A/N - So, this is the first of the dual chapters - the version of events from the book, just from Noah's POV. The interactions that happen between Elle and Noah are pretty much as written in Going the Distance, with minor changes for consistency (e.g. Amanda is Chloe and Levi is Marco). The next chapter will be in line with the movie, and so forth... I know this isn't a happy stage in their story, but the sooner we get through this part, the sooner we can move on to some good stuff. Trust me, I can't wait, either. Jo x
My birthday comes and goes, a gift from Elle and a care package from home the only real indication that it's not just any other regular day. I don't make a big deal out of it with my friends at school. I know if I did, Chloe would make a fuss and I don't really feel in the right mood for that at the moment, even if I am trying to be less of an Eeyore, as she puts it.
Trying seems to be my middle name right now. I'm trying to do better in my classes, trying to be less of a drag when I'm around my friends, and trying to make more of an effort to talk with Elle. I can't help thinking it would be easier if I could just see her in person, instead of in a video call. We're always better face-to-face. Thanksgiving is still weeks away, and I'm not sure I can keep pretending like things aren't weird between us until then.
The Gods seem to have heard my prayers, though, because I found out today that all my classes have been cancelled for next Monday. We have a bye this week for football, too, so I could actually fly home on Friday, and fly back again on Monday... that's doable. I check the flight availability and then call home, explaining my plan to Mom.
"Oh, honey, that's a great idea," she enthuses. "I can't wait to see you! We have the Peterson's twentieth anniversary party on Friday night, so we won't be here when you get in." Mom pauses, and when she speaks again, I can picture the knowing smile on her face. "But then, I don't suppose you'll mind having the house to yourself..."
"I'll manage. I'll just get a cab from the airport and drop my bag off before heading to Elle's. I want to surprise her."
"Aww, she's going to be so glad to see you."
"I hope so. Things haven't been great lately."
"This long distance thing is tough on both of you, hon. Spending some time together definitely won't hurt."
"That's the idea."
I book my flights while Mom fills me in on all the latest family news, and by the time I hang up, I'm feeling a lot happier about everything. Two days and I'll be in LA, knocking on Elle's front door. I catch up with Chloe after Chemistry class the next day, and she's maybe even happier than I am about my spur of the moment decision to go home for the weekend.
"Oh, that's brilliant!" she grins, gripping my shoulder. "Elle's going to be blown away when you just show up."
"I hope so, Clo."
"Ugh, how could she not be? It's the most romantic thing I've ever heard!"
"Shut up," I chuckle, shoving her away lightly. "You need to get out more."
"Pfft," she scoffs. "If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black."
"Whatever. I go out plenty."
Chloe rolls her eyes. "Remind me again, did I have to literally drag you out of your room last week?"
"Yeah, fine. Point taken. I'm working on it, okay?"
"Sure, sure. Anyway, the fact is, this is an excellent plan."
"Thank you."
"Does this mean you might actually get the chance to talk to Elle? About everything?"
That question takes my mood from happy to anxious in an instant, and I run my hands over my face while I think of a response that my friend might accept.
"I don't know, Clo. It's hard to even think about. Can I just enjoy the thought of seeing Elle again without having that hanging over my head?"
"Noah, it's already hanging over your head. It's a big part of why things are so strained between the two of you."
"I know, I know. But I can't just waltz into her house tomorrow night and unload all of this on her, okay?"
"Fine. You don't have to tell her the instant you see her, but you do need to talk about it. The sooner, the better, for both your sakes."
"I know, okay? I get it. Now can we please just drop it?"
"Yes, we can. Lecture over, I promise."
Time drags until I get to the airport, and then it starts to feel real. I'm actually headed home. I'm going to see Elle. A trickle of adrenalin runs through me and doesn't really go away the whole flight home. I can't stop jiggling my knee in the cab back to my house as nerves start to set in a little bit. Elle told me she was going to stay home tonight, but now I'm just hoping she didn't decide to change her plans at the last minute.
Dumping my stuff in my room, I waste no time grabbing my car keys off the hook near the door and drive over to her house. I make sure to park on the road, far enough away that she won't happen to spot the car if she looks out her bedroom window, and walk as quietly as possible down her driveway to the front door. Another shot of adrenalin punches through me as I press the doorbell. A few seconds later, the curtains in the window twitch and then the door opens.
Elle starts to speak. "Hey, dude, what happened to--" Then she registers that I'm not Lee, and tries to slam the door shut again. I catch it before it can close, unable to control my laughter. Elle's dressed in one of my t-shirts with her old Winnie the Pooh pajama pants rolled up past her knees, but that isn't the funny part. No, it's the green face mask, the wax strips on her legs and the foam toe divider thingy's that have me chuckling.
She takes a few steps back as I open the door up again. "What are you doing here?"
"It's nice to see you too," I say when I can draw a full breath.
"What are you doing here?" Elle says again, still shocked.
"After weeks of not seeing me, that's how you greet me?" I grin. "I mean, come on, Elle. Where's the Fifty Shades lingerie? Where are the rose petals on the floor, the candlelit dinner?"
Okay, I'm having a little fun with her now. But safe to say, she was definitely surprised.
"I--" Elle stutters, and I decide it's time to put her out of her misery. And me out of mine as well.
I step in close, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her soundly. I can feel Elle's shock melt away, her arms coming up around my shoulders, pressing herself closer to me as we deepen the kiss. Yeah, this part we always get right.
"That," I say breathlessly when we part, "is how you should've said hello."
Elle runs a fingertip over my cheek. "You have stuff all over your face now."
Shrugging, I smile at her. "God, I missed you."
She replies in the best way, with another kiss, before dragging me by the hand up to her room, instructing me to sit on the bed while she 'makes herself presentable'.
"You could've picked a more opportune moment to show up. Like, five minutes later would've been great," Elle calls to me through the bathroom door. "Seriously. I'm mortified."
"Because I saw you looking a little bit like Princess Fiona from Shrek?"
"Because I'm trying to maintain the illusion that I achieve this flawless beauty with absolutely no effort," she jokes, opening up the door again. "And now you know my secret."
Bending to kiss her again, I say quietly, "You always look beautiful, Elle. Even with hairy legs and zits." Honestly, it's like she forgets that I've seen her in every kind of state for the last 17 years.
Once I wash the smears of mask off my face, we head back downstairs, stretching out on the couch facing each other. Elle runs her fingertips over my now-clean cheeks, along my nose, up around my eyebrows.
"What are you doing?"
"Just admiring my gorgeous boyfriend." She kisses me quickly before going on. "I've missed you so much. Like, words could not describe."
"I missed you more," I smirk.
Elle shakes her head and leans in to kiss me again. This time it isn't quick. It's slow and soft, our tongues moving together. I'm not sure how much time passes before we hear a car pull up outside - her dad and brother must be home. Sitting up, Elle straightens her shirt, while I steal one more kiss before the door opens.
"We're back," Mike calls out.
"In here," Elle replies.
Brad runs in and upstairs, yelling, "Hey, Elle! Hey, Marco!"
That last part has me raising an eyebrow at Elle, but then Mike's there, doing a double-take as he realizes it's me sitting here. I lift my arm in a wave. "Hey, Mr Evans."
He recovers faster from the surprise than Elle did, clearing his throat. "Good to see you, Noah. Home for the weekend?"
"Yep. I haven't got any classes on Monday so figured I'd come see Elle for a couple of days." I smile down at Elle, making her blush, before looking back at her dad.
"And how is college? Your mom said you seem to have settled in well."
I jump in to answer, hoping to be done with this conversation quickly. "Yeah, it's great. I've made some really good friends, and the football team is great, and my classes are really interesting. The only downside is having to do my own laundry," I laugh, and Mike chuckles too.
We stick around for a little while, but once Brad goes to bed and Mike heads into the kitchen to make himself a coffee, I lean into Elle, brushing my lips across her neck as I slowly slide one hand just under her shirt.
"Do you wanna stay at mine tonight?"
"Your parents won't mind?"
"Have they ever? You have a toothbrush and deodorant in the bathroom. You have a drawer full of clothes in Lee's room. Besides, they know you stayed with me in Boston."
"Yeah, I guess. Give me two minutes."
I grin as Elle takes off up the stairs, and soon she comes back down, a bag under her arm, heading into the kitchen. I stay put while she talks to her dad, but by the look on her face when she reappears, reminders about being safe were definitely delivered. Back at my place, we make the most of the empty house for the next couple of hours, but I fall asleep earlier than I'd like, courtesy of still being on east-coast time.
It also means I wake earlier than Elle, although that's never been much of a challenge. She's still sleeping like the dead as I head to the bathroom and brush my teeth before grabbing a glass of water and getting back into bed. I busy myself watching videos on YouTube with my earbuds in, while Elle snuggles into my side. Eventually, she wakes up and I lean in to kiss her as she smiles.
"I've missed you," she yawns. "I missed this."
"Watching videos in bed first thing on a Saturday?" I joke.
"Waking up with you," she clarifies, smiling.
My smile stretches a little wider too, and I pause the video, setting my phone aside before pouncing on her. Elle runs her hands up my chest and over my arms, pulling herself closer to me and meeting my kiss. Damn if kissing her isn't always incredible. We pick up where we left off last night, and I'm thankful for the stamina provided by the good night's sleep.
Around lunchtime, we finally get out of bed and shower before heading downstairs for food. I don't know about Elle, but I am famished. Lee's in the kitchen making a sandwich, and he looks up at Elle, ignoring me.
"Hey," he says. "Did you know he was coming home this weekend?"
"No."
"I'm right here, you know."
"Did you hear something, Shelly?" Lee pretends to look around, and Elle stifles a laugh.
"Just the wind. I think your mom left a window open..."
Sighing, I walk past the two of them and open the fridge, looking inside.
"Where's the apple juice?"
"We don't have any."
"But we always have apple juice."
"You're the only one who drinks it, and Mom said there's no point in buying it if nobody's here to drink it."
"So much for empty-nest syndrome," I mutter.
"I think that only kicks in when I leave, too," Lee smirks.
I grab the orange juice and gesture at Elle questioningly. She nods, chiming in with more bad news. "There's no bacon, either."
"Mom's got us on a new diet. We're all cutting down on meat. Something to do with Dad's cholesterol, I think?"
"God, it's like a different place back here," I say, shaking my head.
"I think there's some turkey rashers," Lee suggests.
"That's not bacon," I protest.
"Mom insists it's the same thing."
"Lies, all of it."
Elle smiles at the two of us, and I have to admit, I had kind of missed this as well, hanging out with Lee. I make sandwiches for Elle and I, and after we've eaten, make a point of telling Lee that we're heading back upstairs to watch tv. He doesn't buy it, but whatever. Elle teases him as we walk up the stairs, and I just shake my head.
"You guys are so goddamn weird."
She grins at me before walking ahead and I tap her butt when she's not looking. When she looks back at me, eyebrows raised, I look everywhere but her, whistling innocently. Elle turns around, and I smack her butt again. She skips ahead a few steps and my next swipe only catches the edge of her shirt, making me laugh. I start chasing after her in earnest then, as Lee objects from down below.
Elle just giggles and runs headlong into my room, staying out of my reach until I tackle her onto my bed, rolling her onto her back. Bracing myself over her, I proceed to kiss her into submission. Yeah, I've missed this too. Later that afternoon, Lee yells out that he's going out to see Rachel, and Elle heads back downstairs to make coffee. I check my phone, seeing a missed call from Chloe, and decide this is probably the only chance I'll get to return it. Dialing her back, I sit on the edge of the bed, facing out the window.
"Hey, hey," she answers.
"Hey. I missed your call."
"No worries, I'm just checking in to see how everything's going at home. Have you caught up with Elle?"
"Yeah, I'm with her, she's downstairs."
"Okay, have you had the chance to tell her everything yet?"
"What? No, of course I haven't told her."
"Noah, you need to get on with it." Chloe's voice is gentle, but that just pisses me off more.
"No, not yet. It's not the right time."
"Noah, it's the only time you've got."
"No."
"You said you wanted to do it face-to-face, remember?"
"Look, I'll tell her at some point, but not today."
"You're stalling."
"She doesn't need to know. Well - no, fine, okay, maybe she does, but..."
I sigh, frustrated, and run a hand through my hair.
"If you're not going to tell her--" Chloe starts, and I cut her off.
"What're you gonna ring her and tell her yourself if I don't?" I scoff. "Right. Listen, Chloe, it doesn't mean anything. Elle doesn't need to know."
I hear the creak of the door opening and twist to look at Elle, trying to keep my expression natural. But all that fades when I see the look on her face. I can't get off the phone fast enough, and stand up to face Elle. She walks stiffly over to the nightstand, setting the coffee cups down before speaking.
"That was her, wasn't it?"
"Elle, how much of that did you hear?"
"Was that her?"
"Yes, that was Chloe, but it's not what you think--"
"Oh? You sure about that?"
"Yes," I say quickly, holding my hands out, palm-up, towards her. "I know what you're thinking, and I already told you: nothing happened with Chloe, I swear. Nothing is happening."
Elle's hands are shaking when she replies. "How do you expect me to believe that?" She stumbles a step back, blinking away tears. "After what I just heard? I knew you were hiding something from me. You're on the other side of the country, Noah! For all I know, you've forgotten all about me and this visit is some - some last-ditch effort --"
"You're overreacting," I say quietly.
"Am I? With the history you've got?"
Wow. She's throwing that back in my face again. I've never fucking cheated on anyone. And I would never fucking cheat on her. But she doesn't believe me. My eyes narrow.
"You don't trust me."
"Like you're any better. You get jealous every time I mention that I'm hanging out with Marco, just the two of us, I know you do. Is it one rule for you and another for me? Like I'm not allowed to be cagey about hearing a conversation like that with some bitch you--"
"Chloe's not a bitch." I don't care what Elle's feeling right now, she doesn't get to say shit like that about my friend.
"Stop defending her. Stop talking about her. I don't want to hear how nice she is." Elle's voice is climbing in volume to the point where she's nearly screaming at me. "Do you have any idea how humiliating it's been for me? Everyone has seen the pictures of you two online. Everyone knew, and they assumed that we must've broken up."
"I know, Elle, and I'm sorry, but you have to believe me when I tell you - again - that nothing happened. And nothing is happening or is going to happen. I don't know how else I can say it. Chloe doesn't mean anything to me like that; she's just a friend."
"A friend you didn't tell me about!"
"You're the last person who should be getting jealous of a girl I'm friends with," I snap. "Look at you and Lee!"
"That's different - you know it is."
I scoff, shaking my head. Okay, we're going there.
"And Marco? Do you tell me every time you hang out with him?"
Elle grits her teeth, but says nothing.
"We have lab together, classes together. It's intense. It's... You wouldn't understand."
"Why were you on the phone to her just now? What was that about? Because if it's not what it sounds like, then please, please, just tell me."
I open my mouth to answer, but no words come out. I can't bring myself to tell her, and I look away.
"Please, Noah. Just tell me the truth."
I want to, I do. But I can't. I can't admit to her that I'm a failure. My shoulders sag under the weight of it all, and the silence stretches on. Eventually, it's Elle that speaks, her voice flat and hollow.
"I don't think that this is working out."
The blood drains from my face and I can't breathe.
"What?"
"I can't do this any longer."
"Do what?"
"This. Us. I can't do it. I hate being away from you all the time. I hate knowing that you're at college with all these other girls - smarter, prettier girls, who are probably throwing themselves at you, and I - I just..."
"You don't trust me," I supply.
"I want to trust you," she says, voice breaking. "But if you can't tell me the truth about what's going on... what kind of relationship is this? It's... I can't deal with it any more. And - and neither of us should - should be tied down to something that's just dead weight."
Dead weight. That's what our relationship is to her.
"So, what... what are you saying?"
Elle takes a breath, looking me in the eye now.
"Elle?"
I need her to say it.
"I'm saying that this isn't working out. And we... we should break up."
My insides are churning and I can't speak for a few seconds. When I do, it comes out as a whisper.
"Don't do this, Elle."
"Tell me what's going on."
"I - I just... can't... right now, okay? It's... complicated."
Elle shakes her head, tears in her eyes. I try one last time.
"We can fix this. Elle. Please."
"No, Noah, I don't think we can, otherwise you'd talk to me about something like this."
I stride around the bed, determined to close the physical distance between us, but she moves back, away from me, and I stop. If she doesn't want me to touch her, I won't.
"I'm sorry," I murmur, defeated.
Elle just stares a me for a few beats, then looks away.
"I should get going," she mumbles, gathering her things.
I make no move to follow her, and as she walks towards the doorway, I find I can't watch her leave. It hurts so badly already, if I have to watch her walk away from me, from us, I'm not sure I'll recover. So, I take the coward's way out, turning away so I don't have to see it. My hands ball into fists for a second, before the energy to even do that escapes me and they fall limp at my sides.
Through the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears, I hear Elle walk down the hall. I hear the front door close. And that's the last thing that registers before my world crashes in on itself and I'm left with a single thought.
It hurts.