"Losing Aro, it's broken something in him, I can see it", Kohl acknowledges, arms tucked behind his back. "We should be careful from now on."
"Agreed", I nod, walking in time with the noblemen. "When Aro accused me, I could see it put a thought into his head. Hopefully, it was just a thought and nothing else."
"Yes...praise it be. On the bright side, we successfully framed Aro and Jackson got the stone. It's with Leitta as we speak," Kohl explains.
I finally let myself breathe, relief washing over my tired body. We've finally had a win. After so much work and scheming, we have managed to have a success finally. We have put mistrust in the family, and Ronon is beginning to make decisions on impulse. We are on the cusp of taking down the wolf forever.
We come to a pause in the dark hallway, turning to one another with wide grins. "I best get to practising my magic. The day is approaching fast...only a few to go."
I haven't let myself think that I will be taking all the lives that Ronon has stolen. I can't allow myself to. I have faced death so many times that I no longer fear it, yet I will now never bear the fear of old age in a cruel twist of fate. I may still die, but it could not be for many hundreds–thousands–of years to come.
I will cross that bridge when I come to it, as I will when my friends grow old. All I care about is saving my family and others from bearing Ronon's wrath ever again. It is a problem I will face when the time comes.
Kohl looks down on me with fondness. "An eternity of Edythe sounds like trouble for the world."
I hit Kohl on the shoulder, the both of us laughing. "I might do some good with that eternity!"
Kohl snorts. "Good? That's debatable."
"I'll have you know I am a physician back in Camelot, and I have amazing people skills", I argue, playing with him out of joy. Having made some amends with Jackson and winning the stone, my spirits have returned.
Kohl watches me with amusement as I rant about all my best qualities that could save the world, a twinkle in his eye. I'm cut off mid-sentence as Kohl pulls me into an embrace, lips finding mine.
I am still in shock. In an unexpected gesture, I feel conflicted. Yet I don't pull away. Instead, I give into his embrace and push further into him. The kiss is quick and uncalculated, heated and forceful. Neither of us takes a breath as we get lost in the moment.
Time passes, but somewhere between the rush and entanglement we are in, I find my mind wandering to someone else. My mind does not imagine Kohl but someone else. I suddenly wish someone else's hands were on me, wrapped around my waist and in my hair. I long for their lips to be upon mine as Kohl's are.
I find myself retreating from Kohl's embrace in a rush of regret.
I feel wrong. Like I had made a move that the universe screamed at me for. I had never thought about it. I'd never seen someone that way, especially him. Yet, in Kohl's affections, I wished it were that someone and I began to feel sick to my stomach. Although there was nothing to betray, I still felt pain for him. For Leon.
I denied my feelings all this time, or perhaps it was simply that I didn't understand them. Physically I am attracted to Kohl. He has helped me gain and do more than I could have hoped to achieve in this place, and for that, I am grateful. Perhaps in another time and place, we would be more.
Yet his gesture has cleared my mind of denial, confusion or whatever the hell it was. For the first time, I know what I feel, know what my heart desires. As long as I live, as long as Leon lives, I know that he will always be the one that I want.
It is as though Kohl's action has broken something in me, clearing the haze that I did not understand. Now everything makes sense to me.
"What's wrong?" Kohl asks breathlessly, his hands pushing my hair behind my ears.
I stumble, wanting to pull further away but unable to with his kind, respectful movements. I feel wrong for wanting to stay held by his soft, tender hands, but I remain unable to suppress the feelings that I finally understand. These feelings that I have had for Leon.
"I-I'm sorry, Kohl", I apologise, voice barely above a whisper. "We can't."
"Why not?" Kohl asks softly. "Have I done something wrong?"
"No, Kohl", I reassure. "It's just that I...."
I can't form the words. I can't believe that I didn't see it before. The longing glances, the pull to be with him, the flirtatious banter and light touches. I had gotten so used to being teased about it that I didn't stop to think if it was real.
Kohl waits patiently for an answer. He watches me closely, watching the emotions across my face as I'm lost for words. As I try to form something for him, I see the revelation come to his features, and he pulls away. "There's someone else."
"Kohl, I'm-"
"Don't apologise", Kohl quickly interrupts, taking one of my hands in his. "It was I who was forward. You can't help who you love. Whoever he is, he is a lucky man."
"Kohl, I like you", I honestly answer. "I wish things were different, but...."
"But you need him" Kohl smiles softly. "I understand...who is he?"
I flush. "Well, you've met him, actually."
"One of the knights?" Kohl questions, raising an eyebrow. "A little too vanilla for a girl like you, Edythe."
"Shut up", I blush, only gaining a chuckle from Kohl.
His usual smirk takes his lips. "It's the brave Sir Leon, isn't it?"
My stomach does leaps at the mention of his name. So that's what that fluttering in my stomach was about. "How did you know?"
Kohl chuckles again. "The way he looked at you when we saw them. It wasn't the way that a friend looks," he observes, hands returning to their usual place in his pockets. "I guess I accept this."
"Oh, you guess?"
Kohl shrugs. "At least it's not Gwaine."
I roll my eyes, hitting Kohl on the shoulder. "Hey, he's my friend. Be nice."
Kohl looks to the ground bashfully. "You should tell him, Edythe. Lifes too short, and all our days are quite numbered right now. Especially his."
I peer up at Kohl with a fondness I can't describe. Love, but not in a romantic sense. Love in a genuine wholeheartedness that is beyond friendship and beyond romantics. It's just an understanding, equality in all things. Like love you have for a sibling, a parent. Someone who's just there when you need them.
"Thank you, Kohl. I will," I whisper. "I'll make my feelings open and true. Then I will wait for him, on his terms...I think I've waited for Leon since the first time we spoke. And I think I'll wait for him forever. Even after I've died, I will wait."
Kohl smiles a genuinely beautiful smile. "Then we best figure out a way to safely get your friends out of here, huh?"
Unable to stop myself, I pull Kohl into a hug, revealing the warmth of him and his presence.
Although I know, we still have lots of work to do. I finally have hope again. Not just for winning this rebellion but also for the uncertainty of the future. I know that Leon may not share the same feelings as me, but I do not care. To see him and my family safe is all that matters to me.
I have never allowed myself to love, not romantically. It never seemed like something possible in my future. I couldn't picture it if someone asked me to describe what it looked like. Now, all I see is Leon. I couldn't imagine anyone else in my future like that. Of course, I've found men attractive, but never in a way, I would pursue anything.
Most of the men I have met have been too forceful, too rough and uncertain for something like that. Perhaps that is another reason that I didn't allow myself to see.
Kohl and I pull from our embrace abruptly as someone clears their throat. We both look aghast as we compose ourselves, putting on a professional appearance. Blaze watches us with a quirked eyebrow, eyes seeming to dart between us in suspicion.
After an awkward silence, Blaze finally lowers his eyes to me. "Ronon wishes to speak we you. Privately" he adds, eyes glaring at Kohl.
Kohl puts on his usual mask, looking down at Blaze defiantly.
"Thank you for telling me, Blaze", I offer, composing myself. "I'll see you later," I tell Kohl, the noble nodding to me as I hurry down the hall.
My heart leaps in my throat as I pass Blaze, his gaze so piercing it feels hateful. I offer him a frown as I pass, confused by his reaction. I don't receive any comfort as I commence in search of Ronon. The rumbling of Kohl and Blaze's voices echoes as I turn the corner, a stern and grave conversation taking place behind me.