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Chapter 38: Begin Again
I went to bed that night with that four letter word echoing in my mind. Is love really all this painful? I wanted it to be simple, for it to come easily, but it's the exact opposite with Harry. Just because it's difficult and frustrating, doesn't mean I can just delete my feelings for him. They're real, despite how painful it may feel; despite however many times my heart was ripped out of my chest, thrown to the ground and stomped on. Thing is though, I don't think I can take any more.
Tossing my thoughts aside, I placed the remainder of my clothes back inside my suitcase. The putting in was the easy part, but zipping it closed was another story. I sat on it and put all my weight on it in hopes it'd allow me to zip the darn thing up, but it was no use.
"Summer?" I called out. Shortly after I felt like an idiot. She wasn't even in the room. I groaned in frustration and attempted to zip up my suitcase once more only to no avail.
"Need some assistance?" A familiar voice asked. It was smooth, deep and a voice I'd recognize anywhere. It felt like it'd been centuries since we spoke to one another, but he continued to have the same effect on me. Goosebumps rose to my skin as my heart fluttered in my chest. My eyes wandered up his figure and I took in the sight of Harry in his black skinny jeans and white t-shirt that hung loosely from his body. I stared into his green orbs. His face showed no expression, but he looked back at me intensely, his eyes never leaving mine.
I forced myself to look away and pushed myself off my suitcase. For a second I'd forgotten he asked a question. He'd always leave me in some sort of trance. "I uh, I guess I do. I can't get it to zip up," I finally told him. My eyes met his again and immediately he looked away to look at my suitcase. He stepped inside the room carefully and placed himself by it.
"If you want, I can carry some of your clothes in my bag. You've got loads of stuff in here. What'd you do, pack for a three month vacation?" He teased, attempting to zip it up as well. Our laughs filled the room and once again our eyes met. It seemed like time froze. We sat and stared at each other a moment and I found myself getting lost in his eyes. A part of me loved this, but another knew it was no good. I knew that this couldn't happen. I'd only be digging a deeper hole. I can't allow myself to endure this pain anymore.
My smile faltered and I cleared my throat, painfully looking away from the curly haired boy. "It's alright. I'll just ask Summer to carry some."
Silence filled the room. Moments later he made his way towards the door. I watched his retreating back, growing sadder with each step he took away from me. Harry stopped once he reached the doorway and turned to look at me. His lips parted in preparation for him to speak, but no words fled from his mouth. He looked down at the floor, scrunching his face in thought.
"Breakfast is ready," he finally said. This time, Harry didn't bother looking at me. He disappeared from my vision and once again, I stood inside the room alone, frozen. This wasn't going to get any easier.
* . * . * . * . *
The seats at the table slowly began to be filled by all of us. Walking in, I glanced around at all the food that was neatly placed around the large wooden table and chose a seat that was facing the doorway. The food looked delicious. I didn't realize how hungry I was until my stomach began to growl at the sight of it.
My eyes wandered to the doorway once again and I watched as Harry made his way to the seat across from me. Shortly after, Niall skipped his way in, his smile growing wider at the sight of the food. I couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped my lips. My smile faded slowly as Josh eyed Harry as he walked in. Harry and Josh most likely haven't spoken about yesterday's events. I couldn't see Josh angry, but he would have a right to be. At the same time though, Harry was drunk.
Once we all finally arrived, Harry cleared his throat and rose to his seat. Niall proceeded in reaching for the bacon. Harry continued to clear his throat while watching Niall's movements. When he realized we were all staring at him, he quickly placed his hands on both sides of his plate before giving Harry his attention. We all turned to the curly haired boy. He looked around the table before his eyes rested on Josh. "I'd like to apologize to Josh and to everyone for yesterday. My behavior was unacceptable. I'm sorry if I've ruined this cruise for anyone." He took his seat again.
"I'm just glad you didn't puke everywhere," Louis breathed out, causing everyone to laugh softly. He looked at his friend and the two exchanged smiles before Louis looked away.
"I couldn't stay mad at you even if I wanted to, Harry," Josh told him. Harry looked at him gratefully and smiled that dimpled smile. It seemed like some weight was lifted off his shoulders. He must have been worried Josh would never forgive him.
I hadn't realized I'd been staring until his eyes met mine for what seemed like the billionth time that morning. Except this time, neither of us looked away.
"Alright, let's eat. I'm starvin'!" Niall shouted. I took this opportunity to break Harry's gaze and began filling my plate with eggs. For once, we all ate in silence. The only noise that filled the room was the sound of our silverware coming into contact with our plates.
I found myself sneaking glances at Harry every so often. His eyes remained trained on his plate of food. With his fork, he stabbed at his eggs a little before placing some in his mouth. Harry chewed slowly and looked up from his plate. I immediately looked away.
Louis cleared his throat obnoxiously making me turn my head to look at him. He gained all of our attention and at that moment, his loud coughing subsided. A sly smirk spread to his lips and he chewed the remainder of his food quickly. When those blue eyes met mine, his smile grew wider before he looked away. Louis Tomlinson was definitely up to something no good.
"I watched this beautiful movie last night that I wanted t'share with you all," he said. Louis grabbed his napkin and quickly wiped his lips.
"What was it about?" Liam asked.
Louis placed his napkin on his empty plate. "Hey, don't jump the gun, mate. I'm getting there, I promise," Louis teased. "So the movie was a romance. It was about a guy and a girl madly in love, right? They were s'cute t'gether it made me want to puke," his eyes lingered on mine and I wanted nothing more than launch myself across the table and choke him out. With one brow raised, Louis' stared at me a moment in complete amusement before he continued.
"Not the point, though. Their parents forbid them from getting t'gether and the entire movie was basically them trying t'work their way around that. But get this, in the end, yeah? they said screw our parents, we're in love. Then their parents realized they couldn't keep the two lovers apart and let them be. The end. Beautiful, right?"
He ended the tale and the entire room grew silent. My face grew hot and I stared down at my plate not daring to look at the people I shared this table with. I was almost certain Louis pulled that story right out of his butt. He only shared it to tease me about what I accidentally blurted out last night, which totally isn't fair by the way.
"Sounds like a beautiful movie, Lou. Thank you for sharing with us," Harry told him, breaking the silence. I finally looked up from my plate. Louis' grin widened as he looked at his best friend. Instead of returning it, Harry looked my way and I felt my face grow hotter. His lips curved upwards as he stared back at me. I felt my heart stop. Did he just smile at me?
"For a moment there I thought you were describing Romeo and Juliet. That is a tragic love story, but I liked the one you told. I could really feel the love the man and woman felt for each other," Summer said. She nudged my elbow with hers gently under the table. I kept still and didn't react. I was afraid if I were to, I'd get carried away and launch her out of her chair. That's what played in my mind, anyway.
"What a proper love story. True love conquers all," Liam added. My eyes narrowed as I looked at him. This was complete torture. I groaned internally.
"Good point, Liam. True love prevails," Zayn said. A small laugh escaped his lips and the others mimicked him while I sat and stared, completely not amused at my friends.
I didn't fully understand what they hoped to achieve by doing this and I hoped it wasn't them hinting to Harry about what I said. That completely slipped out my mouth and slowly, they're making me regret it.
Their laughter slowed. From across the table I watched as Harry's lips part and his eyebrows scrunch together as he glanced around at his band mates. He was utterly confused and I was okay with that. "Did I miss something?"
I wanted so baldy to tell him no and that the people around us were completely insane, but my throat went dry. Of course it'd be my friends that would tease me about what I said about Harry, right in front of him!
Niall fell out into laughter beside Summer. At first it was loud, then turned inaudible and I turned to look at him to make sure he was okay. Before I knew, a loud squeak escaped his lips. I snorted and turned to look at Sebastian making his way in through the door.
"Good morning all! We have docked. Whenever you're ready, the doors are open and you're safe to depart," Sebastian told us. He wore a smile that told me he was finally happy to be free of us. I wouldn't blame him though. We are a handful. He quickly fled the room.
I chewed lightly on my bottom lip. I wanted to go back in time to the first day we spent on the cruise or just the times we had the most fun as a group. This was another experience coming to an end. I felt like my time left with them was at the final countdown. I'll miss all the moments and memories we've shared together. Except the one where they teased me at breakfast about a certain four letter word that involved Harry.
"Are you all ready t'go?" Zayn asked. The room erupted with whispered 'yes's' and slowly we all left the dining area and trailed back to our rooms. I met with Summer in ours and Niall accompanied us. I picked up the articles of clothing that sat on top of my suitcase and turned to Summer.
"Do you mind placing these in your bag? They won't fit in mine."
She took them from my hands and smiled. "Sure thing."
I frowned, remembering the role she played during breakfast. "Don't think I'm letting you walk free with that certain stunt you played at breakfast."
Both Summer and Niall fell into a pit of laughter and I felt myself frown harder, if that was possible. I pointed a finger at Niall, "that goes for you too, mister!"
The Irish boy threw his arms up in defense, wearing the same goofy smile he wore during breakfast. "But I didn't say anything."
He had a point, but I didn't want him to know that. I narrowed my eyes at him and backed away from the couple slowly till my leg hit my suitcase. Once they finished packing, I followed them out of the room with my suitcase in hand. We met up with the others by the exit.
I took a peak past everyone in front of me and prepared myself for the sun's brightness I knew was going to blind me shortly. We followed behind each other as we made our way down the ramp. I began to place my free hand on my forehead to shield my eyes from the sun, but stopped midway. Nothing prepared me for what awaited us beyond the ships walls.
Piercing screams erupted all at once, once we exited. I stood stunned and frozen at the number of girls with shock and excitement written all over their faces. I gripped my suitcase tightly and and pushed my way through as best as I could, but before I knew it, I was surrounded by unfamiliar faces screaming and shouting the boys' names. I got lost in the crowd. Mentally, even I was shouting the boys names.
"Excuse me," I said in hopes of being heard. It was no use. The fans were just too loud. It'd appear that I became a damsel in distress. Panic rose inside me when the circle that was forming around me lessened to a smaller size. I looked around quickly and tried to glance past the screaming girls in search of a familiar face. I was slowly giving up the fight. Eventually someone would notice I was missing, right?
The screams around me grew louder and I watched as the girls' eyes widened. Was there something on my face or was I actually ugly? My face twisted in confusion. The girls that I faced looked past my shoulder at something or someone and I slowly turned around to catch a glimpse of what was the root of all their excitement. But before I could, I was quickly swept off my feet and lifted up bridal style. I let out a yelp as the grip I had on my suitcase became nonexistent as it was taken from my hand.
"S'alright, Paul's got it," my savior shouted above the screams. My eyes met the beautiful pair of green ones and once again I felt my heart beating out of my chest. Harry stared down at me, a crooked smile plastered on his face as he carried me.
I took the time to take in his handsome features. Our faces were inches apart and I couldn't help but stare at the beautiful creature that is Harry Styles. With every second I spent staring at him, the butterflies in my stomach did somersaults. I'd been fighting my feelings for him through the pain I'd endured. In this moment, that pain was nonexistent and heck, I simply didn't even care. Why would I?
I placed my right arm over his shoulder for more support and rested the other on his chest. The tips of my fingers found its way to his exposed skin and I rubbed gently and slowly in hopes he wouldn't notice. His skin was soft and smooth. I imagined myself waking up against his chest, causing a smile to spread to my lips.
Harry stared at me intently before breaking the gaze. I took the time to glance around at our surroundings and took notice of the girls now standing at a distance apart from us, being blocked off by security. Paparazzi accompanied the fans. I'm sure Harry noticed them and chose to ignore them. As much as I wanted to, people out there didn't want us together for whatever reason. The photos paparazzi will release would plant an idea in the public's mind. They'd get a kick out of these photos.
Once we reached a car, Harry placed me down gently. He opened the car door for me. I looked up at him and muttered a 'thank you' before placing myself into the back seat with Summer and Niall. I looked at my best friend and her boyfriend and groaned internally once I caught sight of their grins.
Their facial expressions made it clear and evident that they just witnessed what happened. They were excited. Even I was reeling inside. Harry just carried me, like bridal style to save me from the screaming fans. He's literally my knight in shining armor.
"Can you feel the love tonight?" Summer sang. I rolled my eyes at her and turned to the window. But even I couldn't help the smile that spread to my lips.
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