The pain was the worst I have ever felt in my life. It burned through my back like a white-hot iron as Merlin dug around for the blade in my back. Leon's hand must have been crushed by the time I passed out, all sense of strength and the world around me falling away as I gave into the searing pain. I screamed, but no sound found my ears as it tore through my very being. It only ceased when the world went black, and the abyss took me.
There are no dreams, no bright white light to carry me away, just complete and utter darkness. I feel like I'm swimming in it, swirling around slowly as the tide takes me away. It is comforting, like a gentle caress. I would like to stay here in this ethereal state, free of worry and pain, but my body beacons me back. I have no choice in the matter, being swept back like a fast current toward my body on the physical plane.
I come to a still, the first song of birds filling my ears. Then I feel pain. Complete and utter pain in my lower back. I let out an audible groan, eyes slowly stirring as I come to. My head pounds without mercy, but I force my eyes to open. The sun's bright light is too much for my sensitive eyes, and I feel too stiff to shield my eyes.
"Edythe?" a familiar soft voice calls. It sounds distant, but the more I wake, the sounds of the morning fill my ears. I finally manage to crack my eyes open, the sun now shielded by someone. His silhouette slowly morphs, my eyes adjusting to see the light brown curls and dimpled smile peering down at me. "Hey", Leon whispers, his voice soothing.
I force a smile to my lips, not wanting to show the pain. Finally awake, I realise that I'm laid on my stomach, pillows propping me up to relieve my back of pressure. I can't find the will to pull myself up; the pain literally crippling me. The faded forest green curtains confirm that I'm in my room in Ronon's castle. Leon's hand is in mine, his thumb rubbing over my knuckles. The meer touch brings me a comfort I cannot explain.
I hum, trying to focus on the touch rather than the pain in my lower back. "What happened?"
"Ronon's dead", Leon starts, voice barely above a whisper. "The rebels have taken the castle, and they've already named Leitta an interim leader for now."
With each of Leon's words, my fogged mind clears, visions of what happened coming back to memory. "Arthur...is he–?"
"Arthur is fine", Leon reassures. "We're all fine. Gwaine is already causing trouble."
I chuckle softly. "Of course he is."
Being reminded of my best friend brings the memories flashing back of Merlin taking the stone in hand, of the searing pain in my back–Jackson. My teeth clench as the ache quenches my chest. "Jackson...did he...."
Leon shakes his head softly, his smile dropping from his lips. "I'm sorry, Edythe."
Although the tears ripple in the back of my eyes, they do not fall. I have shed many tears over the passing days, and I have none left to give. It is not that their deaths do not bring me great pain, but rather that I have shut down from it. The pain has broken me of any emotion.
Feeling empty and drained of all life, I give Leon's hand a squeeze to remind myself that he, Arthur and the others are fine. "How bad is it?" I ask, daring to know. "My back."
Leon presses his lips, eyes fluttering to the covered wound as if seeing it through the blankets and bandages. "Merlin did as you asked. It stopped the bleeding. But Gaius says it will need more attending to."
My heart does a leap. "Gaius?"
Leon chuckles softly. "Yes, sorry. Arthur sent word to Camelot. Gwen came immediately with a company of knights and Gaius."
The news brings me joy, a warmth returning to my chest, reminding me that I can still at least feel something. "That means...I was asleep for a few days?" I ask, the realisation hitting me, but I have no strength to think about it.
"You obviously needed it", Leon offers softly, raising a bare hand to wipe my hair from my face. I close my eyes at the feeling, revelling in the warmth of his fingers on my skin. "You are so strong, Edythe."
I huff a silent laugh. "Not feeling it right now."
A soft chuckle leaves Leon's lips, a few cuts lathering his pale skin. "If I could help with that, I would", he offers.
"Good to see you're still you, Sir knight", I tease, feeling myself drifting into sleep once more.
"It'll take a lot more than a tournament to break my spirit", Leon promises, his fingers brushing my cheek, coaxing me into slumber.
A smile tugs at my cheeks with the gesture. "Good. Because I can't be the only one around here with a brain."
The soft rumble of a chuckle meets my ears as my eyes close and sleep begins to take me. "We can debate about intelligence later. For now, you must rest, Edythe."
"Such a commander", I hum, not fully aware of the room anymore. "Do you ever stop giving orders?"
"And as usual, so defiant", Leon rebuttals, teasing in his tone. "Do you ever do as you're told?"
A soft chuckle leaves my lips as sleep takes me, the darkness swirling around me like a storm. Before I completely give into the embrace of darkness, I feel the softness of lips upon my forehead. The gesture swells something in my heart, a warmth buzzing around me as I dive into a peaceful slumber.
***
Leon helps me roll over, taking most of my body weight into his arms to try and relieve me of some pain. I can't tell if it is working, hissing in pain as he does so. Warm tears sting my eyes as a feeling of hot wire being pulled through my back. Leon mutters soft apologies as he slowly and delicately lowers me onto my back, propping my head on a pillow. Arthur stands by in case Leon needs help, looking utterly helpless by my bedside.
I grit my teeth as I lay back, not wholly seated but partly elevated. I grip Leon's hand, peering up at the knight with pleading eyes. The knight understands my plea, holding my hand sternly as he takes a seat on the bed beside me.
"Edythe, I'm just going to run a pointed stick over your feet, okay?" Gaius offers, choosing his words carefully.
I know what this means and what the procedure is for. It is why I need Leon and my brother by my side. I dare not think what would happen if I didn't feel that stick against my feet. I pray to the gods above that I may walk again.
Gaius pulls the blanket up, cold air hitting my skin. He glances up at me, a question if I'm ready. Gripping Leon's hand a little tighter, I nod. Gaius runs the stick over my right foot. I let out a deep breath I didn't realise I had been holding as I felt the tingle.
"Can you feel that?" Gaius requests.
I sigh, nodding. "Yes."
Everyone in the room lets out a sigh of relief.
"And this?" Gaius runs the stick over my left foot.
My relief leaves instantly with the action. Whilst my eyes see the stick brush my foot, the sensation does not register. Time seems to cease as I stare down at the foot, willing it to work and feel something.
It doesn't.
"Edythe?" Gaius requests, his aged face filling with worry.
I blink down at the foot, seeming worlds away. At that moment, I do not feel like I am inside my own body, like I am in a dream far beyond the reach of my limbs. My head shook in recognition of Gaius' question, yet I did not feel like I initiated the movement.
Gaius lets out a deep sigh, placing the blanket back down over my feet.
"Gaius?" Arthur demands, his arms crossed in his authoritative stance. Yet his face is filled with concern. "What does that mean?"
Gaius places the stick down with his other supplies. "The blade Edythe was stabbed with was driven deep. I have no way of knowing how much damage it did because Merlin quartered the wound–which was logical to do after removing the blade," Gaius explains, yet his words seem worlds away.
"But it could also mean that the blade severed part of her spine", Gaius continues, his eyes whirly glancing over to me. "Which may affect her body's abilities below her abdomen."
"Are you...are you saying she may not be able to walk?" Leon questions, his voice distant and hesitant.
Gaius' eyes fall. "Yes. It is a possibility."
"B-but there's something you can do, Gaius?" Arthur demands, panic in his tone. "Surely? You must know something!"
"I'm afraid it is only something time will tell, my lord", Gaius offers sympathetically. "Once Edythe's body heals, we may be able to work on helping her walk again, but until then, there is no telling."
I know that it is possible. I can walk again, if not by medicinal ways, magic. But I cannot find the will to care right now. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I know that I should feel devastated or even determined to walk again. But I just don't care anymore.
I have done what I came here to do. I saved my friends and released everyone from the rule of Ronon. I fought with everything I had and was willing to give my life for it. I lost friends, people I considered family. And now I may lose my legs. I just don't care right now.
All I want is to go home, to feel the warmth of Camelot and its people around me. I want to spend my days with Gwen and Arthur, study with Gaius and Merlin, watch Percival and Elyan train, tease Gwaine and spend time with Leon. Much to my surprise, I even want to go to court to discuss finance.
I just want to go home. I want to have normality again.
"Well, there's no use dwelling on it", I declare, face empty of emotion and mind of thought.
"Edythe–" Arthur begins, reaching for my hand.
"I'm serious", I interject, peering up at my brother, letting him take my other hand in his. "I do not want pity, and I don't want to grieve more than I already have. For now, I am happy with the victory we have. I'm ready to go home," I rant, my words hard and true.
Arthur watches me cautiously, seemingly pained by my choice to prolong the inevitable realisation that I may never walk again. Yet he seems to understand, nodding to me as he places a stern kiss on my hand. "Me too. We all are...so be it," he declares. "It is time to go home."