Something about her wasn't right.
The thought plagued me as I stared at the door Emma had exited only a few minutes ago. Something about her felt off, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. Maybe it was the way she'd shut us out, not letting us see what was going on behind her façade—how she seemed so calm and collected when I knew our girl was anything but. She had big emotions, and she usually sucked at hiding them. She'd been easy to read since we'd met, but tonight...I could tell she was sad, though even her sadness was reined in so tightly that I had to search to see it.
It felt wrong; she'd never hidden herself from us before. Still, maybe I was overanalyzing everything about tonight because I didn't want to face the fact that she wanted a break. Perhaps I was reading into everything she'd said and acted because I wished for it not to be true.
Fucking hell, even as strange as she was acting, it had been good seeing her. She'd looked so beautiful where she sat, with her minimal makeup and a simple black dress. It had taken everything in me not to act on my desire to touch her.
"What are we going to do now?" Mateo sighed, dragging his fingers through his hair and looking exceptionally bummed.
For once, I didn't know what the correct answer was. With how my latest fuckup blew up in our faces, I was less inclined to take the lead on this one.
"We'll give her her space," I said, not sounding too happy about that. The last thing I wanted was to give her space. I had become addicted to her presence—to the feeling of waking up with her next to me, to her sweet smiles as we took care of her, to her conversations and her strange thoughts.
I'd come to love being with her, and we all knew I didn't do well with distance from those I cared about, thanks to my parents and the issues they caused me.
Emma...she'd taken over my mind–—and if I was being honest with myself, she'd taken over my heart too. The thought of not seeing her again damn near broke me. But even as I knew that we had brought this on ourselves, I had meant what I'd said; I regretted that our actions hurt her, but I didn't regret bringing her into our lives, no matter how she got here.
I knew that if I hadn't gone to the lengths I'd done, we wouldn't have had these last weeks together; we wouldn't have gotten to know her or made the memories we now had. Honestly, I would rather be heartbroken than never have experienced what it was like to know her.
"You can't be serious?" He gave me a disbelieving look. "Are we really going to stay away from her? I mean, come on, even her best friend said we had to fight for her."
I shook my head helplessly. When I'd gone to check in on Emma on Tuesday at her apartment, Kevin had been there instead, packing a bag for her.
After he'd nearly broken my nose and helped me with a panic attack, he'd told me we had to fight for her, and if we didn't, then we didn't deserve her. Kevin had said the same to Mateo after Kevin had punched his nose as well. Too bad Gideon hadn't swung by; I would've loved to know how that would've turned out.
"What do you want me to say, Mateo? Do you think I want to step back from the girl I'm falling for?" I spit out, frustrated by this entire situation. His eyes widened at my admission, but I ignored it as I kept going. "I don't. Fuck, I can't stand the fucking thought of not seeing her, or holding her, or even talking to her, but what can we do? I won't risk losing her for good. The last time I acted on my own wishes, it backfired, and that can't happen again. So, if you got any ideas on what we should do, I'm all ears."
"Shit, man, you're usually the one with the answers. Maybe we should wait to talk to Gideon about this? See where he stands on this?"
"Yeah, let's do that." I didn't know how long we sat in silence after that, both lost in our thoughts. I couldn't get over how strange Emma was acting tonight, my mind going over every move she'd made during the meeting, every word, even her tone as she talked.
"Hey..." I started, getting his attention. "Did Emma seem off to you?"
His brows scrunched up. "What do you mean?"
"Could you get a read on her?"
"Now that you mention it...no, I didn't. But that could just be because she was overwhelmed or something. It hasn't been the best week for her, that's for sure."
I sighed. "Yeah, you're probably right. Did Gideon say anything about coming back tonight?"
"Nah, he didn't mention it, but if I had to guess, he's probably on his way to the Bronx after dropping her off."
"That sounds about right." I knew he would have stuff to work out tonight. Gideon wasn't very good at handling emotions of any kind—except anger. Instead, he signed up for one of the underground fights, working through his feelings with his fists, pain, and blood. The fights held place in either The Bronx or Manhattan. Sometimes, if he was only slightly frustrated, I would join him in the ring at one of our gyms, but that was more a training session than an actual fight—I wasn't a match for the big guy. "We'll just meet tomorrow to figure out what to do next."
Mateo nodded. "I'm available whenever. I know what I'm leaning toward, so if Gideon agrees with me, then it's two against one. Just saying." That was actually comforting to know. This time, I couldn't be the one making the decision because if it backfired again, then I wouldn't have to shoulder that burden a second time.
"Fair enough." I rose from my seat. "I'm going back to my office to make a drink. Want one?"
"I'm good. I actually need to get going, I want to send Emma my notes from class as soon as possible so she can catch up before Monday."
"Will she be back at school on Monday?" I asked, my eyebrow raised. "How will that go?"
He made a grimace. "It'll probably be emotional torture." He sighed. "You're not the only one falling for her, you know. I'm pretty sure Gideon is too but fuck if he'll ever admit to it."
"Oh, I know. It's impossible not to miss the googly eyes you make at her," I chuckled, but it tapered off as I thought about our situation. We couldn't lose her. "I'm inclined to agree about Gideon, though. He'll never admit anything to us, but maybe, in time, he'll open up to Emma about it. If he gets the chance, that is."
"Have you noticed how much he's changed since Emma came into our life?" Mateo asked.
"Yeah, she's healing him without her even knowing she's doing it. Of course, the change might be minuscule, but it's definitely there."
It was absurd how little time she'd needed to make noticeable change with Gideon; he talked more around her, he cooked more for other people than himself, and I'd even seen the beginning of a smile on his lips—Gideon and smiles did not belong in the same sentence, but there they were.
Mateo sighed again as he got up from his seat. "We need to get her back."
"We do," I agreed. "We just need to figure out how to do that without pushing her further away."
He nodded in agreement. "Alright, man, I'm gonna head out now."
I followed him out of the room.
"Text me when and where you want to meet tomorrow after you've talked with Gideon," Mateo said over his shoulder.
"Will do. See you tomorrow," I acknowledged. It wasn't until I got to my office that I let go of the little strength I had left in my body. I was so goddamned tired. Three nights without much sleep to go on would do that to you. For the most part, I could get away with minimal rest, but when it was only a couple of hours per night, it stretched even my limit.
Mixing a dash of rum and coke, I slumped into my couch.
My office was simple in design; the dark oak that was a recurrence at DD was also found here, with an oak desk, table, private bar, and a floor-to-ceiling shelving system. I had a comfortable seating area, along with the standard desk space. The mini fridge behind the bar provided ice-cold water bottles. I had everything I would need here—well, not everything.
I didn't know how much time I'd spent in my office; I just knew it was a lot. This building was my home; it was where I usually wanted to spend my time, being productive and making sure everything ran smoothly.
Before Emma, this was the place where I wanted to be, but now...the tasks I did felt almost empty—the success of the hard work I did wasn't enough of a reward anymore; going home to a dark apartment wasn't a reward, waking up alone wasn't a reward, eating breakfast alone wasn't a reward. It was starting to feel like a hollow life. I'd begun to feel the same before Emma, but it stood out to me even more clearly now that I knew what it felt like having someone who filled the emptiness. I had friends, sure, but it was Emma that had made me feel less lonely.
The feeling of my phone vibrating in my pocket dragged me out of my miserable thoughts. One look at the screen, and I answered.
"Ciao, nonnina. Why are you calling this late? Are you okay?" I sounded ragged even to my ears, and my grandmother quickly picked up on it.
"Sto bene. I just had a feeling I should call you. How are you doing, mi tesoro?" Her voice soothed me through the phone almost instantly.
My grandma always had the ability to sense when I needed to talk. I would've found the notion almost creepy if it hadn't been such a comfort.
"I messed something up, and I don't know how to fix it," I confessed. I never kept anything from my grandparents, not even about what kind of business I ran. They were pretty liberal and never judged.
"Is this about a girl?"
"Sì, an important girl."
"Is she your Bella?"
I hesitated before answering, not because I was unsure but because it was a big deal to share it with her. She knew exactly what it would mean. Bella was a common nickname, but in our family, it was used as a special endearment meant for a special someone—the one you'd want to spend the rest of your life with, kind of special. "Sì, and I screwed everything up."
"Nonsense! If she truly is your Bella, you will work things out. I have faith, and you should too."
"Lo spero davvero." I really hope so, I said as I exhaled deeply. "How's grandpa doing?"
"He's doing well. He still spends time each day playing the trumpet." I smiled at that, remembering countless times when I sat in the basement and listened to him and his band practice. "Ci manchi, mi tesoro. Quando vieni a trovarci?" We miss you, honey. When are you going to visit us?
"I miss you guys too, but I need to work things out with my girl before I come to visit."
We talked for a bit more before we said our goodnights. Afterward, I felt tons lighter than I did earlier. I just hoped grandma was right, that Emma and us would work things out. I didn't know what I would do if I lost my Bella.
Hopefully I didn't butcher the beautiful Italian language! If I did though, please, if you could, I'd appreciate if you could leave a comment of the correct words and grammar xx
Next chapter will be up on the 12th at 12PM (GMT/UTC) <3