Y/N POV
I stare at the sheet of paper and notice a few imperfections on the page. I frown when I realize its water damage and by the small spots I know it's from tears. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I carefully fold the letter and slip it back into the envelope before getting up to get in some running clothes.
I run south towards battery park and lean against the railing at the tip of Manhattan once I get there, my eyes set on the Statue of Liberty in the distance. My mind is an absolute mess.
I keep going back and forth on how I feel about the letter. On the one hand, it shows that even if she never sent them, she was thinking about me and caring about me. On the other hand, she never sent them.
I understand why she didn't but I still wish she had. I wouldn't have felt so alone and sad. I would have known how she was feeling and could write letters back to her that would hopefully make her feel better. But she chose to suffer alone.
I know how that is. I thought I could suffer alone and figure it out after everything with Jessica. When I was at my lowest, I isolated myself. The difference was...I really had no one. She had me, she could have sought comfort in me but she didn't.
I sigh again and move to sit on a bench nearby. I know she didn't send them because she didn't want to hurt me and make me worry. It just backfired. She also admitted that she felt like she wasn't enough for me and wanted to set me free.
I still don't know how I feel about the letters sprawled on my desk as I walk back home. At the last minute I choose to walk to Tribeca and smile at Jerry who lets me up to Ashley's apartment.
"Hey Kiddo" Ash greets from her spot on the couch.
"Hey." I respond dryly and slump onto the couch next to her.
"What's got you gloomy? Didn't you go on a date last night?" She asks with a small grin.
"Yeah...Lizzie gave me the letters she never sent." I share and she nods, observing me quietly.
"And how did that feel?" She asks.
"I don't know. I feel...conflicted." I state lamely and she hums in thought.
"Are you mad?" She asks and I shake my head. "Sad?" She tries again.
"I think I'm...sad that I couldn't be there for her when she was clearly struggling. She sounded so...down and I just....I wish I could have helped." I try to explain.
"Lizzie tends to remove herself from stressful things when she feels particularly sad. She likes to figure out her shit on her own. So...even if it is annoying that she chooses to isolate herself, she just needs us to be considerate and patient. I know you probably want to help her out...but whenever she feels powerless or any strong emotion too much, she shuts down because she feels like no one understands or she doesn't want to burden others with her emotions." She explains and I nod. That sounds like my sunshine.
"I get that. I like to be alone when I'm stressed or sad too. So...missing me made her feel powerless?" I clarify and she nods.
"She had no control over not being with you, or at least it felt like that I think. She talked to me about it a little bit. Her anxieties are centered around what other people think or feel about her. It's hard for her to shut out all the noise and just focus on being herself." She explains and I nod.
My phone buzzes and I smile at the name. "Speaking of the devil." I point out and she smiles.
Me: Hello sunshine
Lizzie: Bug!
Me: Well someone sounds excited
Lizzie: The audition went so well! I think I might get it!
Me: That's so exciting, I'm so happy for you
Lizzie: Where are you I want kisses
Me: At your sisters
Lizzie: Okay I'm coming!
Me: Okay, babe, see you soon
Lizzie: See you later!
I smile as I end the call and look over to Ash. "Babe." She teases and I roll my eyes. "Y/N, you love her, and she loves you. Don't let the past ruin that. You're moving on and building a new relationship, let it go." She advises and I nod as I take a deep breath.
I don't want to live in the past. I want to live in the present where Lizzie is here with me and willing to be in a real relationship with me. She wants to give me exactly what I want and that should be enough.
I smile when the elevator dings and she comes running out, quickly making her way into my lap, her arms around my neck in a hug. I giggle at how excited she is and look over to Ash who looks on with a loving gaze. She loves her sister and I think she likes us together.
"Hi, Lizziebear." I greet and she giggles into my neck.
"Hi bug. I love you." She states adorably as she leans back to look at me.
My mouth drops in surprise. Even though she's said it to me before, the way she said it so naturally and with so much meaning back my heart flip.
"I wow um. I love you too." I respond and watch her lips pull into a gorgeous grin before she leans forward to softly peck my lips.
"Okay...that was both adorable and gross." Ash butts in and we both look over to her.
"Let me snuggle my bug in peace." Lizzie whines adorably and wiggles in my lap until she's comfortable. Fuck why is she so cute? I simply smile at the puppy in my lap and take in the happy moment. Fuck the past, she's here now and we are so much better.
~Christmas Eve~
Fall semester is officially over and it's time to celebrate the holidays. My siblings traveled into the city to spend it together again. I get to see my siblings but more importantly, I get to see my baby Mia. She's now 8 months old and she's too cute for this world.
If I didn't think Ashley already loved me, her letting my siblings and their partners stay at her apartment really solidified it. Bradley, Sarah, and Mia get the guest room and Marie and Derek use MK's room. MK has her own apartment, but tonight she is staying in the apartment and will bunk with her twin. Lizzie and I will stay in her room and I just love every second of it all.
I am spending Christmas with all of the people I love with the girl I love and my adorable niece. Speaking of my niece, I am currently in the living room with her in my lap as I sit at the piano. I play a soft melody as she coos in delight and I smile down at her.
"Hey bug, hi Mia." Lizzie greets as she slides onto the piano bench next to me.
"Hi Lizzie bear." I greet and smile when Mia babbles at her. She reaches over to Lizzie who scoops her up without question and smiles as Mia snuggles into her shoulder. I smile over to the two and watch as Mia's blinking slows down the longer she cuddles my girl. I love that Mia likes Lizzie so much.
"Sing, baby." Lizzie requests so I start playing something else.
Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you
And everything you do, Yeah, they were all yellow
I smile to myself when I remember the conversation about how she's a hufflepuff. The stars shine for her and she feels like she's the center of my universe. She's just so mesmerizing.
I came along, I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do, And it was called Yellow
I've written many songs for her to show her how amazing she is and how much I feel for her.
So then I took my turn, Oh, what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow
So I took my turn trying to be someone special to her. I can't believe that I walked up to her that night of the dance, the stars shining above us and the yellow glow of the lamps in the park casting her in such a beautiful light.
your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones
(Ooh) turn into something beautiful
(Ah) and you know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so
I love her so much and she's so fucking beautiful inside and out.
I swam across, I jumped across for you
Oh, what a thing to do, 'Cause you were all yellow
I drew a line, I drew a line for you
Oh, what a thing to do, And it was all yellow
There aren't really special meanings to these lyrics, but I just wanted to show that I would do anything for her. I smile when I think about our doodle game while in class together, where we both would draw one line until there was a picture.
And your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones
(Ooh) turn into something beautiful
(Ah) and you know, for you, I'd bleed myself dry
For you, I'd bleed myself dry
It's true
Look how they shine for you, Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for...Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you, Look how they shine
Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do
I would do absolutely anything for her and even though I should be scared, I'm not at all. We are in such a good place even if she hasn't asked me to officially be her girlfriend. I think she's scared I'll say no or that she will mess up again so I'm being patient.
"'That was beautiful." She whispers and I look over to the sweet girls. I smile at the sleepy baby in her arms and follow her to the guest room to put her down for a nap. I watch from the doorway in adoration.
My siblings are all out gift shopping and the twins are somewhere around here. But basically we are on babysitting duty and it's great. Once Lizzie returns from putting the baby down she grabs my hand and leads me over to sit on the couch for a good cuddle.
"You are way too adorable with Mia." I comment and she giggles.
"I love your relationship with her. She loves you so much and it's so sweet." She states sweetly, leaning over to kiss my cheek. I blush in response at the simple action and she grins in delight.
"Are you happy Y/N?" She asks and I smile.
"I am. Are you?" I reply and she hums in thought
"I would be happier if I could call you my girlfriend." She states adorably, but I hear the nerves in her tone.
"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" I clarify and she leans back from leaning her head on my shoulder to make eye contact.
"I am. I...I've been so hesitant to ask. I'm still trying to convince myself that I even deserve a second chance with you. But I'm trying and I just want you to know that I will do anything I can to make sure I don't hurt you again. I know words aren't enough, so I can't wait to show you how much I mean it." She rambles and I grin before pecking her lips softly.
"I thought you'd never ask." I whisper and she laughs lightly.
"Is that a yes?" She asks and I nod.
"Yes, it was always a yes. It's always been you." I remind her and watch the love fill her beautiful eyes. She leans forward and pulls me into a passionate kiss, her hands sliding onto my cheeks. I can't help but smile against her lips at how happy I feel. She also starts to smile and we start to giggle, effectively ruining the kiss.
"You're my girlfriend." She whispers in an adorable voice, her toothy grin on full display as our foreheads rest against each other.
"And you're mine." I confirm. She pulls me into a tight hug and we fall into the couch, her body laid over mine.
"Yo, lovebirds, shut the fuck up I'm trying to watch a movie!" MK interrupts before sliding the door shut again. We giggle and continue to cuddle, sharing soft kisses until baby Mia wakes up. Back to babysitting.
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A/N Here you go! They are finally officially together! What do we think? What should happen next? I want to know your thoughts!