, but there was a trust that had formed amidst the chaos. A trust in yourself, in Eren, and in the power of the present moment.
In Eren's presence, you found strength and vulnerability, light and darkness, and the freedom to truly be yourself.
"May I ask you a very selfish question then?"
Eren asked hesitantly while stroking your hair gently
"Mhm."
The brunette was silent for a moment, before asking
"Will you be there for me when I stumble, when I falter, and when the weight of the world becomes too heavy to bear?"
His voice was gentle, tinged with vulnerability and a longing for reassurance. He wanted to know if you would be his safe haven, his rock, when everything seemed to crumble around him.
A surge of love and affection swelled within you, as your hand gently cupped his cheek.
"Of course." you replied, your voice laced with conviction. "I will be there for you, Eren. I'll hold you up when you stumble, I'll lift you when you fall, and I'll remind you of your strength when you forget. We are in this together, and no matter what challenges we face, we will face them side by side."
Eren's eyes shimmered with gratitude and relief as he a small tear rolled down his cheek, smiling weak
"You have no Idea how much it means to me Y/n..."
Jaeger placed a gentle kiss in your forehead
"I always thought freedom lay behind the walls, but in the end it's you that makes me feel free even in a cage and even in a war. You are truly the symbol of freedom."
The butterflies in your stomach were getting stronger and your heart was beating uncontrollably. It hasn't been an easy situation everyone is in right now, but he manage to make you feel that way even in times like these.
Are you scared of the future? Yes.
Are you scared what will happen to you? Absolutely.
Are you ready to see Eren die soon? Hell no.
But this feels right. This perhaps be your destiny, as clingy as it may sound.
No regrets, no questions, no confusion.