Deep breaths, that I did.
But, I just want to sleep. Sleep for the rest of my life.
I guess. I just need to grit my teeth and struggle with it. Sometimes. Life leaves us no choice but to keep going. No matter how shitty we feel at the moment, at some point, we still have to keep going.
After all, life is all about constant action, constant change, and constant everything. Breathing, eating, sleeping, and every little thing.
I inhaled sharply, exhaling a tired sigh.
This life has been nothing but exhausting. The only thing that is keeping me going are those warm memories.
Memories warm me up on the inside, but it also tears me apart. Wonder why?
Because my memories made me a pacifist.
In my original world, everything can be resolved through words. Peaceful words.
However, in this world, people would settle their small disputes through violence. Perhaps it was easier for these people to just punch someone in the face than make them understand why someone is angry with them in 500 words.
However, I refuse to agree to this world's standard of normal. The thing that I'm most scared of is losing myself. Losing who I am inside. Losing my reasons and sanity. Losing what I considered normal. Losing what I stand for as a person. Losing everything that describes the soul inside this hateful body.
The normal in this world scares me. It suffocates me. I feel like this world is slowly making me change, and I'm also slowly losing my identity.
Change is constant I know, but I don't want to change what I believe in.
If I lose that then I would no longer be me.
So I went against the norm. I didn't use violence on anyone. I tried to resolve every situation with words. Explaining myself over and over again, but no one seems to understand.
Now, the person dear to me lay in my arms, and no matter how much I told them to stop; they didn't listen to a single word I said.
Why?
It's because they have a different normal to what I consider normal. They would kill when they deem that someone has to be killed. They won't hesitate to pull out the swords on their scabbard when they sense danger.
That's why.
I was so scared of losing my sense of self that I ended up losing someone important to me.
She, who laid on my arms. Her heart is silent and mute. No beat sounded. No pulse felt.
She is...
I swallowed hard, feeling a million things stuck on my throat.
Dead. She is no longer...here. With me.
Because of me. Because I was stubborn. Because I refused to raise my sword.
It was me.
I was the reason why she is dead.
It was all my fault.