Carleigh Jade Revaz
I look at her with disappointment. She's far from the friend I've known before. She's just straightly looking at me and she didn't even blink while doing that. I am starting to be terrified in her every stares. I can't find the old Vienna I know.
"How are you?" I said to her. That's what I want to asked her while looking at her right now behind this cold bars. She just laughed at me.
"Are you just here to ask me that damn freaking question Jade? Of course I'm not! Are you stupid?!" He seriously said at me kaya mariin kong naikuyom ang kamay ko sa galit. Bakit hindi ko man lang sya makitaan ng kahit na konting pagsisisi?
"Hindi ka man lang ba nakakaramdam ng pagsisisi? Wala ka man lang bang konsensya?" May halong paninumbat na sabi ko sa kanya.
"Why would I feel that strange feeling? I did it in purpose and with my own will. I won't regret anything. Because I know, even I'm here, I made you miserable even once on your life." Nakangiti pa nyang sabi sa akin kaya mahigpit akong humawak sa rehas na nasa pagitan namin. Kung wala lang ito sa amin ay baka nasampal ko na sya sa galit ko.
"I won't ask how you did you do this to me because I finally found the answer. You're fake. Wala kang kwentang kaibigan. You don't know how to value someone. Kaya siguro hindi na ako magtataka kung kahit ang sarili mong ama ay nakaya mong ipamahamak!" Galit na sabi ko sa kanya pero mas lumapit lang sya sa akin.
"Can you hear what you're saying Jade? I'm fake?! God knows I tried to be a good friend to you because I idolize you so much! Even when we we're young! Do you still remember when you almost got an accident? It was all my plan to end you! Yes! I was that ugly girl who once tortured and bullied you! But everyone is behind your back! I saw Grey how he protected you that day! I am so jealous of you because you have everything! God knows Jade! God knows how I tried to be good and more than to you! That's why I make friends to you! But look what you did?! You just acted like my boss! You will shout at me everytime you want, you will give a lot of orders to me that I should follow because if I didn't? Isusumbat mo lahat ng bagay na naibigay mo sa akin na hindi ko naman kaylanman hiningi sayo! I tried to find what's special to you because everybody loves you but I failed. You're just nothing but a useless, burden and plastic spoiled brat I've ever know!"
"How did you do this?! Ikaw ang nag-tulak sa akin noon? Paano mo 'yon nagawa? We're both child back then! Ganon ka ba kasama?!" Galit na sabi ko sa kanya at hindi makapaniwala sa lahat ng confession nya. And she really planned to be friend at me? Damn!
"Because I hate you that much! And you prove to me that I should hate you even more when the guy I only love was falling for you! I know that it's not your fault if you're the one he wanted. But is it hard to give me some chance? Hindi mo man lang sya sinubukang itulak para sa akin! You know what? I keep asking myself from the very beginning since I met you. Bakit ako lang 'yong palaging minamalas? Bakit? Ikaw lang ba ang pwedeng swertehin? You have a perfect family. You can do everything you want and most of all, you can have everything what you wish for. O kahit nga yata 'yong bagay na hindi mo naman hinihiling ay kusang ibinibigay sayo! While me? Do you know what I've been going through all this time?! No! Because you never tried to care about me!"
"That's not true Vienna! You know that I tried to give everything to you! Kahati kita sa lahat ng bagay na meron ako! I even treat you like a sister! At kahit ang pinakamahalagang tao sa buhay ko ay ipinagkatiwala ko sayo! I even told you that I want you for Grey! But what did you do?! Nagpadala ka sa galit at inggit mo at 'yon ang problema mo?! You have a big insecurities! It's not my fault that I was born with everything! At kung alam ko lang na ganito lang ang kahihinatnan ng lahat? Mas gugustuhin ko pang maging simpleng tao na lang! Just like you, my life isn't perfect!"
"Maybe but my life can't be called life anymore. Kahit kaylan hindi ako naging masaya. My sister was died and I keep blaming myself! My father keep on reminding everyday that I killed my one and only sister! But that doesn't end there! Mom got sicked and she passed away. And after that is my grandmother. They all leave me! And you know what? I only have Papa but he adores and care for you more that his true daughter. On my every failure he keeps on comparing me to you! That I should be like you! Na dapat tularan kita! Alam mo ba kung gaano kasakit ikumpara?! Araw araw Jade! Tuwing uuwi ako, parang mababaliw ako dahil alam kong walang naghihintay sa akin! I lost all of them and I'm so f*cking alone in this hell! I only have you but you keep on stealing everything I want! And I hate you so much Jade! I hate you to death! Kaya mas mabuting patayin nyo na lang ako! Pagod na pagod na pagod na akong maging anino mo Jade! I'm so sick of it!" She said and I just suddenly saw her tears streaming endlessly on her cheeks. Parang kusa na lang din tumulo ang luha ko nang mapaluhod sya sa harap ko habang nakahawak sa mga rehas.
This is the first time I heard her stories. Bakit hindi ko ito alam? Kaya ba ganon na lang katindi ang galit nya sa ama nya? But it's still wrong after all. It's still her father!
"And now, I know that you're happy because you're seeing me like this. You can celebrate for my downfall Jade." Umiiyak na sabi nya sa akin kaya nakagat ko ang labi ko para pigilan ang nararamdaman ko saka ako malalim na bumuntong hininga.
"Why you didn't tell me everything you've been going through?" I said while crying. Mas pinili ko na lang umiwas ng tingin dahil hindi ko sya kayang tingnan ng ganito.
"Why would I tell you? You won't listen to me anyway. I'm not your friend. I'm just your shadow from behind."
"You're not like that to me. You know that I trued my best to make you feel that you're my best friend. Kaya nga ako nasasaktan ng ganito nang lokohin mo ako. Kaya nga hindi ako makapaniwalang nagawa mo ito dahil pinagkatiwalaan kita Vienna. Siguro mali o kulang lang 'yong paraan ng pagpapakita ko sayo kung gaano ka kahalaga dahil kahit kaylan ay hindi naman kita narinig na magreklamo. I'm sorry if I make you feel this way." I sincerely said to her. I never thought na ganito pala kahirap ang pinagdadaanan nya. Ako ang may mali sa pagkakaibigan naming dalawa and I'm the one to blame why she turned to be like this kind of monster.
"You're sorry won't heal anything inside me Jade. At kung ipinapakulong nyo ako ay gawin nyo na. Ayoko nang umuwi sa bahay namin. Mas gugustuhin ko pa ang lugar na ito kesa sa impyernong bahay namin kasama si Papa. I can't call our home as home anymore. It's too miserable and painful for me." Seryosong sabi nya habang pinupunasan ang luha nya at nasandal sya sa rehas.
"You can do better than this Vienna. I'm still hoping that you can chang-"
"I can't do anything for myself anymore Jade. Dahil ang gusto ko na lang ngayon ay matapos ang lahat. Iwan mo na ako at huwag ka nang magpapakita sa akin. Kung saan man nila ako dalhin ay huwag mo na akong dadalawin. Because you remind me of something I failed to have. You made me so jealous and anxious by just your presence." She said saka sya naglakad papunta doon sa may sulok habang nakatalikod sa akin. Kung noon ay galit na galit ako sa kanya at halos gusto ko syang patayin dahil sa galit ngayon ay wala na akong ibang maramdaman sa kanya kung hindi awa at panghihinayang.
Napakabata nya para maranasan ang lahat ng ito and she might spend her six years inside this jail. Nalulungkot ako para sa kanya dahil kaylangan nya pang humantong sa ganito.
"Vienna-"
"Umalis ka na!"
"Vienna just-"
"I said leave! Umalis ka na! Huwag ka ng babalik!" Malakas na sigaw nya sa akin kaya napalayo ako sa selda nya at mabilis na tumakbo palabas ng presinto. Deretso ako sa kotse at doon ko ibinuhos lahat ng sama ng loob ko. Napahawak na lang ako sa bibig ko para mapigilan ko ang paghagulhol ko.
"Miss Jade okay lang po ba kayo?" Rinig kong sabi ni Mang Ben.
"Mang Ben masama po ba talaga akong tao?" I asked him out of the blue.
"Hindi po kayo masamang tao Miss Jade. Masyado lang po kayong maswerte sa lahat ng bagay."
"But is it my fault Mang Ben?"
"Hindi po. Wala po kayong kasalan. Minsan lang talaga hindi maiiwasan na may mainggit sa mga katulad nyo dahil nasa inyo ang mga bagay na gusto nila pero wala sila. At masyadong nakakatakot ang inggit Miss Jade. Kaya non baguhin ang isang tao at siguro ganon po ang nangyari sa kaibigan nyong si Miss Vienna." Malungkot na sabi ni Mang Ben saka nya ako inabutan ng tissue.
"I feel so bad for Vienna, Mang Ben."
"Normal lang po na sumama ang loob o maawa kayo sa kanya pero may nagawa po syang pagkakamali kaya kaylangan nyang pagbayaran 'yon. Kahit ako naman po ay nanghihinayang sa kanyang kinabukas edi lalo na po siguro ang kanyang ama?"
"Should we forgive her and give her a chance?" I said saka ako muling tumanaw sa may presinto.
"Kahit po sino ay may kakayahang magpatawad at magbigay ng pagkakataon kung sa tingin nyo po ay dapat syang bigyan ng pagkakataon. At si Miss Vienna, alam ko naman po na mabuti syang bata dahil madalas po natin syang kasama. Siguro nadala lang sya ng galit at inggit kaya naging ganito sya. Ama rin po ako Miss Jade kaya nararamdaman ko ang sakit na nararamdaman ng kanyang ama kung makikita syang ganito."
"But she told me that her father doesn't care at her."
"Wala pong ama ang hindi mahal ang kanyang anak. Kahit gaano pa ito kasama alam kong may pagmamahal parin sa pagitan ng isang anak at ama. At si Sir Lorenzo, siguradong mararamdaman din nya 'yon para kay Miss Vienna." Marahas akong napabuntong hininga sa sinabing 'yon ni Mang Ben.
"If that so let's go straight to the office. I want to talk to Mom and Dad." I said to Mang Ben habang nakatingin sa presinto kung nasaan ngayon si Vienna.
Ng dahil sa lahat ng kwento nya ay marami akong narealize. At sa pagkakaibigan namin alam kong may malaki akong pagkukulang kaya kaylangan kong bumawi. Siguro kung may nagawa man syang hindi maganda ay 'yon ay bunga lang din ng mga taong nakapaligid sa kanya at hindi nya 'yon kasalanan. May mali lang sa kanya pero siguro naman ay kaya nya pang mag-bago hindi ba?
I can't lose her just because of this tragic moment we are all going through. She also have her silent battle to fight and I shouldn't be one of her enemies.