Elle and I break apart, both of us looking at Lee in shock, before Elle jumps up, panicked.
"Lee, I can explain."
"Unbelievable," he says, as I move to stand behind Elle. I'm not sure if the look on his face is more angry or disappointed. He turns and flees out the door as Elle calls after him.
"Wait, no. Lee. Lee, wait. Wait."
She moves to follow him and I try to go with her, but she turns on me, pointing at my chest. "Noah, Stay here, please. Let me handle this."
I stop still and watch her run out the door after Lee. I'm torn between doing as she asked and knowing that Lee will do everything he can to convince her to break things off with me. In the end, I'm too selfish to let that happen and I follow after them, up the side of the house, out onto the front lawn.
When I catch up, they're in a standoff, Lee yelling at Elle.
"Seems like I was never meant to find out at all, doesn't it, Elle?"
"Hey, lay off her, Lee. It's not like it's all Elle's fault."
He turns his glare on me, finger coming up to point at me again. "You! Don't even get me started on you, okay? Telling other guys to stay away from Elle to protect her. And there you are, treating her like some slut that you picked up at the club."
"You have no idea what you're talking about," I grind out.
"So you're trying to tell me you two have not slept together?" Lee looks from me to Elle and she withers under his gaze. Both of us stay quiet, not denying it.
"I knew it. So you really just have been fucking my brother and lying to me."
"No," Elle whispers, tears forming.
"Okay, Lee. That is enough." He can say what he likes to me, but I won't stand for him talking to Elle like that.
"No, it's not enough! She has no clue what she's got herself into with you!"
"This is bullshit. You're acting like a hurt little bitch!"
Lee takes a swing at me, connecting solidly with my jaw and lunging forward. I'm able to grab him and push him to the ground, but we struggle, him trying to lash out again.
I vaguely hear Elle yelling behind us, telling me to get off him, but he needs to calm down first.
"Stop!" I yell, grabbing his arms and pinning them to the ground. "Calm down!"
Lee's struggling, his eyes closed in rage, and I'm still trying to get through to him.
"That is enough! Calm down! I'm not letting you go until you chill out!"
"Get off of me!" He spits back, staring up at me.
"Chill out!"
"Get off!"
I hear Elle again, screaming. "Get off him! Get off!"
"Please!" I yell as Lee closes his eyes again, tears leaking from the corners. "Stop!" I push his arms down once more and he submits, breathing heavily. I jump up, letting his arms go and holding out a hand to pull him up off the ground, but he slaps it away. When he does get up, he ignores me, looking at Elle, who's crying. Her eyes are pleading with him to understand and he's looking at her with something close to hate.
He turns and runs to the driveway, Elle screaming after him. "Please. Please, Lee!" She's sprinting after him, begging him to stop. "Stop, Lee! Please!" Her voice sounds completely heartbroken, and it makes me pause. I wait, watching as Lee jumps into his car, and they exchange words. I don't go down there until he turns on the ignition and drives away, Elle staring after him. She's still looking away, down the empty street, when I get to her.
"Elle," I say quietly. "Look, it's okay. He'll get over it." I reach out to touch her arm and she turns on me angrily.
"What! Why did you come downstairs? I told you to stay inside!" She says through gritted teeth, pushing hard against me. "Like you wanted to make things worse!"
I can't stand the look of hurt and anger on her face and I look away for a second. Elle takes a step back and glares at me.
"What is wrong with you?"
Her question kills me. It wasn't even half an hour ago that she made me think she believed in me, even after I told her I was broken, and now she's blaming me for everything. I'm angry, both at the situation and the way she's reacting. I'm not the one who left her.
"You can not pin all this on me."
Elle shakes her head, all the faith I saw in her eyes earlier now long gone. Her voice is cold. "Just leave me alone."
"No problem," I reply, turning on my heel and walking over to my bike. If Elle doesn't want me around, I won't be. I can't bear to look at her as I ride away. I'm angry that she's pushing me away and I can't stand to see the way she's looking at me anymore.
I ride around pretty aimlessly for an hour or so before finding myself pulling into the parking lot for the Hollywood sign. Before long, I'm sitting in my usual spot, but it doesn't bring a great deal of comfort today. Thoughts of Elle swirl around in my head. A hundred different versions of her face, most of them smiling or laughing, flicker behind my eyes.
And then the image of her face today replaces them all. The last time I saw her, when she looked at me like I was worthless and told me to leave her alone.
Fuck. Why did that hurt so much? How did that one expression seem to erase all the others?
I pull at stems of grass near the path, tearing them into small pieces before throwing them aside, only to start the process all over again.
I replay this afternoon's events over and over again, trying to work out where it all went so wrong, what I could have done differently.
Heading home as the sun begins to set, I have no more clarity than I did when I sat down, just an overwhelming feeling of failure sitting heavily in my stomach.
Dinner is pretty strained from the beginning, Lee and I both mostly silent, him glaring at me and me avoiding his gaze by staring at my plate.
I'm about halfway through my meal when Mom sets down her knife and fork.
"Okay, enough. What's going on with you two?"
"Nothing," I mumble, not meeting her eyes either.
"Are you serious?!" Lee's voice is loud and strained, causing all three of us to look at him. "How can you say that? How can you just sit there after everything you've done?"
"Everything I've done?" my knife and fork clatter onto my plate. "Lee, you're the one who punched me, remember? You're the one who treated your best friend like trash and left her crying in the driveway when she begged you not to go."
"Woah!" Dad breaks in, leaning towards us from where he's sitting at the head of the table. "Lee, you hit Noah? What the hell happened?"
"And what's this about Elle?" Mom added.
"What happened is that Noah took advantage of Elle and she was too stupid to know better! He's had her lying to me and everyone else for months!" Lee's face is red and his hands are shaking like he wants to take another swing at me.
"That is bullshit!" I stand up, unable to just sit there and take it anymore. Lee mirrors my actions, dropping his own cutlery to the table, his fork bouncing off to clatter onto the floor.
"Oh yeah?" he sneers. "Which part?"
"All of it. And Elle was smart enough to know that you would hate the thought of us being together, which is why she wanted to keep it a secret. To protect your feelings, you undeserving piece of shit! She wanted to find the right way to make you feel better about it."
"Both of you need to calm down and start talking," Dad says sternly, having half-risen from his own chair.
"No! I will not calm down! Noah's always been jealous of me and Elle! He knew she was off limits and he went after her anyway! He's made her believe it's something more, but he's just playing her like he does every other girl!" Lee's working himself into a frenzy, eyes blazing.
"Noah?" Mom says quietly, her tone making me look over at her. "What did you do?"
It's the look on her face that makes the decision for me. The question in her eyes like maybe she might believe even some of what Lee's saying about me.
"It doesn't really matter what I say, does it?" I ask quietly. "Nobody will believe me anyway."
I stride out of the dining room, heading upstairs to my room. After closing the door, I lean back against it, weighing my options. Elle told me to leave her alone and it's clear I'm not wanted here, either. It would be better to just remove myself from the equation. Grabbing my duffel bag, I stuff some clothes, my laptop and some other essentials into it and throw it over my shoulder.
As I head back downstairs, I can hear Mom and Dad talking to Lee. Dad spots me and calls out, half standing again.
"Noah? What are you doing?"
"Getting out of the way."
Mom calls after me, but her voice is cut off when I slam the front door shut behind me, kicking my motorcycle to life and heading off into the night.
The next two weeks I spend pretty much off the grid.
I don't answer my parent's phone calls, eventually switching off my cell after sending Mom a text saying that I'm fine, that I just need some time to think. The first night I stay in a motel, but knowing that Dad will probably track my cards, I crash with friends from then on. When I do go to school, I arrive late, hand in my assignments or sit exams, and leave again. I only do what is absolutely necessary to maintain my grades and graduate.
I'm not a complete idiot. I'm not about to throw away the only lifeline I have left. Moving to Boston suddenly seems far more appealing than it did when I was with Elle.
Elle.
I have too much free time on my hands, most of which I spend thinking about her. I've tried to text her a bunch of times, but I don't know what to say. When I've called her, she either doesn't answer or I chicken out and hang up before it rings too many times. I know I didn't do the right thing, agreeing to keep us a secret, going along with it for so long. But she told me to leave her alone. I remember the look on her face as she said it. That look haunts my waking hours, and most of my sleeping ones as well.
But I also remember the look she'd get right before I'd kiss her, and the smile right after. I'm pretty sure mine was just as goofy, probably more so. Most of all I remember how being with Elle made me feel, and the thought of never feeling that good again is painful.
However things started between me and Elle, I know I can't leave everything the way it is now. It's time to head home, but there's one stop I need to make first.
After parking my bike on the road in front of her house, I try to focus on what I need to say. But a couple of minutes later, Mike walks out the front door towards his car like he's about to leave. I guess I'm out of time.
"Hey Mr Evans," I call, walking down the driveway.
"Where have you been, Noah?" he asks, shutting the door of his jeep.
"I had to get away and think. I'm uh...I'm on my way home now."
"Good. Listen, Elle's not here."
"I'm actually here to talk to you."
"Oh?" His surprise is obvious.
"I just...I wanted to apologize. About everything. I shouldn't have let it happen. It was all my fault, not Elle's."
Mike considers this and I plough on. I need him to know that wasn't just some casual fling to me.
"But I'm not sorry that it did happen. Or for the way I feel about your daughter."
"Oh, Noah," he frowns. "I can't say I support the two of you, I can't. But it's got to be Elle's choice. I just think that Elle is gonna have to figure out what's best for Elle."
"I understand."
And I do, I get it, but it might have been nice to know that Mike didn't hate the idea. My stupid reputation is doing me no favors. Of course my problems don't end there. The first person I see when I walk through my front door for the first time in two weeks is my mom.
"Noah!" she drops the book she's holding and runs to hug me. The way she's squeezing me makes me feel guilty for ducking all her calls, and I hug her back tightly.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For worrying you. For...everything."
"Oh, honey. I'm just glad you're back." She pulls away from me, still holding onto my arms. "But I think we need to talk, don't you?"
"Yeah. I guess so."
She drags me over to sit next to her on the sofa, turning towards me. Then she says something I never expected.
"Noah, I want to apologize to you."
"To me? For what?"
"I think I made you feel like I was taking Lee's side the night you left. I was shocked, with everything that was being said, but that doesn't excuse my reaction."
"It's okay," I shrug, looking away. "I'm used to everyone thinking I'm the bad guy."
"Oh, honey, I don't think you're the bad guy. I know you aren't. I realize you have a certain reputation, but I also know you. That you wouldn't take advantage of anyone, especially Elle. But I have to know, when all is said and done, what does she mean to you?"
I'd been busily studying my own feet, but Mom's question makes me look up.
"Everything," I say honestly. "I'm in love with her."
"Oh honey, I should have known. You've been so different these last few months."
"Different how?" I frown. I thought I'd been pretty good at guarding my feelings.
"Lighter. Happier," she smiles. "I guessed you'd found someone. I just wish I'd known it was Elle."
"Me too. I was telling the truth, you know. Elle's the one that made me promise not to tell anyone. Because of Lee. She wanted to figure out how to tell him. But I shouldn't have let it go on so long. Actually, I shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place," I add ruefully. "It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Lee would have hated the idea no matter when we told him."
"I think he was mostly upset that Elle kept something this important from him. That both of you did."
"I don't think Lee cares about me, Mom."
"Well, for someone who doesn't care, he had a very strong reaction."
"Yeah, because he was jealous I stole his favorite toy. He's always been possessive of Elle."
"That much I'm aware of, and don't think I haven't had a discussion with him about it, either. His attitude needs to change, big time. Elle's her own person and he needs to respect her choices. But you need to take responsibility for your part in this, too. Think about it from Lee's perspective for a minute. His brother and his best friend kept a secret from him for months. He felt betrayed, by both of you."
"Yeah, well, it still doesn't excuse the things he said to Elle."
"She's forgiven him, Noah."
"Of course she has," I reply bitterly.
"She'll forgive you too. Eventually."
"Forgive me? For what?"
"For running away when she needed you."
"She told me to leave her alone."
"And you took that at face value? Noah, she'd just had a huge fight with her best friend. He wouldn't even speak to her. She barely got out of bed for a week, she was so miserable. And you were gone. She thought you didn't care."
"Of course I care! That's why I stayed away! She told me I just made things worse!" I feel tears coming and I bury my face in my hands.
"I'm sure you all said things in the heat of the moment that you didn't mean," Mom says gently, putting a hand on my back. "I'm sure she doesn't feel that way now."
"I don't know how she feels," I admit glumly.
"Does she know how you feel? About her? Have you told her what you told me earlier?"
"No." There's no way I'm about to admit that I'm some cliché guy who didn't realize what I had until it was gone.
"Don't you think you should?"
I look up at her again. "But what if she doesn't feel the same?"
"At least you'll know for sure. At least you'll have been honest with her. And with yourself," she adds quietly.
I take a deep breath, letting it out very slowly. A small grin comes as I have a sudden thought. Maybe there's a way I can fix this. Show Elle that I'm serious.
"Small problem. I can't go to prom without a tux."
Mom gets up, bending to retrieve the book she dropped earlier, before fixing me with a conspiratorial smile. "Check your closet."
She really is scary, I think, shaking my head slowly. But at least I have one less problem now.