as always - vote and comment as you go.
i appreciate you all more than you can imagine and i'm sorry once again for the wait between chapters. you guys have the best patience.
(be sure to check out the a/n at the end)
~***~
Liked by pierregasly and 2,099,701 others
alyssaarcher rest then repeat, short break before we're in italy 👊 dw guys, gals, and non-binary pals, i'm fit to drive 😉
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maxverstappen1 do you have a boyfriend? 😍
| alyssaarcher depends if he takes the championship lead from me or not ☺️
| maxverstappen1 so after italy you'll be single? 😉
| alyssaarcher fuck you
| maxverstappen1 i love you too
f1 *liked by pierre gasly*
| pierregasly 😘
| catemasettigasly @pierregasly get in line she's mine
just.in_bella best looking f1 driver in history
| marcushaywood i second that
| alyssaarcher stop it you 🥺
victoriaverstappen mamma mia 😍
| alyssaarcher making me blush
gaymiendamien putting the 'fit' in 'fit to drive' 🥵
| alyssaarcher don't you know it 😉
lewishamilton will you be joining me on the podium this time or will you be spinning out... again 🫢
| alyssaarcher i'll be spinning you out if you don't watch it mister
| alyssaarcher 'oh no... my tyres are cold...' and then boom you're stuck in the gravel
| susie_wolff i showed toto your comment and he threatened to make you clean the entire garage when the weekend is over if you do this 😂
| lewishamilton and if we get a double podium, he can do it all himself, including the champagne spray 🤣
an0nym0usarcher *this comment is under review* countdown to the next article? it'll be a real tear-jerker for some 🙈🙊
***
The days following the Belgium Grand Prix weekend were painful. I felt exactly how you would expect after my high speed impact during qualifying. Dark bruises littered my knee and shoulder, with the muscles tender to even the lightest of touches. Luckily for me, I wasn't expected to travel back to the UK for work until the Friday, and so Max and I decided to spend some time visiting his mum. He was able to convince his bosses to give him some time off, too, although he was expected to leave a day earlier. I was grateful for my relationship with Sof and her kindness to let me stay with her the extra day. She was so accepting of my relationship with Max, going as far as to call me part of the family even though I wasn't engaged or married to her son.
For our final evening together, Max and I decided to cook his mum dinner whilst she was out shopping with her friends. I still had zero instincts or sense when it came to cooking and so, for the most part, I was letting Max bark his instructions at me and put up no protest when his frustrations at my lack of ability made him take over from whatever task I was doing.
"See?" he sassily pointed out as he chopped up the remainder of the onion. The few slices he had made producesd even, thin cuts of the onion, a contrast to my attempts which would make Gordon Ramsey cry in disappointment. "It's not hard, schatje."
I rolled my eyes, trying not to smile at my boyfriend and irritate him further. "Being as bad as I am is a talent. I may not be able to cut an onion, but I do know how to lead a championship."
"Oh, shut up."
"You shut up."
I bit my lips together as he looked up from the chopping board to glare at me. His piercing blue eyes bore into my hazel ones. Winding him up was just too easy and enjoyable. He refused to break the eye contact and his brow remained furrowed in annoyance, prompting me to eventually break and let out a small giggle.
Suddenly, Max hissed in pain, the knife clattering down into the wooden board as he clutched his hand to his chest. My heart dropped at the action and my smile was quickly replaced by a frown of concern. I knew the Dutch liked to swear, but the string of profanities that slipped through Max's lips were on another level. I honestly thought that knowing him for as long as I have now meant that I would know most of the Dutch ones - oh, how wrong I was.
Once out of my state of shock, I ushered Max towards the sink. With one hand on his back in support, I used the other to switch on the stream of water from the tap. He shook his head like a stubborn child when he realised what I wanted him to do.
"That's going to hurt!" he whined.
"Dude, just-" I gave him no choice, grabbing his hand before he could protest and shoving it under the tap. I was expecting the clear stream to turn red with blood, but to my surprise I couldn't see any actual cut. Max was no help when I asked him where it was and was insistent that he had chopped his finger off because I had distracted him. He was the biggest baby I knew, hissing in pain at the water. I moved his hand out of the flow just to see if I could see the cut, and I did - a few specks of blood appeared at the top of his index finger from a tiny slice. I've cut myself worse shaving.
"Am I going to die?" he asked, eyes batting up at the ceiling so that he couldn't see his finger.
I give up with him. I didn't hold back the laugh the rumbled through my entire body. "You're so dramatic."
Max nudged my stomach, causing me to groan and cease my laughter. "Don't be mean - it really hurts."
Holding my lips together to keep it all in, I gave his other hand a gentle squeeze before heading to find the first aid kit. If Max wanted to act like a child, I was going to treat him as such. I knew Sof had some medical items in her cupboard and so went looking. My hands grazed over the smooth boxes of regular, fabric plasters, eventually settling on a small box tucked in between a bottle of rubbing alcohol and the back of the cupboard - Spider-Man plasters.
"Come here, my darling," I beckoned to Max, my arms open for a hug which he gladly stepped into as he cradled his finger. Firstly, I pulled some kitchen roll from the holder and used the paper to dry his finger. I used my soothing voice as he hissed in pain. Maintaining a serious expression was incredibly difficult. Unwrapping the plaster was quite difficult, however I eventually managed to wrap it securely around the top of the injured finger. To finish it all off, I pressed a kiss against the smooth plastic. "Better?"
"Better." Max had a goofy grin on his lips. "You're going to be an amazing mum."
"These kids will be a piece of cake compared to you, Verstappen. I think I'm going to have to look after you more than I will them."
"Probably," he agreed, pressing a kiss to my head. "Thank you for making my finger all better."
"It's okay," I replied, "although now I get full control over the naming of our kids." Max's smile dropped. "Sharpay and Ryan?"
"They're both girls, Alyssa."
"Ryan can be a girls name; names don't have genders."
"Alyssa - no."
"You're boring," I said with a roll of my eyes. A defeated sigh left Max's lips, and his arms wrapped loosely around my waist when I turned my back on him. It was a little sore, but I didn't want to flinch and make him worry. Knowing Max, he'd ring up Toto and anyone else who needed to know personally just to argue my case that I shouldn't race. It'll be the only way he'll take the championship lead from me.
Max gently kissed my cheek and rested his chin on my good shoulder. "You know, I haven't gotten the name Ophelia out of my head ever since you spoke about your yiayia."
"Ophelia Verstappen." I found myself smiling as I said the name.
"Ophelia Archer-Verstappen," he corrected. My heart fluttered. "Unless you don't want that, which I would completely understand beca-"
"No, no," I interrupted, turning to face him with a smile. I pressed a soft kiss against his lips, my stomach doing flips when I felt him smile into it. "I said we're in this together - so we're in this together."
To my surprise, Max started to sway me whilst mumbling the lyrics to 'We're all in this together' from High School Musical. Maybe I can warm him up to the name Sharpay after all. I chuckled, leaning into the embrace. His body was warm and comforting. He is my home, my safety, my rock. We have had as much drama as Troy and Gabriella, if not more, but we're still here standing strong. Some people wouldn't have stayed like I have, and I respect that, but I'm not going to walk away when things get tough. I'd do anything to make the ones I love feel loved.
"As much as I would love to stay like this forever, your mum is going to be back soon and it would be pretty embarrassing if we don't have her dinner made."
"I'd much rather stay like this."
"You'd rather stay this close to my bruises?" I asked, leaning back to raise an eyebrow at him. His eyes widened slightly before dropping to my shoulder. As his nose scrunched up, a noise of disgust left his lips. He absolutely hated bruises, especially mine because they were black, blue, and purple, and looked exceptionally bad. It was funny to me, and worked like a charm in getting him to jump straight back to the chopping board. "If you can't handle bruises, you're going to have a fun time dealing with the many things that come out of babies when they arrive."
"I might just be conveniently busy when the time comes to change a diaper."
"For that comment, you can get all the dirty nappies, Verstappen." I poked a finger against his chest and gave him a fake smile. "Oh," I added, pressing a kiss against his cheek, "you can also deal with any chunder."
***
Sof was incredibly appreciative of the dinner Max and I (but mostly Max) cooked for her. It was a pleasant surprise when she walked through the front door after her shopping trip, with Victoria and her partner Tom in tow. I didn't let my eyes linger on Vic's growing stomach for too long, choosing to focus my energy on being a pleasant guest. The meal tasted delightful and I really felt like a part of the Verstappen family. Sharing stories and jokes around a dinner table was something I missed out on growing up, so you can bet that I'm going to enjoy these moments now.
"I can't believe I'm sitting with the twenty-twenty one world champion," Victoria said with a smile, raising her glass of water to her lips. She took a small sip before placing the delicate glass back onto the mat. Her eyes darted mischievously between me and Max, the glint showing her hope for a bit of dinner-debate.
Max nudged me with his knee underneath the table. "Yeah - me."
I couldn't help but roll my eyes at my boyfriend. He's a cocky little shit sometimes. "Please, you haven't lead the championship since Baku. If you do end up winning the championship, it'll probably be because of an issue on my car, or one of the back markers takes me out."
"Fingers crossed, eh?" Max's comment earned him a small smack around the back of his head from his mother. I love Sof.
"Don't wish her misfortune, I raised you better than that," she sternly told him, although you could tell that the tone was as light-hearted as the previous conversations. "I will be supporting you both equally, and will be proud of you both no matter what the outcome of the season."
"But I'm your son!" Max protested.
Sof shrugged her shoulders innocently as she met her son's eyes. "I like Alyssa more."
"Ha!" I childishly stuck my tongue out as Max started to protest, however his attempts were drowned out by the laughter around the table. When it eventually drowned out, I brought up a point. "You know, we shouldn't underestimate Charles for this championship."
"Leclerc?" Max scoffed. "Funny joke, Lys."
"She's got a point," Tom pointed out, his index finger and thumb pinching his chin. "He's not far behind you both. If Ferrari can get their act together with strategy and whatnot, then he might be in with a fighting chance, but that's a big 'if'," he finished, the corners of his mouth stretching to show an amused smile. Charles was certainly an underdog, and anyone would be silly to disagree. He's certainly more consistent than both Max and myself, although we did have the better results. Who's to say how the rest of the season will unfold. All it takes is a few DNFs and your championship hopes are pretty much over. I was keeping my fingers crossed in my favour.
"When I win the championship, I'm taking the number '1' as my own. Just to rub it in everyone's faces who said I'd only reach my dad's successes."
"Guess you'll be sticking with your current number for a while, then," I teased. "Seventy will always be the number for me. Just by winning the championship, I'll prove everything I need to."
"Well, if I don't win the championship, I hope you do."
I chuckled and leaned my head on his shoulder. "I should bloody well hope so, Verstappen!"
"I can just hear the post-season arguments now." Vic laughed. "In a way, it's lucky you're getting twins so you can dress them in your different teams. It'll be one way to tell them apart."
"How's the preparation coming along, by the way?" No. I felt my body tense, which was quite painful with the residual aches and bruises from my Spa crash. I didn't want to reveal to Sof that we were still pretty behind with the preparation, especially with the due date looking closer and closer with every week that passes. Although I had come to terms with the reality I was living and, in many ways, excited for the new challenges Max and I will share with each other, talking about it with anyone other than Max was quite difficult to me. I had no idea why.
Max cleared his throat. "Is winging it good preparation?"
Sof's eyes widened. "Max Emilian Verstappen! I-" she interrupted her sentence to mutter something under her breath in Dutch.
"A huge part of the discussion is where we're all going to live," I said in an attempt to save Max from his mother's increasingly stern gaze. "We should probably start looking a house near both our team's bases for convenience. I don't think your house is big enough, Max, so a new place and a new start is something we could do with."
As Sof's face softened at my words, Max's visibly relaxed with relief. "That's actually a really smart plan."
"You sound surprised," I joked. "My house in Switzerland should be good for the off-season, too."
"Whilst they're still babies, they can share a room, or even share your room if needed, but you'll definitely need the space and a nice garden for when they start to walk," Sof spoke wisely with experience. I can't imagine how much of a task it must've been raising a child as rambunctious as Max. Secretly, I've been keeping my fingers crossed that the two girls have an easier personality. "Of course, I'll always be there to help out if you need it. A nanny might also be a good thing since you're both so focused on your careers and will be for the foreseeable future."
"Thank you. The girls will be lucky to have you as their grandma," I told her.
Sof smiled. "I waited years for a grandchild and then three will be coming along in the space of a year!" Her eyes flicked to Vic as mine fell to my empty dinner plate. Stop, Alyssa. Be happy.
"I can already tell they're all going to be super close," Vic gushed, unable to contain her excitement. "I'm glad you two are getting doing it first, though, so I can learn from any of the mistakes you make."
"Mistakes are a part of motherhood. It's how you learn from them which matters. I have every hit of faith that you'll all be wonderful parents," as she spoke, Sof looked at everyone around the table and gave them a warm and encouraging look. I glanced up at Max to find him looking at me, his eyes sparkling with an emotion I couldn't quite detect. Taking advantage of my face facing his, he leant down and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. As to not show to much affection in front of everyone, I took his hand under the table and laced our fingers together. With every comforting squeeze he gave it, I felt my nerves subside, however my guilty jealousy was still nagging in the back of my mind. I needed to fix that quickly - back to therapy I go.
***
"Alyssa!" Lauren's bright smile lit up the screen of my laptop. I matched her enthusiastic grin, immediately relaxing from my pre-video-call jitters I can never seem to shake, no matter how many times I use the function or who the call's with. My eyes flicked down to my face in the small window at the top of the screen. My hair was up in a ponytail and fell into my shoulders, obscuring the majority of the bruise on my shoulder which was previously exposed with my halter-neck top. "New scenery?"
"I'm at Max's mums at the moment," I replied. "He went home this morning with Murray and Lemon for work, but I'm staying here an extra day. Sof's doing some gardening while the weathers nice and so I can talk to you." With the window open, I could smell the freshly cut grass from where Sof had mown earlier. It unsettled my hay fever slightly, but the fresh air was incredibly refreshing and helped soothe my nerves.
"First of all, how're you feeling after Saturday? I was watching it live and... gosh, the safety in your sport really has come a long way and I'm very pleased with that."
"Still achey," I replied, scrunching up my nose as I rubbed the bruise on my shoulder, "and even though the race didn't end the way I wanted it to, I'm glad I still took part and didn't let myself feel fear. I'm actually pretty proud of how I handled it, I won't lie."
"I take it you and Max's mum get on well? I mean, you must do if you're staying with her without Max," she added with a smile.
"Yeah, we do," I said honestly. My heart swelled with happiness just talking about it. You hear all these horror stories about in-laws and, even though Max and I aren't married, she certainly went against the stereotype. "I'm incredibly grateful that she doesn't have any hard feelings towards me given my history with Max. She treats me as well as her own daughter. We're actually going to lunch later, just the two of us. Because she used to race, we have a lot in common. She gets me, and I get her."
"That sounds lovely - genuinely. I'm pleased to hear you have such a good relationship. So, what did you want to speak to me about? Your text seemed pretty urgent."
I adjusted how I was sat to Max's desk, wheeling the chair slightly closer so I could rest my elbows against the wooden surface. I was still staying in his room which hadn't changed much since he started his formula one career. "Do you remember, I think it was a couple of months ago now, shortly after we started our sessions, I, uh, mentioned some feelings..."
"You've had a lot of feelings, darling. I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific here."
I chuckled softly. "Very true. Um, it was the horrible feelings I couldn't quite describe when my friends announced pregnancies. I've been trying so, so hard to get over them, pushing them to the back of my mind to try and ignore them, but they just keep coming back. It's not fair on them, I know. It's like my rational mind and emotions are at war and the latter is winning. Every time I look at Vic's stomach, or Cate's... it makes me feel like such a bad person."
Lauren pulled her lips to the side. "I'm really sorry to hear that."
"Can you give any more advice? I thought with my meds starting to work that these things would just go away."
"Your feelings are valid, and don't let anyone try and convince you otherwise, including yourself." Her voice was kind as she spoke. I couldn't keep my eyes fixed on the screen, constantly feeling the urge to look at my fingers as they fumbled together. "Unfortunately, anti-depressants aren't a be-all and end-all kinda thing. You said you were pushing the feelings to the back of your mind?" I nodded my head in confirmation. "Maybe it could do you some good to talk about these feelings with the people you're feeling them about."
Immediately, I shook my head. "The last thing they need is to feel bad because of something that isn't their fault."
"Maybe you could use that piece of thinking for yourself?" Lauren suggested.
"I-" I bit my lips together.
Noticing my hesitation, Lauren spoke up again. "Your feelings are not your fault, Alyssa. In saying that, it might be beneficial for you to try and train your mind into turning those negative thoughts into positive ones."
"What do you mean?"
"So, whenever you start to think badly about them and their pregnancies, try and focus on something positive that comes out of it. Instead of saying 'I wish I could do that', start thinking 'I'm glad they can'. You can't control your first thought, but you can control your second. It's the thought that follows that matters more and is more defining of a person's character. Having a bad thought doesn't make you a bad person, and things will get easier the more you listen to the positive thought afterwards. Soon enough, your second thoughts will become your first. I know this a difficult subject to deal with, especially when you're so young and given your current circumstances with Zara and the twins," her smile was sad, and I know that if this were an in-person consultation, she'd be reaching across the coffee table to take my hand. "If you don't think you can confide in your friends, I know Max will be there to talk you through things, as will I."
"Thank you... that's actually really helpful," I replied. "Hey, maybe you should be a therapist or something."
Lauren let out a small laugh. "Hm, maybe. I'll let you know how it works out."
~***~
*not edited*
gonna be taking some steps back and have a few drama-free chapters. although just because there's no drama, doesn't mean that they'll be boring.
i'm bringing back some much loved characters in the next chapter - any guesses who? i've certainly missed them, and it will make for some wholesome content.
i'm sure you can guess that a break in drama means that there's something big coming up. ohhhh boyyyy - it's going to be good. yeah, i'm biased bc i'm writing it and i have a huge ego, but it's genuinely making me excited. you should know by now i love a good mystery.
a few chapters ago (???) i mentioned re-writing this series as something else - well, i'm slowly starting to post! it's pretty much the same concept as this book however with a completely unique list of fictional characters. it's not everyone's cup of tea, i get that, but one day i would love to walk into a book store and see my story on the shelf. unfortunately, this fan fiction is a little too embarrassing with the real life people aha. although similar, it still will be its own story, with varying plot points and love interests. everything is going to be more thought out and less impulsive, something that i think lets this series down. please do give it a go, add it to your libraries and show it some support. it means a lot <3 let me know what you think of the face claims!
recently on tiktok i stumbled upon a video of recommended f1 fanfics and literally cried when i saw that people are out there recommending my stories to others. even in comment sections of other recommendation videos, your support doesn't go unnoticed and i thank each and every one of you who has loved this series to suggest it to others.
if you found this story via a tiktok recommendation, hi! you're the reason for my smile rn.
in the process of moving house which is why this chapter took a while. i don't have wifi until the 1st if august so no promises the wait for the next won't be as long, but i'm trying to write in my notes just so you're not waiting.
** promote your own stories in the comments here so people have something to read with my shitty uploading schedule! **
qotc: how many stuffed animals/teddy bears do you have on your bed right now?
aotc: three: a yellow bear my best friend won me at a fair, a dog that looks identical to my childhood dog ben which is literally as old as i am, and a build-a-bear frog named aj tracey, i am twenty-one and have no shame in it.