A/N: Okay, so before we even start this one, let me say I realize exactly how ridiculous Noah's college dorm room is in the movie. But come on, this is a work of fiction, and it makes for much better visuals, so I'm sticking with it. Let's all live a little (vicariously) and imagine that Noah's ensconced in one of those leather chairs with a crackling fire in the background, shall we?
Moving into my dorm doesn't take long, even with the extra suitcase full of towels and bedding and other useful things Mom made me bring. Thankfully, I'm in a single room like the one I saw during the campus tour with Dad, with my own bathroom, just sharing a common living area with three other guys. Steve and I have our rooms on one side of the living room, Blaine and Eli on the other side. My back is thankful that I have a decent-sized bed, because I can't imagine what trying to contort myself onto a twin bed every night would have been like. I haven't slept in one of those since middle school.
I've enrolled in all my courses for this term and they're kind of scattered across the board of arts and sciences. My academic advisor recommended going broad with my subject selection this year to give me a better chance of finding an area of specialization next year, or to set myself up for law if that's what I decide to do, since apparently a wide range of study is preferred for that. I mean, it's going to be interesting, but there's definitely some subjects I'm not familiar with at all - like Latin Literature, for example. But, that's kind of the point, right?
Football training is intense, but at least it gives me something to do every day in the lead up to classes starting. I'm definitely glad I pushed myself to keep my fitness up over summer, though. I caught up with the guy I met during orientation, Boyle, and we've been to a couple of parties together. He seems to be that guy who always knows where and when a party is happening and always scores an invite. The Tuppen-clone, Hunter, seems to be staying out of my way for the moment, which is just fine with me. And, I've managed to avoid any run-ins with anyone else... just.
Things with Elle are okay, I suppose. It's kind of hard sometimes with the time difference to catch each other at night, and I'm usually at practice by the time she's awake in the morning. I know she's been back at the beach house with Lee, which is good. I just hope he isn't ignoring her completely when Rachel's around. When I do manage to catch her on the phone, she sounds kind of distracted and busy, which I guess is a good thing.
Trying my luck again, I FaceTime Elle, unable to stop my grin when she appears on my screen, and I notice she's sitting in my room at the beach house.
"Hey you," she smiles.
"Hey yourself."
"What've you been up to today?"
"Just the usual. Training, trying to find my way around campus. So, what have you guys been doing at the beach house?"
"Um, I don't know, the usual. Beach, pool, etc. Oh! I nearly got taken out by a frisbee today," Elle laughs.
"What do you mean?" I chuckle. "You never play frisbee."
"No, I wasn't playing, I was watching. Some guys were playing ultimate frisbee down the beach, so we hung out and watched for a bit. It was pretty cool, until I had to duck or risk being decapitated."
"Elle," I shake my head at her through the screen. "You are the only person I know who's clumsy enough to get injured just watching other people play games."
"Hey! It wasn't my fault! The guy was way off course with his throw."
"Sure, sure," I grin. "So what else is going on?"
"Umm," Elle taps her chin in thought. "Well, I gave in and started working on my college admissions essay."
"Oh yeah? What topic do you have?"
"Ugh, it's so stupid. 'Where will I be in five years?' As if seventeen year old's have five year plans."
"Yeah, that does sound kind of stupid. Do you have any ideas about what you want to do?"
"I don't know, it's kind of hard thinking about the future right now. I'm just trying to make it to the end of summer and then through senior year."
"Elle..."
"I know, I know. I'm working on it, it's just hard to focus. Oh!" Elle suddenly brightens. "Did I tell you that Lee and I started a podcast?"
"You what?"
"Yeah, we started this really cool podcast about video games. We called it 'Game On', which I thought of, and we, like, review games. Old ones, new ones, what they're about, whether they're single or multiplayer, we give them a rating, and like, hints on how to play them, you know?"
"Uh huh. Sounds like fun."
"It's so fun!" Elle enthuses. "Plus, we've already got a heap of subscribers, and... I don't know, I guess it's something that Lee and I can do, together."
Why do I get the feeling like they haven't been spending much time together, by the way Elle says that? He promised me he wouldn't neglect her, but now I'm wondering if he might need a reminder. But before I call him up and blast him for being a shitty friend, I should probably find out how bad it is first.
"Has Lee been spending all his time with Rachel again?"
"Um, no, it's fine. We've all been hanging out at the beach and stuff, like with some of the guys and other people from school..." Elle trails off and I'm about to speak, when she seems to remember something that makes her burst out laughing. "Oh! I have to tell you that story! There was a big group of us from school at the beach the day before yesterday, even the OMG's were there and, like, they were all ogling Lee, since somehow he's gotten buff over the summer or whatever. And anyway, he was coming out of the water, like running up the sand, but then he got caught by a wave and fully faceplanted! It was hilarious! I swear, he's lucky he found Rachel, because after that epic fail he'd have no chance with any other girl."
I snort with laughter at the mental image of Lee embarrassing himself in front of what sounds like half the school. "That's my brother. So, he and Rachel are good, though?"
"Oh, yeah, definitely. He's like fallen completely in love with her. It's kind of sweet, but also a little bit gross at the same time."
"I can imagine."
"So what are you up to? How's everything going? When do you find out about football?"
"Jeez, Shelly, slow down with the questions already," I smirk. "We're still training right now. Tryouts officially start at the end of this week. It's already really competitive though, even just at training."
"Yeah, but you're amazing," Elle smiles proudly. "I'm sure you'll make the team."
"Thanks, Shell. I hope so."
"Of course you will. When do you start your classes?"
"Ah, well, not for like another week and a half. I've enrolled in everything, though. But I need to go get all the books on my reading lists." I groan just thinking about how many books are on those lists.
"Please," Elle rolls her eyes at me. "Knowing you, you'll probably have them all read by the end of the first week anyway."
"Yeah, sure." Glancing at the printed list of books on my desk, I'm the furthest thing from sure. "So, what are you doing tonight?"
"Um, just gonna hang out with Lee and Rachel. We're having a movie night. Classics from the eighties."
"Sounds like fun."
"Yeah. What about you, what are you gonna do?"
"Ah, well, there's a party some of the guys from football are going to, so I guess I'll go to that in a bit."
I catch the hint of a frown on Elle's face before it disappears, and her tone is a little off when she replies.
"Oh, cool. I guess I should let you go then. You probably have to get ready and stuff."
"Yeah, I guess I should. You know that I love you, right?"
"Yeah, I know. I love you, too."
"Talk to you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, okay. Bye," Elle waves at the camera and I barely have time to say goodbye before the screen goes blank.
Sighing, I put my phone down and lean back in my chair. All I said was I was going to a party...
Except, it isn't just that one party. There seems to be one (or more) on pretty much every night before classes start, and for want of anything better to do, I end up going out most nights. It doesn't help that it seems to be getting harder and harder to reach Elle. Her text messages have become less frequent over the last week or so, and a whole lot shorter, too. Mostly, they're just one or two word responses to whatever I've sent her. I don't know what's up with her, maybe she's just busy in the lead up to starting school again. But I miss her.
I know Elle's been babysitting Brad a fair bit since his soccer camp ended, and last time we actually spoke on the phone, she'd taken him to the arcade to teach him how to play that stupid dance game she and Lee usually always do. I still have some questions about whether Lee is holding up his end of the bargain, but in the end, there's not much I can do about it from here. I'm a little relieved when Elle texts me to apologize for missing my phone call yesterday, saying she'd been hiking with Lee and Rachel. Maybe I'm just worrying about nothing, after all.
I do end up making the team, another small wave of relief washing over me when I see my name up on the list. I'll be reserving for the starting QB, but that's as much as I could hope for being a freshman anyway. Of course, now that means I'll have training a few times a week and games most weekends. With that on top of my class schedule, I'm starting to feel swamped already.
The first week of classes is a whirlwind. I'm kicking myself for not getting all my books sooner, for not making a real effort to get started on the reading in advance. Looking around my Lit class, I feel a rush of panic. Everyone seems so on top of the subject already, while I'm just feeling lost. It's so strange to sit in lectures filled with a hundred other students and not know any of them. Even walking around campus, I can go a whole day without seeing a single face I recognize. I never appreciated how much comfort there was in the familiar, safe, bubble that was high school.
All I'd wanted to do was get out of there, to see and experience something new. Thinking Harvard was going to be bigger, better, and more interesting, than the small box I thought I'd outgrown. And I guess that's true. The problem is, I'm still me. I thought somehow that I'd be different here, that I'd immediately grow to fit this place. Instead, it feels too big for me. I feel like an imposter. Like a little kid trying to wear adult's clothes.
I try to reach Elle again the Sunday before her first day of school, with no luck. So, in what has become our usual form of communication now, I text her.
Me: Hey, hope you're all set for tomorrow. Good luck on your last first day. ❤️ N
And, like normal, I don't get a reply right away. In fact, I give up waiting and go to bed. When I wake up the next morning, there's a message there, and I quickly unlock my phone to read it.
Elle: Take Care
Take care? What the hell kind of message is that? I don't have time to dwell on it just then, I've got to get ready for class. But all morning long, all I can think about is that text. When I get out of my second lecture, I know she'll be at school, in homeroom, so I text her back.
Me: Hey, what up?
Watching my phone, I see when it changes from delivered to read. And then...nothing. No little dots. Just 'read'. Elle left me on read. Running my hand through my hair, I wonder if she just got busy, being first day back and all. After grabbing some lunch, I head to my next class, checking my phone way too often. Still no reply. By this time, it's after lunch, west coast time. Surely she would have had time at lunch to respond, right? Maybe she forgot in all the excitement of catching up with everyone. That has to be it, right? I text her again.
Me: What's up? You there????
Delivered. Read. No response.
Elle's ignoring me. So, I do the only thing I can think of in that moment. I dial the school's landline number.
"Good afternoon, Country Day High, how may I direct your call?" the overly chipper receptionist answers.
What do I say? I start to panic, blurting out the first thing I can think of to get Elle on the phone.
"Umm, yes, this is Mike Evans, Elle Evans' father. May I speak with her please? It's urgent."
Did I really just say I was Elle's dad? I cringe inwardly.
"Oh, sure, yes, Mr Evans. Just let me put you on hold and we'll track her down for you. Just a minute, please."
"Thank you."
It's a few minutes before I hear the phone on the other end connect.
"Hello?" Elle's voice sounds a little breathless, like she rushed out of class, and I feel a stab of regret about worrying her. But I need to know.
"Hey, what's going on with you?"
"What?" the surprise is obvious in her voice now. "Uh... What? What do you mean, Dad?"
"Why aren't you texting me back?"
"Well... what?! Um... oh, my God!" Elle's acting shocked now, clearly she has an audience in the office. "That's horrible, horrible news about Aunt, um... Rose."
I hear someone talking in the background, and when Elle speaks again, it's not to me.
"No. Could I please have a moment in private?"
There's more background discussion, and then more of Elle acting.
"Just give me a second. I'm stepping into the office to take a second to process this." A door closes and then Elle's tone changes, turning accusatory. "Why are you pretending to be my dad?"
"It was the only way I could think to get you on the phone."
"Oh, that is not true," she denies. Like she hasn't ignored me all day. And most of the last week, for that matter.
"No, it is true. You barely call, and when you text, you send these weird two-word text messages - like, you know, 'Take care,' 'Talk soon'."
Elle sighs heavily and I have a sudden sinking feeling. I stop walking, moving off to the side of the path and leaning on a brick pillar for support. My brain can only come up with one reason why she'd be ignoring me...
"Are you breaking up with me?"
"What?" she says quickly. "No, no, no, no! The opposite."
"Then what? Why? Why are you ignoring me?"
Elle sounds so unsure when she replies. "I... I don't know, I... I guess I'm just... I'm trying to be mature and not come off like some clingy girlfriend."
It's my turn to sigh. "Elle, I told you that I want to make this work."
"I know, but people always say that when they leave. I just wanted to give you space so that you could figure out if this is really what you want."
"Space?" I shake my head. "Space. I dont - I don't want space. Space is not what I want, I told you. I don't want space. I want you. I, I want you around me all the time. I want you with me right now, actually. I just - I just want you, okay?
What I wouldn't give to have Elle here. Everything was better with Elle. It pains me to think that she thought even for a second that I didn't want to be with her anymore. But she chuckles lightly as I keep talking.
"Text me, call me, send me a messenger pigeon, whatever it is, okay?"
She's laughing now, and I can't help but laugh with her.
"Whatever it is, just don't give me space, okay?"
"Okay," she agrees, and I feel lighter than I have in a long time.
"Okay," I smile. "I guess I should probably let you get back to class. Just know that I don't want to, okay?"
"Okay. Yeah. I should probably go."
"Elle?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Call me later, okay?"
"I will. Bye."
"Bye."
Putting my phone in my pocket, I've barely walked a block before I realize that I miss her again already. Like a dull ache in my chest, the pain of missing Elle is back.