Kamso
"Ugh." I muttered rolling off the bed. The light hitting my eyes causing me to squint and huff.I turned to the wall clock, 9:00 am. Good, Mike would have gone out by now.
Yes, I've been trying to avoid him since that kiss. It's not enough that I shamelessly cuddled up to his chest few nights ago, I had to lead him on like I haven't been kissed for a long while. Like I was yearning for him, believe me I'm not. God, I hate myself. I should be angry at him yet somehow he
makes me forget about that whenever I'm with him.
I went to the bathroom and brushed.I washed my face and while I toweled it dry, images of him holding me and kissing me flashed through my mind. I closed my and whimpered, I can't deal with this. He doesn't love you Kamso. Yet another image
of him flashed my mind.
My stomach grumbled and I rolled my eyes. This is what I get for trying to avoid him. I couldn't eat last night because he came back earlier than usual.
No love message today. I thought when I got
to the kitchen and didn't see any paper on the table, I wondered at the disappointment I felt.
When I had finished preparing the food, I heard footsteps.
"Just the beauty I wanted to see." I looked up and Mike stood there with his hand folded across his chest and a stupid smile on his face.
I'm trying a whole lot not to like him again but he's making it difficult for me. The love messages, the sweet texts, he also whispers the sweetest things to my ears whenever he got the chance to and that kiss, If you would call that a kiss. It was like he was courting me all over again.
Do I like it? Well yes, He looked at me like I was the center of his world. I love that, I've always loved that. When his stares at my lips, my heart starts beating furiously and when he touches me, my God, I feel like melting in his arms.
He brought back every memory I had of him, of us. I love him. I wasn't going to keep denying that. I loved Mike, I've always loved him, I guess I never stopped. I just covered it up with anger.
But I just don't trust him anymore. And I didn't want to start anything with him so I'm just going to keep looking for a place to stay. Two weeks more and I'l leave. I have to before he ropes me in again,
"You're still here?" his grin widened and I knew then, just how stupid my question sounded.
"Why have you been avoiding me Mgbo."
"I'm not avoiding you Mike. I'm here with you aren't I?"
"That you are. At least for now, and this might be the last I get to see of you today." he walked closer still not taking his eyes off me.
"Did you sleep well?" I nodded and started clearing the table to keep myself busy. And he just stood there watching me.
"Is there anything you wanted?"
"I want to take you out for dinner tonight."
"I'll be busy tonight."
"Tomorrow then?"
"Shouldn't you be at work right now?" said changing the topic. And he looked at me for a while before nodding.
"Yes. I need help with this by the way." I looked at him and then at the tie he held, well I couldn't say no.
He pulled out a chair and sat down and I reluctantly walked towards him. I took the tie from his hands ignoring the warmth that spread all over me when our fingers brushed together.
I tried to concentrate on the task and not on how close I stood to him or that his breath was fanning my cheek. Or that if I lifted my head a bit, our lips would meet.
"So tell me Mgbo, what will I do to get you to agree to go out with me." I knew he was staringat me again and I couldnt risk looking up. And I didn't answer.
"You're beautiful." he whispered. Why are you doing this to me Mike?
"There. I'm done" I stepped away from him and suddenly missed the closeness. But before I could go far, he held my waist and pecked me on the lips. I looked up to see him grinning. You must be so proud of yourself. I thought, holding back a smile.
"I'll see , you later then." I watched his back as he left, suddenly battling with new the emotions I felt that moment. What if Sophia had lied to me, what if Mike didn't cheat on me. No way, I saw that video.
*********************
"Thank you for the dinner." I turned and bumped into Mike and he held my waist to steady me, I didn't know he was standing that close to me. We stood there, lost in each others gaze and I noticed that he began to lean down to me.
He kissed my forehead and stepped back.
"I have something to take care upstairs so I won't be able to enjoy your lovely company tonight."
"Sure." I muttered disappointed. And here l
was supposed to be avoiding him, Now why do I feel like my heart was breaking just because he wasn't going to stay me? I'm really pathetic.
"Goodnight." He said.
"Yeah. Goodnight." I kicked off my slippers and collapsed on the couch with a sigh. I don't know why my feet were killing me, not like I did much. I
stretched myself and closed my eyes for a while.
I opened my eyes when I felt someone's hand
on my feet. "Mike what are you-
"Shhh. You my love, must be tired. " he placed my feet on his laps and his hands practically worked magic on me. I closed my eyes again and hummed in pleasure. Biting my bottom lip to prevent that moan from slipping out when his hands moved up my
calf. He massaged my feet some more before
he stopped.
You see why It's so hard almost impossible to stay angry at him. He cares about such little things that even I have forgotten. I mean l'd forgotten I had a weak spot just under my left ear and how much I loved it when he peppered my face with little kisses.
He got up and lifted me off the couch only to lie on it partly and then pulled me gently on him. My mind screamed to get off him but did quite the opposite. I lay down fully on him. I was feeling sleepy that's all, and I don't think well when sleep sets in.
Who am I kidding.
Just this night please. I said to my conscience as I snuggled closer and lnhaled his fragrance. Just this one night.
"How do you feel?" he whispered and trailed his knuckles against my cheeks.
"I thought you had somethlng to attend to?" I pouted. He chuckled and I loved the sound of it
coming from his chest where my head was.
"I found out I couldn't stay away from you even if I wanted to." he sighed and continued rubbing circles on my back.
I closed my eyes to sleep as he rubbed my back. Hopefully I don't regret this when I wake up tomorrow. But before I got far, my ringtone brought me out of It. I groaned and got off him, he sighed as well and I wondered if he felt the same way I did.
Frustrated at the interruption, but I frowned
when I saw who it was calling me. Jacob? Why was he calling me?
I swiped to the left and held the phone to my ear. Why was he calllng me? Our lawyers are trying to work up something, even though it was quiteclear that we'll end up going to court no matter what.
"Kamso, it's Jay" I rolled my eyes and felt
this anger well up inside of me.
"I know." he didn't say anything and neither did I.
"Why are you calling me Jacob?" I noticed Mike grit his teeth and visibly tense up when I called Jay's name. I wanted to end the call then because of his discomfort but I wanted to hear what Jay had to say.
"Where do you stay l'll come pick you." He said and I scoffed and ran my hand through my hair. Is this man serious? And then my scoff turned into a laugh.
"Excuse me? You'll come pick me?" I felt Mike's gaze on me and I knew he was angry, I would be too.
"I want us to talk. If you don't want me to come over to you then meet me up at our spot." He continued,
"We don't have a spot and I don't want to meet you anywhere."
"I'll sign the papers but only If you meet me just this once. Privately."
He's going to sign them? I wondered what the odds were that he was saying the truth. I blt my lip and sighed, there was no other way.
"When?"
"Today, at the house. Our house." I wanted to shout at him, tell him there's no 'our' no 'us' but I held back myself and kept my anger in check. If he wanted to sign those papers then I'm going to play along
"I'll be there." when I ended the call I looked up and Mike was staring at me with unbelief written all over his face.
"You're meeting up with him" I didn't know what he wanted me to say but I nodded all the same.
"Just this once." I got up and went to my room to change. When I came down, Mike looked at my clothes and then at me. What was he thinking right now?
"Don't tell me you're thinking of leaving this house this night." there was a tinge of surprise in his voice.
"I am."
"Mgbo you're not going anywhere. Not this night." I hate that. God, I hate it so much. Probably because Jacob used that tone all the time with me, always telling me where I should go or shouldn't.
"You can't tell me where to go or not go Mike."
"That man abused you for two whole yea-
"Don't you think I know that?" can't he see that I didn't need someone to remind me of that already. I just needed for him to hug me and whisper in my ear that he'll be here for me and that everything was going to be fine.
"I'm just worried about you Kamso" he said finally, moving to hold me but I moved away from him, He sighed and ran his fingers over his beard, something he does when he's frustrated, a gesture I've come so much to love.
"Well I don't need you to worry about me." I couldn't help how my voice softened. He had this power to provoke me so easily but also to calm me down.
"I can't help worrying about you. I'll come with you."
"No."
"Kamso."
"No Mike, I don't want you to come with me." this was something I needed to do alone.
"We're not arguing about this, I'm going with you."
"You're not. I'm going alone." I repeated and he sighed again. The second time that night,I wanted him to be happy not so grim looking as now.
"You're going to go no matter what I say aren't you?"
"You did say you loved it when l get stubborn like this." he smiled but it was the smallest smile l've ever seen.
"I said that? Let me take it back. You make me so angry when you get this stubborn, I just want to shake some sense into you." I chuckled and he smiled. This time it wasn't so thin lipped and I would have focused on how it made me feel except that this meeting with Jay was so heavy on my mind. I actually dreaded seeing him alone.
"Can I borrow the car?"
"Do you really need to ask Mgbo? I'll call the
driver."
"I want to go alone Mi-
I trailed when he stopped beside me with a grim look. I was tempted to reach out my hand and smoothen the furrows on his forehead.
"I'll call the driver." he repeated and I knew it was time to compromise. I nodded and when he only looked at me, I thought he was going to kiss me, I wanted him to but he just walked away. I sighed and waited for the driver.
***************************
"Kamso, I didn't think you were going to come." I ignored Jay and walked into the house. It was small, like really small perhaps it was because I've been staying with Mike in that his big beautiful house. And it wasn't quite neat.
"Do you want to go for a walk? If you're not comfortable here."
"It's fine, why did you call me here Jay?"
"Kamso, I love-
"Don't tell me I came all this way for that." I frowned and he held up his hands in mock surrender.
"I just wanted to make sure you're fine. Like I said, I'll sign the papers as you wished but I just wanted to ask you. he looked nervous
"Did you ever love me? Even for one day?" I gazed into his tired face as I tried to think of any day at all that I felt love for him but it wouldn't come. Did I ever love him? For two years I lived with him and I never really loved him.
"I-
"Don't patronize me Kamso." he had a small
smile, a sad one. "It's too late for that don't you think?"
I wasn't going to risk everything by telling him I didn't love him. He might change his mind about the divorce papers.
"Why am I here really?" I repeated and he sighed.
"To talk. Remember? Just try and hear me out without interrupting" I nodded.
"I've always loved you Chikamso, I still do, I probably won't ever stop. The first time I saw you in the school library reading like there's no tomorrow I fell for you then and ever since then, I've never been able to stop. When you came back into my life, I was..words can't explain how happy I was. I've made mistakes, I know Kamso but please give us another
chance. Please Kamso."
"I only came here because you said you were going to sign the divorce papers."
"If you say no to a second chance for us then I
will. So what is it going to be?"
Are you joking me? This man seriously thinks that I'm going to come back to this hell hole of a house after everything we've been through? Is it that he's forgotten about all the times that he put me in hospital beds, the fear I lived with constantly, the happiness that was non existent, pleasures my body
never got from him even for a day?
"No. Jacob if this is your definition of love then I don't want it." He looked like he was about to break down right in front of me.
"I love you." he moved closer to me and I shifted back but it didn't stop him. He kept on coming unto me. "I love you Kamso." His hand cupped my neck a bit too tightly
"Leave me Jay." he ignored me and brought his mouth to my cheek. I tried to move away but his hand tightened around my neck. He kissed my cheek and then continued down to my jaw. I whimpered and pushed him away and luckily he stopped. I could feel my heart pounding so hard, threatening to burst
from my chest.
"I'm sorry Kamso." he said wiping my tears
and brushing my hair away from my face.
And he's still like this.
"Yeah. Me too."
************************
Mike was not in the sitting room when I came back and I felt intense sadness. I wanted to see him, I really wanted him. So you couldn 't even wait up for me. So much for worrying about me.
I went up to my room and had a bath then changed into my night clothes. After tossing and turning in the bed for some seconds that seemed like hours, I got off the bed and slipped my feet inside my slippers before going to his room. I stood at his door
for some time then walked away deciding against it, I turned back before I reached my room and stood there again.
He must be angry at me still.
After making up my mind, I raised my hand
to knock but at the same time, the door opened and a tired looking Mike stared back at me.
Mike
She lowered her hand and cleared her throat. I didn't hear her drive in though and it must have been long since she came in because she was in her nightgown.
I wasn't going to deny the fact that I was angry. I was
still angry and worst part was I didn't know which made me angrier, her going off some place to see her abusive husband or refusing to let me come with her or just standing there looking as beautiful as ever. Focus.
"I thought you were going to wait up for me." she said and I was surprised when I heard the disappointment in her voice, her stance and expression said otherwise though. My heart melted at the thought that she wanted me
I raised the blanket I had in my hand and she looked down at it before turning to me with her brows raised.
"I was going to camp out in the sitting room until you come back but I had something to take care of."
She nodded but I didn't miss the smile that flitted across her face for a short time.
"I just came to say goodnight..-
"Stay." her eyes snapped back to mine and she watched my face.
"Michael -
"Just tonight Mgbo. Please." she didn't reply but rather walked into the room and sat gingerly on my bed. And just like that, my anger flew out of the window. All of it.
I climbed in and lay on my side. For one, she was too tensed up and still and far away. I couldn't but remember all the times we slept together. Imissed that. If only she would turn to me
"Do you remember...." her voice trailed but I
was sure I heard her
"Remember what" she turned to lie on her side and I wondered if that man touched her, I felt my anger retuning
"Remember back then in school, during your graduation from Uni
"I do."
"We had this bet and I never got around to asking anything from you."
My heart fell when I heard that. She was leaving again I just knew it, she was going to ask me to let her go. Just what did that fool talk to her about. I'm sorry Mgbo but l can't let go. Kamso please just-
"Hold me." her voice snapped me out of my thoughts. That's it? She wanted me to hold her?
I moved closer and took her in my arms, she sighed and after some time, I felt her hand move around my waist too. God I love this woman, I love her.
"You don't need to ask Mgbo. I'd do anything
for you, you know that." I whispered and stroked her head which was tucked in my chest. I reveled in
her body warmth and the feel of her body against mine. I kept touching her and from the way she snuggled closer, I knew she loved it.
After a short while, her breath came out in soft exhales and I knew she was asleep "I love you Kamso. God I love you so much."
***************************
Kamso
I woke up with a start and smlled, I seemed to be doing a lot of that these days, sleeping and smiling.
I got up and walked to the bathroom to freshen up when last night's events flashed through my mind. My smile returned when I thought of how he touched me, looked at me, how he held me. I've fallen for him. Again.
I looked back at the mirror and almost didn't recognize the happy face that stared back at
me.
Then I remembered Sophia.
I ran my fingers down my weave on, and shook my head. I really need to take it off I had planned on today seeing that I had been avoiding Mike. But since last night, I didn't want to go again. I know it made no sense but I want to be with him. Regardles.
I heard whistling and went outside. Mike was washing his car his smile widened when he saw me and I smiled too. It was like old times.
"Good morning" I said and leaned on the
rail. He wiped his hand on his shorts and came closer.
"Good morning babe. Sleep well?" I nodded and wrapped my hands around his neck.
He looked surprised at first but covered it up quickly. I don't blame him though, I was surprised as well.
"I wanted to go to the salon today. Have my weave removed and maybe wash my hair."
His smile fell a bit and he eyed my hair "I was
kinda hoping to spend time with you today."
"I have to take this off. It's itchy like crazy and I won't be able to stand it for another day" my fingers found its way to his beard again and I stroked it.
"Speak no more then. I can help you with that"
"With what?" I asked.
"Your hair."
"I'm sorry but I don't want to loose my hair at such a tender age"
He chuckled and scoffed. "I grew up with five girls ma'am, I should know."
"No way you're touching my hair. Not without a resume." his smile widened and he moved closer and put his hands on my waist.
"You can take my word for it. Plus this is a good deal, it will save you transport money and energy and you get to spend time with a handsome man." I laughed and pulled away from him.
"You actualy drip of-
"Charm. I know, it comes naturally." He winked at me and I couldn't think of anything else.
"I'm sorry but ego was the word I had in mind." I heard him chuckle as I went back in and his laughter made me giddy on the Insides.
**************************
God, this man was going to cut my beautiful
hair and worse, I was going to let him.
"Ah ahn, Mgbo that look on your face is actually quite insulting. Don't worry your hair will be unscathed.
"So where do I start." he said after a while.
"I thought you said you had this." I screamed
moving away from him. He laughed and shook his head.
"I know what I'm doing. I was only joking." I looked from the razor blade he had in his hand to his smiling face and sighed.
I scooted back to the place I sat between his legs and tried not to think so much about it. He made the first cut and it felt he was really cutting my hair and not
the thread that held it together with the attachment.
"Michael."
"I know what I'm doing Mgbo. Trust me." he whispered focused on his work.
Trust you? I don't. I don't trust you. I thought my smile disappearing. We talked about many things all together, his work, my work. I missed this.
"I was banned from doing this y'know." he
said halfway to finish.
"Doing what?"
"This. I was helping Simdi take off her weaves once and let's just say it was not her lucky day and more than just her weaves came off."
"Mike!" I moved away again and this time he was really laughing.
"It was a one time something."
"You're wicked." but I couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up.
"So what happened?"
"She was furious, I mean she actually chased me around the house threatening to beat me up when she gets me. Like I said, it was a one time something. But after that, my sisters didn't let me come near their hair again."
"And now you've deceived me into letting you do this."
"I won't try anything funny with you, I'm too afraid of you shutting me out and I can't have that. Besides I'm almost through."
God save me, I thought sitting down again. Minutes later the whole stuff came of and he helped me with the braids too.
After I had finished washing my hair later, I came down and Mike wasn't in the sitting room anymore. I smiled when I saw him in the kitchen cutting fruits and whistling.
"You seem to be doing a lot of that lately." His eyes locked with mine and he smiled. "A lot of what?"
"Whistling."
"Well I'm happier" he carried the plate out and I followed behind. His episode with Sophia flashed through my mind again.
"At least someone is happy." I muttered and he stopped abruptly causing me to run into him.
"What do you mean?" he said. I walked ahead and sat down on the single seater.
"Nothing." I switched on the television and ignored him though I felt his eyes on me all while. He took the seat nearest to me and turned to the TV too, glancing at me every now and then.
I sighed inwardly, he must be surprised at the mood swing. Even I was surprised at my behavior. Just minutes ago I was washing my hair as fast as I could just to come and be with him and now, I feel this
anger in me.
I hate myself for feeling weak around him, for wanting him after everything that happened. Just the sound of his voice gives me butterflies. And when he stands beside me, I feel weak in the knees. Not to talk of the chills I get everytime he looks my way.
Trust me, as much as I love it, I hate it. I know
I'm not making sense but it would be less
complicated if I could just stay angry at him.
But I just can't. But I've started falling for him
again and it scares me.
"Chikamso." stop calling my name like that.
Like you care, I know you don't.
I stood and walked out, more like rushed out. But I didn't get far before he held my arm.
"kamso, what is it?"
"Nothing."
"Mgbo-
"I said it's nothing. Let go of me Mike."
"Not until you tell me why you're upset. Was it something I did?"
He looked at me with so much concern and I felt some of my anger seeping away. But that only made me angrier, this power he had Over me.
"Why am I really here? Why are you letting stay with you?
"Because you needed a place to stay"
"Nothing is ever going to happen between us Mike. I'm not here for a relationship." funny it sounded to me like I was talking more to myself.
"I know, we've talked about this before. We're just friends, this is until you find a place to stay."
Just friends? Just friends?
"Then why would you kiss and hold me if we're only friends. Is that how you treat your friends?" I was raising my voice a bit but I didn't care. Was that how he saw us, as friends? And here I was battling with all these emotions and he's telling me we're friends.
Did it even make sense that I wanted him to tell me he felt something more than just friends.
"I'm sorry for thinking that you might have
loved those kisses too." he bit out and I scoffed. He sounded angry and it made no sense, he had no right to be.
"l'll stop kissing and holding you. Are you happy now?" he asked when I didn't say anything. I looked down to the grip he had on my arm and he let go and moved back to the couch.
I stood there waiting for him to turn and look at me or something but he didn't. I sighed and went up to my room.
"Why were you even angry in the first place?" I asked myself as I stared at the ceiling.
"Stupid man. Did I tell you that I didn't like it when you hold and kiss me." I turned and glued my eyes to the wall clock.
He will come to me. 1:30...1:38....2:40. I heard a car's engine roar to life and I knelt on my bed and looked out through the window in time to see him drive out.
I buried my face in the pillow and started crying. God I'm such an emotional wreck right now. I'm too old for this, what the hell is wrong with me.
A/N
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