Sage P.O.V.
I was too stunned to question Tim as he dragged me out of Buck's and into his car. Different scenarios were running through my mind as we drove off, me not paying any attention to where we were going.
I assumed Dallas was still in the hospital. Again, with the stupid assumptions. He didn't look like he was leaving any time soon when I saw him yesterday, but with the rumble tonight he might've snuck out. He always said it wasn't a rumble unless he was there.
"It was skin only, right? No weapons?" Tim looked at me out of the corner of his eye and nodded. It was the first question I asked but I had a feeling it wasn't the right one. Dally was able to hold his own in a fight and having the gang there meant he wouldn't have had to fend for himself. Which means it wasn't that. Before I could ask another question, the car stopped, and I looked up to see we were at his house.
"Did he get in trouble?" I wasn't sure why we would be here unless he was trying to lay low.
"I'll explain in a second." He deflected my question which meant I was getting closer. While I was trying to think of a question that would get me actual answers, Tim led me inside and up to his room, with me thinking my brother was in there. I didn't know whether to be confused or pissed off with the situation when he opened his door and all I was met with was dirty clothes on the floor and an unmade bed. No Dallas.
Tim saw me getting frustrated and knew I was two seconds away from doing something stupid, like blowing up on him. "Look, we need to have a long talk about everything that happened tonight. Your best bet is to sit down while I explain."
My heart started racing at those words and I knew it had to be bad with how we were positioned. My only exit from his room was the door he was currently standing in front of. When I didn't make a move to sit down, he nudged me over to his bed.
"Your brother managed to get out of the hospital before the rumble using Two-bit's blade. I don't know anything more than that so don't ask. He seemed okay enough to be fighting, but we all took a beating. After the Soc's ran to their cars, I watched him run off with the youngest Curtis. I heard bits and pieces of what happened yesterday to know that the quiet kid wasn't doing well."
I winced when he mentioned Johnny. I knew I needed to see him at least once but needed to cool off a bit before that happened. He didn't deserve me getting all pissed off at him. It wasn't his fault.
"I was down the street from the lot when I saw your brother run up with the cops on his tail." I whipped my head back towards him at those words. He paused which made me tense. Dallas running from the cops wasn't something new, but why Tim would lock me in here to tell me he was thrown back in the cooler was still a lingering question.
"He had a heater on him. And the dumbass pointed it at the feds."
There it was.
There was the thing Tim was too afraid of telling me. "I didn't see much but the larger Curtis got involved with the rest of their gang and they stopped shooting at him. I waited long enough to see an ambulance drive up and him get put in there, but I don't know how bad he was hurt or if he's still breathing."
My fists were clinched so hard I felt my nails cut into my palm. What in the hell made my idiot brother try and commit suicide? Our life is fucked up and always has been, but he of all people didn't show he cared about anything or anyone besides me and...oh. "Johnny. How's Johnny?"
Tim wouldn't look at me now, which told me everything I needed to know. Before Tim could stop me or even realize what I was doing, my fist went through his wall.
I knew I should be feeling some sort of pain from it, but my body felt like it was just thrown in ice. The feeling of suffocation I had at the hospital yesterday came back with a vengeance. It was like I couldn't get enough air no matter how hard I breathed in. My body seemed to stop working and I vaguely registered Tim catching me before I hit the ground.
Johnny didn't deserve to die. Nothing he has ever done should have led him to dying in that hospital. Is this what an eye for an eye means? We kill two Soc and two of ours has to die as well?
A burning sensation on my cheek seemed to bring my senses back some. Tim was slapping my face a bit harder than he should've and all I could focus on was the burning feeling. "You have to quit breathing like that. You're gonna pass out." I heard what he was saying but I couldn't get myself to calm down. I realized at this point my hands were shaking uncontrollably and tears were running down my cheeks.
"I can't do this again." I managed to croak out. To any other person they would have zero idea what I was talking about. But Tim knew all too well.
He placed a hand on my shoulder, "Look just promise me one thing. No matter how hard this all gets, please don't do what my sister did." I looked up at him and saw the desperation in his eyes.
I nodded my head, but he responded a little firmer, "I need you to say it out loud, Sage."
I wanted to reassure him I wouldn't go do something like that, but the words never came out.
"Dammit Sage. You come to me if the shit in your head gets too loud. You don't get to do something selfish like Angela did and assume all the pain goes away. Think about how you felt when she offed herself. You think your friends are going to be okay? Especially after one of their other friends just died. You think Dallas is going to be okay if he pulls through? How the hell do you think I'm going to feel if I fail you like I did my sister? You don't get to do something permanent like that! And if that means I have to be on your ass 24/7 then I fucking will, Sage!" He was yelling neat the end and the grip he had on my shoulder had tightened to the point where I knew it would leave a bruise.
I didn't know if I was shocked at what he just said and laying everything out for me. Or the fact that Tim cares a hell of a lot more that I thought he did. "I won't do it, Tim." He took his hand off my shoulder and ran it through his hair.
We both sat on the ground in silence for a few minutes, trying to calm down some. I leaned my head back against the side of his bed and asked, "Why would my brother do that? I thought he cared about me enough to never do something like that."
Tim let out a deep breath, "Him and the quiet kid were close. When he came back from New York and you weren't here, I think he saw him like he did you. Someone he needed to look out for. We both know your brother doesn't care about much. But for some reason that kid was one he wouldn't let anyone get near. I know what it's like to feel like you weren't enough and couldn't protect someone. After Angela died, it was like nothing I did mattered anymore. The one person who I was supposed to look out for was gone and it felt like my fault. I image your brother felt the same way. He wasn't thinking of you when he pulled the heater. He was thinking about the poor kid he failed and that shit messes with your mind."
I thought about what he said and had to ask, "Did you think about doing something like that when Angela died?"
He was silent for a few moments before he said, "Yeah."
I waited for him to say more but it never came. I lifted my head up from the bed and looked over to him. "Yeah?"
He shook his head and stood up. "I'm done talking about this shit. Get up so we can clean your hand."
I knew better than to push him, so I did what he said and got up. My body had regained control of itself, and I felt a constant ache where I punched the wall. Looking down at it, the knuckles were cut open a bit and I could see where bruises would form in the morning.
"Sorry about the wall." I followed him out of his room towards the bathroom. He had an eye on me at all times, making sure I wouldn't bolt. He closed the toilet seat and pointed to it to sit on.
"Now I have two holes in my walls. One from each Winston." I glanced to the one above the toilet and shook my head.
"I told myself a long time ago I wasn't like my brother. That I was smarter than this." He grabbed my hand and started wiping the dried blood off it. "You and him are cut from the same cloth. You both came from a shitty home and got thrown into all of this. If you aren't tough, then you aren't going to make it. Simple as that. You are smarter though."
I wanted to ask what he meant by his last statement, but the sound his front door slamming stopped me. Tim looked out the bathroom door at who was coming our way and swore under his breath.
I glanced around him and saw Soda standing there, with red puffy eyes and a wild look on his face. "We couldn't find you. With Dally gone, we didn't know what to think. We looked everywhere." He might have said somethings after, but I could only focus on his second sentence.
"What do you mean Dally's gone?"
A/N: I have been loving writing these last few chapters! I hope you have been enjoying them too. Thank you for making it this far in Sage's story!! It means the world to me that you have stuck with us this far. I love all your comments and welcome them all! Hoping to get the next chapter out next week for you all!