I bit the bullet and texted the guys I wanted to meet. With that done, Kevin rose from the couch and extended a hand to me, pulling me up. "Come on. Let's go make some dinner." He said it particularly loud, and a second later, I understood why.
Thomas's head peaked out of the bathroom door; the sight of him trying to see if the coast was clear nearly made me smile. While I wasn't exactly ready to be alone in my apartment, it helped to know that these two love birds would get some alone time together without me sucking away their romance.
Cooking had recently become a new interest of mine. Or rather, cooking with a certain someone had become a new interest. It wasn't the same, though, standing in the kitchen with Kevin and Thomas. The joy I'd felt when Gideon gave me instructions wasn't there now. Instead, I felt disinterested as I started cutting up the salad because the fun had come from spending time with him, not the cooking in itself. Now, it was more like a chore. There was no excitement in it.
I wondered if it would always be like this going forward. Would everything I did-stuff I'd done with them-only ever remind me of them? Would I be thrust back to the intimate moments I spent with Gideon every time I picked up a knife to cut some vegetables? Would my bed always remind me of the night Callan spent the night after he'd worried for hours about me being safe? Would the taste of Italian pizza bring back the memories of my first unofficial date with Mateo?
We'd been together for such a short period, but in that time, they'd taken place in my life, in my memories and thoughts. And in the innermost secret part of myself, I could admit they'd also taken a piece of my heart.
"Shit," I yelped, bringing my bloody finger to my lips, and sucked on the sting. I'd been too stuck in my head to focus on the cutting.
"Fuck, how bad is it?" Kevin hurried to my side, taking in the droplets of blood staining the cutting board.
"Not bad. It feels worse than it is." Biting my teeth to stop cursing to the moon and back, I accepted the paper towel Kevin offered and pressed it to the shallow cut on my finger.
"I'll go find a band-aid for you," Thomas said. He looked queasy at the sight of the blood seeping through the paper. "Go sit down. I can finish the salad." He ushered me back towards the couch while Kevin quickly returned to the pot, stirring it and making sure it didn't get burned.
"Seriously, it's fine. I can still make the salad," I protested without any real heat. I couldn't find it in myself to keep faking. Little by little, I was falling apart. I just needed to get through the dinner first and get home before the mask fell completely.
"You're not in the right headspace, and I, for one, will not have an accidentally amputated finger on my conscious because I let you handle a knife," Thomas said as he brought me a band-aid from Kevin's First Aid Kit.
Thomas and I had become fast friends, and I feel we'd bonded through his time with Kevin. He'd also been there for me these past days, mostly doing little things like making sure Kevin's place was clean before I moved in, and how he let me have some time alone with my best friend.
Seeing some sense in what he said, I finally nodded and let him get back to cooking as I plastered my finger, my mind already going back to the guys. It hurt thinking about them, but it was like I was unable to not think about them. Yeah, I was definitely not in the right headspace. I guess my mind found it easier to steer towards Callan, Mateo, and Gideon instead of the unknown person-that was a whole other problem I wasn't ready to get into. At least, the sadness would be something Kevin expected, as opposed to the terrifying fright I could feel lurking beneath my skin.
My phone vibrated next to my plate just as we sat down to eat. One look at it, and I stiffened.
"Is it from the guys?" Kevin paused with the spatula, getting ready to serve us some lasagna.
I nodded. "It's Callan."
"Well, what are you waiting for? What did he say?" he prompted me.
Swiping up to unlock the phone, I finally clicked on the message.
When and where? We'll be wherever you need us to be at any given time, Bella.
My eyes snagged on the word Bella, feeling my heart twist just a little to let me know it was still hurting. The text was so short but so Callan. He always went straight to the point, simple and efficient.
Writing back to him, I suggested a time in a few hours and asked for a place we could speak in private. My phone vibrated in my hand just seconds after I'd hit send.
We can meet at one of our places or in the meeting room at DD. It's entirely up to you.
Deciding that going to one of their homes would be too private, I agreed to meet at Desire's Den.
"So?" Kevin asked.
"I'm meeting them tonight."
He picked up on my lack of enthusiasm and reached out to squeeze my hand. "Are you sure you want to return to your apartment today?" His brows knotted in apparent worry. "We could have a movie night after you've met up with the guys, and I'll get us lots of ice cream and a bottle of red. What do you say?"
Shaking my head, I smiled at him sincerely, albeit stiffly-I didn't feel like smiling, even when it was to my lovable friend. "I appreciate it, but I'll be fine. I think it'll be good for me to be alone and sort out my head."
"Okay, but promise to call me if you need me."
"I will," I agreed.
"I know we don't know each other that well yet," Thomas started, "But I'm here too. You mean a lot to Kevin, and he means a lot to me. I'm...eh...what I'm trying to say is that I care, and I'll be here if you need anything." He looked slightly embarrassed and perhaps scared I would blow his offer off.
"Thank you, Thomas. I'll keep that in mind." I had already gotten his number from when he went out to buy us snacks for the movie night we had together, and he'd wanted to make sure he got my favorite brand of ice cream. It was from when Kevin sent him over to ensure I wasn't wallowing in self-pity while Kevin was at work. Still, we ended up watching the saddest romance movie ever made instead, with ice cream, which was the epitome of wallowing.
Moving my attention back to my plate, I forced myself to eat. Kevin was a good cook, although not as great as Gideon, but this time it all tasted like cardboard, which I knew had more to do with me and my current state than the food itself.
Kevin and Thomas tried to lift my mood as they kept talking throughout dinner. They told jokes that fell flat, but I still managed to laugh. If they could tell it was forced, they didn't comment on it. But even while I wasn't in the best of moods, I listened and gave answers when needed. If only for a little while, they helped me get my mind off everything else.
When it was time to leave, Thomas stayed behind while Kevin put on his shoes, walked the few blocks it took to get to my building, and followed me up to my apartment.
"Thank you for putting up with my shit this past week," I murmured into his chest as I hugged him goodbye.
"Girly, your shit stinks, but I'll still wipe your ass if you ever need me to," he joked.
I chuckled, swatting his chest as I pulled back from his embrace. "Way to ruin our heartfelt moment, Kevin."
"Oh? Was this a heartfelt moment? I didn't notice." He had that teasing glint in his eyes that I loved.
"Well, not anymore, it's not," I quipped. "Now, get your ass out of here and have some quality time with your boyfriend without me cramping your style."
"You'd never cramp up anything. Good luck with the talk." He said the last part all dramatically before he spun around and started walking down the stairs. "And remember, I'm only a phone call away," he called over his shoulder.
"I know." I waited until he was out of view before letting the mask drop. It was exhausting to pretend that I was okay when I was so obviously not.
Unlocking my door, I took a hesitant step inside. Coming back to an empty apartment after getting those pictures was scary. I kept my door open while I went through both rooms-the main room containing my bedroom, living room and kitchen, and bathroom. I scanned each corner and every hidden place with a hammering heart. It was as if I expected someone to jump out at any moment. Nothing happened, but the thought that it could was enough to make my muscle tighten in preparation to run in case I needed to.
When I was satisfied that I was alone, I quickly shut the door, locked it, and then locked the door bolt in place afterward. Thank God Dad had it installed when I moved in. It helped me feel just a little bit safer.
It was strange being back at my place after everything that had happened. My eyes went to the spot on the ceiling where I once had a hole that leaked. I never did ask them who fixed it. My money was on Callan, seeing as the temperature fluctuation was also fixed. He was the only one who knew about that. I never thanked him for it.
The guys had made one major mistake, and it had been so big that I hadn't been able to see the smaller, sometimes tiny, kindness they'd done towards me...until now.
Each of the kindnesses stood out to me now when I could think more clearly about my time with them. They'd fixed my ceiling and my water tank. They'd lifted me up with their praise and made me feel confident in myself. Their sweet gestures after a scene as they took care of me. Teaching me how to cook. Treating me like I was something precious...
I began looking forward to each day with them because they made every day exciting.
And I realized just a little too late, like the dumb fool I was, that they didn't just take care of me...they cared for me. Those little tells that should've tipped me off, but I'd been too blind to see in my hurt; the way Gideon shared his kitchen with me when I suspected few-if any-had the pleasure of saying the same; the way Mateo truly listened to me and remembered what I said, he'd made me feel heard; the way Callan showed me his vulnerable side by opening up about his childhood, it had been a difficult topic for him to talk about. However, he'd still done it just so I could get to know him better.
Fuck.
My eyes burned as I forced my gaze from the ceiling. This wasn't the time for regret.
Checking the clock, I saw that it was too early yet to get ready. I should've probably started on the assignments from school and read through the notes I'd gotten from my classmates, but I wasn't feeling it. I could hardly concentrate as it was; how could I possibly focus on economics? My studies were something I usually excelled at. I was a good student, submitted any work before the deadline, and was attentive in my classes. I loved my major and worked hard to get good grades. And now, here I was, with days of classes missed when I hardly used to miss any, and with a mind too focused on everything else around me to manage to have even a tiny bit of motivation for school.
I moved to sit down on my bed, staring blankly ahead of me, and heaved a sigh. I'd spent days feeling shitty, and now I had to feel scared too? I couldn't quite comprehend how so much had changed in a few moments. It was surreal, and I wasn't sure if I'd fully realized how messy my situation actually was. My brain couldn't grasp the sudden shift of it all.
The time went by as I simply sat there, probably still in shock. I was only jarred away from my gloomy thoughts when my phone rang.
My heart stopped as I reached for it, afraid to see No Caller ID. It only started beating again when I saw it was Mateo calling instead.
"Hello?" My voice sounded unused, hoarse. Only then did I recognize the stingy feeling around my eyes and the traces of wetness on my cheeks. I hadn't even noticed I'd been crying.
"Hi, Gorgeous, I'm outside."
I blinked and then blinked again. "Huh?"
"I'm picking you up for our meeting."
"O-oh," I stammered. Shit, I'd forgotten the time. "You didn't have to do that. I could've just met you guys at the club." Raising from my seat, I got to the bathroom and took a quick look in the mirror. My eyes were red and swollen, and my nose matched the redness of my eyes. It looked like I'd been crying for far longer than I could've guessed.
"We don't like you walking outside when it's dark. It'll put all our worries to bed if we know you're safe."
Safe...if they only knew.
Once again, the thought strikes me that I should tell them. They were more equipped to handle this than me, weren't they? It would've been so much easier for me if I could've handed this craziness over to someone else. Just a few words and I wouldn't be in this alone.
But like the idiot I was, I knew I would keep quiet. Sure, the threat could be a bluff, but was that really something I wanted to gamble on?
"Gorgeous, you there?" Mateo spoke through the phone, forcing me out of my train of thought.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here. How...how did you know I was back at my apartment?" I wondered, thinking it was strange when I hadn't told him or the other guys about it.
"I swung by Kevin's place first, but he was outside when I got there and told me you'd moved back."
"Oh, okay. Ehm...Give me fifteen minutes, and then I'll be right down."
"Sure thing, I'll wait right here. Take your time." But I didn't. I hurried through the motions, washing my face, putting on some makeup to hide my blotchiness, and finding suitable clothes to wear to the club. It was a simple black dress that met the dress code; nothing special about it, and that was perfect for me. I didn't feel like dressing up.
The phone rang again just as I put on some ballet flats.
"I'm done. I'll be down in a second," I answered, thinking it was Mateo on the line, all the while grabbing my shoulder bag and making sure I had everything I would need with me.
"Hello, my dear," a man's distorted voice greeted me. I grew cold.
The voice was decisively not Mateo's. No, this was someone else, and I had a strong feeling this was someone I wouldn't want to talk to.
Author's note
Hope you liked the chapter! Chapter 4 will be out on the 4th at 12PM xx