The scene dissolves around them, replaced by another where a blind Xin Hulei tries to get his bearings around the small cabin, while the Crown Prince helps him around.
It's obvious Xin Hulei has no idea that he isn't his Shizun.
Yao Shen looks up into the eyes of the Xin Hulei standing next to him, and is almost scared by what he finds there.
"You never knew?" Yao Shen asks, his voice small and tinged with guilt.
It seems he's doomed to keep secrets from Xin Hulei -- even in a past life.
Xin Hulei shakes his head. "Never...I," he swallows drily. "I've always thought it was Shizun who took care of me during those days."
A beat of silence.
"I always treasured the memory of that time."
"I'm sorry," Yao Shen says, riddled with guilt, now.
A small smile curls on the corner of Xin Hulei's lips. "Don't be." He looks down into Yao Shen's eyes, and some of the pain is replaced by tenderness. "It seems that the one I loved has always been you."
Yao Shen sucks in a shuddering breath, his blood thrumming in his ears.
Xin Hulei points out at the scene, where the Crown Prince helps Xin Hulei dice vegetables. "I realised I was in love with Yan Shuyi after this." He shakes his head. "No one had ever showed me so much attention, so much care and tenderness. In my lowest moment, when I couldn't even see the world around me, there was still a bright, warm light showing me the way." He sighs. "How could I have not loved him?"
Yao Shen closes his eyes, letting the words wash over him, and willing them not to hurt him.
A warm hand closes over the back of his neck. "How could I not love you?" Xin Hulei asks, his voice low and warm, a smoky rumble that makes Yao Shen shiver.
When he next opens his eyes, he's already being pulled into a kiss. Xin Hulei's soft lips descending over his with infinite tenderness.
It's Yao Shen who breaks the kiss first, flustered by the presence of other people -- even if they are essentially themselves, and can't see them.
"I love you too," he says, his eyes lowered in embarrassment. "I have...for some time."
It vexes Yao Shen, how much easier it is to beg shamelessly in the throes of passion, than to admit his feelings. Outside the little cabin the snow keeps falling, and the atmosphere is at once intimate and cosy.
Xin Hulei draws him into his chest. "I think fate is playing tricks on us."
Yao Shen returns the hug, looping his arms under Xin Hulei's, circling his back. "Such a twisted road," he sighs, mourning all the ways things could have been easier for both of them. "But it got us here in the end."
Xin Hulei drops a soft kiss on the top of his hair.
In the memory, Xin Hulei and the Crown Prince are cooking together. Mostly, Xin Hulei is cooking and the Crown Prince is making sure he doesn't hurt himself.
With all the misunderstandings out of the way, Yao Shen watches the scene play out with a lighter heart.
He can see from the Crown Prince's smile how much he appreciates this quiet respite from the harshness of war.
In this small, weather beaten cabin, both of them found the balm for the wounds in their souls. Yao Shen tries to be generous with his previous self, and not begrudge him this meeting.
Seeing it happen isn't the same as remembering. Yao Shen is afraid Si Wang took that from him, when he used the memory on the moving lantern.
He tries to take some solace that at least this way Xin Hulei gets to experience everything with him.
"This is delicious," the Crown Prince says, his eyes wide in surprise as he eats the rabbit stew Xin Hulei made for the two of them.
"Shizun has low standards," Xin Hulei says, deadpan.
The Crown Prince chuckles, and takes another bite of stew. "From now on I'll leave the cooking to you."
Xin Hulei hums in agreement. "It's for the best, I'm already blind. I'm afraid that if I caught food poisoning it would mean more work for Shizun."
The memory dissolves around the Crown Prince's indignant sputters. Despite himself, Yao Shen can't help smiling fondly at the scene.
---
They're still in the cabin, but this time night has fallen outside the windows. The wind howls threateningly through the gaps between the wooden planks; the fire burning in the hearth does its best to keep the cold at bay.
Xin Hulei is sitting down on the narrow cot, getting ready to sleep, when his hands still suddenly on the front of his robes.
At Yao Shen's side, an older Xin Hulei also goes still. He lets out an aborted sound of amusement. "I remember this."
Curious, Yao Shen keeps watching.
"Where has Shizun been sleeping?" the blind Xin Hulei asks, his long fingers closing on the cot's sheets.
A faint flush spreads across the Crown Prince's cheeks. "Oh, I've been sleeping on a chair. There's two so I can stretch out my legs."
Xin Hulei frowns. "Shizun should take the bed, I'll take the chair."
The Crown Prince protests. "You're injured, you should keep the bed."
"Then let's share."
Yao Shen smirks and elbows Xin Hulei lightly in the ribs. "Smooth."
"A once in a lifetime opportunity, how could I let it slip?"
The Crown Prince considers his options, even as his blush grows darker. In the end, he must think it's a 'once in a lifetime opportunity' as well, because he concedes. "Okay."
Even though Xin Hulei can't see him, the Crown Prince's hands still shake as he undoes the fastenings of his robes and lets them pool on the floor. His thin inner robes do very little to hide his body. He eyes the narrow cot nervously.
Yao Shen can imagine that someone of his position, and so many years ago, would consider it extremely taboo to sleep next to someone wearing so little.
Before his courage can depart him, the Crown Prince slips into the bed, next to Xin Hulei, turning his back to him, facing the outside of the bed and the dark cabin.
Xin Hulei turns on his side too. Yao Shen can see his hand hovering above the curve of the Crown Prince's hip for a moment. When his hand finally cups the swell of muscle, both he and the Crown Prince jump.
"This disciple apologises for touching Shizun with impropriety." His hand releases the Crown Prince's hip and drifts up into the safer territory of his waist -- although just as intimate in Yao Shen's opinion.
He turns to Xin Hulei with a raised eyebrow. "You did that on purpose."
Xin Hulei's expression is unreadable, as if he's slipping into a character, instead of his usual air of mystery. "I don't remember."
Yao Shen shakes his head and calls him "shameless," under his breath.
On the bed the Crown Prince is holding on to the sheets around him, frozen as a deer in the headlights.
Behind him, Xin Hulei's unseeing eyes are fixed on the Crown Prince's back.
"Goodnight, Shizun."
"Goodnight."
---
Yao Shen and Xin Hulei are treated to yet more memories of blissful domesticity between the Crown Prince and the younger Xin Hulei.
The two of them have a series of inner jokes and little teasing remarks they make to each other, as they navigate the sparse area of the cabin.
Yao Shen can see how bittersweet seeing these scenes is for Xin Hulei, his dark eyes are at once filled with tenderness and loss.
Yao Shen takes his hand, lacing their fingers together as they watch themselves live out an illusion that can not last.
The Crown Prince wraps his thick outer robe and cloak around his back, and tells Xin Hulei. "I'm going out to get more firewood, we're almost running out."
There's a bamboo straw basket by the door, and he takes it before leaving the cabin.
"Be careful, Shizun," Xin Hulei says, from his spot at the table.
The Crown Prince shoots him a smile over the shoulder that he cannot see, and says, "You be good, I'll be right back."
Outside, the Crown Prince trudges on through the snow, trying to find fallen branches buried under the blanket of white.
It's tiring, slow work, but he seems in good spirits, until he turns around the thick trunk of a pine tree and comes face to face with two cloaked figures.
His eyes widen as he recognises the same brocade pattern of Xin Hulei's white robes on Yan Shuyi's.
Yao Shen looks in shock at the face of a person he never thought he'd see.
There's only a passing resemblance between him and Yan Shuyi, someone who didn't know either of them could mistake them for each other, but that's all there is to it. His eyes are immediately drawn to the mole under Yan Shuyi's left eye -- just like Xin Hulei said.
Behind Yan Shuyi, towering over both him and the Crown Prince, Xie Huan glowers in his eye-catching red-robes.
"Shizun, is this man bothering you?"