"Blond ambition tour!" Cristina yelled for the second time, motioning angrily towards her clueless boyfriend as his nonchalant attitude clashed with her competitive nature. "Vogue!" She exclaimed when Burke's face did not light up with recognition. "She's blond...and ambitious with the tour and the vogue-ing and the-" She cut herself off when his attention began to waver from her as their onlookers laughed. "Look at me." She demanded before continuing. "Cones, cones, blond ambition boob cones...and...and...Sean Penn!"
"And that's time," George called with a laugh, causing Cristina to collapse onto her seat, her head held in her hands in shame. Cristina Yang was not used to losing. "That would be zero points for Madonna."
"Oh," Burke said. "Madonna, right."
Cristina made an in-descript noise, her face still hidden behind her hands.
Meredith laughed along with everyone else as she leaned against Derek, savouring the closeness of their position on the large stuffed chair in Cristina and Burke's living room. She had been apprehensive when Derek had come to her the day before and told her Burke had invited them to a games night. But she couldn't say she wasn't having fun.
George and Callie definitely seemed to be on the same wavelength about so many things related to successful games night strategy. But she and Derek were holding their own. And Cristina and Burke...not so much. Cristina's hypercompetitive nature was preventing her from having any fun as she and Burke consistently scored the fewest points round after round after round.
"Okay," George was mumbling as he glanced downward at the pad of paper in his hands. "After a quick tally, Callie and I are in the lead...as expected," he added with a triumphant smirk. "Mer and Shepherd are in second. And then way down in the point category...we have Preston and Cristina...in last."
"Shut up," Cristina grumbled, finally lifting her head. "Just...shut up."
"Hey, Cris," Meredith prompted, "Tell me, what's another term for last?" Derek broke into another round of laughter beside her and it was all she could do not to join him.
Her best friend glared at her. "You shut up too."
"I think the word you're looking for is losing," George supplied, not missing a beat.
"I don't lose," Cristina said quickly.
Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Really? Cause it looks like you are right now..."
"Well...games night is stupid. This whole thing is stupid. It doesn't count."
"Count towards what?"
Cristina glared at her again. "Life. It doesn't count towards life. I was first in my class at Berkeley; that counts towards life. I will beat all of you in our intern exam in three months; that will count. Games night? That doesn't count."
Meredith rolled her eyes. Games night may not count towards the tally where your success can be calculated by education achieved, career choices and performance ratings; the tally her best friend values above all others. But games night counted towards life; at least in her eyes. Meredith had never gone to a games night before. Meredith had never even gone out with Derek to be with other people before. She and Derek barely got any time to go out just the two of them. So, games night meant something to her, because it didn't count towards the big scorecard; it meant she was doing something fun, and extra and new. And she was having fun. She and Derek were having fun together. And that was pretty cool.
"Okay..." Preston said carefully, eyeing his stewing girlfriend. "Why don't we move on to something else?"
000
George didn't know how these things happened to him. He was a good person. He was nice to everyone. He did well in school, and he never had a bad thing to say about anyone. And yet...somehow George was stuck working with his roommate's - and one of his best friend's who he'd recently had a crush on - boyfriend's ex-wife on a patient that apparently was said roommate's half sister. And George was certain that Meredith knew nothing about this half-sister, and the soon-to-be half-niece. Or the stepmother. George didn't even know if Meredith knew her father still lived in Seattle. Early in their residency, he, Meredith and Izzy had been eating dinner together on one of the first nights they had lived together, and family had come up. He had grown up with happy parents and two, annoying, older brothers. Izzy had only ever known her mother. Meredith had been an only child, and her parents had divorced when she was five. She had never seen her father again. That was it. Meredith had never mentioned any more.
He sighed, lost in his thoughts as he stormed across the catwalk, on his way to radiology to pick up Molly Thompson's MRI results. He had wasted enough time skulking around the hospital, trying to determine a course of action. As one of her best friends, George knew he couldn't not tell Meredith. But he had been unable to find her; and he wasn't sure if he was frustrated with that, or thankful.
"Hey," his boss for the day called as he almost passed her on the catwalk. "Do you have Molly Thompson's MRI results?"
"I was just on my..." He stuttered, knowing it had been far too long.
Addison Montgomery shot him an incredulous look. "What the hell have you been doing then? When I assign you to a case of mine, I expect you to give it your complete and undivided attention," she continued without giving him a chance to respond. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't take you off this case?"
George swallowed hard, unsure of how much leeway he would be given, seeing as it concerned the one person in the hospital Addison Montgomery should have the least amount of sympathy for. "I, uh..." George sighed heavily. "Molly Thompson's maiden name is Grey. Her father is Thatcher Grey. Thatcher Grey is also Meredith's father, which means Molly and Meredith are sisters, but...I don't think Meredith even knows Molly exists..." He trailed off, unable to read Addison's expression.
"Are you sure?" She finally asked.
He nodded. "Yeah."
She looked about to say something, but closed her mouth and nodded. "Well, okay then. Go and get the results."
"Thanks," George said carefully, once again heading off for radiology.
It was two hours later that he finally found Meredith. She was on her way to the cafeteria for lunch, but he cut her off and dragged her into an empty on-call room.
"George," she prompted gently, her green eyes burning with curiosity.
George hesitated. She was happy. There was a spark in her eyes these days that hadn't been there when he had first met her, and it was growing brighter and brighter by the day. She was happy. And George knew that Shepherd was good for her; he made her happy. It was the reason he had finally given up his crush and vowed to move on. She deserved to be happy. But he was a good friend. He couldn't not tell her.
He sighed and motioned for her to sit down before seating himself next to her. "I, uh...How are you doing today?"
She raised an eyebrow, a gentle smirk playing along her lips. "You expect me to believe you dragged me in here to ask how my day has been going?" She laughed when failed to respond. "Fine, I can play along. My day's been going well, George. I had to listen to Cristina rant about losing last night, and got to gloat about beating her so that was fun. And Izzy and I have been working with Callie this morning, which is...interesting. I mean, I like Callie, but not ortho." She nodded. "Now you go. How has you day been going?"
He laughed at her attitude. "Stressful," he answered honestly. "Can I ask you something?"
She nodded.
"When was the last time you saw your father?"
Her face dropped noticeably at his words and she shook her head. "I don't want to talk about my father."
"I'm sorry." He said quickly. "It's just...I know you said your parents got divorced when you were five and-"
"George, where is this coming from?"
"It's just...I need to know if you know anything about him."
Meredith looked unsure, but she trusted him. "I know he still lives in Seattle," she finally admitted, her voice uncharacteristically flat.
"That's all?"
She nodded. "Look, the man wants nothing to do with me. I-" She cut herself off, her eyes suddenly taking on a look of suspicion. "Why?"
George knew he was caught. "Well...he's here."
She bit her lower lip, an obviously vulnerable expression. "He's here?"
"Yeah."
"Like...to see me?"
George's heart dropped at her hopeful tone. "No. I'm sorry."
Her face dropped and she averted her eyes as she blinked profusely. "Oh, I guess I thought maybe...maybe he was." She looked up, meeting his concerned gaze again. "I went to see him about six weeks ago. And he didn't exactly say much, so I thought maybe he..." She trailed off and shook her head.
George carefully reached for her hand, trying to belay his support. "I'm sorry, Mer. He did ask if you were working today, if that's any consolation."
"Why is he here?"
"Well...he's here with my patient..."
She narrowed her eyes. "And you're working with Addison today, right?"
He nodded.
"So, the patient is...his wife? Girlfriend?"
George sighed, knowing what he was about to tell her could break her. "No. It's his daughter..."
000
Meredith didn't know what she was feeling. She didn't even know how one was supposed to feel when one was told that one's father who hadn't wanted anything to do with her was in her hospital with his new wife and grown up daughter. George hadn't been able to give Meredith any information regarding Molly Thompson, as being one of her doctors meant he couldn't release any. So Meredith was stuck stalking the open door of her room, catching glances of the younger woman. Not even the threat of Derek's ex-wife was deterring her at this point.
She paced back and forth, ready to make a run for it if Thatcher Grey appeared, or his wife; not that Meredith would have any warning as she didn't know what the woman looked like. Molly Thompson did look like her, she had to admit. Other than the fact that she was seven months pregnant, she was relatively petite. And their hair had a very similar shade. Maybe Thatcher's hair had been the same before it had greyed, she mused, not that she could remember.
Meredith was almost twenty-nine years old. Thatcher had left a month before her fifth birthday. That was almost twenty-four years ago. So, assuming Thatcher had not been having an affair, the girl in the room before her that shared so many of her features could not be older than twenty-three. Meredith sighed as she bit her lips, making another pass at the doorway. This was definitely not what she had planned on doing with her afternoon; but she couldn't manage to tear herself from the door.
The red-headed doctor by the patient's bedside turned suddenly, and Meredith's eyes widened as she realized she had been caught. She took a step back but was motioned into the room. She tentatively took a few steps forward, her eyes doing their best to keep their focus away from the patient lying in the bed. Because right now, she was just a patient. Meredith couldn't handle her being any more than just a patient.
She reluctantly met Addison's gaze and was surprised to find understanding and sympathy where she normally found pain and regret. The older surgeon even went so far as to offer a supportive smile before turning back to the patient.
"Molly, this is doctor...this is Meredith," she corrected easily. She's going to be checking your vitals."
Meredith sucked in a breath as she was passed the chart and left alone with the patient.
"Hi," Meredith managed to say, offering a small, hopefully professional, smile, trying to pretend this really was just another patient.
"Hey," the patient responded politely, offering her a nod.
"Do you mind if I..." Meredith held out the blood pressure cuff. It would give her a couple minutes and she'd have an excuse to leave when it was finished if she wanted.
"Oh, no," the patient responded with a small laugh. "I'm getting used to being poked and prodded."
Meredith smiled and nodded. Silence reigned as the cuff began to constrict on its own. She hesitated, searching for something to say to gain even a smidgen of insight into the patient's life. Her eyes caught of the patient's left hand. "That's a pretty ring."
"Oh, thanks, it was my grandma's...and then my mom's..." she paused, looking up at Meredith. "You think I'm too young to be married."
"Oh, no, I don't," Meredith stuttered, ignoring the small slam to her ego that her apparent half sister at a maximum age of twenty-three had far surpassed the level Meredith was just now thinking herself capable of reaching.
"It's okay; everybody thinks I'm too young. If I saw me, I'd think I was too young."
"H-how old are you?" Meredith asked cautiously.
"Twenty-two. Eric's twenty-three. He's in the army and he was getting shipped out...and I just love him so much, you know?" Molly offered with a small shrug and a simple smile. "Anyway," she continued. "I proposed."
Meredith took a breath. She was almost twenty-nine, and she had only recently asked Derek to move in with her. And even though she knew they were headed towards the whole marriage thing, she knew she wouldn't be able to handle it yet. It had taken her almost twenty-nine years to be able to move in with a man. Hell, it had taken her almost twenty-nine years to say 'I love you' to a man. And Molly had just demonstrated how easily she could say it, and she was only twenty-two. Although, Meredith was certain Molly had been told she was loved by her parents, her perfect mother and her present father. Meredith certainly hadn't been. The only person ever to utter those words to her had been Derek.
The monitor beeped once, announcing the blood pressure reading was complete. Meredith noted the new reading and removed the cuff. She could make a run for it whenever she wanted now. But she was desperate for more information. What were her parents like? What was Thatcher like as a father? Did Molly even know about Meredith?
"And your parents," Meredith brought up the topic carefully. "They approve?"
Molly smiled warmly. "Oh, my parents are amazing," she said without hesitation. "And you know how dads can be..."
Meredith nodded along, even though she had no idea.
"Mine's pretty overprotective," Molly continued. "But...at my wedding, when he gave me away, my dad cried. I mean, I'd never seen my dad cry before. But I think it was kind of weird for him, because I'm like...his little girl..."
Meredith swallowed a lump in her throat. She had been Thatcher Grey's little girl once upon a time. She had been young, and her memories were foggy, but she could remember a time before her father had left. She could remember a time where she had been certain her father would always be there. Maybe that was the difference between her and the woman in the bed. Molly's beliefs hadn't been crushed yet. Meredith's had been crushed twenty-four years ago. She could remember the airplane ride to Boston with her mother; her first. She could remember landing with the belief that her father would be there waiting for them. And then she could remember the belief that her father would come and see her. He had promised. And she could remember writing to Santa months later, asking for her father back. Ellis had found the letter and had broken to her five and a half year old daughter that Santa Clause, along with the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy, and happily ever afters, did not exist.
Molly sighed and continued. "I'm the youngest, and my sister is nowhere near ready for marriage."
Meredith felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Two daughters. Thatcher had two other daughters. She wished she had left when the blood pressure had completed. Hell, she wished she had never come to stalk the room. She didn't need to be hearing it. But there was that deep, dark little place inside her that was desperate for more information. So she stayed.
"...But it was good crying, like he was proud of me." Molly finished with a smile. "I'm sorry," she said quickly as she took in Meredith's less than enthused expression. "I'm just nervous...so I'm talking..."
"It's okay," Meredith said quickly, trying to steer the conversation back. "So, you have a sister?" She hated that for one small fraction of a moment she hoped Molly was talking about her, no matter how irrational it was.
"Lexie," Molly supplied. "She's in medical school; Harvard. She's the smart one. You should see how my dad is about her. He's like crazy proud."
Meredith sucked in a breath. She had gone to medical school; but no one had been proud of her. "Well, I'm going to go." She couldn't stay in this room any longer. It was sucking the happiness out of the life she was creating for herself. And she had waited too long to lose everything like this. It may not be much to bright and shiny Molly Thompson, who was happily married and pregnant at twenty-two, but to Meredith, her recent life choices meant everything.
"Meredith?" Molly spoke up, meeting her eyes. "Do you think my baby's going to be okay?" There was more than a hint of vulnerability in her tone, but it was coupled with something Meredith couldn't quite pinpoint. Strength, maybe. The knowledge that she had a family of supporters behind her. The belief that things would turn out okay.
"I hope so," Meredith told her honestly.
"Me too."
"Okay," Meredith mumbled, nodding as she hesitated, wondering how to make her exit. She nodded again at Molly and chose to simply turn away, disconcerted that somewhere in the few minutes she had spent with the girl, the patient had become Molly in her head.
She breathed a sigh of relief when she re-entered the hallway, completely uncertain as to which emotion she was feeling the strongest. There were so many to choose from. Anger. Pain. Astonishment. Vulnerability.
"Hey," Addison called, stepping out of a patient room beside her. "How did it go?"
Meredith stopped dead. "Excuse me?"
"O'Malley told me about your father. How did it go, with your sister?"
She found herself shaking her head before she finished processing the question. "She's not my sister."
Addison hesitated. "And yet, you were hovering in the doorway of her room."
"I was just..." Meredith trailed off. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was doing. It won't happen again." She made to leave, but Addison stopped her.
"That's not what I meant at all. I understand what you were doing. I can't imagine having something like that sprung on me out of the blue."
Meredith took a breath, forcing herself to get off the defensive. She met Addison's eyes. The woman looked honestly sympathetic. She nodded an awkward acknowledgment and shrugged. "Thank-you," she said tersely, not wanting to come off weak to the woman who still loomed in her thoughts and fears at times. "I wasn't trying to hover; I just wanted...I needed...to...know..."
Addison nodded. "I understand. I would have done the exact same thing." She offered Meredith a small smile.
Meredith hesitantly returned the smile, wondering why Addison was being so nice to her.
"I can put you on the case, if you'd like?"
She quickly shook her head. "Thank-you, Dr. Montgomery, but I really don't need to work with Molly."
Addison sighed and stepped a bit closer. "Because of me, or because of Molly?"
"I'm sorry?"
"It's just..." Addison trailed off, showing an uncharacteristic amount of uncertainty. "I know you and I didn't exactly get off to a good start. And I don't expect us to be friends or anything, but...Derek and I were married for eleven years. I will always care about him. And I want him to be happy. And he's happy now; with you. I saw it...after the bomb, I saw it, how happy he is. I can't make him as happy as he deserves, but you can. So, I don't want us to avoid each other anymore. It is my responsibility to teach you, and I haven't been living up to that so far this year. So, for the rest of your internship, I'd like you to come to me if you're ever interested in a case. And I'm extending that invitation for this case."
Meredith paused, letting Addison words sink in. The speech sounded suspiciously rehearsed, like Addison had been working on it for some time. It had been two months since the bomb had gone off. "I don't want to be on this case," Meredith repeated, and continued before Addison could speak again. "But...thanks, and I will think about what you said."
"Good." Addison nodded. "I'm glad to hear it. And Meredith? Just because he has another daughter doesn't mean-"
"Two daughters," Meredith said, cutting her off. "He has two other daughters. And a wife. And a bright and shiny family. And I..." She shook her head. "He doesn't want anything to do with me."
"I'm sorry," Addison offered before she turned away to head down the hall.
Meredith nodded. "I'm sorry too," she mumbled to herself, once more overwhelmed with the frustrating array of emotions. Anger. She was definitely going to start out with anger.
000
Derek enjoyed being a surgeon. He enjoyed saving lives. He enjoyed making people's lives better. And he enjoyed the challenges inherent in working in his field. But Derek wasn't sure if he had ever had as much fun in the OR as he had that day. His favourite resident, Miranda Bailey, had demanded she act as his intern in the tumour resection of his young patient, a desperate attempt to get in on a surgery to prove to the chief that she wasn't about to put up with being mommy-tracked. He hadn't expected his young patient to be in training for the national spelling bee, but had immensely enjoyed the two hours he and his surgical team had spent throwing words at the kid. And he was now determined to find out when the national spelling bee was being aired. He had to see how well his patient did. Derek had faith in the kid; he hadn't missed a single word during the surgery.
He had already talked to his patient's overjoyed mother, and had steered her to the ICU room he would be kept in overnight once he was out of recovery. Bailey was on call that evening and would keep an eye on him, so Derek was free to go whenever he pleased. He didn't have anything else on his schedule for the day.
"Dr. Shepherd!"
He turned to catch sight of his new roommate hurrying down the hall towards him. A year ago, he would never have believed it if someone had told him he would be living across the country in a house with three other people who were almost a decade younger than him. But right now, he couldn't imagine a better way to be living his life. He knew that eventually he and Meredith would decide to move out on their own, but she had asked for him to wait until her internship was over for that conversation. And he had no problems with giving her that time. She only had three months left, and her focus needed to be on getting as much experience as she could.
"Dr. Stevens," he greeted professionally.
"Have you seen Meredith?"
He shook his head. "I just got out of surgery."
"Oh, well, you may want to find her. I think she's freaking out."
Derek furrowed his brow. "About what?"
"I have no idea. Callie and I were working together, and Meredith came in really pissed off and beat the crap put of a cast graph, which she left for me to clean up, by the way, so technically I'm mad at her about that..."
"Izzy," Derek prompted, trying to get her back on track.
"Sorry. Anyway, yeah, she was freaking out about something. And she just stormed out after. I have no idea where she went." She paused. "I'm kind of getting the idea she doesn't want to be found..."
Derek nodded. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll look for her." He said a quick goodbye and headed for his office. If Izzy couldn't find her, it meant Meredith was somewhere she couldn't look.
Once he stepped foot onto the office floor, he hurried down the hall and pushed open the door to his office, unsurprised to find it unlocked. Meredith looked up from his couch, her eyes dark and her face damp. She was sitting on the far end of the couch, her back pushed into the corner of the back and the arm rest, her knees pressed up against her chest, wrapped securely in her arms.
He sighed and shut the door behind him, leaving the light off. "Oh, Mer..." He stepped across the room and sat beside her, reaching his hand out to rest on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing along her clavicle. He tilted his head and offered her a small smile. "Okay, what did I miss?"
She allowed a slight laugh at his words. "You have no idea..."
He ran his hand up the side of her neck to cup her cheek, his fingers brushing though her hair. "You want to tell me about it? Izzy said you went one-on-one with a cast graph and the cast graph lost."
He was rewarded with a second small laugh. "Yeah..." She sighed and shifted her grip on her legs, freeing one hand to wrap around his, pulling it from her face to clutch against her chest, her fingers gripping tightly to his. "I found out why my father didn't want me."
Derek shifted closer, pressing up against her knees, waiting for her to let down her walls and let him in. He knew how sensitive a topic her family was. "Why?" He prompted quietly.
She sniffed, effectively fighting off a new batch of tears. It was no secret to either of them that she had already been crying. "He has a new family," she admitted. "Or, I guess not a new family, but newer than me. And better."
"Hey," he chastised gently. "That's not true."
"He wouldn't even invite me in off the porch," Meredith reminded him. "He was obviously trying to keep me away from them."
Derek felt his heart constrict and he squeezed her hand. "What happened today, Mer?"
She let out a frustrated scoff as two fat tears rolled down her face. "It's a stupid thing to be upset about now. It's just...why didn't I ever think about it? It makes sense... Why would he bother with the kid he had with the woman who cheated on him and moved across the country when he could have new kids with a new wife?"
"He has other kids?"
She nodded. "Two daughters; one of them is a patient. She twenty-two and she's married and seven months pregnant." She laughed. "And she's Addison's patient. George is working with her today, so I guess he recognized the name or whatever."
"Did you talk to Thatcher?"
Meredith shook her head quickly. "No. And I don't want to. But I...I talked to Molly, his...daughter. I couldn't help it. I had to at least see her, and then Addison caught me in the doorway, and she knew, so she invited me in and left me to check her vitals. And we talked..."
"Addison did that?" Derek asked, surprised.
"Yeah, she was surprisingly nice...about a lot of things, even though she should hate me."
Derek sighed. "She shouldn't hate you."
Meredith looked up, meeting his eyes. "I'd hate me, if I were her. The thought of..." She swallowed hard. "Just the thought of you with someone else..."
"Hey," he said gently, squeezing her hand and running his free hand up and down her shins, still waiting for her to open up to him. "That's not something you'll ever have to experience."
She nodded, but her dark expression betrayed the motion.
"You do know that, right?"
She averted her eyes. "I don't know."
Derek clicked his tongue, frustrated with how easily her faith in them could be kicked to the curb. "I love you; do you believe that?"
She met his eyes again and nodded, her green orbs filled with unshed tears. "But...what if that's not enough?"
He tilted his head. "I thought you and I were kind of clear that this was where we both wanted to be? You know, with the living together and the promises to never leave and the talking about the future?"
She breathed, deep and shuddery. "I know we say that, and trust me, Derek, I want to believe it more than anything, but..." She trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut. "I thought he loved me," she finally admitted, her eyes still closed. "And I knew he would never leave. I had all the faith in the world that my father loved me and would always be there. And I believed him when he promised to see me soon. And yet..." She trailed off again.
Derek squeezed her hand. "And yet, he left anyway," he supplied for her.
She nodded.
"Can you open your eyes?" He asked quietly. She did. He tenderly brushed away the few tears she hadn't managed to withhold. "Look," he began, meeting her eyes head on. "I have no idea how to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere other than to repeat it again and again. I love you, Meredith Grey. I love you more than I ever expected to love anyone. And I would drag you out to Vegas and marry you tomorrow if I thought it would help."
She cracked a smile at his words, and he felt his heart flutter. She was responding.
"I love you," he repeated. "And I can't make excuses for your father. He was a bastard to abandon you. And I hate what he's done to you. You shouldn't have to live in a world where you're always waiting for people to leave you. You should be able to trust that not everyone does that; that I'll never do that."
"She's twenty-two," she said quietly, gripping onto his hand, which was still clutched against her chest. "Molly, his daughter, she's twenty-two. And she told me about how her husband was getting shipped out, and she loved him so much, so she proposed to him..." She shook her head. "I'm seven years older than her, and I only started saying 'I love you' this year."
"So?"
She shrugged. "Sometimes I just feel like I won't be able to do it; that I'm not cut out to do the relationship thing. I don't have any experience. I don't have anything to base it on. I don't-"
"Hey," he cut her off. "Don't you think I'm the one who should be evaluating your ability to be in a relationship? I don't have any complaints. You're there for me. You make me feel good about myself, and us. You make me look forward to the future. You make me wake up every day with a smile on my face. You make me laugh. Mer, you make me happier than I ever was during eleven years of marriage."
She paused, contemplating his words. "How can you be so sure this is going to work?"
"Because it's already working," he responded easily. "I'm happy. And I'm usually pretty sure you're happy..."
Meredith stared at him for several moments, silently contemplating her response. Finally, she nodded slightly and released her knees from their captivity within her arm. "I am happy," she whispered as Derek didn't hesitate to pull closer to her.
He scooted into the space that had been blocked to him seconds before and wrapped his arms around her. "Good," he mumbled into her hair as she shuddered against him a few times before she regained control of her breathing.
"Thank-you," she said quietly. "Thank-you for being here for me. I...I don't think I could ever go back to life before you anymore..." She lifted her head and met his eyes, hints of a smile playing along her lips. "You've completely messed me up," she accused.
He laughed and shook his head before leaning forward for a short kiss. "Yeah, well...you've messed me up to."
She smiled. "It scares me sometimes," she admitted. "How much I feel for you...and how much I've come to depend on you. I..." she regarded him for several seconds before continuing, her voice much lower; much more vulnerable. "It would break me...if you left now. I mean, moving forward; the whole lifetime thing...that still scares the crap out of me sometimes. But the thought of living without you...that scares me more."
Derek nodded. "Me too."
She swallowed hard and her lips flattened into a thin line before she continued. "I don't like knowing that someone else has that kind of power over me. Because you have the power to...to..."
"To destroy you?" Derek offered quietly. He knew the feeling. He may not have felt quite the same about Addison, but she had almost destroyed him in one move.
Meredith met his gaze and nodded as an understanding passed between them. She acknowledged that he really did know what she was talking about; he understood what she was trying to express to him. "I love you, Derek," she said simply, "And I believe that you love me too, but..."
"But what," he prompted quietly.
She sighed. "But the people who were supposed to love me and always be there for me weren't..."
Derek tightened his grip on her and contemplated his words for a moment. "Your father was an ass for leaving," he told her. "And I know your mother wasn't exactly up for the best mom of the year award... But the thing with family, and I mean legal, blood family, is that you don't ever get to choose them. You just get who you get and sometimes they're awesome," he said, thinking of his own family back in New York. "And sometimes," he continued, offering her a small smile, "they're what you got."
She nodded sadly.
"But," he continued again, "There are two kinds of families. The family you are born with, and the family you choose for yourself later in life. And the family that you got stuck with sucked, Mer. And I'm sorry for that; that you didn't get love and support from them. But, and you just have to trust me on this, I love you just the way you are. I am never going anywhere. I want to be here for everything. And I am choosing you as part of my family. So that's the difference, Mer. I have a choice, and I'm choosing you. I want you to be a part of my life. And at this point, I think only time can convince you of exactly how serious I am."
Her eyes were moist, but her expression had shifted from one of defeat and fear to one of hope.
He offered her a smile, and his heart soared when she returned it. "I know it's still early. And I know that we'll have to wait for any further steps for a bit, and I don't want to scare you, but I do want to take those steps with you one day, Mer."
"And you're okay waiting?" She asked quietly.
He nodded, pressing his lips against hers. "Trust me, Mer, you're worth the wait."
She smiled. "I...I want those things too," she said quietly. "On days where I forget to be afraid, I want everything without having to think about it."
Derek beamed. "Good; we'll just have to work on making those days happen everyday." He pulled one arm from around her to brush a few strands of dirty blonde hair out of her face before cupping her cheek and gazing into her eyes. "What can I do to convince you I'm not going anywhere?"
She lifted her hand to wrap around his fingers, pressing his palm against her face. "I guess just time," she told him, "And to keep saying all these wonderful things."
He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "I can definitely do that. And if you ever think of anything else, just tell me and it's as good as done."
"Thank-you, Derek," she whispered.
"You're worth it."
000
Meredith was almost done for the day. She had made sure to avoid Molly's room for the afternoon, and had found her spirits lifted after her talk with Derek. After she had smashed the cast graph and realized it wasn't helping, she had given up on the anger and had fallen right into the pain of knowing her father had had another family that he hadn't wanted her to be any part of.
She had gone straight to Derek's office without thinking, even though she knew he was in surgery. She had never used the key he had given her months before, but she had used it today. And after an hour of wallowing in her pity party for one, he had come in and she had moved on from pain to vulnerability.
The past few months had been amazing. She had done things she had never expected of herself. She had made progress in her relationship and she had begun to make plans for the future. Hell, the evening before she had been at a couple's games night. Her life had progressed to a point she couldn't have predicted a year before. She had very gradually been erasing past demons and misconceptions about life and had been moving forward. Derek had been there for her, and she had been there for him. Progress had been made. Steps had been taken. Plans were being enacted. She had been happy.
And one patient had threatened to bring her entire world to a crashing halt once again.
It scared her to realize so suddenly just how far she had let him in; just how much she had come to depend on him. She loved him and she needed him. It wouldn't just break her if he left now; it would kill her. Yesterday that realization would have caused her to start a bit, and probably to be uncertain for a day or two. Today, however, she had been reminded at how easily someone who was supposed to always be there could leave. And that was enough to terrify her and send her to isolate herself in Derek's office.
She wanted to trust him; she really did. But she wasn't sure how.
But he had, as usual, talked her down from the metaphorical ledge she had found herself stuck on. He had chosen her. Who knew how much of a choice Ellis and Thatcher Grey had had. In fact, Meredith had often wondered, since she was old enough to understand, whether she had been the result of an accidental conception. Ellis Grey had never seemed like the type to want children.
But Derek hadn't ever been stuck with her. He had chosen her. He had wanted her. And although she often questioned the why in his motives, she was beginning to believe him. And, as she had told him, on those wonderful days where she forgot to be afraid, there was no doubt in her mind that he would be there forever.
And he was giving her time to be able to believe that every day.
Meredith had finished checking her last patient for the day, and was headed back for the nurses' station to return the chart. Then she and Derek would go home together. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice the older woman giving her a double take as they passed in the hall.
"I saw a picture once, from a long time ago," a soft voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she stopped and turned.
"You look just like her, your mother," the kind looking older woman continued, clutching onto two coffee cups. Meredith didn't have to ask to know who this woman was. She was the new Mrs. Thatcher Grey. Or really, not so new, she corrected herself. She had been with Thatcher for much longer than Ellis ever had. "You look a lot like my girls," she told her. "Especially Molly." She motioned towards the room where her daughter was being kept.
Meredith couldn't even begin to find the words to respond as she took in the features of the woman Thatcher Grey had fallen in love with, the woman he had had two daughters with.
"You were talking to her?"
"I didn't say anything about anything," Meredith said quickly, defensive.
"Oh, she knows about you. Or, she knows that her father was married before and had another daughter...has another daughter," she corrected.
Meredith paused, and her eyes flickered away from her father's wife's to catch a glimpse of Derek down the hall, waiting for her. "No, had is right," she said quietly, still defensive.
The older woman looked crestfallen. "You're father thinks about you," she admitted. "He thinks about you a lot. It's just..." she trailed off for a moment, "Your mother...she broke him."
Meredith hesitated, wanting to flee, but found her feet glued to the floor beneath her. "Yeah, well, he broke me," she said simply.
"He's sorry. He's... He thinks about you all the time," she repeated. "He never... He always meant to..." She sighed. "He really is sorry."
"And yet I find that hard to believe," Meredith snapped, the anger from earlier bubbling up inside of her once again. "Seeing as it's you here telling me he's sorry. When I showed up on your doorstep last month he didn't exactly have anything to say."
"You caught him off guard," his wife said, standing up for him. "He doesn't do well without warning. He just needs some time to adjust. But you are his daughter, and-"
Meredith cut her off. "Was. I was his daughter."
"Meredith-"
"No," she cut in again, shaking her head. It was exactly as Derek had said. There are two types of families in life. And she wasn't about to choose Thatcher Grey to be in the family she was beginning to build for herself. "Was," she repeated. "And that was a long time ago." She glanced over the other woman's shoulder again at the man standing down the hall before her, waiting patiently for her. And for the first time, she didn't forget to be afraid; she chose not to be. "I have a new family now," she said with a new found sense of confidence. "Excuse me."
She stepped around the other woman and headed down the pathway towards her future.